random musings on sunday.

bloody hot. that's the first thing i have to say about sunday. grrrr.
i have TWO fans switched on, blowing at TWO different directions, but i feel like im sitting in a glass house in my living room.

and no, i will not switch on the air-con cos' i'm not gonna waste electricity. HAHAH.

woke up at 2pm. yes i'm a pig.
ate my breakfast/brunch.
read the papers.
read a few pages of a book. zzz.
bathed. painted my nails.

did not leave house for j's birthday (really sorry) for reasons. 1) stomachache 2) bad skin 3) no mood to interact.

yes i'm terrible. so kill me.

i am at a loss of words right now. not sure how to put my emotions now.
disappointment? jealousy? nonchalance?
i'm disappointed in his decision. jealous that i prolly hold the same position in his life as her, maybe even lower. and i desperately want to be nonchalant about this.

because frankly, i'm tired of wanting to be mother hen and make sure he does not get hurt again. or maybe i'm overreacting. for...she will not hurt him, right?

it's prolly only me having such debilitative feelings regarding her.
i cannot help it.
the past comes back to haunt me.
im sure he doesnt know it.
but i still feel the dull aching inside; knowing that my existence...can be outweighed by her.
its the battle of F vs R.


-shrugs.
another reason not to look forward to my birthday i guess.
i definitely do not need to turn 21 to experience turning points.

1 more hour to the end of the day. and it's monday. tuition again. hope i won't go crazy at P. sigh.

gonna return the DVDs too. i'm such a junkie.

i need a haircut.
before the weather drives me mad.
i wish someone can drag me to a total makeover--which i desperately need.
like contact lenses, taking off braces, teaching me how to put makeup (yes lah i'm not a woman i don't know how to use makeup AT ALL), wear heels, nicer clothes and all that.

i'm sick of myself.
must be the heat.
i feel roasted.


i have alot to blog, but somehow my mind is spacing out. i should read a book.
nights all.
chill. (literally)


some part of me is glad the holidays are over.
another part of me is wishing for money rain yet again.