happy new year eve!

it's gonna be new year soon and i haven't made any new year resolution.

hmmm. but meeting 4d peeps for countdown and dinner and stayover at kr's house. i hope i'll be able to go for the stayover though!!! i hope my parents allow!!! rahhhhhh!!!!

hahaha. shopping with nainai today was ok! got most of the things i wanted. except that i didn't get any tops today. hahahah. well, i'm pretty happy already lah. i bet nainai also very happy. she going to be relief teacher ok!!! hahahaha. so cool.

hmmmm. i was reading a book just now, and it made me realise some very..well..astonishingly shocking stuff. *shrugs*

suddenly realised alot things about life. and it's only 29 pages of the book. i had to reread the lines in every page quite a few times to understand it's meaning. really thought-provoking.

i'll get excerpts out from the book next time..





i love my new flats SUPER MUCH!!!! hahahahah. very boho i think. and i love the brown colour. :) FLAT some more!! won't have to grow taller! hahahahahha.


ok i need to lose weight(as usual). you know why i keep saying i need to lose weight? because i NEVER put words into actions. hahahaha.

ok..i'll go be a good girl and think about what i truly want in the new year 2006.

ocip.

yayyyyy! i love ocip peeps!!!
*grins*
darn it..the pics are really pretty! but...............i don't have my thumbdrive with me..transfer pics very slow. rahhhh!!!

busy busy marshy. =(





forget it man. i won't be uploading my pics. hahahaha. i love esplanade night scenery!!! so pretty! *sigh* it's a pity we all had to go home in a rush, cos' the night was still young(to me lah).

blahhhhhh. i'll really miss the guys when they go to army. =( hahahaha. but wells, all i can ask is that they won't forget about me!!! =p thomas already promised he won't!! yay!!! hahahahah.



some things i don't feel like thinking about just keeps popping into my mind. i cannot push them away any longer. fear is eating away at me slowly. sooner or later, there will not be anything left of me.

i'm out.

finally i stepped out of the house. last minute rejected a meeting with someone to go out with bishi. heh. i preferred the latter one of course. shopped. wahhh. DAMN LONG NEVER SHOP.

bought two tee shirts lah. very niceeeee! the material nicer! hahahah. darn i cannot wait to shop more..but i need money.

sigh. i realised everyone working already. everyone learning driving already. but i all also haven't do. quite sad.

but i guess..the only reason i don't want to learn driving is cos' i want to learn MOTORBIKE, not CAR. sigh.

and i know when that day comes, the sky will probably fall down and crush me to death. my parents will NEVER allow me to learn how to ride a motorbike. dammit.

forget it lah. besides learning driving means i have to pay myself. which means its not worth it. sigh. i need a job first. but something VERY flexible. rahhhhh.


anyway i met parents for dinner lah. damn yucky. magic wok NOT NICE one. sue me lah. but it was a horrible dining experience! the food freaking oily and tasteless. even chilli crab, something IMPOSSIBLE to make horribly, is damn er xin. rahhhhh. luckily is use those discount coupons, so pay lesser, if not really pay alot for something totally NOT worth it. bahhhh.

ok lah, won't be sad over this. i am happy from buying my tee shirts. HEHE. :)

i'm off! :)

mirror.

who is this i am staring back at?
who am i truly?
what have i written so far? simply to avoid trouble. avoid trouble, being myself.

is this truly me? is this what is going through my mind? when will i ever be true to myself again? when will i ever stop living in self-deceit?

when will i stop pretending to like people that i don't like because everyone pretends to like them?

this is confusing.

who am i running from? why am i holding back? when will i truly run wild?

do i like the me now? or will i prefer the me inside?


choices, decisions. things i have to make now. yet i don't know what is right or wrong. what should i do, what will concern my future.

i turn to no one. because i'm afraid. i'm afraid of getting hurt again, icing up again, deceiving myself again, showing how weak i am...all over again.

the people i trust, are no longer around. they have their lives, they have people they love. the people i trust, i wish not to make them suffer, to make them worry.

i am happy. i seem happy. maybe i truly am. i love everyone. yet i know it's not mutual.

sometimes, when you are in a crowd, with a group of friends, how is it even possible to feel lonely...so suddenly?




when will i ever be worthy enough for myself? when will i start seeing myself in a different light? when will others ever do so?



i'm just a girl, searching for my self-confidence...to prove my self-worth.

or perhaps, this girl has given up.

no wonder they say ignorance is bliss.

fine lah.

so i was fucking tired and it's all my fault which ever outing i did not go to.

at least i had the conscience to INFORM people i could not make it and that i TRIED.

at least this was the first and only outing i did not make it. i'm sorry ok..it's not like i wanted it. but i couldn't even think straight at that point in time. that's what one hour of sleep does to you.



i'm pissed easily when i'm tired ok.
why go over and piss people off and head for a outing i'll be too tired to even care who says what and who does what.

forget it.


i'm not used to being at home now. suddenly 4 days and 3 nights in chalet seems like heaven to me. away from everything but fun.


when things couldn't seem worse, YOU had to msg me to tell me all those shit things and then when i did not reply you, you called me and told me all those shit things again.

i'm PISSED ok. just leave me alone.

when i say i don't like you and will never like you, please get that fact into our thick skull and leave me alone.

everything was over between us years ago. so stop all that crap you are doing. the fact that you JUST called me again is making me pissed all over again. will you just leave me in peace???!!




enough outburst.

wahahahaha. i'm in love with this guy.

ocip chalet!

TOTALLY ROCKS CAN!!!

hahahahah. best chalet i've ever been to so far!

tsk tsk, let's see what did we do there.

firstly, i MUST start with my FIRST ever kbox outing. turns out only got me, chee cheng, ah gong and thomas singing. 3 guys and one girl. hahahah. bullshit lah. they kept saying must sing duet..then i was like..oei!!! one girl only, want me to duet with everyone mehhh?? and my singing not that great also! hahahah. but it was sure fun!! =p

thanks alot guys! i enjoyed myself alot!!

then was buying food for the chalet. buy until damn jialat. hahaha. it shows that buying food with guys is really terrible. but actually cos' i seldom go supermarket also, so alot of things don't know, buy also difficult. sighhhh.

anyway, we managed to get our things and headed to mrt to wait for the others. checked in. slacked. packed our stuff. played cards. mahjong. watched tv. waited for more people to come so that we could go for dinner. didn't bathe.

first night. all guys plus me yy and yulin.

nice sleep. alot space. HAHAHAHA.

2nd day. played games outdoors. prepared for bbq. cooked until i teared. had fun! bathed(finally). played till night.

3rd day. sea sports!!! kayaking to be exact!! YAY! my partner was thomas(sadly). hahahaha. he damn lousy ok! cannot row for nuts! then he sat behind and me infront, but guess what? he being the steerer of the kayak, managed to make us keep going left, cannot go straight one. win already. in the end i had to sit behind to control the boat. damn sad lah. hahahaha.

kayak until arms hurt.

but really funny times out in the sea. wc and yulin's kayak was sinking cos' there was something loose which allowed water to enter the boat. we had to pull the kayak back to shore, which was very long distance lah. damn sian. hahahaha.

then we set off to explore. 2 hours kayaking only. and i was pretty tired out by the end of it. plus it was drizzling, and we returned the kayak after playing stupid games on it like battleship etc. hahahah. damn funny. 6 guys 4 girls.

some went back to clean up. the rest went to check up on bikes' rates. walked damn far. damn cold. decided to rent from this place lah. but we wanted to reduce the rates. hahaah. in the end we had to go back take bus pass and money den came back to rent 6 singles and 2 doubles. got 4 girls and 6 guys.

night cycling. best liao i tell you. first time cycled so long distance and so long duration. we cycled from pasir ris to tampines, to bedok, to east coast park, went pass upper changi road, then eunos, then pack all the way to pasir ris via the route we came from. damn freaky. i cycled until my pigu sore already. so much curbs and rocky roads and uphills and down slopes. really a test of anyone's cycling ability. alot roads and pathways and bus stops and people and cyclists. woo.

after that night i can say with confidence i'm a much better cyclist than before!! hahaahah.

ok let's calculate. we cycled non stop for about 7 hours. yes. terribly tiring. i'm aching terribly now. head to toe, not one muscle is not hurting. even my hands are aching..the palms..sore and blistered. think the kayaking and night cycling on one day killed me. no sleep except that one hours we squeezed in before the night cycling outing. hahaha.

now i sit also got problem. rahhhhh.

i need rest. i slept and was supposed to wake up for the 4d bbq. but i overslept. terrible. couldn't drag myself out of bed to go meet them.


actually this chalet made me realise some things..made me think alot also. i enjoyed myself tremendously, i really admit that. to say i didn't would be lying. hahaha. i missed out alot parts. lazy to type. i pray and hope i will rmb every single detail of this chalet..really memorable. sigh.

love all of them loads! ocip 2004 rocks!! :)

christmas is coming. and i have no date yet.

//dreams don't always come true.

..

will be back saturday i think. chalet till friday. friday night got sec 4 class outing!! WOO!!! i loveeee outings!! :P

ok. packing still. almost done. lazy to pack.

today after giving yh bro morning call, turkey called me asked me whether want to go interview together. so i fell off my bed as usual and went to meet her. thank god! she is my lucky charm!!! :P hahahaha. two interviews we did today, BOTH also got employed. i'm over the moon!!

but, i'll be starting later than her. sighhhh. so sad. dun wannnn!! i don't like going to a totally strange place all by myself.

sigh. forget it. i'm glad i've found so nice job! :P

and cute boss to boot! :D

ok lah. enough. omg i'm feeing damn high even without alcohol!!!

bewareeeeeee!

*grins*

kbox?

HAHAHAHA. my first kboxing outing in TWO DAYS!!! i'm so excited!!!

hahahaha. and guess what's the reason for the guys calling "the only privileged girl that came to our mind". thanks lah. they say i not scared of being shy, dare to sing. ok lah fine. hahaahha. later i break all your eardrums then you know! but i suggested other girls also! let's hope it'll be damn fun!!!!

chalet coming soon!!!! and i haven't packed my bag. shit.

tml got tuition relief job for some teacher i don't know who. let's hope i won't be alone in the centre. damn freaky.

so late then come home, then tracy is influencing me to go drinking with her at night cos' she's staying over in ck's house. hahaah. dammit. tempting me!!


but really must see pack liao not lah. then drink liao later cnanot wake up in time for kboxing how???

hahaha.

oh freak. my ah beng is so cute!


ahhhh. i need money!!!!


but i'm so excited to see everyone!! :)
oh, did i mention resume writing sucks? yes, it certainly does.

ROAR.

tuition got no one again. so me and bs decided to go look for food. WAHAHAHAHAHA. we discovered this little place that sells food amongst other things lah. something like mini hawker centre. got fries and nuggets then went back to feast! yumyum. :P

wah talk alot. somehow i really i liked that. kinda brought back memories of last time when we used to talk alot..yea..heart to hearts. :) really nice feeling..heh. i'm really glad.

*smile*


but after we left and roamed JP, i started to get a little hot and bothered. i seriously don't like places that are so packed you have to avoid getting elbowed and stepped on. it iritates me like shit. worse than shit.

so went we parted and i took the train from boon lay, i was relieved. then TMD, the train stayed there sooooo fucking long more and more people came in. people nvm. got arghhhhh B people and C people. made me super pissed off. then all sticky sticky one, all squeeze beside me, really effed up ok. i'm not trying to be fussy or whatever shit, but seriously they have a problem. it was so packed until it was impossible not to have any physical contact at all. like sardines like that. arghhhh!!! and i was flat against the door already ok, then they still squeeze, NO EYES SEE THE CENTRE OF THE TRAIN GOT ONE BIG HOLE ISSIT??!?!?! wtf, so pissed. then in comes two C couples that were like totally displaying PA infront of me. hello, i don't feel comfortable smelling anyone's armpits while you all try to kiss each other in the train ok!! TMD.

damn sian lah. don't want talk about it already.

i just don't like those kinda situations.

bus trip home was more spacious, and i can actually feel the air from the aircon. thank god. no armpits either. yay!

the only reason i take the train more often than buses is cos' i can stand in my own little corner without being squashed like shit. plus my legs won't have to hurt as much compared to sitting on sbs buses in which the spaces between consecutive seat is impossible for my legs to be comfortable. i always get cramps on my legs after alighting from sbs buses ok. terrible. but i thank god for my longer than usual legs lah, won't complain. heh.

monday gotta relief english lesson. wth. i think i am more of relief teacher than a teacher lah. damn sian. but bo bian. nevermind lah, think long term, i can save that money for my expensive SIM studies. heh. note to children: study hard ah! don't end up entering a uni that sucks money cos' you have no choice.



sigh. my pigu hurts from hockey yesterday, super unfit lah. i remember this feeling last time after BSA only. sighhh. cannot admit i old and unfit liao lah. :X


need money. need job.


omg, ocip chalet is just THREE days away. i'm so high thinking about it man!!! can get to see everyone again!! woo! i miss everyone so much!! hahahaha.



i forgot how awesome LOTR was.

BLEH.

hahahah. irony. i was late, but i was second earliest. :P

tsktsk.


hockey was damn tiring. hahahah. run abit panting until cmi already. the rest also no where better lah. but play positions all wrong can!! hahahaha. but it was fun lah. then 4 of them played bridge to "rest", so me and goh decided to tan. damn funny. we kept laughing and laughing. then must keep "flipping" ourselves so that we can get even tan. tsktsk. damn lame.


watched king kong after that. FREAKING NICE. king kong so cute can!!!! where got scary?!?!? i think those black people more scary leh. but they kinda like sidekicks. dots. after king kong come out then they disappear liao, so wierd lah. then got so many bugs and dinosaurs and everything seems to balloon in the movie. everything upsize lah. centipedes upsize, cockroach upsize..

disgusting.


and i waited like 45mins for king kong to appear. so sian.

but he so cuteeeee. hahahaha.



anyway turkey really the best liao. before the movie started got advertisement mah, then got the chanel number 5 perfume with nicole kidman. the entire advertisement end liao, you know what she asked me?

"is it a new movie har?"

-_-'''





and then goh traumatised me.
in cheers looking for drinks.

she was standing at the milk section.
then i went over and she looked at me and said:" neh neh?"

WTF.



actually got alot of stupid comments that really make you go diao or WTF kind. but i super tired and lazy to type.

hahahah. tml got tuitioning.






she's afraid to go near the things she love, because she knows that the closer she becomes to them, one day, they'll just leave her.

blah.

perhaps love was so good i think writing about it would do the movie great injustice. so watch it yourself!

ps: i almost choked on my own droll watching takeshi. roy was next to me drooling over his sexy and husky voice zhou xun. but i gotta admit she is freaking charming! i love her eyes!!! and takeshi is damn shuai can! sigh...i love the soundtracks best. think i gonna buy it when it comes out. :D the plot is good. thinking movie if you ask me. (which you didn't)



roy was late cos' he had to feed his dog.



both of us like idiots like that. walk around in orhcard like we are tourists lah. damn blur we two. HAHAHAHAH. keep walking wrong way, and returning back to the same spot. like WTF. cannot take it. hahahah. we have poor direction sense.

roy saw winnie the pooh walking.




ATTEMPTED to walk to ps. lost our way. in the end i smart, suggested taking the train instead. HAHAHAHA. cafe cartel for our lunch. yum yum. :)

no money liao. spend so much. ROARRRRR!!



had to travel back to boon lay for tuitioning. finally got one student. i so happy. but teach until i die. that boy is gonna kill me. lucky is relief only. :P but he is cute though. sigh.


oh ya! saw zh and weijie outside jp. was rushing cos' i was late already. :P sorry guys!


stayed till 9:30pm till tuitioning ended. no students for next session so i entertained myself with goosebumps storybook and read half of another blyton storybook. felt retarded. brought back childhood memories though. :)


received turkey's msg to remind me got hockey outing TODAY. it's 1:15am. cannot sleep as usual. sigh.

i hope i won't be late. i hope it'll be fun. cos' i'm freaking forgoing $20 bucks to spend the day slacking and not working for mama. sigh. i'm so poor.




tidbits i heard during tuitioning.

"look, i just smacked a mosquito. come over to check it out! tell me what's special about it's legs?"

"ehhh..it's moving?"

i think i saw -_-''' for a moment on the teacher's face.

"other than it's legs moving..."

"ehhh..but it's moving!"


don't we all love children? :)



i'm tired. nights.

jumpy.

i wanna highlight my hair soon! :D so exciting. i hope i don't spoil my hair quality though. all that wax and gel is ruining my hair. sobs. but well, highlights will certainly brighten up my day!!

but where to find reasonably priced and fairly good quality highlights? i mean which hairdresser or salon provides that service? hmmmm. please drop me a tag if you got any lobangs ok! thanks! :)


i'm still SUPER excited about going australia! the thought of roaming through flea markets and SHOPPING makes my adrenalin rush like mad. HEHEHEHE. i've got SO MUCH to buy!!!! oh man. need to start saving up. please please please don't tempt me.

i already have a list of wants in my mind. and i'm not saying what! :D


aust's currency should be about the same as singapore. i think theirs is slightly stronger..which means i can buy lesser. =(

you know i realised something: going to european countires means you SEE more but BUY less. going to asian countries meant you BUY more but SEE less. tsktsk. compromise eh?


darn.

and i think melbourne is having riots. racial issit? don't think i'll be heading to that region, but let's pray all disputes are resolved soon..




and i miss alot people man. still, i can satisfy myself in my mama's shop looking at taitais and their money and their never ending rows of cards in their wallets and the many designer labels and brands and clothes. woah. really opened my eyes.


and two of her friends told me to get long hair instead of keeping it short. ROARRRRRR!!!

i like short hair. i don't know why. sighhhh. perhaps it's that sight of long hair EVERYWHERE that kinda turns me off. and besides, they are so troublesome. i'll probably need to comb it a thousand times a day to untangle it whenever the wind blows. or when i exercise.(irony cos' i don't do that much =D) or when i eat, have to tie it back. or when i lower my head, i might scare people into thinking i am a ghost. or when it keeps falling into my eyes.

i like short hair cos' it's easy to maintain. it's unique. and you can style it whatever way you want. besides, it's me. :) so there. not another word ok!








i realised, i forgot how my face looks like most of the time. besides knowing i have bugs bunny teeth and vampire fangs. i usually forgot i have a dimple. and a little weeny birthmark at one corner of my lips. hmmmm.

until people tell me.

oh well. i'm happy with myself, thank you all. :) really.

i'm outta here. let me continue making my list of buys!!! TEEHEEHEE.

WOO HOO!

my family is going for holiday finally!! after me whining that all my friends are going and we are not, they've fianlly booked a 5 day 4 nights holiday to Perth! which is in Australia lah. might extend the holiday to individual touring if they feel like it. hahahaha. sadly, i'm off during chinese new year, which means....less visiting, and less hong bao! =( hahahah. but it's the only time the entire family has time together! :)

i'm so freaking excited! taking a plane makes me feel like a little girl all over again. :D remember my first flight i was so excited and the family went to Changi airport early and we ate there, and i ate so much i became airsick when the plane took off. the poor flight attendant had to take care of me while i felt puk-ish. *grins* darn i miss this feeling! (not the airsick-ness for god's sake!)

i've been to many places, but never Australia..definitely looking forward to it! =D (my ma refused my proposal to go Africa! =( )

hehe. exciting! flying SIA also! gonna ask the stewardess whether they have vacancies for air stewardess! =D so fun to be able to fly to so many places!!! hahahahah.

ehhhh. monday to wednesday should be booked to work for mama. thursday i take off day go watch perhaps love with roy, then tuitioning after that. friday meeting with hockers for playing? :) saturday, working again. sunday...hmmmmm...i think it's monz's birthday. THINK. it's either 18th or 28th. hahahah. shit.





i was just thinking very innocently...who would be willing to party and booze along with me in chalet. and then i realised...probably no one. =( sigh. suddenly my one and only chalet this year is going to be good clean fun. so sad. ok lah fine. i think i miss drinking. it's bad, but i miss that warm fuzzy wuzzy feeling. and it's good when you feel happy throughout the night.

i lost all my drinking buddies.

i'm clean.



somtimes i wish i can go wild. then something holds me back. i recall my past, and i did not like exactly what i had went through. but i missed certain parts of it. conflicting.



people grow up and start to think properly. mature?


in my mama's eyes, i think i will forever be a baby.


i'm the new xiang ge ge of the house. WAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (family joke)


i hate pimples.


where is marshy! long time no seeeeee. my thumbdrive still with youuuuu. and bishi has a personal dedication to you! hahahah. you online tell me ok! i'll send to you. :D




went out with jiex today. bought some stuff. quite happy. hahahah.

heard two comments from the sales people. one not so nice and one very nice.


"you are very fair.."

"you have lost weight already!"



ok..pretty clear which is good and which is bad right? hahahaha. darn it. first time kenna called FAIR. damn sad. die die must find time to tan liao. cmi.

off i go to bed! long day ahead! :)

letter to santa.

Dear Santa,

i think i've been rather good this year. so please please please grant me my christmas wishes ok?

thank you very much. :)



--------------

i don't have any date for christmas yet. to my knowledge, my friends who are attached will be spending christmas with their gf/bf. which leaves me to find unattached friends who are not spending their white christmas with their family/other friends/overseas.

the list seems pretty short, but i haven't gotten around to asking people out. hahaha. last year's christmas was funnily wierd. i mean the company was unexpected. but many thanks to the one who accompanied me through my lonely christmas. :D



i'll be away from 20-23th dec at ocip chalet...FUN FUN FUN!! then the next day, being 24th and a SATURDAY translates to tuitioning job again. then i have no plans for 25th. =(

oh wells. things will happen i guess.

what's the point of having money but no where to spend? in any case, i don't mean i have alot money. because money doesn't drop from the sky while you are slacking. i need a high paying job, which i still cannot find. hahahah. well, in a sense i AM lazy. but i can work very hard if i want to. and in a sense, i kinda like having a privileged life. =( i'm spoilt rotten.

ok lah. gotta prepare for my tuition later. hope i don't screw it up man! nervous nervous.

good morning class!
i am miss teo!
(wtf, sounds so wierd can)

yikes.

i took off day today. freaking tired. wanted to sleep more but stupid drilling came again, so i fell off my bed and slacked around doing....nothing.


oh well, nothing surprising right? hahaha. anyway, i didn't take the day off for fun. later gotta do relief teaching for pri 3 and 4 maths. i know i know! primary 3 and 4 only, scared for what??! but hey, i HATE maths ok. and god knows the kids nowadays learn so much more than we used to. scary ok. later they ask me question i don't know how to answer then i think i will dig a hole and bury myself for life. *grimace*

which explains why im at home trying to calm my nerves, and prepared to go earlier to look through my teaching materials, in case i screw up. yea. i need the money, so i guess it's worth it. might just toughen up my guts abit more.

hmmmm, i missed sa prom and the post prom party. heard it was quite good though. hmmmm. hahaha, nevermind lah, i still never regret not going. but i'm glad everyone enjoyed themselves.

another thing i'm quite annoyed is that EVERYONE is going overseas EXCEPT ME!!! that's too much man! i want to go overseas also!!!! *sighhhh* so unfair. maybe last time go overseas too much, now no money already. haahahahahah.

no lah, parents working. sigh.


oh wells. christmas is coming! terrible! I HAVE TO GIVE TUITION ON CHRISTMAS EVE!!! and i don't have any dates for christmas day. =( so sad ok. who wanna date me??

and i was thinking about last year, where me and a couple of friends went shopping together to buy each other presents. HAHAHAH. so fun can! but i doubt this year can. =( like everyone so busy. got money also won't spend on me lah hor? *hint hint*

anyway i got my present from jie already. and mama. and i bought so frekaing many things i am feeling terribly guilty. but i still want more! (which means i need more money!) i loveeee my presents by the way. :)

strawberry body lotion from bodyshop from jiex. then mama gave me a cacharel bag. :)))) niceeee. hippy is good.

i shall be the rock hippy chick. YEA!

alot pics leh. but i lazy to upload. hehe. i'm having alot fun with jie and mama at work. :)




but really horrible. SOMEONE FUCKING STOLE A PIECE OF CLOTHING FROM OUR SHOP YESTERDAY. i'm SUPER pissed. if i ever see that bitch again she's DEAD i tell you. i have my shares of stolen stuff by other thieves and apparently they DO NOT know the pain and emotions that streak through your mind when you realised something u own is LOST. may they burn and die in hell. oh wait, i forgot. all theives that cros my path will get knocked down AND run over by a freaking huge AND heavy lorry and then leave the person not dead, NOT alive. well, bascially jute there.

i am bitter. and i am a bitch about this, but i guess they are unforgivable in my list of "people who offend me". i HATE people who steal. and this hate is quite unexplainable. yet explainable. i guess the experiences i went through when my stuff got stolen was traumatising, and it still hurts to think back. especially when the things mean so much to you. really, i don't think they deserve to live. i don't care for thrill or you cannot afford then steal. but you steal, you die. you steal MY things, you die more horribly.

bad karma ok. what goes around comes around. you should know that even before you decide to get your filthy hands on my stuff. good riddance.

enough of that bitch who stole. and the other bastards who stole my other things.

i shall be the security guard during lunch time from now on. apparently i was very pissed yesterday after the incident which occurred in the middle of lunch time so i stood at the door still looking very pissed to see if anyone dares to steal again. thieves are tempted to try their hand again if they get away once. i know that. anyway, my mum said i was a very good security guard cos' i looked so terribly pissed. and i guess that translates to looking scary and fierce.

i know i don't look friendly when i'm pissed.

in short, don't ever piss me off.





ok. that's it for now. i really don't know when i can meet up with friends again. all don't know in what country enjoying their lives already. :( GET ME SOUVENIRS OK!! hahahahah.

i'm outta here.

yawn.

i'm so tired, i think i shall not blog for a period of time.
physically tired and mentally.
too exhausted to think straight.

oh, hope yk enjoys his time in army. hahahahah. poor thing so early go in. but aiya, it's ok one man. i hope he can survive! :D

kinda miss all my friends and shopping trips with them.
sigh.
work stole my life.
i have no life.

drools.

i shall be an absolute bimbo in this entry and declare with much drool and saliva and ermm..bimbo-ness to say that...

*drums roll*




takeshi aka jing chen wu is UBER DUPER HOT.

i'm just going to choke on my drool and die now.
gotta catch perhaps love.
chinese musical.
c'mon, when a guy wears glasses and is SUPPOSED to look like a nerd but still manages to pull it off and look HOT, that guy IS hot.


ok. that ends my much bimbo entry.
btw, think wang lee hom is hot too.
omfg. i think i am drooling.
i'm outta here!

empty.

hmmmm.
besides feeling wierdly busy doing god knows what, i feel kinda empty.
it seems that i'm not really doing things that i want and like.
sure, slacking is something i like.
but i prefer something with meaning.
i said i'll borrow books and read them.
i haven't stepped into the library since As.
i said i will do voluntary work,
but i haven't gotten a single one.

i said i'll find a job,
fine, i got one year of tuitioning contract to do.
i said i'll go tanning,
but i was so busy slacking at home or working for my mum that i never found time to go down and get my ghastly pale tanned.

it's wierd you know.
the emptiness.

so much i really want to do, but i haven't done.

i guess i must start prioritising.



i was lying in bed one day at night, when everyone was asleep and i was probably the single living soul in my condominium.
i was thinking suddenly, and that thought struck me so hard i was stunned for a moment.
i realised i had no answers. i don't know where i'm going after i get my results.

i spoke to my mum one day while working for her, telling her that my results are not going to be that impressive, and i probably will have to go SIM because there is where i CAN go. i know my standards. i know my limits.
don't give me that bullshit that i will make it. becos' everytime i MADE it, i studied and worked my ass off for it. this time, i didn't even work 1/4 of my ass.
i know myself. and mum knows it too.

"you didn't work as hard as you did last time. this time you like very distracted by alot of things..so it's your own fault."


to some extent, i got pretty fired up at her words. but 3 seconds later, i realised she was right. it was all my fault, and i am the only one to blame. i wished i had done better, worked harder, but it's too late for regrets now. i know. and suddenly, i'm just terrified.

it's just that NEED to go to university, because my entire extended family EXPECTS me to make it there. my grandma would nag at me sometimes when i visit her, telling me to work hard and go university, because if i do, i'll be the 2nd(after my youngest uncle) or 3rd(after my sister, if she goes) to enter the university in the entire family.

yes. the pressure. and the pressureof not wanting to disappoint my father. he says nothing, but i can see everything from his eyes. he wants us to me succesful. which parent doesn't? but i think i will fail him this time round. i tried my best during PSLE. and my best during Olevels. but i have to admit it, i'm simply anther mediocre student academics wise.

ask me to do "think out of the box stuff" and i can do it easily. i love imaginative work. creative work. it lets me do the things i want. but syllabus wise, you simply have to reproduce what is printed out on the notes, and tada(!!) you make it. i admit that it annoys me because i know i'm no one special.

everyone dreams to make it big someway. but who can really succeed?
what then, is the defination of success? doesn't it vary from individual to individual? what i deem as successful, will others view likewise? do i even need to care about what others think?

in the future, will i be doing something i like? or doing something i dislike, or ave no passion for, yet forced to do it, because i have to make a living for myself. is that going to be how things are?

i used to reprimand myself for choosing the science faculty, knowing that i can probably do better in the arts fac, studying subjects i know i have a certain flair for since secondary school. i used to reprimand myself, thinking whether i chose the right route to JC life. then i told myself, what's the use of all these bullshit, when you're already halfway through, and pulling out is simply out of the question. why not, make the best out of what you have now?

and then i will ask myself--what do i have now?
and i'm mystified for an answer.
i still have no answer.


there's this conflict within me everyday. i question my purpose in life, and what i'm "destined" to do. people say everyone is supposed to take their own path, some paths will be harder to travel, some easier. but we'll all make it there in the end, if we don't give up. it's true? i guess my path will not be smooth, but i can declare happily, that i've grown up, in this tedious process. i daresay i've learnt to see this world and the people in different light. i've understood what really means to me, the people whom i know i will treasure for life, and others, whom i merely see as another existence on earth(and i believe that is viewed mutually).

there are people whom i believe i will not care even if i lose contact with. yet there are people, who will break my heart, should they simply retire as memories. there are things i yearn to complete, and yet have no courage. and there are things i know i will not step towards, even when i'm forced to.

reflections, reflections.

too much for one day i suppose.

what is my path? where is it going to lead me to? where will it end? how will it be like?

i guess i must fight for my path. endure throughout. it mostly boils down to me, and what i am going to do, and what i am WILLING to do about it.

it's gonna be difficult, but i'm going to try. i will.









completed yet another set of vcds i dug up from my sister's table. it's called 4 Sisters(translated to mandarin). actually it's a korean serial, but very nice plot. kinda weepy, and touching and funny all rolled into one. but i loved it. 2nd time watching it. really good. made me recall many things.

and it helps that the lead characters are good looking! hahahah. *drools*


i guess that show portrayed how life can be so difficult and unbearable at times, and it's up to us, to be brave and courageous, to fight all odds, and remain true to ourselves. in the end, we will make it.

now, it's not gonna be all talk and no actions.
at least i hope not.
i'm outta here.

ps: zw i removed your picture. relax. sorry ok.

busy.

been busy with stuff.
like watching tv. (soccer, movies, variety shows etc)
helping out at ma's and getting minimal pay.
experimenting my new phone.
getting paler and paler.
fatter and fatter.
older and older.
yet, QUITE financially ok.



what does this means??!?!?!
I NEED TO SHOP.
what the hell. everyday go out until no clothes to wear liao can.
ROARRRRRRRR!!!



hahahaha. anyway. the phone caused me quite some trouble. had to go to the service centre(yes, that one yunny and i went to play with the video phones) to repair my phone. they gave me a new battery(1st time), then after that a whole new set of phone(2nd time). tiring. had to make so many trips. i hate queuing! hahahah. pampered lah.




"she don't like peanuts lah." (jie)
"yaa..i only like cashew nuts." (me)
"wahhh. high class nuts leh. high class person." (ma)

-_-'''

i hope that translates to me being able to hold the position of a taitai. wahahahaha!



found really cool stuff for my phone.
BUT i seriously need a handphone strap.
the day i LOSE my handphone, or DROP it, or SPOIL it. i'm gonna die.
yea.


so guys, if you see a really nice handphone strap that's affordable, please tell me! :)


tml going for the tuition thingy. need to be briefed and stuff. seriously, i am quite freaked out. it's my first time teaching. and to a FREAKING BIG CLASS. i'm gonna hyperventilate.

i'm scared cos' i don't want parents yelling at me. i'm scared cos' i don't know whether i will be a good teacher and liked by my students. i'm scared cos' of so many things.

this is why i can NEVER be a teacher. plus i don't really like the ahemsystemahem.


lunch at syaffy's house was GOOD. actually good maybe a little vague. YUMMILICIOUS!!! (better word) hahahah. yums. enjoyed myself. took a few pictures. some taken in the living room were not by me. but those of her pretty little cousins were obviously by me. WAHAHAHAHA! :P and it's NOT child porn ok. wth. i feel so insulted. :D at least should be ahemzihaoahem who scared them so much! :P *grins*

















ok. i hereby declare, by dieting plans have failed terribly.
must reinforce them AGAIN. cannot take it. fat until can explode.

AND PLEASEEEEE, someone ask me out on a date can! to SHOP!!! :D
best not on saturdays though. cos' i would have tuitioning. =)

so much to do. so little time. and so little energy. so tired now. need sleep. need exercise. need tan. working has deprived me of exercise, and i lack the sunlight.
gonna wilter and die. save meeeeee.


i'm glad everything's fine again. :)


hahahaha.
i learnt what is "chocolate friend" today.
best friend is indeed a good chocolate friend. :P

ok. sorry. brief and short post.
anyway, please call me instead of sms-ing now. hahahaha. cos' i got free in-coming. *GRINS*
but of cos', sms is fine lah. heheh.
just must make my incomings worthwhile.


ok. till the next time!
:)

ifs.

if you were invisible, what would you do?














happened to look at a newspaper article in the chinese papers today. i saw what i did not really agree with. it was about teachers.

basically, it seems, according to the report, that parents are not happy to see their kids' teachers buy 4D/toto.

like ?!?!?!

and worse, teachers are not supposed to dress improperly. meaning no revealing midriffs. no short sleeves. no short skirts. no tight blouses. etc etc, you get the idea.

no dying hair either.

perhaps i get it if they say teachers are not allowed to smoke in school. that is totally understandable. imagine...


-students in toilet smoking-
-teacher goes to toilet to sneak a smoke-
"wahhh! ho sei! so many people, come come! let's smoke together!"

well, it could be vice versa.


perhaps they think gambling, ie. buying toto/4D may influence the teens in the school to gamble too. *shrugs* i just think it's wierd lah. where got teachers announce to their students anxiously that they just bought 4D and praying for themselves to strike it rich, and therefore don't have to be teachers anymore.

or that a teacher announce proudly to their classes that they just won, say $10000000 million dollars just by buying 4D?

c'mon lah. TEACHERS DON'T EVEN WANT TO TELL US THEIR SALARY CAN.



ok, i'm speculating lah.

about dressing, i'm not very sure. maybe they scared that female teachers dress too revealing then the male students get *erhemm* in class??!

or maybe female students get silly crushes on their male teachers who don tight shirts and pants.


oh god. the male teachers descriptions do make me recall certain individuals i came to know in my 2 years in erhemjcerhem.

BUT, that aside, i must claim that they can throw their worries aside. because, i daresay, most, MOST teachers are not THAT good-looking to cause swooning to occur YET. and besides, teachers DO have poor sense of dressing MOST of the time. i think they are too busy marking our terrible scripts and such..no time to care, maybe no one to dress up for also?

besides, all the teachers i've known so far(minus linda chan from erhemrverhem who is super duper freaking hot and pretty) are appropriately dressed! :)

fear no more parents. fear no more.

as for teachers, i think to dress revealing may be out of the question. you would want your students to pay attention to what you are teaching instead of being distracted by something. *grins*

just dress respectably lah. :) smart and neat is good. not sloppy please. sloppy gives bad impressions. (unless you are erhem a certain ah beng teacher i know erhem who looks GOOD looking like an ah beng)

ok. totally taboo topic. and i'm praying no teachers will chance upon this blog.

i didn't really go in depth lah don't worry. alot thoughts still within me.

i shall go have my yummilicious dinner now! :)

marshy and bishi, please tell me when you guys can make it for the outing ok?? :D cannot wait to SHOP TILL I DROP!!!! *GRINS*






if i were invisible, i would do what i always dared not do. and i'm not telling you what.

yipee!

I'VE GOT A NEW PHONE.
ALONG WITH A NEW PLAN.
A NEW FREAKING 3G PHONE!
CAN YOU LIKE BELIEVE IT???
COST MY PA A BOMB. =(
HE GOT THREE FREAKING SETS OF THAT SAME 6680 FOR ME, HIM AND JIEX.
OMFG.
I FEEL SO GUILTY.
=(
I HAD BETTER REPAY HIM WHEN I GROW UP AND EARN MONEY.
I BETTER.
OR NOT MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE ME 124838473285 TIMES TILL I DIE.
I'M SERIOUS.


SO ANYWAY. NUMBER IS THE SAME. BUT PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO CALL ME WHENEVER YOU WISH TO TALK TO ME.
REALLY. JUST CALL ME.

=D

WAHAHAHAHA!!

OK ENOUGH GUSHING.
DAMN THIS PHONE IS HARD TO FIGURE OUT.
SO MANY FREAKING FUNCTIONS I THINK I CAN USE THEM TILL I GO TO WORK OK.

AND IT'S SO COOL THAT 3 OF US HAVE THE SAMEEEE PHONE! :)
HAHAHAHAH.

AND SINGAPORE WON 1-0! WOO HOO!
PS: LIONEL LEWIS ROCKS MY SOCKS! =P

AND I'VE GOT A CAMERA PHONE AT LAST.
BUT LET' NOT FORGET THE BELOVED PERSONALISED BY ME PHONE OF 3315!
NEVER EVER SHALL THY SUFFER UNDER THE AUTO RESTART ABILITIES AGAIN.
BUT 3315 HAS SERVED ME WELL.
I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE UNDER IT.
BUT APPARENTLY I SURVIVED.
AND I'M PROUD OF ME, AND IT!
IT'S STILL WITH ME BY THE WAY, COS' I THOUGHT TRADING IT WOULD BE IDIOTIC.
IT COST ONLY A MERE $10! =(
MY HANDPHONE COVER IS $8 CAN!
HAHAHAHA.
SO I KEPT IT.


OK. OFF I GO.
I'M IN LOVE.
SO IN LOVE.
CALL ME MY DARLINGS!
=D

hmmm.

i know i've been gone for quite some time.
been rather busy and lazy to update on my life, and i've been thinking real lot lately.

just wondering what i want out of this.

firstly, must thank those who have been concerned about me and asked after me. i appreciated it. and those who left me time alone to think over things, i appreciate it more. =)

everything's fine. at least now it seems to be so. i've been trying to avoid writing in this place, avoiding what i think is the root of all troubles.

i know. i know how much joy blogging has brought to me, how much sorrows it has brought along in tow too.

i am fully aware of this. and i question my purpose and consequence of these actions. every single minute i was gone. i have no answer. and i probably will never get one.






been working for my mum. child labour lah. earn money less than work in mac. hahahaha! but nvm lah. helping out is fun. and i get to see so many taitais, plus really cmi aunties. *grimace*

watching tv late into the nights. awoken by sickening drilling form neighbours. then rush to change and get ready go to work with ma. eat lunch. work. go home. eat dinner. watch tv. read book. slack. sleep. wake up.

yea. tiring cycle. hope got activities soon ah. but no money how to conduct my activities??! :P sigh. and of cos', people to conduct my activities with. =X

ok lah. nothing much i want to say.

till then. bye.

.

of all people. you, you know who you are, you hurt me the most.

coming from someone i had truly treated as a friend. i don't know why you said those words. truth i know. to spite me?

do you know what happened behind all those "black" faces i had? do you know the root of it all?

i'm a real person. i show my emotions out. i'm happy i am happy. i'm angry, i am pissed. i am troubled, i'm stressed. i hardly hide any feelings from me face.

perhaps this is why i've made so many tolerate my faces.

but i did not ask for people to put on masks just to make me happy. never. especially not friends. i thought when you asked about me, you truly cared, and not just asking just to make me happy. when i said i was fine, i truly wanted some space alone.

whatever i do, i mean it. of cos' there are accidents. like when i accidentally slapped into your eye instead of your face. i truly had apologised. i was in shock too. i had no meant to slap your eye. and i hope you know it. but judging from now, i think nothing i say will help.

i'm not people who say: leave me alone. when i truly wanted some attention. when i say leave me alone, i really meant leave me alone. cos' i needed to think. i needed to think alone.

when i'm pissed, i try not to talk to people. cos' why? later offend people. so people think that's a very "black" face to tolerate. but i know that by speaking out my mind further, i'll cause more hurt. so why try? keep everything inside..

i really thought there was true friendship between us. that bond. i really thought it came a long way. i stood up for you all the while. from the past to now. to push back all the sniggerings from others, to side with you when others smirked at your actions, to applaud you for your talents. i meant every single act from deep down my heart. i thought you knew it. i thought you would do the same thing too. cos' i thought you understood me, and that's what friends are for, aren't they?

i am really hurt. tearing as i write this. it started out meant for someone else. but with no names mentioned. it is not my forte. it is illegal to slam directly at someone, do you not know? i thought, since that the person is not supposed to be reading my blog, it's ok to write it out. is this not an outlet to vent my frustrations and feelings?

i really did not expect anyone to clamour to take the blame whom i was refering to. i did not expect anyone to assume whoever i was writing about, to be themselves.

when i read your blog, i was really crying my eyes out. crying from the hurt inside. each and every sentence. if you intended to hurt me the best way you can, you certainly succeeded. take pride in that, you've hurt me more than anyone else had for the past 2 years.

because you were a true friend to me. i thought it was mutual. i was so wrong...

i'm not pushing the blame to anyone here. i thought i should try to explain myself, even before things got worse. i wanted to salvage this thing, and i wanted to talk to you, until i read your blog. i was fucking crying before i can do anything else.

i never once said i was a happy creature. i made it very clear i am not a happy girl. people who know me well enough should know that. and i never once tried to make people to make me happy. never. i thought when my friends cared, they truly cared. i'm sure thare are genuinely those out there. cos' they know me inside out..and i thought you did too.

when you and her got together, i was overjoyed and prayed for all the best. sure i don't go around exclaiming that, but is silent blessings not enough for you? must i tell you face to face over and over again?

we drifted. i don't know whether it was intentionally or not. but the time we spent together was less. maybe i'm a girl, and you are a guy. maybe you started to detest me. there are a thousand maybes that oyu never tell me. i simply assumed you wanted to spend more time with the rest. i thought too, when this happened, you'll understand everything inside out first, before taking your stand. you used to do that, didin't you?

you didn't bother now.

i know i'm not the most well-liked in class. i do not even try to be. i strive to be as low-profile as possible. trying to close my mouth and not offending people when i can help it. people saw it as "black" face. i really cannot do anything.

people's perceptions are out of my control. and i cannot control yours too. i must say now, from what i've gathered, really am someone insignificant. and that hurts like shit, cos' you were someone huge in my life. i swear over my heart.

there are so many "i really thought" that crossed my mind. but i seem to have thought wrongly...

you mentioned that you don't ever want to see my face again. i shall grant this as your christmas wish. i will try means and ways not to appear infront of you, or her. if it repulses you that much now, i really will try.

i know many people dislike me, i just never thought a friend, you would dislike me too. for i've weathered all criticisms behind your back for you, and never once thought otherwise for my actions.

i fucking tried my very best to cear this up. if nothing else works, i can do nothing already.

although i may not have been the best of friends with her from the start, i truly appreciated all she had done for me throughout my tough patches. i truly did. for one misunderstanding to blow it all, i guess the bond between us wasn't as strong as i thought it was. i guess assuming too much made an ass out of you and me.

for you, it really is tearing me apart as i say this. but if you so do not want to ever speak to me again, then it'll be so. whatever you think now, i cannot change. you have already taken your stand. long time ago, you showed me that you could listen to both sides of the story before assuming who was right or wrong. i appreciated that. but now, you have not heard me yet. you simply took what you saw, what you heard.

it's no time for the blaming game now.

i'm too exhausted from this. i look at the present i had done halfway, and i cannot help but tear again. everything is fucking screwing up and i cannot do anything. all cos' of one miunderstanding. one. to break this friendship.

all cos' i had chosen not to say names.

but if you must know, as you read this. you know i'm refering to you.

eugene and winnie. i'm really sorry for everything, whatever you both think i've done wrong. i don't know what happened, but things just spiralled out of my reach. both of you can continue to hate, or if it's too tiring and bitchy to hate, ignore me for all you want.

for if you choose to hold your stand against me, i cannot oppose the two of you. i just wanna thank you both for everything you've done for me in the past. touched my heart, held my hand, lead me through the darkness.

i just never thought it would end so fast, and wrongly.











ps: wen nee, i know you are reading this. you probably think i do not know you are reading this, but i am. and i want to thank you for everything you've done, cheered me one as i was giving up. you knew my secrets don't you! :) you knew what others don't. and i appreciate that you kept it to yourself. i really do. i hope we seniors and junior team can meet up again! miss you all loads..really man. :)

to everyone who is bewildered, there is nothing i will tell you. for i've not spoken to anyone about this at all. i'm not asking for sympathy or what shit, i'm just trying to salvage what's left.

.

of all people. you, you know who you are, you hurt me the most.

coming from someone i had truly treated as a friend. i don't know why you said those words. truth i know. but just to spite me?

do you know what happened behind all those "black" faces i had? do you know the root of it all?

i'm a real person. i show my emotions out. i'm happy i am happy. i'm angry, i am pissed. i am troubled, i'm stressed. i hardly hide any feelings from me face.

perhaps this is why i've made so many tolerate my faces.

but i did not ask for people to put on masks just to make me happy. never. especially not friends. i thought when you asked about me, you truly cared, and not just asking just to make me happy. when i said i was fine, i truly wanted some space alone.

whatever i do, i mean it. of cos' there are accidents. like when i accidentally slapped into your eye instead of your face. i truly had apologised. i was in shock too. i had no meant to slap your eye. and i hope you know it. but judging from now, i think nothing i say will help.

i'm not people who say: leave me alone. when i truly wanted some attention. when i say leave me alone, i really meant leave me alone. cos' i needed to think. i needed to think alone.

when i'm pissed, i try not to talk to people. cos' why? later offend people. so people think that's a very "black" face to tolerate. but i know that by speaking out my mind further, i'll cause more hurt. so why try? keep everything inside..

i really thought there was true friendship between us. that bond. i really thought it came a long way. i stood upf or you all the while. from the past to now. to push back all the sniggerings from others, to side with you when others smirked at your actions, to applaud you for your talents. i meant every single act from deep down my heart. i thought you knew it. i thought you would do the same thing too. cos' i thought you understood me, and that's what friends are for, aren't they?

i am really hurt. tearing as i wrote this. it started out meant for someone else. but with no names mentioned. it is not my forte. it is illegal to slam directly at someone, do you not know? i thought, since that person is not reading, i might as well type it all out. is it not an oulet to vent my thoughts and feelings? and then, people mistook it for them whom i was refering to.

did you not see the tears in my eyes as i broke down. did you not see me try to turn away from your peering faces, just to try blink back those stubborn crystals from falling out to the public eye. do you knwo the entire story behind me being upset?

every circumstance is different.

i felt maybe you wanted to spend more time with her, with others, so i slowly moved away. talked less. but i secretly hoped we'll come together again, and rebond what i thought was lost. i really thought it was friendship.

but i fucking cried when i saw what you wrote. yes, i stupidly cried. i don't know what's wrong with me..but i had not expected this to happen. to explain myself is totally useless now. everything is blown out of proportions.

i really tried. do you really know? how much do you know me? how much did you try to truly want to know? or did you ask just to make me happy again?

i did not even tell anyone about this entire thing. i did not even utter a word to my closest friends. i did not want to put people in the middle at a loss of what to do. i know how it felt, cos' i've been through it..and it really sucked.

true, i'm not a happy creature. did i even portray that to you in the first place? i made it very clear i am not a happy girl. i do try to be happy. being happy and trying to be happy is two different things. but i don't try to hide any emotions. what you see is what you get.

i don't know how so is this two-faced. i really don't..


you can hate me for all you want now, both of you. i really cannot do anything..or perhaps you won't waste your energy to hate me, but simply to ignore me, and treat me no longer as a friend. for one, i can say that we weren't very very close friends to begin with, but i truly appreciate everything you've done for me. i truly did.

for the other, it hurts alot to let go of this. but since you made it very clear not to want to see my face again, i'll try really hard not to appear infront of you. i'll really try. i'm sorry for whatever i've caused but not intended. i really am...

i've tried to do whatever i can to salvage this. but it really is beyond my control now..

perhaps you'll take pride in knowing, you have succeeded in hurting me alot.


and if you are wondering if i'm ever going to mention any names. here i'm going to say it outloud.

i'm sorry eugene and winnie. i've really done my best to explain myself. and if that's what you assume is happening, then i cannot do much. i really cannot do anything.








ps: i know wen nee, you are reading this, and you probably think i don't know you are reading this. but i really must thank you for your support during my exams period. you don't know how much all those words meant to me. truly, thank you. :) i hope the senior and junior team can meet up soon and catch up on old times yea? cheers, all the best for whatever you do..you really deserve it.

tired.

tired of this shit really. some people can't separate different events from one another.

won't be bothered to comment. misunderstood will become more misunderstood-ed. later kenna slam for the wrong things again.

told zihao i really care who reads my blog cos' i know alot misunderstandings will rise. c'mon! there are MORE THAN ONE similar kind of people in this world. cannot be TWO OR MORE people offend me in the SAME way meh? must be one??! then MUST be YOU? stop imagining so much can.

pissed really.

forget it. later i make things worse again.

might just go off from blogging for a while. really tired of all this misunderstanding in this air. now i understand why my sister says blogs brew alot trouble..especially when points are not made clearly, and people's names are not stated out right. but i really don't want to slam people downright so bitch-ily. it's just that i cannot stand how things turn out. i DO NOT claim to be always the RIGHT one ok. it's just that some things i see, i cannot take it.

fine, turn the rest again me. i don't really care.

if this is what friendship is about, then so be it.

i really have no other methods to make of things now. too much, and i don't wanna think so much. the more i think, the worse things seem to be.


hear one side of the story lah. this is what happens. seriously, now i truly understand the role of the supposedly "justice" figure on court. supposed to uphold justice and give the innocence rights to those who deserve. to hear both sides of the story instead of one, and not be biased and immediately side with that certain individual whom you only heard from.

but we all know, sometimes it's not the INNOCENT who triumphs over the GUILTY. in reality, it's pretty much the lawyers and the evidence that is at hand.

i guess the ball is out of my court.
and i really really care about friends whom may have thought wrongly of me. but what can i do? explain myself? forget it. they already love you to bits.

perhaps they aren't my true friends? i don't know really. but it hurts to think that they aren't. because the sincerity i had towards them EVERY SINGLE FREAKING second was truthful from deep down within my heart, with no mask at all. AT ALL.

i'm tattered and torn inside. i've never felt so wronged. you don't know do you? you assume so happily i was talking about YOU, so you simply just slapped me back on my face.

thanks alot.

i really needed it now.

thanks.

i'm out of here.

not like anyone cares. mostly not you.

transport.

i used to live in a lalaland called jielinlalaland where all transport costs 45 cents per ride.

then i got bombed out of my lovely little island to a place where transport can cost up to 4 bucks at least PER day. when it used to cost only 45 cents PER day.



=(



so what even if we are not in school anymore, doesn't mean we are capable of paying such huge amounts you know. *sigh* we still are NOT financially capable.

now i totally understand why those uni students were petitioning against the public transport fees system. god, the money spent on transport..definitely a hefty sum. =(

i shall stop whining. let me update on my life.

basically, today quite slack lah. stayed home the ENTIRE day(can you like believe it!!??) to watch tv. yes, tv. my butt literally became embedded into the sofa ok. i woke up at 1pm scarily, to find the entire house empty, and plonked myself down to relax. watched super many movies, taped and on the tv programme list itself..intermitently squeezing in a few pages of the book i was reading in between commercials. *grimace*

i so cannot wait for wednesday when i can FINALLY watch harry potter wth alex cos' that idiot will be coming back from chalet and we promised NOT to pangseh each other. and i want to watch skyhigh and chicken little and king kong and nardia and SO MUCH MUCH MORE!

but dammit, movie tickets are so expensive now can. wah biang, can they bare in mind that there are people that are unattached out there and have no boyfriends to pay for their tickets??? =X so unfair. i asked my girlfriends then they say their boyfriends paid for their tickets. then i asked my guyfriends and they said they had to pay for their girlfriends. hahahaha. tsktsk. fine lah. i'll be independent pig and EARN money to SPEND.

hmpffff.

jiahan kor better get me tuition job soon. WHY ISN'T HE REPLYING MY MSG?!?!? tonight got soccer match is it???!!

ROARRRR!!





i'm in a state of -_-'''. online talking to yunny and we were complaining about no shows on tv, and zw told her to watch the vamp show, but yunny said not nice and scary. then i told her ma xiaoling is damn hot, and she said THIS:

yunny says:
hot meh.. i hotter la..hahaha



then when i told her i going to blog what she just said,



yunny says:
AAAAAHHHHHH
yunny says:
NOOOO!!!
yunny says:
fainted


HAHAHAHAH! omg. she's really very funny. tsktsk. source of entertainment anywhere anytime. you will not believe what we did in the Singtel service centre, and what she did when we saw a pigeon in the middle of our path.

yunny ah..tsktsk!! *shakes head*





lionel lewis was on tv! singapore vs vietnam, and NO ONE TOLD ME!! grrrr. but i caught the last 10 minutes of the match. sigh. singapore lost though. so sad. =( score was 2-1.



anyway, i need something to do tomorrow!! vcd/dvd marathon? running? jian fei!!

why my plan like never work one. really kansai.

go already. update when i'm free. night!!

plan.

ok, so i don't have any concrete plan for today just yet.

yesterday, went out with bimbo to help her shop around for her prom dress. i silently thanked *whoever is up there* that i made the right choice(for me) of not going for prom. i would have DIED from the preparation. trust me on this. i really would have died.

i'm not against gowns and heels and makeup and hairdo or anything, but the fact that i would have to spend so much money on things i mostly would only wear THAT one night is illogical. i do not believe in impracticality. i even more do not care that all of them say "prom night is the only time of your life, only once! must go! will regret if don't go one!" bullshit.

it's MY opinion of cos'. you might have yours, and i respect that. i mean, if my group of clicky are going, and with many many friends there, then i CONFIRM will go. but go for what? when you hardly care about those who are going?

aiya, lazy to make my point.
but end of story. i almost broke my leg while shopping with bishi. i am getting very sick of town. VERY VERY SICK. i'm going to beg and plea and whatever shitload i can do to make jie bring me to chinatown, little india or wherever that has good buys. she seriously knows these ulu places very well. tsktsk. according to her, "town stuff is overpriced lah". quite true.

actually. VERY TRUE. hah! i'm so freaking proud to have gotten much of my stuff soooooo cheap ok! and looks expensive-just-like-the-original-thing kinda goods somemore! tell me where to find such good bargains! and no one will know, unless i tell you. so wait long long, i'm tell no one! *GRINS* except bishi lah, you know a teeny weeny bit of my secret, cos' I LOVE YOU!!! hahahah! and i hope you got your desired prom dress too! =)




anyway, i managed to get home in one piece and plonked myself on the sofa to take a breather(yes, i am extremely unfit now) before i went to take a bath. the morning run i had before i met bishi was indeed setting in. aching muscles and all. die lah. must exercise more. i just don't believe i cannot drop at least 5 kg. i mean, if i was so freaking skinny last time in sec school, there is no reason why i cannot be NOW. die also must reach. DIE DIE DIE.

i'm obsessed over my weight and appearance i know. don't like? f off lah. not like i care what you think about me. i look good cannot meh?

seriously, my blog is very much gonna record my life now, so like it or not, i'm blogging for MYSELF, not YOU.



anyway, i was switching between both channels of shows just now. running to my pa's room to watch channel 5's "I am Sam" and channel 8's "cao mei ren(or something like that)" . don't ask me why i had to run, but my pa refused to watch the channel 8 show and ma refused to watch channel 5 show. well, compromise lor. run lah.

pa said the running might make me slimmer. but i complained and complained until her eventually decided to tape the channel 5 movie for me. HAHAHAHA! god i love him so.

so i settled down to watch the cheena show. shit, it's freaking sad ok! and it helped that shu qi and the male lead was so freaking good-looking! :) haix. anyway, the show was pretty hard to catch with the heavily accented chinese accent. seriously, i was reading the subtitles 3/4 of the time. but it was well directed in my point of view. addressed many issues such as friendship, loyalty, love, hopes and dreams, and well..desires, to break free from the rigid structure. i teared at some parts ba..it was quite conflicting..the emotions that crossed my mind..

then there was the part "right person, wrong time" thing. sigh. that one was worst i think. and the part where shu qi's best friend died. wahhh, that par ti really buey tahan liao. really saddening. especially when the guy told her "wei hong jiao ni bu yao shen ta de qi le..", i really just broke down. cos' i recalled that part when shu qi was rather mad at the rest for lying to her behind her back..and when wei hong tried to persuade her to understand their actions, shu qi just told her one word: pan tu(traitor).

i guess that must have hurt wei hong alot. sigh. but sometimes, i myself do find it hard to trust some people. outside show so niceeeee, then inside, you don't know what the hell they are thinking. god knows, they don't like you leh! and you all along treated them as friends, and they thick-skin act like they like you alot. those kind of people all ought to die. the basic requirements of being friends is sincerity. you don't like that person just tell him/her lah, act until so chummy for what? turns me off really. at least i saw through you.

faker.



hah. anyway, i was totally stunned by the last part. i totally for once, was lost man. even when the credits started rolling and the narrator started mumbling some shit stuff in chinese that wouldn't end, i was still thinking about the ending. how it would have been, if the guy had not stopped the truck for her. how it would have been, if they had never met. how it would have been, if they hadn't fallen in love? how different would their lives be now?

seriously. there was this philosophical nonsense said by some "monk" in the show.

"got fate to meet or got no fate to meet someone, is still considered fate."

found it rather intriguing. *shrugs* it sounds like nonsense really, but it makes sense if you waste your braincells to think about it! haahaha!


all my opinions.



maybe i should borrow pearpear's xun yi cao vcd to re-watch it ALL OVER AGAIN. god, it's so fricking nice! :) will cry my eyes out again i'm sure. hahaha!

must plan. must plan. so aimless now. job, need money. 123 hours to get $123 to get that fcuk sweater. oh god.

and i seriously need plastic surgery, yes i know that. :) hell, i'm gonna try be happy being me. it's no point trying to emulate my sister, cos' i don't wanna be like her. i'm ME. and yes, i know, not much people can be ME. cos' i'm a "tall, fat and ugly giraffe".

and what else? i'm gonna jian fei so no one will EVER EVER call me FAT again.

NEVER.



on a personal note to turkey. i don't even know if she will read this. but i seriously hope all the soreness in you is gone. *sigh* somehow things i really want NEVER turn out right. i'm pissed and upset too. i hope you'll understand, and maybe not blame me.
you know i love you! really. :)





oh man, i miss star-gazing.

shoes, pain, fun.

i woke up feeling starved.
i went down for a half hour swim and tan and felt dizzy and sickly.
bathed and tried to rush to meet ex laogong alex. wah really tired don't know why. i saw the bread on the table, and i really felt turned off. anyone who knows me well enough should know i HATE eating bread. only when i have no choice.

so i didn't eat it.

and i felt sick. then i shitted. then i rushed to meet him. BUT i was freaking late. SO SORRY MAN!!! hahaha..not gu yi one ok! =)

but i felt much better with him lah. that's how it is when i'm with people i love and care for..with friends i guess..makes me feel better even if the day feels dreary and bleak.

talked quite alot. let me see..ah! i rememeber this conversation. tsktsk. we were discussing about project runway.


"Do you know models have to strip infront of their designers?"
(HE SAID THAT WITH A SPARKLE OF CHIKORBEI-NESS IN HIS EYES)

-_-'''

i cannot believe it man! hahaha. tsktsk. as chikorbei as ever.

but it sure felt good to meet up and chat about so many things! and he refreshed my memory by telling me that the last time we had an outing was last year's christmas! omg can!! that's really long ago..

just some pictures ahead i guess. we walked and talked alot. hahah! and i complained alot. shucks. i really cannot believe the extents to which women can go to achieve beauty. just to wear that pair of shoes, i hurt all the way to the outing, and hurt all the way back home. AND i had to pretend i was not freaking hurting. walk like nothing wrong. SO UNGLAM CAN.

i changed like 6 plasters! ROAR!!! and i had to go watson's to get plasters somemore! hahahah. lucky alex quite nice lah! =p endured my complainings, and was relatively gentlemanly to accompany to sit down and rest my poor feet. hahaah! so giam peng can! see chairs must sit. hahahaha!!

so anyway, the pictures!

yummy food at coffee club. had muddy mud pie and tiramisu something something. hahah! cannot remember the drink name man. shared with that pig, who refused to eat more. i really think he want to jian fei. WTH! he so skinny can. then make me this pig so fat! =( hahaha. anyway, the food was yummilicious! *licks lips* (by the way, his picture is there NOT cos' he is yummy ok!)

the place was SUPER SUPER good atmosphere! good service! it was at millenia walk! can you believe it man! i felt like the entire cafe was booked by us. hahahah. until more people came after us, and filled the cafe lah. but it was relatively soothing and really a good place to chill man. we spent like 2 hours there i think. =D talking cok and finishing our humongous mud pie! WOO!

and i don't know why that tiramisu drink tasted so alcohol-ish. alex said that tiramisu is supposed to contain alcohol. i SO did not know that! really! i mean i ate so many tiramisu cakes and it never NEVER tasted like alcohol. but nevermind lah. :P i didn't get drunk anyway.

the carpet hung on the wall. i must compliment their interior designs! really tastefully done. but i found this carpet ressembling that of the magic carpet in aladin! hahah! alex said i was "too imaginative", but really! and whenever i tried to take a picture of it, it's always seeming to be moving! so cool right.

ok lah, maybe my hands unsteady. hmmpfff.

look at the scenery man! i didn't know Singapore could be so beautiful! the lights were indeed a sight to behold. this was taken outside esplanade by the way. :)

more pictures..and the walkway...SO LONG! my poor darling feet!!! =( stupid alex still don't want change shoes with me.

yay! pictures! ok i know i look awful, but hell with it man! who cares when you finally get to take pictures with someone you haven't been out for so long! :) he really looks boyish and VERY yuong doesn't he? tsktsk. feels like i'm going out with a juvenile. WAHAHAHAH. oh wait. he IS juvenile. tsktsk. at least he grew taller! =p

ok, this one not taken outside esplanade lah. i found this in carrefour. OMG. i was seriously tickled byt hat sight and HAD to take a picture.

"why oil got extra virgin one..?"

beats me. i wish someone would enlighten me. oh shucks! did i just violate a "virgin oil" during my dinner!??

-_-'' not funny i know.

ok i'm dead beat. tomorrow is another outing with bimbo. she wants to shop for her prom dress and wants me to give her comments. HAHAHA! like from me? i'll probably be her worst fashion consultant. and i gotta reconsider the shoes i am wearing tomorrow. bishi certainly can walk man. *grimace*

i like it that i'm planning my days so well. everyday booked! =) must fully utilise every second man! woo!!! oh..i haven't watched my corpse bride vcd! and the star wars entire series yet to be taken from white ass! and the books i must borrow and read! so many!! i really must squeeze in outings with my much beloved and missed friends! the voluntary projects i hope i can get. the jobs and the money! i so need MONEY!!!

------------

to digress, i really must consider the afternoon offer i had in the mrt station control while looking for that idiot. that girl just popped in front of me. she had been eyeing me for very long, and i thought she knew me but i forgot who she is(yes, i have goldfish memory), until she came over and disrupted my much loved ljj song on my shuffle. =X

but it was an attractive offer. free. i don't have much to do anyway. but i doubt the agency would want me. i have nothing much to offer them. *grimace*

and i don't wanna be exploited. so when she calls again tomorrow to confirm the details, i guess i'll just pop in and let "the compan'y consultant take a look at you". *shrugs* i have nothing to lose. my vigilance is up. and i have booked bishi for that outing. maybe she would be more suitable for them! hahaha! pretty bishi! :)

anyway,the moment i hear "you must pay for..." and i'm shooting out of there like dash from the incredibles! no way i'm gonna spend money for something i don't even believe in! just wanna have fun that's all! might even make more friends! yay!

and i'm considering giving tuition. a senior from nhss(during my first few weeks there) has offered me jobs requiring me to give english tuition to primary school kids. i'm still thinking it through it. requires at least a one year contract, and i don't know if i can last so long. i might kill the kids..not very patient sometimes, you know. =p

but it is an offer that IS attractive. $10 per hour. who wouldn't want man. and it's english! something i should be able to do..i hope.

ok, so that's all for now. i'm seriously beat. going for a morning run before i meet bishi later today. :)

need to jian fei. need to jian fei. need to jian fei.

OVER.

yes, with a CAPS much appreciated.

WARNING: long entry ahead. i didn't ask you to read ah! YAY! now i can blog as much as i wishhhhhhhhhh!!! :D

i've survived the last paper pretty well. i was GRINNING while the scripts were collected. don't care that i never finished my paper. don't care that i merely studied ONE FREAKING DAY for geog only. don't care lah.

papers on their way out of Singapore liao. what to do? cry over the loss meh? *shrugs* forget it man. zihao is right, there are many paths in life. everyone is destined to take a chosen path. we may not take the path most do, but as long as we get there in the end, what else matters?

really must thank him alot. and many other people, who endured my whinings and complainings, and pushed me on when i was deflated, comforted me when i broke down, encouraged me when i was at a loss, gave me advices when i was down.

now i truly know who are my REAL friends, and those who are merely people who crossed my path and don't give a damn about me and my little life. oh well. had a small discussion about friends with bs and yx today during our outing! hahaha, some cheem stuff, but it's true. definition of a "friend" varies from person to person. hi-bye friends, acquaintance, cca friends, class friends, school friends, friends you tell your troubles with, friends you can have fun with, friends you can grow old with.


anyway, to digress. our post Alvl celebration was a pathetic event with only FOUR girls going out. we dined at pizza hut, shared 4 different dishes, and drank cokes that made me burp non-stop. i don't drink cokes. but what to do, no other drinks what. anyway, it was a eat and go thing cos' syaf had to fetch her little cousin from school and winnie had somewhere to go. hahahah. no cookies for guessing!

well. so it ended up with me and alas(!!) yun ma. *GRINS*

so the two poor souls haunted plaza sing from top to bottom. i tell you, window shopping with yun ma is terrorising and traumatising. I MEAN IT. you will go from...
-_-'
to....
-_-''
to....
-_-''''''''''

that is how bad it was. hahahah! but ok lah, i enjoyed her company! thank you yunny for accompanying me for 2 plus hours! walk from ps to tangs some more! WAHHHH! where to find such a FIT and HEALTHY partner! hahahaha!! darn, i was quite tired from all that walking though. =( anyways, MUACKMUACKMUACK!!!!!
jiayou for your S paper ok! :)

met up with bimbo and nainai. oh man. so longgggg! i mean so long since i last saw them and went out. sheesh! i had fun today though! :)
laughed alot. DOTS alot. hahahah! and what else! nainai so kind treated us to FREE DRINKS from nydc! woah! hahahaha.
but i still think her nunnery will be highly unsuccessful.
=X
i might just start my own. HAHAHAH.
damn.


zh joined us after that and almost became yx's slave. only that she decided that it was "very bad" to treat him like one. hahaha. then we went OG and saw some stupid undergarments for guys. the band there got days of the week one ok!

just imagine asking a guy friend:
"hey...today is what day har?"
-CHECKS HIS UNDERWEAR-
"ohhh..thursday!"

i wonder if really got people buy or not.
it'll be funny to know that one of my guy friends are wearing it! *grins*
and i do know what BERD wears. tsktsk. shit, that image of the undergarment on the box very hard to erase from my mind ah! =X all that zihao's fault for telling us. now i see berd will think: ERHEM ERHEM!
rest assure. i have no fantasies about that xiaomao. hahah.

anyway, me and bs started this snorting thing which sounded like a pig and a snore. zh got really irritated. hahaah! but it was so fun! *childish i know*


another digression.
i got pretty upset lately when people commented that i look OLDER than my ELDER sister. god dammit. i don't know complement or insult. but i think it's an INSULT. *sigh* forget it man. i AM old lah ok. I NOT PRETTY LAH OK. I NOT AS HOT AS SHE LAH. I DON'T HAVE GOOD BODY LAH. I DON'T HAVE BOYFRIEND LAH. I REALLY NOTHING BESIDE MY SISTER LAH.

happy?
i do hope so. cos' you successfully ruined my day.



anyway, pre-paper times were pretty nerve wreacking for every paper. the post-paper times were quite bad too. but ziwan has the ability to make everything normal with one remark:

"ehhhh! guess what? just now i walked past him then he looked at me!!"

she would proclaim this with much gusto to me. and i would be jokingly annoyed. i mean who wouldn't?? HAHAHAHA! i'm so jealous can! he look at YOU never look at ME! oh wait, i don't even dare to look at him in the eye. HAHAHAH!

sad lah. but nevermind. hahahah. it's like something impossible anyway. yun ma was so tickled that i only spoke to him twice. sigh.


found this advertisement on the pillar beside the lift. found it slightly amusing. i don't know if my english is bad or what, but "electron shelves" were unknown to me till now. electron got shelves on ah?










you know, sometimes i really get quite irritated. i know that i'm not UGLY, but i'm not that good-looking either. but when people i know AND don't know comment how different me and my sister look, how she's prettily made up with a nice body proportion, and then STOP SHORT of describing me, i do get all hot and bothered. i'm tired of this comparison, and i cannot make it stop. i try to act like i don't care, but it doesn't fucking work this way.

imagine someone telling you that you are ugly on the average once EVERYDAY.

it doesn't do wonders to anyone's self-esteem.



it's not that i hate my sister. i love her. but i think she knows she IS pretty and she flaunts it happily. she KNOWS we are constantly being compared..looks wise. i admit defeat hands-down. i'm just effing tired of this shit lah.

spare me some slack ok?
i need a break from all these you-are-not-as-pretty-as-your-sister-shit.



i wish i have an elder brother instead.
at least they won't compare me with a gender of the opposite sex.
at least that's what i WISH humans are. less comparative. less judgemental. less condemning.


everything has been blown out of proportions.
the toilet issue.
the dawn yang and her plastic surgery debate.
anything linked to BLOG, that's it!
you're goners!
crazy people.
crazy world.
nothing else better to do.
i mean, she do surgery before anyone's problem meh? everyone wants to look good. you want to look like some cannot-make-it-don't-look-like-human-don't-look-like-anything freak?
just leave her alone lah.
sometimes, things can really be so adverse, like it or not.
media--makes or breaks you.
all in the hands of those who abuse their power, knowing that they have the power to write anything they want, and you canot freaking do anything to stop it.
crazy, power-devouring people.
i'm not against journalists.
i'm not against gossips.
i'm just against the fact that they trample people down like buffalos and stamp them out like diseases. no respect, no protection of rights at all.
absolute rubbish or absolute truth.
it's all up to us, readers. and many of us chose the latter.
how bizzare and nonsensical this world and its inhabitants can be.



ok, enough ramblings. i need sleep. will post underwear pictures another day. bimbo died or something.

sigh.

this is such a depressing entry title.
equally depressing day. but i'm not gonna dwell on it.

i cried today. after months of wondering if my tear glands had died. i fianlly cried. and it wasn't a good thing anyway.

life sucks for me. but i'm not a loser. the only reason i carry on is because i cannot stop.

thank you zihao and jee cheng. you guys really made me feel alot better with your encouragements and pats on the back.
without you two around, i'll probably have died. seriously. thank you. you guys don't know how important you are to me. :)

i'd just await that day i'll receive my As results with much fear and reluctance. for it signifies that i've yet again let my father down.
i'm sorry papa.
you know i tried. i really did.
somehow i just screwed myself up.
somehow i always do. i'm really sorry i've disappointed you.
please forgive me, and i will try to work hard towards my next goal, whatever it is.
i really will try my best to support you.


sometimes, i glance at my palm, and i think: shit. maybe what my palm says is right after all. i have no future, no career, no nothing.
and then i tell myself. NO WAY I'M LETTING MYSELF AND MY LIFE BE DETERMINED BY A STUPID PALM READING.
but sometimes i'm just not so sure anymore.

one thing i hate about blogspot is that i cannot type private entries.
but well.

GRIN.

i finally looked through the songs i have on my thumbdrive. and i am freaking OVERJOYED!

THANK YOU ZIHAO!!!!!
*GRIN*

i promise i will buy you at least 3 bags of marshmellows for you to grow fatter before you enter the army! WAHAHAHAHA!!


AHHHHHHHH!!! i got my Shi Kang Jun's song ok!!! wah lau! like after millions of years. i could NEVER manage to record it successfully on my sister's creative muvo slim. now i've got it! =D

and i've got so many more nice songs! including this song called Remember me This Way by Jordan Hill! i CANNOT CANNOT believe it i tell you! i heard this song on 933 like ages ago..it's from the movie casper by the way..and i loved it! but i never managed to find it! and LOOK! nice little marshy here(don't know how he know also..must be by luck) put it in my thumbdrive! YAY!!!!


ok, i must stop gushing! oh man!! songs songs songs!





sighhhh. ok i got to return back to my largely futile studying =(.



by the way, i've managed t restore my links. but not completely though. =X the stupid blog always does this to me, erasing all my links when i change somethings on my template. GRRRR. so anyway, if i left out your blog link, it means that i couldn't remember the link and thus, i need you to provide me the link. thanks! =) sorry for the inconvenience. and enjoy reading the new blogs i provided! entertainment ah!





//and we both now know that i am not the one you want, so i guess it's time for this to end.

sian diao.

stupid gp paper.
i was shocked by the essay questions, cos' nothing was freaking related to social issues! and i ONLY do social essays cos' that's what i KNOW.
ok lah, i admit, don't need statistics that much also.
oh well, i finally read that fact file little white book that the gp department gave us.
but i did not use a single thing from it. sian diao.
BUT i do know who founded Banyan Tree Gallery and Hyflux and who is the founder of Asian Business and Forum and so much more! ok, i admit my general knowledge is very bad. sighhh.
no use lah.
i think i like wrote out of point.


that stupid compre killed me the second time.
the questions 3/4 i read liao then went HUH?!?!?
then the 2nd time in my entire life in SA i did my summary.
i spent the last freaking 5mins of the paper on it, cos' i was so pissed then i spent another 1/2 minute counting the stupid words that made no sense and had no link to the compre cos' i know i'll be penalised if i didn't count.
stupid lah.


i wanted to get a b3 at least. now i'm not so sure anymore. scully fail then die. you know all is over when you flunk our gp, cos' nothing else matters.



went to cc to try to study.
i managed to finish one page of international trade.
then i died on the table.
awoke 1 hour later, aching all over.
very bad to fall asleep at your table ok.
go really drained me as usual.
do one paper half my brain juices gone.
do another paper, all gone.



ok..ending soon. few more days. everything over. my life may be over temporarily.
=(
but just continue lah.
stop now also no point.
sigh.
just keep going.
just keep going.
just keep going.


/edit.
i saw this quote from life! a few seconds ago. shitty funny!

"Scientology hurts nobody. if it makes Tom Cruise happy, I don't care if he prays to turtles."--Madonna.

WAH SIAO LAH. i really think it's very funny!! HAHAHAHAHA!! ok..well, if you are kept abreast with the controversy over TC and his much debated over religion, then you'll get the idea i guess. i cannot be bothered to make any stand. but well, Madonna IS funny. HAHAHAHAH. pray to turtles.

o_0???




anyway, despite the terrible paper today, there was a quote by i-forgot-who in the passage. i cannot help it but i LAUGH can! oh man. super unglam. later the examiner thinks im mad. it's about the cuckoo clock thing lah! hahahah.

shit i'm so easily amused.


ahhhs, i got my beloved thumb drive after so long! =) and zh saw my secrets. =( ehh you're the first one ok! hahahaha..shhh!! and i'm NOT a stalker! =D


hahaha. and syaffy calls her bro "dodo brother"! omg. that's like funny can! i never hear anyone call that before. dodo birds are hilarious lah. got watch brother bear you'll understand! =P


recalling a coversation between pa, me and sis last week:

"ehhh, that day i stay up just to watch that war show leh! very nice..don't know call what...at the behind enemy line or something ah.." --pa
"no lah! it's behind THE enemy lines!!" --jie



-_-'''


"ehh, actually i'm quite sure it's just behind enemy lines."--me


see! i mean i never watch i also know ok! hahahah. damn funny lah daddy. his broken english is hilarious. but i mean, he's trying super hard to improve, and i admire his courage! =)





ok, anyways i added new links. blogs i read nowadays. just go check it oout if you are VERY free.