annoyance.

you see, my initial plan was NOT to start my entry with such a lousy title, but i do feel annoyed now, and i'm so angry because i have no idea where it came from and how to make it go away.

it's like no matter how hard i try, annoyance seems to find me even when i'm trying my best to be happy!

my day started out fine, abeit me feeling sleepy and all. i managed to roll off my bed and hurry through my bath, only to feel the urge to shit before i leave the house. and so i shat. so i was late. but bishi made me later because she wanted me to wait for her train to come to my station before i can board any train that came earlier. so i waited. and both of us were late together. :)

sorry to marshy for waiting for so long and kindly walked all the way back to meet us. heh. i guess girls do have a way of coming in fashionably late.




shopped. did get some stuff. two tops and a necklace. quite pleased with my purchase. at least i did not try defy my own style and go girly because i can't carry off girly clothes for nuts. stuck with tshirts and a polo tee lor. both white. *gasp* WHITE!!! not brown, not navy green!! amazing feat, i say, for myself.

the necklace is nice, although i pretty much paid a bomb for it, but the colours did match what i was looking for.

and the harley davidson tee did make my day! hahaha, cos' it was like 50% off!!! so cheap!!! where to get!! hahahaha. damn, i'm such a sucker for certain brands. and i declare i'm not brand conscious. my shit.

then was the translucent but very nice vintage-lookalike polo tee! :) i'm pleased over that purchase too, but im still thinking of ways not to er..show too much.







still got alot things yet to buy. =(




now, let me relate my entry to my title. why am i annoyed?

because my father is erasing everything i have in my lappy, which includes 6 years or more worth of pictures!!! PICTURES FOR GOD SAKES. and i have NO BACKUP! i'm horrified. i'm deflated. i'm upset. and i can do nothing. why???

because the moment i switch on my computer, it HANGS. yes, EVERYTIME i switch on.

i'm so exasperated. and then the annoyance arises. because i do not understand why he cannot send the lappy to service and i'm sure the person there can find a way to back up my files.

see, i'm very pissed now. but i'm determined not to use any vulgarities.

i think i annoy myself most of the time.

i hate it that my character is so strong. i clash with too many people. i piss people off when i'm pissed. god, i'm such a bitch. but that's me. pampered since young, I GET MY WAY OK. but now, doesn't seem to be the case. i AM struggling to be more independent, to prove people wrong. people they once said i'm like qian jin da xiao jie and i certainly do not want people to see me as just someone who is pretty much brainless besides all the money she has. not that i'm rich of course.

you see, that is why i hang out with people who are willing to tolerate my bitchiness and temperaments. because i believe, i do have my positive and negative points too. everyone does. we cannot just judge one by one single action that they did. i don't believe in that. i hardly discriminate people, unless they irritate the hell out of me for like 10000 times.

what goes around comes around i guess.

what we think is good for us now, may not be so in the future. like why people around us can tolerate our behavious now, but perhaps not so when we enter the society.

i'm learning, i still am. i do try. but i do lose my step along the way. so pardon me, for whatever misgivings and wrong doings. i AM really sorry for all the hurt and anger i've caused that was really unintentional. i do pray for forgivence too.

sighhh. i really do not have much to blog about now.



i don't even know what's the meaning of privacy in this world.

too much that we cannot see physically but are actually present.






i don't like to be ignored. if you decide not to talk to me, i think the basic courtesy is to come up with excuses like you are busy or you are on the phone or you are doing something. cos' at least that's what i do.

i think i'm asking for too much again. to hell with it.

NB. i'm not someone you can pick up and look for when you are down and throw one side when you don't need me.




so sick of all this shit.

god help me. i can't believe i'm such an emo wreck now. when things seem to be spiraling out of control, they ARE spiraling out of control. don't tell me everything is ok, because you are not me and you are not going through the shit i experience.

so let me wallow in self-pity.

till then, so there.