Wednesday, June 28, 2006

because.

ok..note to all readers: this entry might cause diabetes.




because..you're so close yet so far, (boon lay VS clementi)
and you're not that kind of romantic person i know (emotionless and egoistic),
and absence makes the heart fonder,


i've started to look forward to the time we WILL spend together,
i've started to cherish every moment i have sms-ing or talking to you on the phone,
i've started to smile involuntarily whenever i see your face flashing on my caller id,
or when your name pops up on my msg inbox,
i've learnt to treasure you,
i've learnt to treasure time.


because now i know, time is no longer a luxury i can afford to have.


and i've learnt to be more understanding,
to be more independent,
to be more responsible,
to be contented with the slightest stuff..

because you are the only reason that simply keeps me going on.
fighting on in life.
you can make me drop all the way down onto earth with a rude thud,
but you can also fly me to heaven with your words..


because you mean so much.


hahaha.




okok, friends do keep me going too. what i meant above is the courage to carry on living my life temporarily without him.
wanted to give in to temptations so many times..
but i'm glad i have friends around me to show me the correct way.



sighhh.
one week down. it wasn't THAT bad.
two weeks more.
JIAYOU JIELIN!!!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

sarang heyo, JJ!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAH.

i can feeeel the highness from yesterday's JJ concert.
anyone who knows me well enough(see monica), would know that i LOVE LJJ. yea yea, it's NOT loser to like chinese songs ok.
don't have to conform to somethings sometimes.
heh.

gooood! smashingly.

most of his songs i could remember the lyrics, asides from certain songs whereby i didn't really know how to sing word to word lah.

hahahah. but damn good.

sound system was terrific. the floor was vibrating can!
his vocals wow-ed me as usual.
his talent for song writing and playing the piano..awwww.
and his dancing improved ALOT.
erhem. not to mention his newly trained bod.
and well, dimples.

HAHAHAHA.
monz and i were like oggling at the huge screens that magnified his face from all angles and awww-ing at his cuteness.
i will not say he is handsome, but he IS cute. in the boy-next-door way.


sang ALOT of songs, most of which i recorded down in video. took lotsa pictures too! hahaha.

awww. one part whereby he sang the song he wrote for cyndi wang(tt song kinda shot her to fame i think)--> DANG NI. woahhhh.
the audience sang along with him. and you can like really hear everyone singing along so synchronised. so...heart-warming. i was singing too lah!!

love that song. right, alex? hahahah.

dou jiang you tiao!(I LOVE)
caocao!
jiang nan!
jiu shi wo!
yuan lai!
yi qian nian yi hou!
jian dan!(I LOVE)
hei se you mo!(I LOVE)
sarang heyo!(I LOVE LOVE)

so manyyyy songs!
*sigh of contentment*

=D

the pictures are uploaded already. videos not sure how though. shall enjoy them myself. heheh. if u want i can send to you, just msg me.

sigh...he cried during the encore. sang jiang nan(monz's fav), sarang heyo and caocao. he teared during sarang heyo...was really touching. i guess because this concert was his first solo in singapore. and he worked so hard for it..his journey must have been really trying, to gain recognition and respect for his music..all the support he got from everyone around him..must have really touched him...


really sad moment. there were like shouts of "bu yao ku!" from all around..and yea, i was one of them. damn paiseh come to think of it. but it must be really something to make a guy cry i guess. JIAYOU JJ! =D

which reminded me of the actions the dance lao shi-s taught the audience.

*WAVE WAVE WAVE WAVE*
*JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU*
*HEAD HEAD HEART HEART*
*FLAP FLAP*
*JJ JIAYOU!!!*

hahaha. retarded. but fun lah.

i think concerts should really be something fun. some people sitting beside me and monz were like really dead. some looked like they were falling aslp can! luckily those two china women beside us left halfway. phewww. waste of good music on them. grrr.so monz and i high-ed ourselves.

once in a lifetime experience.
i'm in love with ljj all over again.
hahahaha.

wahhh. we were late lah. the traffic was terrible. monz and i had to call a cab eventually. and we had to go "uncle jiayou! kuai yi dian!!!" half the time. hahaha. sorry shar and waisan for our late arrival! we two also damn kan chiong cos' so scared the concert started already!!! =D thanks for the lightsticks man. ahahaha.

going home was worse. shar's parents were nice enough to send us to ccab outside tt bus stop. hmmm. BUT, there was like arghhhs! cos' all the cabs were hired already! in the end waisan and i had to take bus to holland v to take cab. got of the bus got cab waiting liao. shiok.

the journey home was ok lah. cheaper than i expected. hahaha. and yea, thanks to shan for accompanying me on the phone "to make sure i get home safely". nice.


i had an awesome time to tell the truth.
wouldn't trade this in for anything. hahahah.

sighhh. another week ahead. crazily busy too. june's ending. time flies. sigh.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

happy girl.

i'm just happy lah.
gonna be tough.
gonna be difficult.
but i'm just happy.
=)

nothing's gonna bring me down. at least not for this.

silent hill.....left me with a SUPER HUGE QUESTION MARK.

like superrrr huge.

i have no idea what the storyline is about. like ending....????

sigh. then again, maybe i'm just not so intelligent after all. heh.



someone jumped when a shocking scee came up on screen.

WAHAHAHAHAHA.

ok..shhhhhh. i will not tell eh?




i'll miss you. like mad.
take care yea?
HIT!!!
=)



miss the other guys going in too! congrats on your postings, and jiayou no matter what unit it is ok?
every unit has it's merits. =)
until we meet again!



YWABOMM.

Friday, June 16, 2006

1, 2, 3 shoot!

hahaha. been camera crazy these days.
perhaps because i've been out every single day.
explains why my bank account keep registering out, out and more out.
no inputs at all.
seriously, people who owe me pay better give me pay.
i'm so fucking broke i can sue someone(except like i told quek, i have no money to sue =( ).

sigh.




i believe one can only be so stupid.
so foolish.
i'm done being a clueless idiot.
suddenly the world around me opened and show me what it truly is about.

hurt, hurt and more hurt.
for a moment, i hated myself for being such a fool.
for liking you when i knew it wasn't meant to be.
i couldn't help myself.
not now. i can help myself now.

gonna pull myself out of it.

hating someone is tiring.
i can only despise.
and distance.

friends whom i don't think i can truly click with..
why bother making an effort to?
being so nice all the time..does it really pay?


i cannot help it.
being nice.
being friendly.
being helpful.
being courteous.


maybe this is where you and i are different.
personalities. our beliefs. our perspectives.

it's so much like polar opposites, i won't try to compromise anymore.

it's not so much about wanting to believe there is a good side of you. it's just that you keep changing your mind. and you don't stick to what you say. what you decided to do.

and you end up hurting people like that.
people like me.

so i'm done with the hurt and the pain.
and i'll move on with life finally.

it IS for the better.
because i've come to fully understand what i really want now.
at least my mindset has been consistent...

just confused...sidetracked.
wrong signals.


i'm not a flirt. i cannot live life the way you do.






pictures are uploaded into my shutterfly account.

-breakfast
-zoo
-dinner at lao pa sat
-movie and coffee club
-at sim with monz
-gss shopping therapy with monz



finally went to zoo after super long! hahaha. thanks to white ass, i finally had the chance. thanks for accompanying me down ok! =) it was fun lah. really. =D

day out with monz included the sim outing and shopping. hahaha. it's crazy how we can pack half a day with so many things. went crazy with the camera too. hahahah. at sim, EVEN waiting for the queue.

in the changing rooms...omg. ahahah.

no wonder both of us felt so exhausted at the end of the day, when someone nice sent both of us home. hahaha. but still, we are VERY pleased with our buys, no? =) she's the bestiest friend ever. serious.
i might never find someone like her again.
80 year old bond. means so much to me.
=)
thanks girl..you really brightened up my day.
it was crazy lah!!! hahahah.
we're so crazy together. pics are up, porn star! =D


ps: sidebar for pics. i hope they are uploaded properly.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

i'm lousy.

i'm a lousy person.
many ways.
many many ways in which i'm lousy.

i admit it..

i'm sorry to everyone.
sharon quek, yanyi, huifang, weichen. everyone of you.

i think i'm the cause of the cancellation of the trip, i sincerely apologise.

i hope you all accept my apology.



in every way that you think i'm faulty in, i will try my best to fix it.

best solution now is not to make any more promises.



past incidences..i'll just take it that it's my fault.
makes things easier.

these stuff do drain me. but i still feel better talking and thinking it out.

this way, i grow as a person and character.
i develop i guess.
can't stay stagnent forever.


human relations.
simplicity...can become all so complicated.



i just want to keep it simple.


the way people are living nowadays, with no sense of righteousness most of the time, i believe if they were put in the world of HK traids, would have died long ago.
hahaha.
loyalty.
something i respect amongst all traids.
i doubt it works still in this dog eat dog world.

the naggy security guard at cali used to tell me: loyalty now in today's world--no use one!


heh. i wonder if it's true..i'll find out in years to come i guess.




some jokes by courtesy of the soccer guy, steven. millions of thanks to his presence and advice.
like they always say: elders' advices are the MOST precious.
hahahaha. though he insisted he is only older by two years. =D


----------------------
Q: Why couldn't the mummy answer the phone?




A: Because he was all wrapped up.
==================
Q: How do vampires invite each other out for lunch?




A: Do you want to go for a bite?
==================
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?





A: Because he didn't have any guts.
==================
Q: Why did the witches cancel their baseball game?





A: Because they ran out of bats.
==================
Osama Bin-Laden started believing in astrology and went to a special astrologist to ask him when will be the day he dies.

"You will die on an American holiday", said the astrologist.

"How can you be so sure of that " asked Bin-Laden.

"Well, any day you die will be an American holiday".
==================



in your eyes, i lost my place..
and i'm melting in your eyes.

stay and watch me fall,
and i'll ask for help.

Monday, June 12, 2006

contented.

i guess i could sum up my day with a few sentences and emotions.


like how morning was terrible but yet i forced myself to face it.

afternoon was awful and i shed tears on a bus filled with people, trying to pretend that my eyes were itchy and looked out of the windows.
i hate letting people see that i'm crying.


late afternoon was good with company and i felt so much better, sorting out stuff, and letting things go easily.

no point holding onto something that hurts you as badly as it gives you happiness. the entire thing about pockets of happiness in this case just doesn't make sense.


so...the night. was GOOD. really good. good to watch xmen2. good to spend a little time home with family. good to be asked out for a night walk, although i was happily beginning my youtube frenzy, although i thought it was a joke and slacked until i had to leave the house when he couldnt stop calling my number to hurry me.

everything was relaxed, casual, happy, contented.

and i met monz and her friend in wcp mac! how much better can a night be??? =D

talked. slacked. sorted out some stuff. laughed. had a good time. without alcohol. surprisingly. =)



i'm happy today. i am.

i'm fine. cos' nothing can keep me down. nothing.

i'm strong. believe in me. =)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

stupid man.

stupid stupid day.

stupid people.

i'm surprised i maintained my cool throughout the day, UNTIL this stupid man came into the picture.


so fucking stupid he made me miss my stop.



HE pressed the bell to get off at MY stop.
then he stood up first and parked himself at the first door from the back, effectively blocking me.

then at MY stop, he signalled to the bus driver that it was the wrong stop for him.
hey idiot, it's MY stop can.

so i was like "excuse me.."

he didn't budge. still signalling.

"EXCUSE ME."

no movement.

"EXCUSE MEEEEE!!!!"

never move a fucking inch.

the moment i lost it and moved to push him aside.
THEN, he decided to jump back and say "ohhh! sorry sorry!"

i'm sorry idiot, but sorry no cure.

the bus driver had continued driving.

AND i missed my stop.

fuck fuck fuck.

i glared at the man.
then i really really really felt so pissed with him.
guess what shit thing i did?

i, teo jielin, ROARED at him.

omg. i cannot believe myself.

i really "ARGHRAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"


very very loudly. cos' i could hear myself through my mp3.
freak.
i think the entire bus was staring at me.
to hell with them.


i think i scared the poor guy..

but i still think he is FREAKING STUPID.
and deaf.


sigh.

i stormed off the bus.
halfway back the long stretch of road, i kinda just deflated.

so i ended up trudging back home.
looking at the skies. the condos.
the cars whizzing by.
and then at the ground.

and i felt like crying.

dammit.

how could a day get any worse.


i'm still fighting on.

being too rational can be quite tricky. thinking too much.















i still cannot believe i roared so loudly. arghs.

good morning with zhijun though. thanks girl. you are really one in a million. you don't know how much this friendship means to me. =)

it's funny.

it's funny how working exposed me to more people, because all along, i've been doing tuition, and the people i meet are the kids and their parents.

giving out flyers for california fitness, though tiring and very exerting on one's mental and physical endurance, has exposed me to more people i've met in my entire 4 months or so of tuitioning.

and i feel happy and glad that i did accept the job.

i wouldn't have known so many people if not for this job.

people of all ages and all walks of life.

a few days could mean so much. even one day, a few hours, can actually make a few people come together and become friends. it's really heart warming. =)


today, i got to see the familiar novena people. some who recognised us and exchanged hellos and "hey! you're here again!" and "you're back!" and many more.

smiles.

grins.

jokes.

hahaha..then there were the sandwich boys. amusing really. crab-walk and crashing into things with their HUGE boards. cute to an extent. =D

shannon and shanker(uncle).

then there was the contracter jamile(i think this is how it is spelt), who is wise and friendly at the same time. conversation was relaxed, yet full of small advices from him to me. middle-aged guy, smiley, open-minded and all. very friend to friend. yet like a big brother to younger sister feeling.

yea, gonna heed his advice. and yes, WE SHALL MEET AGAIN.

it IS nice knowing him. our talk was good. in his words: "it's such a pity i didn't get to know you earlier.."

hahaha. it's funnier even how i realised that i label people instead of finding out their REAL names.

like how soccer guy=steven.

and sandwich guys=shannon and shanker.

and gay guy=dom.

and so many more names i never got the chance to ask.



how friendships and these warm fuzzy feelings of familiarity can be built up with a few sentences of concern and little jokes or jackings--even when we don't know each other's names.



maybe he's right. i might be too emotionally attached to people at times.

i just feel that somethings, use your heart to feel and understand, sincerity to getting to know someone is very important. whether you are sincere in your behaviour actually can be observed easily.

small actions. simple words. are actually impactful actions.




in short, i'm just glad. =)

it takes effort. and i don't mind putting it in.
but it takes mutual effort too.


i'm tired. another long day tml.
need rest.
think im getting gastric.
alcohol is pumping through my blood.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

somethings.

ok. i wanted to post a video up. but since someone is so strongly against that idea, i shall not.

just wish you would listen to my explanations instead of just accusing people like that.

there ARE private and public videos.

don't believe can check it up yourself.

fuck.

bad mood now.
---------------------






and then monz tried to lock yarn out of the room (at kbox) by pushing the door close with her weight.
yarn looks like she's thinking how to get in.

hahahaha.





but i cannot believe that it's actually so easy to get past monz. yarn simply rammed herself against the door, and came in liao. monz must be quite weak lah. tsk tsk.

but the sight was amusing. hahahah. the irrational vs the rational. quite the polar opposites.



------------------


ahhhhh. time crisis. quek was quite the pro...and turks? erm....not that bad lah. =D only those present will know...






"ehhh!! shoot the barrel!!! SHOOT!!!"
"ahhhhh!!!!"
"SHOOT THE BARRELS!!!!!"
"ahhhhhhh!" *release pedal and hide*
"just shoot the barrels can already!"
*release pedal and tried to shoot*
-bang! one life lost-

-_-'''


even monz and i kan chiong for her when she play.

------------------


at long john's silver for budget dinner. slacked. talked. slacked.



evidence of monz's retardedness again. tsk.


------------------------

toys 'r' us!




guess who???

i like niceeee eyebrows! hahahah. don't be jealous hf! =D





our steak. yum yum.





apple, pizza, unidentified object( up to your own imagination).

hahahah. well, it's monica's "algae growing on erhem".

--------------------



lastly, sharon's work out after playing drums with only ONE beat. hahahah. poor thing. she looked super exhausted after the game. =D





not much birthday pictures for you. hahaha. but i'm thankful for many friends who had wished me happy birthday. =) you should know who you are..hahaha. shall not go into all the thank-yous all over again.

----------------------
my ah gong's birthday party. just some pictures..lazy to upload all! GOT ALOT CAN. my father kept taking and taking and taking. tsk.





happy family..=)




----------------


ok. i'm tired. tml is going to be a long day for me. hope i don't collapse or something..better brace myself for the novena people.

and so it's over.

24 hours. i cannot believe it just zoomed past like that.

to fast for my liking.

i had no expectations, and i had a good time.

thanks once again to everyone..i'll dedicate an entry about my birthday celebrations when i wake up later..hahah. too tired now. and pictures aren't uploaded into computer yet. =)

i had a great time. really thanks. =)



it seems too short. once a year, and it's all over.
i'm 19 years old.
19.
my last year having that "1" in my age..

a slight tinge of sadness.
yet a tinge of hopes for my life ahead.
heh..
it's confusing. i feel older.
again.
somehow, i cannot "hun4" my way through liao.

sad right?


hahaha. *shrugs*



i've got my newest one day job for california fitness AGAIN. hahaha. 11am to 7pm on friday. tsk.

so i'll be pushing my tuition to 8am to 10am, then rushing to novena by 11. shld be possible. friday nighters!

money.

july 3-8 for thailand trip. hope parents allow.


i'm feeling so...blue.

dammit.



happy birthday to mself once again. =)

i've heard 4 birthday songs this year..thanks to all. hahaha. different versions somemore. *grins*


i feel so blessed having friends who care and remember. who bother to take time out to spend it with me. who bother to send me a msg or give me a call to wish me.

friends whom i thought had forgotten, in fact did not.

these are the people whom i cherish and treasure.

brithdays. you can realise so much on this one and only day. one year once. you get to see the constants..



different people celebrating it with you every year, or are they always the same?



yun ma told me friends come and go. i never believed in it. mutual effort, it's all that takes. not so hard, is it?

i'll post pictures and videos up tml. tsk tsk.

hahahah.

happy birthday to me. =)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

happy early birthday to me.

tomorrow's my birthday.
i still cannot believe it.
somehow i felt so anticipation, no excitement, no eagerness this year.

nothing close to such emotions.

perhaps because so much has been happening.

birthdays..what do they really mean to me?


i've nto yet figured that out.

last time, i wished time could hasten, let me grow up.
let me prove myself to the world.


now, i don't know what to do with time.

it's something i'll have to figure out..

maybe i'll feel happier tml.
for it's a gloomy gloomy day today.
raining.
raining.
raining.



hahaha.
happy early birthday to me.
=)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

byes.

and so it's all over.
i hate goodbyes.

so i rather ignore it all and pretend it's no big deal cos' we'll meet each other in life one..right? hahha..


so i'm free, unemployed, jobless, and my days are=$0 AGAIN.

sigh.

tension of opposites are working.


anyway, shall upload pictures soon. took alot pictures recently. hahaha.

it's time to move on.