because i love you, that's why it's hurting so badly.

you wrench my heart apart.
and it's not that i don't want to see you.
but seeing you pains me more,
and makes me feel like i'm that girl standing on the sidewalk without an umbrella on a rainy day.
watching people go past her with big brollies.
some stopped to offer her shelter.
but she refused politely, told them to leave her alone...
i'm like her.
my world seems to be raining permanently these days.
i may seem all shiny and cheery on the outside, but who really sees my pain?
who sees what i hide?
you.
which is why i don't want to see you, cos' you see through me so easily.
see my weakness and hurt.
see how you manage to manipulate me.
see how you manage to hurt me so bad, i don't even know if i'll recover.
or trust.
or learn to be smarter.
because i love you,
i don't want to see you.
why, am i here subjecting myself to these, when i don't even know whether this pain is similar on your side?
i'm such a joke.
seriously, just...




tell me.
tell me what's in your heart. tell me what's beyond your ego and selfishness.
i want to be happy.
just to be happy.
every chopstick i break, every wish i make, it's the same old one.
to be happy.

but it fucking never comes true.

what did you wish for all along?