rainy evening with my dreamcatcher.

when i was still an alcoholic. at least i'm not dependent on it anymore.

somehow i feel that on rainy evenings, any song that runs through my itunes is especially pleasant to the ears.
resounding to my eardrums and to the heart. thanks to pf i have a new folder of zen songs by secret garden. it's really peaceful to listen to it when i'm boiling, pissed, annoyed or whats not.

com317 presentation went okkkk. but let's hope the marks are smashing too. really too tired to be bothered now.
thinking of friday simply exhausts me.

ugc211 meeting tml at bugis 11am. =((((( so earlyyyy. nvm, can sun bian pick up my shoes. wheeee loves. (:

let's hope we get everything done by noon/mid noon. then can see what to do for 337 presentation. and portfolios. GRRRR. AND UGC QUIZ. KNNCCB. i cannot fail leh, no more chances. must go earlier to find strategic spot. HAHAHAHAH. but it's on thursday........no reliable sources. FUCK.

why does my laptop seem to become heavier and heavier each day?????

ugc class was presenations. yawns. first game i was damn scared to be called. heng it was rather a seniors vs juniors kinda game. and the middles(year 2s) were ignored, very happily. HAHAHAH.
second one was attempting a story-telling style which made me want to fall asleep. i caught probably 30% of total content. dammit.

third was a game by andrew's group. and i sabo-ed johan by lifting up his hand (he was unaware cos' he was talking to pf across me) to volunteer. and he slapped me so hard on my arm it hurts. then he called out my name to sabo. nicely, i saboed pf. HAHAHAHAHA. yay happy groupie! it was some board game. i was the CHINESE. johan was INDIAN. pf was RED INDIAN. MUAHAHAHAH. i didn't want to help johan with his policies. then knn so suey next policy i drew: CHINESE EXCLUSION ACT.

like wtfff??? got so zun not!!! -curses.
LUCKY GOT PEOPLE REPEAL that policy for me. lovessss.
but i lost one gold. grrr. one round and i lost one gold. loserrrr.
cmi leh my chinese. HAHAHAH.

but, yay, got some hispanic supported me. no benefit for him also. but still, probably just to spite his friend lah. lol. too bad for me.


then was a snake and ladder game by the indons group. spongebob, patrick and i forgot what character. errr we lost. EH!!! got participartory sweet leh. -coughs.
i answered 1 question only, and that 1 question got it correct. am i zai or what. LOL.

-shrugs. today only saw ___ and ____.

and after class we lost pf while asking selina stuff. and crashed cher's singing club cca. it's machiam a huge kbox LT. HAHAHAHAH. after much pushing, johan finally agreed to sing a verse from the blackstreetboy song. since he brags he sings well. LOL. oklahhh, not that bad. but don't know why he so act shy for what. zzzz.

and our speculations. tsk!

oh, i didn't know william was in singing club too, until cher told us. lol.

the theory of forbidden fruit?
sometimes i don't know if i am right to feel inferior, or that i simply lack self-confidence.

what is right, what is wrong? what is meant for you, what is out of reach? what if things were the way i see it? what if things don't run by me. what if, i simply am denying myself unconsciously?

what am i supposed to do? who will be the right one, when everything feels just nice, fittingly.

when i won't feel out of place, or know that skips in heartbeat are merely dream-like and ravishing in it's hidden secrecy, but never to be fulfilled?

------

and i heard that they got back together. LOL. whatever lahs.

------

it suddenly occured to me that it has been ages since i have had a restful sleep, one whereby i can rest my mind totally, not toss subconsciously, worrying about not waking up on time, worrying about incomplete work, worrying about my tests the next day.

what's with such a life? no wonder my skin is rotting and i feel rotten.
------

sis and mama are nice. papa is nice too. i told him about my long long ago n76 desire. HAHAHA. maybe i should change to t100 desire. =(

he told me see when contract expire or what got decent plans not...or upgrade lor.
it'll be my first flip phone then! wheee.

abit tired of my dualengkong 6680.

------

long entry if you bothered to read about my messy life.
shall go rot and recoup abit before getting some overdue work done. sighs.

conversations i had with so many people, will i remember the lessons with the wise ones? and learn to discern the useless from the useful?

where does poison lie in words?
in your heart and soul.