S stands for screwed up and Saturdays.

but it's ok now. relatively.
it's so difficult sometimes.

when you start to realise maybe you've done more wrong than right,
hurt more than console,
or created more displeasure and sadness than happiness.

then you question yourself: are you a worthy friend? a human being?

because i cannot please the entire world. because i am not perfect. and i don't expect things out of people, i assume that others do the same thing. but i forget almost everytime, it's not the case. i do hurt, because i thought everyone doesn't care. i am insensitive, because i thought no reaction=ok with what i do and say.

maybe i hurt the minority. because people who click naturally with me are people who have the same frequency. we don't get hurt easily. we don't get bothered by words thrown carelessly around. because we KNOW, that most of the times, we don't mean it.

like how i always tease grey, and him making fun of me. it's natural. but we never mean it viciously. it's for fun. we know we are friends, because of this ability to make fun of each other, and yet NOT be angry with each other.

acceptance.

ability to make fun of each other.

the relaxed laid-back cannot be bothered attitudes.


but maybe because of this, we tend to offend and insult more unknowingly.

somethings gotta change. slowly, with time, i guess.


i've been hurt by words. but these wounds will heal. it's been worse. but at least i know there's peace. and i'll try my best to maintain it.

it's me. compromise, tolerance, acceptance.

i take almost all the shit. sure, i do complain, but i forgive just as easily.

i may appear like i haven't forgave you, but i did. because i just cannot be bothered to waste my emotions getting all caught up and twisted. emotions, when in turmoil, drain me like mad.

i'm tired. but i will fight on. life's not easy. i'm a chinese and life is never easy, girl, you gotta understand.

mindsets are hard to change, but possible to be altered, if the bearer allows it.
miscommunications are inevitable, but solvable, only if both parties are willing to reach a compromise.



tuition was terrible. i fucking dread it now. doing for money really sucks. slave to money. i need to find something i have passion for, or not life's pretty dull.


nothing's gonna get me down for long. and i've finally completed com101 objectivity. everyone cheer!

hahah. oh wells. late nights are taking a toil on my health. very bad.
but i still try my best to retain that smile/grin on my face. or do unknowing stupid facial expressions or actions tt make people laugh at me.but i like being the source of happiness, or at least momentary relieve from worried frowns and stress of my friends. i am happy when i see them smile and laugh.

they make school life good. i look forward to school because of friends. because i don't have a frigging cca now. hahaha. cannot afford it, unless i drop tuition classes.


i keep hoping life will slow down for me.
but it doesnt appear to be so.
i guess i gotta catch up then.

take me for a spin.
a speed ride.
let me feel like i'm free in the wind.
let me feel free.
let me fly.
let me escape in the speed.

you do not see the hidden me.
so i try to live up to expectations.
try to be the "me" i am known as.
try to prove unpleasant "me-s" i am known for.
is life revolving around this?
is this how it works?

i need answers.
who will give me them?
stop the questions.
stop coming closer.

self-disclosure is the sign of friendship.