wah lau. after avoiding this for VERY long, i was finally late for tuition. stupid lah. my previous session ended late and i was practically running from one point to another. i RAN FROM THE BUS STOP TO THE CENTRE. arghhhh. and i was wearing the very noisy slipper which also coincidentally gives blisters. i was still late by 10 minutes or so. =(
luckily eileen sat them down first before i arrived. sighhh. the sight of 12 kids in the classroom has never looked so good. yea, additional student. =X
made them get down to work. and FINALLY, i manage to look a little pissed and trick them into thinking that i was angry at them for making so much noise. they did their work so quietly inside while i was tutoring the em3 student outside that i thought a miracle had happened. REALLY. nothing sounded so precious.
it lasted for 30 minutes or so only anyway.
i tell you. the people there like to talk behind my back ok.
after i got back from tuition just now and logged on, the first thing jiahan tells me is that someone told him that there is a "sweet-looking teacher teaching the pri 6 kids".
-_-'''
what the.......
seriously. everytime i'm there, i'm so exhasuted i hardly care for people around me, except the kids and the teachers that bother to talk to me(which are most). today, it just happened that i was so occupied teaching that em3 student most of the time and keeping the rest quiet that i never talked to anyone else at all.
and then this mysterious someone says this. really. i don't know her lah.
nevermind. i suppose it's a compliment. but i look so haggard to myself. =(
i feel like i going to have a panic attack. really. i must stop thinking. like NOW!!!
NOW!!!
hahaha. wells. meeting yh bro and abbas later! =) hope i'll have fun! and well, pray for the best.
sorry for all the whinings. i really am a worry freak.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
ravings.
jeecheng! hahaha, i copyrighted this from your blog, so i must tell you first.
sigh, the extent people will go to when they are super duper bored. i wouldn't have been so bored if bishi hadn't cancelled the outing even though it only had 3 people going. =(
oh wells, i shall entertain myself in various means and ways. =D
please be kind to do this thingy for me. loads VERY fast i assure you. won't take you more than 3 minutes maximum, even though you suck at reading. hahaha. thanks.
i've been trying to ignore that nagging feeling. but i cannot lah. the only time i forgot totally about the results taboo thing was when i was watching final destination 3 yesterday. F*** lah. that show is downright disgusting and bloody gory. rahhh!! i did not remember FD 1 and 2 being so gorified. =X maybe this time cos' me and monz were sitting next to the speaker and damn close to the screen. every single effect was effectively magnified.
very effective.
very...arghhhh.
even the ah bengs behind me were makign retching sounds as they watched. hahahah.
oh wells. it suddenly occured to me that no teachers in sajc who used to teach me msg me about the results thingy AT ALL. learnt the news through friends who had teachers who had done so. confusing? not at all. hmmmm. oh wells. they probably know my results already and sniggering at my obvious and expected failure. F...
i feel damn violent thinking about it. to tell yourself it's ok to fail in life, just be brave and continue fighting hard, you'll reach it in the end. but you just cannot withstand the thought of failing, because obviously, you have not fallen so hard before in life..until going into that school and beginning a journey of self-destruct. you know it's all YOUR fault, which makes you want to kill yourself even more.
i wonder, at this point of time, would Gods help the free-thinkers. i seriously need some help. sigh. i'm just not that strong you all see me to be lah.
on a side note, try not to enter the cinema to watch FD3 with a full stomach or empty stomach. MY advice(cos' it's what i feel, so if you don't think so then suit yourself) is to eat a few hours before watching the movie. you just won't feel like eating after watching it. fuck tanning beds.
those flashbacks scenes are terrible. i'm out of here.
sigh, the extent people will go to when they are super duper bored. i wouldn't have been so bored if bishi hadn't cancelled the outing even though it only had 3 people going. =(
oh wells, i shall entertain myself in various means and ways. =D
please be kind to do this thingy for me. loads VERY fast i assure you. won't take you more than 3 minutes maximum, even though you suck at reading. hahaha. thanks.
i've been trying to ignore that nagging feeling. but i cannot lah. the only time i forgot totally about the results taboo thing was when i was watching final destination 3 yesterday. F*** lah. that show is downright disgusting and bloody gory. rahhh!! i did not remember FD 1 and 2 being so gorified. =X maybe this time cos' me and monz were sitting next to the speaker and damn close to the screen. every single effect was effectively magnified.
very effective.
very...arghhhh.
even the ah bengs behind me were makign retching sounds as they watched. hahahah.
oh wells. it suddenly occured to me that no teachers in sajc who used to teach me msg me about the results thingy AT ALL. learnt the news through friends who had teachers who had done so. confusing? not at all. hmmmm. oh wells. they probably know my results already and sniggering at my obvious and expected failure. F...
i feel damn violent thinking about it. to tell yourself it's ok to fail in life, just be brave and continue fighting hard, you'll reach it in the end. but you just cannot withstand the thought of failing, because obviously, you have not fallen so hard before in life..until going into that school and beginning a journey of self-destruct. you know it's all YOUR fault, which makes you want to kill yourself even more.
i wonder, at this point of time, would Gods help the free-thinkers. i seriously need some help. sigh. i'm just not that strong you all see me to be lah.
on a side note, try not to enter the cinema to watch FD3 with a full stomach or empty stomach. MY advice(cos' it's what i feel, so if you don't think so then suit yourself) is to eat a few hours before watching the movie. you just won't feel like eating after watching it. fuck tanning beds.
those flashbacks scenes are terrible. i'm out of here.
Friday, February 24, 2006
pay your respects.
TEO JIELIN aka ZHANG JIELIN
Came into the world and contributed carbon dioxide, some agony for her parents, some irritation for her elder sister, and some annoyance for her friends.
Departed with aggression, resignation and depression. Left behind her beloved (insert your own names).
7th June 1987~~~1st March 2006
Came into the world and contributed carbon dioxide, some agony for her parents, some irritation for her elder sister, and some annoyance for her friends.
Departed with aggression, resignation and depression. Left behind her beloved (insert your own names).
7th June 1987~~~1st March 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
sadness.
i cannot sleep.
i was looking through pictures stored in my computer and my zip disc.
pictures of all kinds and people and events.
pictures in school.
my memories in sajc.
i felt a sudden ache.
it never occurred to me that i could miss those times, those people, and those events so much.
i really feel...well, i'm not sure how you put it, but..really sad.
someone once told me memories remain best as memories cos' they are the sweetest this way. i always thought so too.
but today, i realised memories, can both be sweet, and well, heart-wrenching.
it hurts to know that there will never be a day like that. never will the same things happen with the same people you care about. two years. so swift. so eventful. so fulfiling. i never regret. but perhaps i regret not touching my tys more than i should.
i kinda miss wearing the school uniform which i've grown to both love and hate. the rules that i cannot help breaking. the "running away" from the terrible certain someone. and the constant staying up at nights to complete my unfinished work after training. the staying back after school for hockey. the travelling to pitch trainings. the lessons and lectures. the matches, the games. the teachers. the friendships. the food. the laughter, and the tears. the misunderstandings, and the happy endings. everything. nevertheless brought me both pain and exuberance.
all will remain as memories.
some stored in the form of pictures.
some in the form of writing.
and some, simply lost with time.
perhaps it's the late night that has got me thinking. as usual. the serenity and the companion of myself.
sometimes you know things are lost. and that's when the hurt and longing for them hits you.
and there's nothing you can do. that feeling sucks.
with the upcoming release of Alevel results, i am wrought with both panic and resignation.
whatever the outcome, i must prepare to face it. for you reap what you sow. sometimes even life does NOT work that way. but we gotta accept it. i deserve it. i've got to accept it. i hope i truly do. for i cannot imagine what will happen if i do not.
gotta move on with life. gotta be strong. gotta have courage.
there is nothing to do but pray. and hope for the best.
i was looking through pictures stored in my computer and my zip disc.
pictures of all kinds and people and events.
pictures in school.
my memories in sajc.
i felt a sudden ache.
it never occurred to me that i could miss those times, those people, and those events so much.
i really feel...well, i'm not sure how you put it, but..really sad.
someone once told me memories remain best as memories cos' they are the sweetest this way. i always thought so too.
but today, i realised memories, can both be sweet, and well, heart-wrenching.
it hurts to know that there will never be a day like that. never will the same things happen with the same people you care about. two years. so swift. so eventful. so fulfiling. i never regret. but perhaps i regret not touching my tys more than i should.
i kinda miss wearing the school uniform which i've grown to both love and hate. the rules that i cannot help breaking. the "running away" from the terrible certain someone. and the constant staying up at nights to complete my unfinished work after training. the staying back after school for hockey. the travelling to pitch trainings. the lessons and lectures. the matches, the games. the teachers. the friendships. the food. the laughter, and the tears. the misunderstandings, and the happy endings. everything. nevertheless brought me both pain and exuberance.
all will remain as memories.
some stored in the form of pictures.
some in the form of writing.
and some, simply lost with time.
perhaps it's the late night that has got me thinking. as usual. the serenity and the companion of myself.
sometimes you know things are lost. and that's when the hurt and longing for them hits you.
and there's nothing you can do. that feeling sucks.
with the upcoming release of Alevel results, i am wrought with both panic and resignation.
whatever the outcome, i must prepare to face it. for you reap what you sow. sometimes even life does NOT work that way. but we gotta accept it. i deserve it. i've got to accept it. i hope i truly do. for i cannot imagine what will happen if i do not.
gotta move on with life. gotta be strong. gotta have courage.
there is nothing to do but pray. and hope for the best.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
historic record.
i must rememeber 20/02/06.
why?
because not one, not two but quite a few primary four kids SAID I WAS PRETTY OK.
wah biang. it's like a historic record liao lah.
cannot stand it. hahahah. they are NOT my kids hor. they were eileen's. but a few of them were "lounging" outside doing their work and i had to take a break from those crazy primary 6 kids for a moment.
then i stepped out and they were like "CHER!!! what's your name CHER!"
-_-'''
"miss teo..."
"WHERE IS HER PICTURE ON THE BOARD!! QUICK FIND!"
(they rush to the notice board to look for my picture there)
"DON'T HAVE LEH!! WHERE IS YOUR PICTURE CHER!!"
"erm..somewhere there lor. u trying finding again.."
(they continue finding again)
"ORH THERE!!!"
"CHER!!! you very pretty in person leh!"
"ya lor! miss teo you very pretty!"
LOL. please. pardon me while i almost gaped at them in shock. that jiahan was like smirking at me ok. then eileen also there. =X
damn awkward.
especially for someone who DEFINITELY does not think she is pretty. damn awful.
i had to tell those yelling kids that "miss teo is not pretty lah" a thousand of times before they settled down to do their work.
hahaha.
kinda cute though.
on a side note, someone said i had grown fatter since sec 1.
wth.
i think i prefer to think of "fatter" as "womanly curves".
WAHAHAHAHA.
the art of self-deceit is great eh?
should i or should i not?
why?
because not one, not two but quite a few primary four kids SAID I WAS PRETTY OK.
wah biang. it's like a historic record liao lah.
cannot stand it. hahahah. they are NOT my kids hor. they were eileen's. but a few of them were "lounging" outside doing their work and i had to take a break from those crazy primary 6 kids for a moment.
then i stepped out and they were like "CHER!!! what's your name CHER!"
-_-'''
"miss teo..."
"WHERE IS HER PICTURE ON THE BOARD!! QUICK FIND!"
(they rush to the notice board to look for my picture there)
"DON'T HAVE LEH!! WHERE IS YOUR PICTURE CHER!!"
"erm..somewhere there lor. u trying finding again.."
(they continue finding again)
"ORH THERE!!!"
"CHER!!! you very pretty in person leh!"
"ya lor! miss teo you very pretty!"
LOL. please. pardon me while i almost gaped at them in shock. that jiahan was like smirking at me ok. then eileen also there. =X
damn awkward.
especially for someone who DEFINITELY does not think she is pretty. damn awful.
i had to tell those yelling kids that "miss teo is not pretty lah" a thousand of times before they settled down to do their work.
hahaha.
kinda cute though.
on a side note, someone said i had grown fatter since sec 1.
wth.
i think i prefer to think of "fatter" as "womanly curves".
WAHAHAHAHA.
the art of self-deceit is great eh?
should i or should i not?
Friday, February 17, 2006
short and not sweet.
yea. i'm happy today. and very very exhausted.
thankful that lately i have no need to go through al that emo thing again. feeling quite stable. and contented. so far.
work and tuitioning was fine. hockey was better.
it felt really good to meet up with the team. found out that i really missed them. sometimes it just feels good sitting there quietly to hear them bicker at one another or laugh at one another. it feels like how it should be. it feels like how it used to be. feels like old times.
"JIELIN!!!! you are still with that knee guard!!!"
hahaha. miss all of them. i'm tired and back home again. i cannot wait to see them the next time we have another friendly.
tml's another day for tuitioning. and an effort to preserve my sanity, and strength to tolerate the kids' constant noise-making abilities. hahaha.
having a terrible sore throat. downing water like it's free man. need to lose weight. somehow i really hate being compared and being called "plump" or "fat" or "loose down there at your tummy" or stuff like that. i never liked it. but it seems so hard to find time to work out, when i'm so tired most of the time.
i actually miss wearing school uniform and going to school every day to see my friends and attend lousy lectures and classes. then again, i wouldn't want to repeat them all over again.
hahaha.
well, the pasture is always greener on the other side.
humans are difficult to satisfy.
i just kinda really miss you. heh.
thankful that lately i have no need to go through al that emo thing again. feeling quite stable. and contented. so far.
work and tuitioning was fine. hockey was better.
it felt really good to meet up with the team. found out that i really missed them. sometimes it just feels good sitting there quietly to hear them bicker at one another or laugh at one another. it feels like how it should be. it feels like how it used to be. feels like old times.
"JIELIN!!!! you are still with that knee guard!!!"
hahaha. miss all of them. i'm tired and back home again. i cannot wait to see them the next time we have another friendly.
tml's another day for tuitioning. and an effort to preserve my sanity, and strength to tolerate the kids' constant noise-making abilities. hahaha.
having a terrible sore throat. downing water like it's free man. need to lose weight. somehow i really hate being compared and being called "plump" or "fat" or "loose down there at your tummy" or stuff like that. i never liked it. but it seems so hard to find time to work out, when i'm so tired most of the time.
i actually miss wearing school uniform and going to school every day to see my friends and attend lousy lectures and classes. then again, i wouldn't want to repeat them all over again.
hahaha.
well, the pasture is always greener on the other side.
humans are difficult to satisfy.
i just kinda really miss you. heh.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
i'm not dead yet.
as much as most people want me to be dead, i'm not, unfortunately.
fortunately for you guys, i'm almost half dead.
back from aussie since sat night last week. rested one day at home on sunday noon till my popo and auntie with kids came over to my house for dinner and swimming at the pool downstairs. damn tired. marked scripts for monday tuition.
monday tuition gang bang after leaving my mum's place. found out that i have ALOT of scripts leftover from my hols to mark. really damn sick. i feel sick just looking at them.
now, i've done the papers marking and the compre. i'm left with the compos. yea. good accomplishment hor?
my class grew by two. i have 11 kids in my p6 eng class. i'm going to faint. except that one of the new kid looks like PJC best friend and the other looks like a sjab junior. bahhhhh. and the PJC lookalike keeps staring and smiling at me. cannot take it. flashback of pjc himself kept going through my brain. HAHAHAHAHA. god i miss him kinda. (i think) =p
well. monday lessons gave me more work to mark. wed had private tuition which means more work as usual. fri going to have another session and another on sat in the centre. i'm really tired. it's not like i hold a 9-5 job or whatsoever, but teaching can really be taxing on the brain.
i'm not trying to complain here. cos' i love the kids alot alot man. just..you know, whinning abit lah can!
many people have asked me why don't i get office jobs, jobs that are so called "unprotected" and "out in the society" kinda thing. i hate to keep repeating myself, but hey, i choose what i want to work ok. i like working with kids and it kinda makes me happier than seeing the world through the eyes of an adult. it can be rather assaulting on anyone's faith. besides, i have the REST OF MY LIFE to work in this unprotected and out in the society work ok. i might as well treasure my freedom as much as i have the ability to.
anyways, vday was good. spent first half of the day working at mum's and after that met with monz for dinner. hahahaha. hilarious. but it was good catching upa fter rather long. miss her. and it suddenly struck both of us about how long we have known each other. and in the same school. hmmmm. same class for 2 years, same cca for 6 yrs and same school for 6 years. hmmmmmm. definitely a good old pal. sigh, she is one person i'll die NOT to have by me as i grow old. (despite her being her usual annoying self lah, cos' i annoy her back also =) we kinda grow on each other i guess)
i miss many people. i really do. yet there are others i rather not see. let's be discreet here shall we? i doubt anyone clicks on my link to read my blog anymore. it's like a cemetry here. sheesh.
tons of photos from the trip. but many with my face in it. =D *grins* sorry ziwan! hahaha!!
damn, i need more outings before Alevel results are released. feeling damn depressed already. hope i don't do anything silly. really. i cannot trust myself anymore.
grey's anatomy is still addictive. i don't like jayla and bre from america's next top model. too stiff. i mean c'mon, HAVE SOME FUN LAH. i like lisa though. hmmmm. that 9pm show on channel 8 is good too. pity i hardly have the time to get home by 9 to watch it. =(
sovenirs for a number of people. but i don't know when i'll get to see them again. *yawn* i'm exhausted. and severely underpaid for my job.
at least i feel fulfiled. phews.
some people and some things, once lost, you'll kick ourself a thousand times, curse yourself a million times, but you know you will never get them back.
that's the only moment in life, i truly regret. i hate it. i hate living in regrets. but i cannot hate you, or leave you behind.
fortunately for you guys, i'm almost half dead.
back from aussie since sat night last week. rested one day at home on sunday noon till my popo and auntie with kids came over to my house for dinner and swimming at the pool downstairs. damn tired. marked scripts for monday tuition.
monday tuition gang bang after leaving my mum's place. found out that i have ALOT of scripts leftover from my hols to mark. really damn sick. i feel sick just looking at them.
now, i've done the papers marking and the compre. i'm left with the compos. yea. good accomplishment hor?
my class grew by two. i have 11 kids in my p6 eng class. i'm going to faint. except that one of the new kid looks like PJC best friend and the other looks like a sjab junior. bahhhhh. and the PJC lookalike keeps staring and smiling at me. cannot take it. flashback of pjc himself kept going through my brain. HAHAHAHAHA. god i miss him kinda. (i think) =p
well. monday lessons gave me more work to mark. wed had private tuition which means more work as usual. fri going to have another session and another on sat in the centre. i'm really tired. it's not like i hold a 9-5 job or whatsoever, but teaching can really be taxing on the brain.
i'm not trying to complain here. cos' i love the kids alot alot man. just..you know, whinning abit lah can!
many people have asked me why don't i get office jobs, jobs that are so called "unprotected" and "out in the society" kinda thing. i hate to keep repeating myself, but hey, i choose what i want to work ok. i like working with kids and it kinda makes me happier than seeing the world through the eyes of an adult. it can be rather assaulting on anyone's faith. besides, i have the REST OF MY LIFE to work in this unprotected and out in the society work ok. i might as well treasure my freedom as much as i have the ability to.
anyways, vday was good. spent first half of the day working at mum's and after that met with monz for dinner. hahahaha. hilarious. but it was good catching upa fter rather long. miss her. and it suddenly struck both of us about how long we have known each other. and in the same school. hmmmm. same class for 2 years, same cca for 6 yrs and same school for 6 years. hmmmmmm. definitely a good old pal. sigh, she is one person i'll die NOT to have by me as i grow old. (despite her being her usual annoying self lah, cos' i annoy her back also =) we kinda grow on each other i guess)
i miss many people. i really do. yet there are others i rather not see. let's be discreet here shall we? i doubt anyone clicks on my link to read my blog anymore. it's like a cemetry here. sheesh.
tons of photos from the trip. but many with my face in it. =D *grins* sorry ziwan! hahaha!!
damn, i need more outings before Alevel results are released. feeling damn depressed already. hope i don't do anything silly. really. i cannot trust myself anymore.
grey's anatomy is still addictive. i don't like jayla and bre from america's next top model. too stiff. i mean c'mon, HAVE SOME FUN LAH. i like lisa though. hmmmm. that 9pm show on channel 8 is good too. pity i hardly have the time to get home by 9 to watch it. =(
sovenirs for a number of people. but i don't know when i'll get to see them again. *yawn* i'm exhausted. and severely underpaid for my job.
at least i feel fulfiled. phews.
some people and some things, once lost, you'll kick ourself a thousand times, curse yourself a million times, but you know you will never get them back.
that's the only moment in life, i truly regret. i hate it. i hate living in regrets. but i cannot hate you, or leave you behind.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
how apt.
at this point of time, that aerosmith song keeps ringing in my brain.
i'm leavingggg, on a jet plane.
don't know when i'll be back again.
except i know when i'm coming back lah. =p
i'm leaving later at around 7am in the morning and i will only arrive at changi airport 9 plus on the 11th. HOW HOW HOW!!!! i don't want to miss the party at chinablack!!! i miss alot people like shits lah. cannot take it liao.
i miss you marshy!(ps: did you bring any goodies from msia?? LEAVE SOME FOR ME UNTIL I GET BACK OK)
i miss you white ass! (ps: please try to remain the top IT seller ok! hahahaha. you can do it man. keep smiling and stay happy. we will drink another day!!!)
i miss you bimbo bishi! (ps: i know you'll miss me more. but PLEASE PLEASE note the bus stop to alight hor! don't miss your stops! hahahahah. we will go out soon!!!! =) )
ok. actually i miss quite alot of people more. but i damn lazy to type liao. alot pics to upload also very lazy. hahahah. i miss exclusives.
please plan your outings after 11th feb can!
J.E.Z please plan another outing also!!! im so sorry for going overseas at such an untimely time. =X
aiya, all in all i just miss you all like dunno what. want to see you all ok! =)
ok, so that's it. don't miss me hor! hahahaha.
on the other hand, miss me lah. =p
i'm so in love with my shopping buys. hehe.
so the days im gone, surely many things will happen. but i shld be able to remain contactable via handphone lah. =) rahhhhhh.
you know those feelings whereby i'm both excited and yet reluctant to go on a holiday. =p well, i better enjoy myself there. got loads of stuff to handle when i'm back. darn Alvl results. stupid stupid.
off to perth!!!!! take care everyone!
i'm leavingggg, on a jet plane.
don't know when i'll be back again.
except i know when i'm coming back lah. =p
i'm leaving later at around 7am in the morning and i will only arrive at changi airport 9 plus on the 11th. HOW HOW HOW!!!! i don't want to miss the party at chinablack!!! i miss alot people like shits lah. cannot take it liao.
i miss you marshy!(ps: did you bring any goodies from msia?? LEAVE SOME FOR ME UNTIL I GET BACK OK)
i miss you white ass! (ps: please try to remain the top IT seller ok! hahahaha. you can do it man. keep smiling and stay happy. we will drink another day!!!)
i miss you bimbo bishi! (ps: i know you'll miss me more. but PLEASE PLEASE note the bus stop to alight hor! don't miss your stops! hahahahah. we will go out soon!!!! =) )
ok. actually i miss quite alot of people more. but i damn lazy to type liao. alot pics to upload also very lazy. hahahah. i miss exclusives.
please plan your outings after 11th feb can!
J.E.Z please plan another outing also!!! im so sorry for going overseas at such an untimely time. =X
aiya, all in all i just miss you all like dunno what. want to see you all ok! =)
ok, so that's it. don't miss me hor! hahahaha.
on the other hand, miss me lah. =p
i'm so in love with my shopping buys. hehe.
so the days im gone, surely many things will happen. but i shld be able to remain contactable via handphone lah. =) rahhhhhh.
you know those feelings whereby i'm both excited and yet reluctant to go on a holiday. =p well, i better enjoy myself there. got loads of stuff to handle when i'm back. darn Alvl results. stupid stupid.
off to perth!!!!! take care everyone!
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