but to make up, i was looking through pics on this dull friday night a couple of moments ago and i found really cute pics on my shutterfly. SIGH. damn i sure miss the old days.
had plenty of my ugly SA pics. but perhaps i should post that under my SA dedication to ugly pics. how come i'm so ugly? i can never understand. HAHAH.
this post, is for JEZ and bishiiiii. wheeee. i miss them all. SEE THIS?? sigh, when are we going to date one another mans. it's so bad i wanna hug you guys like a huge fat bear now.
please let the hols come soon enough so i can see all my loves. and do things that i enjoy. (asides from working more to earn my money for tw)
to a point where i miss you all so much i'm that close to crying. =(
where is everyone? i think i'm forgotten.......
with buddies like them...not a moment is boring. yet they lend really good ears too...
i saw this picture and i really burst out laughing. damn i love their grins. brightens up any other day....sigh.
see...i mean they are already discussing marriage plans. HAHAHAHAH. me me me! me be bridesmaid! =D
aren't they complementary? hahah. you gotta love them. i do. =)
see! i'm being kissed! and i get to put my arm around a pretty babe. =)))
bishiiiiii, come back come backkkk.
olderrrr. from the time white ass so nice to accompany me to the zoo for my birthday. sighhh. see lah, where to find such nice guy. HAHA.
ya lah, can see my vampire teeth. zzz. SA pics are terrible. how come i look like boy.........
like this one. it's so bad that when i placed it on my display picture, one of my non-SA friends thought it was a picture of THREE guys.
i'm gonna cry.
HAHA. who cares? as long as i've got these two around for me whenever i need them. they may not know it, but i really place them high high highhhhh in ranking in my heart. really.
amidst all the lousy school work, i've lost complete touch with these people. and the feeling sucks. because....how can stupid academics take over people who are here for life? i don't wanna regret things in the future. i really don't....
just...don't forget me k?
ok..too emo. =(
went out with nehneh today after her com300 group pangseh-ed her and she made me shorten my beauty sleep to go out with her. =((((((
so, by 3pm, i was out of the house on my way to bugis. bahhhh. not that i was thatttt interested in shopping, considering my lousy bank account. hai.
i really don't wanna start whining, but i really don't know why it's so hard to make ends meet. i'm so bloody fucking tired of calculating $$$$ in my mind. allocating how much for what and so on. it's.....depressing.
i wish money will just drop from the sky into my arms. really.
it's so bad that i want to cry just thinking about that. what do you know, really?
don't condemn people for things you cannot understand.
and don't even bullshit you do, or try to.
just go away. i don't need you.
and it's so bad that when nehneh (knowing her for...5 years and going...) splurges infront of me like money is water to her....i feel that close to being hysterical. but i didn't. amazing how over the years i've learnt to mask my emotions and only showed my smiles, real or fake.
it's not that i'm bitter or sour that others around me are richer, or that they get to enjoy the spoils of life, or that they don't have to work as hard....
i just wonder...why.
they say...first toil, then enjoy. does this theory even hold true? i'm so....burnt.
yet...i'm thinking of getting another job...because the money now just isn't enough.
AND don't even start about asking my parents for money...because i haven't done that in 2 fucking bloody years. and even if i do take money from them, i have to return them. recently "borrowed" money from my mum to topup farecard. had to return her after i got my pay. AND she took it back readily.
just like how no one related to me in blood is gonna sponsor..i'm not even saying PAY ENTIRELY..but SPONSOR for it. hence, now everything i buy or plan to buy and everyday, i worry about my expenses.
to factor in the plan to go to taiwan for 1 week during my december holidays made things worst. because even i calculated...saving $300 for 8 months would only get me $2400...which is definitely not enough.
and saving $300 would mean i don't have to buy anything in between already. no more shopping. everything pay for insurance and travelling and minimal eating.
i really need another job.
fine lah, take it as whining ok.
you just have no idea how much goes through my mind everyday.
things you don't have to worry about. at least not now.
for now, being anti-social is good. because i don't feel like being all cheery and happy and chirpy. just leave me alone.
at least it's saturday now....work for entire day and tune out everyone.....
and i've officially given up. about ____. once and for all. no more mindfucking. no more. stop playing games with me. just leave my heart alone if you don't want to have anything to do with it.
had a long 45 mins walk home from interchange. not only because i was too full to sit on the bus. but because i needed to clear my mind.
felt better. but things are still there. and i'm just....drunk with exhaustion.
dragging that pair of $158ltdconverse sneakers from year 1 was definitely not good. but.....feeling the reassuring whipping wind across the flyover was worth it. watching the dark shadows swaying on the ground. listening to sounds thumping through my earphones. the smell of exhaust from cars whizzing by. the bright lights shining from occasional lamps.
i'm hungry. and maybe i should just stop eating altogether.
not pms and i already got bad mood.
those who read till here....not bad. i applaud your patience and interest in my life. HA.
just this friday night, saturday morning...let me put my defenses down, let me rest my amour...let me be that insecure, tired, fighting warror-not. i don't want to pretend on a night when no one can see me...feel me...or know me. the only night when i can escape the harshness of life.
the irony. the only diamonds i see are when the blurry wetness takes over my eyes.
more chiong-ing work ahead. GO GO GO jielin!!! DON'T GIVE UP!!! don't be weak!!!
the power of the mind, you've forgotten.
gonna work on my frequencies.
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