atonement and the call.

look! my one star cert! with my huge name on it. -proud- HAHAHA. ok lah fine, nothing much right. happy cannot ah!
er yes, you can actually see how i conveniently sling my clothes across the armchair because i'm too lazy to fold it up nicely. can choose my clothes to wear in the morning mahs. don't worry i don't sling underwear. HAHAHAH.



com300 group went for atonement at vivocity today! group bonding! -grins-
anyway the movie is really good. i like the chronological sequence. the characters. the plot; how guilt is so pure, real and direct. and how it translates across and induces so many thought-provoking questions.

of course, it's difficult not to observe some product placements in the movie too. HAHAHA. sorry ah, bad habit after taking comms.
like at the back of the bus robbie was chasing after had the poster advertisement of: if you're tired, get a guiness(spelt like that right?).

shopped around. found many nice clothes i wanna get but cannot because of all my outstanding pay. grrrrrr.

halfway walking and slacking around, the pub boss called. YAY I GOT THE JOB. this friday first day.
start small jielin! (:

starting to believe is so amazing. (:

now i'm so scared of losing concentration in school work. at least i try to pay attention in class and absorb as much as i can. but i need to work harder! jielin!!! WORK HARD OK!

sigh. my mum cannot wait till i graduate and go out to work. i think my fees are killing her. apologetic and helplessness. the only thing i can do is earn my keep and try to reduce more of her burden. and my father's. it's so hard to ask. and i don't bother asking anymore.

keep believing. keep visualizing. keep feeling.

starting to read the papers is good.

happy brithday to my sis.

this was taken during class. she wants to kiss me cos' i stole her bubbletea. sobs. I WILL NOT STEAL YAN'S BUBBLE TEA IN THE FUTURE. i don't want to be ______. kaoz. YIYAN IM SO HURT LOR. thanks.



my friend from china. say NI HAO. HAHAHAHA. ehhh, ok lah, she is thin what right. and pretty. (:


dark chocolate with truffles. OMFG. -ORGASM-

she turns 22yrs old this year. wheeee. i'm still 20. HAHAHAHAH. what? i like to live in self-denial cannot ah.

yums. i ate like 2 portions. loveeeees. ok, cos' i was suffering from gastric after not eating for the entire day and standing during work without resting. zzz.



zzz. i was so happy i look retarded. let down my hair. tmd long. shoulders already. I WANNA CUT HAIR. =(

omfg. i realised my dining table is disastrous. HAHAHA if you bother to observe. all those pictures and my drawings and the "aim score sheet" and ten-dollar bills and family portraits taken during our tours. my house is cluttered with so many stuff. 0.0 i have photos everywhere!

updates:
1) the left side of my butt hurts. LEFT SIDE ONLY. 0.0 seriously, i don't know why my body is so weird lah.

2) work was tiring. stood for the entire stint. no chairs. stress from learning all that stuff. it's not like the usual retail i do. 0.0 not even library style. tmd complicated. and i underestimated the traffic flow. grrrr. but hotties everywhere. -beams.

oh, i can rent anything for free. and i must go build relations with my boss. so i can forfeit any fines. wheeee. i can watch movies during my job.

my partner today was from sajc. zzz. he thought i was 18+years old. he thought i was from netball. seriously, if anyone else first-guess my cca to be netball AGAIN, i might slap that person. -roarrrrr- i must have netball written across my face.

ok i feel old working with someone so young. kaoz.
------

oh and wtf. yesterday i was chatting with bro and he mentioned cbz. i told him i never see him around school anyway. tmd today i take bus home from clementi HE FUCKING BRUSHED PAST ME AND LOOKED AT ME. -stun-

like the bus stop was bloody empty i have no idea why he had to walk that close when i wasn't moving at all. and mind you, i was standing along the edges of the back areas of the bus stop. zzzz. diao. couldn't stop cursing.

somethings go too fast. HAHAHA.
awaiting my next training. must practice more mans. stress.

skin is getting better! wheeee.

HAHAHA AND ABBY CHAN. MY FATHER WAS CLEANING MY CORNER IN THE LIVING ROOM TODAY. i dumped that chocolate calculator(in wrapping still) on the rocking chair amongst my books. i came home today and he told me he found chocolates amongst my notes. i was like HUH??? and i asked him where he placed it.

the the fridge. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG. peng diao.
all your fault lah kaoz.

ok i'm aching. enough for today. nights to everyone whom i don't know are reading my blog!

skype and seatmate!

that's my not-so-hot-white-ass-cos'-i-caught-him-off-guard. okkkk, i admit his body is becoming better. zzz. all of them are exercise freaks. i feel so unfit. tsk.

aiii. my pweety pweety marshy. HAHAHAHA.

see they ignore me. sleep and talk on phone.

say hi to my very hot and pretty seatmate BISHI! wheeee. skype works wonders. miss you girl. (:

and you know what's BEST NEWS?!?!? i just found out that my webcam comes with a freaking mic. meaning i can skype with you TAN BISHI. loves. can't wait. (:

i love gene's room's view. awesome. unobstructed. sighhh.

ok so basically today i travelled to gene's house at woodlands and nua-ed around without dvds to skype with bishi. it's good to see her face again. SIGH.

comebacksoonlahimissyoulikehellandthethreeofusarentfun
withoutyouaround. =(

got a hell of a headache on my way home. arghs. -died- i'm pissed tired and i have no idea why.

it's my first day of work tomorrow. wish me loads of luck guys! lol. black tee ah? i think i'm gonna wear my UB tee lor. wtf. heck care.
i really am slacking way too much. STUDY JIELIN!!!!

ok, gonna continue my never-ending book. ROARRR. nights.

musings on a slow saturday night.

Cold was my soul

Untold was the pain

I faced when you left me

A rose in the rain....

So I swore to the razor

That never, enchained

Would your dark nails of faith

Be pushed through my veins again

i did not go out with mr fate because my cramps started the moment i woke up. left me tired from all the physical pain and doubling up on my sofa. nua-ed at home watchin tv instead. wonderful saturday. i still crave dessert.

i'm definitely gonna meet haoz and gene tml though. confirm plus chop. die also must meet. HAHAHA. and hopefully get my cheap cheap black tee/polo. zzz. gonna meet haoz first at jec then travel to woodlands! whee. skype with bishi if possible. =(

feeling rather sick. all that phelgm is a disgusting *censored* color. and my pimples and bad hair is stemming from my pms. tsk! hates.

thinking of switching to contacts when i have the money. HAAH. so sick of looking geeky. =( i'm NOT GEEKY. what's up with stereotypes dammit.

should...read...finish..my...book...soon.

goodnight! if visualizing works, i'm in for good. (:

foie gras is tasty but cruel.

"Foie gras is French for “fat liver” and is the fattened liver of a duck or goose that has been overfed. Along with truffles, foie gras is considered one of the greatest delicacies in French cuisine. It is very rich and buttery, with a delicate flavour unlike regular duck or goose liver.

Fattening the liver of a bird involves inserting a tube down the birds neck, sticking a funnel on the end of the tube, and stuffing heaps of corn and fat down the tube. This process is actually banned or in the process of being banned in several countries. "

okkk, so i didn't know i ate that poor tortured duck or goose that day. zzz. omg, but it tasted so damn bloody good. literally melted in my mouth. ARGHHHHHS. =( i'm guilty as charged lah.
------
1) got the job. starting monday. whee. pay sucks, but hell, it's a new beginning. and what more can i say? there are a couple of hair and body salons just next door. MUAHAHAH. come come come. start small eh, jielin. -beams.

2) blogged for com 125 finally. left with the dumb snippet.

3) meeting mr fate tml for dessert scouting! omg so broke.

4) need to get a couple of black tees/polos. help me!!!

5) i'm a sucker for sweet stuff. =((( gonna go do steps tml before i leave the house.

6) i need a freaking haircut. =(((( i hate my hair and skin now. visualize, jielin.
------
you know i tend to simply clear all notifications on facebook everytime i log on.
so today when i started super poking abs, i noticed my list of ignored superpokes.

"Ding Hao has dry humped Jielin. "
WTFWTF.
MR DING HAO!!?!?!?! kaobei ah. HAHAHA.
------
anyway, i'm reading some recipes online. hmmmm.
good night my dears! enjoy your weekend!

head up, jielin.

during bored times at ub tee collection. she is seducing me. =( we are divorced already.


HAHAHA giri's model pose and his hothot shirt.


ok filling in forms. SIAN. abang and shuying damn hardworking. LOL.


eeek. johan. taken by ahbeng who was playing around with my phone.


personally i like this picture. it's really....interesting. HAHAHA.


still hard at work filling in the paysheet. sobs.


abang and adik! -grins.

shuying and meee! LG...er...rocks? HAHAHA.


nehneh took this herself while i was hard at work on the forms. zzz. just to show how clear 5.0mp is. HAHAHA.


takumi and abs. deep in conversation.



t3 and that lustrous a380. IT WILL BE MY RIDE.

shiny marble floors. very spacey futuristic feel. nice.


flap-like things hanging on ceilings. supposedly powered by natural lights from the sky. not sure how it works though.



self-taken lousy shot. just to prove we've been there. i have a nicer indiv shot on monz's phone. but she lag lah. always never send me till 13984385473829 years later. MONICA LONG DO YOU SEE THIS???!

just off the mrt. HAHAHA. feeling anticipation.

this was i dunno 23938th try to get my face and the gallery below. pardon tt spastic face. i was trying to aim properly. zzz.

monz always has this face. TSK. HAHAHA. viewing gallery lahs.
------

just basically short round-up of what i did the last weekend (i think, i cannot rmb exactly anyway) and this earlier part of week.

dinner-ed with nehneh at clementi sumo japanese restaurant. ate until i couldn't stop burping and nehneh kept breaking into hystericals cos' of that. HAHAHAH. what lahs, i'm the burping machine can. even she also full until burp lor. TSK!!!

nua-ed there to chat abit. ok fine, we chatted alot. i mean i've not really sat down to talk to her heart to heart since school started! how sad is that?? heart to hearts are important. chatting to her feels real and sincere. simple things like this, i tend to take for granted. must remind myself cannot!!! btw, thanks nehneh for listening and contributing your own stories. HAHA. and your tips. i will TRY my best ok! (:

finally reached home. gonna settle down to read about second life by tml i hope; so that i can blog about it for com125. zzz. i don't know if he posted my blog on the delicious tags not, cos' i cant find it there. wtf. -eyes popout- should be heading to bed soon for grp project tml.

going to meet the boss at videoezy at 130pm cos' the guy smsed me around 11plus. i hope i get the job. can watch free and just out of the oven movies! LIKE HOW COOL SEH. and it's something damn refreshing. omggg. loves. and it's located at this quiet, quaint nook of clementi which i love, cos' can avoid all the traffic and noisy kopitiams and neighbourhood.

looking forward to the weekends! dragged a very willing mr fate to accompany me to eat dessert at the dessert shop in people's park cos' i saw it recommended on tv(asides from others which i cannot rmb the addresses =( ) before his work. that's saturday. then sunday hopefully can meet haoz and gene to crash gene's still very new home to dvd-nua and skype with bishiiiii. loves loves.

and after ages, i finally talked to wanyi to update each other! oh mans, she's flying soon. will miss her loads. it's rare to find someone who can click from the soul with you and we've barely known each other for half a year(estimate lah)! -smiles- i will miss her so damn much. sighs.

ps: the secret is working. (: start small to build that faith.

gratitude.

gratitude is one of the most important emotion one should have.
with gratitude comes ______.


today, just ask yourself one question:

how real are you?



not literally meaning that you are physical; your clothes and bags and shoes and possessions are tangibles.

but in your behaviours, speech and intentions, how real are you in accordance to your heart?

is your heart and mind telling you one thing, yet you portray another?
are you destesting someone, yet showing that you like her/him?
do you loathe someone's way of doing, yet display submissiveness and agree superficially?

can you spot these discrepancies for just one day?


so how true are you? how real are you?

because it's not how the way you look, what you wear, or what things you possess--

in fact, it's what vibe you send out when communicating.
because no matter how hard you hide or act or pretend,
it still leaks.


and i've been seeing some leaks.
i don't like them.

it'sthewaythisworldworksain'tit?


today, i've been true to myself. i'm grateful.
------
/edited.

thankful for your prescence in my life.
thankful that i chatted to white ass. for mr fate. for e. for nehneh. for abang. even for ____.
frankness and sincerity touches me.
concern and limitless love.

blessed at 12:21am.

ll, i still need you though. =)

forsaken note.

hear my pleas god dammit.

i have so much inside me and i have no idea who to tell to.

so tired. i'm trying very hard to leave the 2007 me aside. i'm trying hard to find a new environment and step out of my comfort zone.

every year, we grow older, we learn something new, we observe and learn from others, spot their mistakes and remind ourselves never to step in their shoes, chide ourselves for dreaming time and again.......

i keep telling myself to be strong, i can do it. i will fight against every possible odd. i will NOT return to the past me. the me who teaches tuition year after year for 3 years. the me who relies on others. the me who asks for money or wait for parents to give me money. the me who asks and demands for things. the me who is pampered non-stop. the me who is selfless and compassionate.

that me was lost 3 years ago.

iwillbesomeonegreatsomeday. i will.

right now, i just need time to earn enough to live through the next few months. it sucks not having parents to pay for your living expenses and surviving on meagre pay. lol.

because my pride is often mixed with stubborness.
whoever who was ever kind to me, i must repay the debt.
i cannot live feeling like i owe others.
i cannot live off others.
that is not jielin.

no free meals. no free gifts.



maybe this is when people are nice to me, i waver.
too much.

yet, amidst these clouds, i can still see.
choosing to ignore is best.

i'm just tired.
i need something to fight for.
i need courage again.


numbing myself doesn't work anymore.

i still remember her words: be brave. have courage, jielin. you are extraordinary. you will make it.

thank you.

troubles-o-meter.

will continue my job scouting early in the morning, and hopefully things will turn out smoothly.
------
i need to settle down to do my com125 shit and read that stack of com300 shit. pekcek.
------
my mum mentioned something today which made me realise me. i know it sounds weird: me realise me.

overall conclusion is how i am a person who cannot keep still, whose mind never rests on a certain object or event for long, who desires for many things, but the desires are ever-altering.

i told them about my decision to quit teaching. after so many years, i somehow feel as though my wings have been clipped.

it's funny that i don't have a single person to tell my troubles to. everyone around me seems so absorbed in their own lives, with their own worries and bustling around as though i'm just another part of them.

in a way, i feel....alone. more alone than ever. i don't deny that i am independent in a sense that i can do things alone and at times i wish no one disturbs me. yet, sometimes i just need a listening ear, someone who doesnt judge me as i speak and let out all my woes.
someone who understands what plight i am in, and what my wants are.

it's alright, jielin.

WORK HARD!!! YOU CAN DO IT! JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

school=?

rather tired from school although i basically have the most relaxed timetable since i entered UB. 0.0 probably cos' the projects or papers have yet to hit me in my face, and i'm still happily rotting and watching my coffee prince. SIGH.

to update, i've finally bought my viewty LG phone which is completely touchscreen and i've actually gone back to reconsider my decision as 1)stupid and rash 2)smart and rational 3)no idea what i'm doing.

either one of the options, i've decided to make the best of the situation. and please don't let it die on me so fast can. grrr. like at least last 2 years or so. i heard that the service centre sucks like don't know what. -grimace- the touchscreen feature needs some sort of getting used to, with it's varying sensitivity due to my pudgy fingers. but i'll master it soon, i bet. otherwise, i'm loving the sweetness of the camera and it's compact and lightweight feature, despite it's rather huge outlook. loves.

shuying and abang have been such sweeties all the while! =) gonna visit them at work soon mans. HAHAHA.
------
today's heat was unbelievably sweltering humid.
and i decided to go for job scouting around clementi central after school. left me perspiring like a smellybird and trying to hide my messy tresses and flustered emotions amidst all the scurrying around and appearing employable.

if anyone asks me to go back to tutoring again, i might just slap that person thank you. i've been doing that for 3 years and 4th year now. so please, fuck off. i am those who needs to know more people at every stage of her life. people who are sincere, fun and trustworthy. not pepole like _____.

basically filled in PT job forms for all the damn odd jobs. HAHAHA. who cares, as long as it's something different. i've always liked working with people. NICE PEOPLE, to be exact.

reminds me of how i tmd despise ______. kaoz. think positive radiating thoughts, jielin! don't let it affect your aura. HAHAHAH. think niceeeee. grrr.
i've got to work something out.
------
had a random thought of asking mr fate out for dinner while i was trudging around clementi central. figured otherwise since i'll seem to be pestering him.

zzz. he just called me a few minutes ago to ask me out for dinner. DAMN OFF. WTF??!?!? -grin- incredible i say. coincidence, others might say. either way, i've said no. i think i'll stay home to sort out my disoriented thoughts.
------
i'm tmd poor now. and i cannot think poor thoughts.

I FEEL RICH. I AM RICH. and i will get a job i love and earn lots of money while making loads of friends. wheeeee.

attract the like, it says.
i make my life.

letting fate run the show.

you know when i send out frequencies, i don't exactly bother about such minute things, until today. when i realised the horrendous situation and tried my best to work it out, it was too late.

oh wells, it's never too late to make it right, right? just think positive. and things will roll your way, jielin.

one of the worst things possible to happen in academia and employment world is to work with people you dislike, and yet have to tolerate them because of the well-being of the end product/result of whatever you are working on. or worse, pretend that you like them. for the past semesters, i've had my share, and now, fate has it that it wants to test my patience and tolerance again.

i will prove it to you.
------


wanted to head to get some necessities shopping before heading home from school today. rained like no one's business again, and i had no hoodie on me today, which meant that i had to run for my life. skipped maintenance shopping. shall postphone to one of the days this week. =S

the weather after the downpour was a light happy drizzle that did not smell like the usual acidic pungent one. which set me off in a good mood to just relax by the balcony to take in the full view of the droplets of rain on the chilly glass pane and the reflective surface of the tar road after the thunderstorm. i kind of missed a rainbow then.












------
effects of the internet seems to be a happening module. the lecturer is a fatherly looking figure with his soothing voice, smiley wrinkles and laid-back feel. part-time lecturer with his own business and family. ohmy.
helps that at least it's something we are exposed to almost everyday and i can catch abit of balls during his lesson despite drifting off time to time.

nina turned out to be our com300 teacher. which could be both a blast and a terrible thing. i shall not elaborate.

i miss the carefree worry free days. now that the 4 modules are finalised, it seems as though the weight upon my shoulders increased overnight.

managed to watch coffee prince again. dreaming is no harm right?

mr fate msged to ask me bus route wtf. ignore.
shijie sudenly popped up in msn to chat after ages. hmmmm.

kind of tired. wondering if my phone will resume stock soon. damn. as much as i will miss my trusty-can-withstand-fall-from-chest-level-to-carpark-ground 6680. lol.

i feel like getting a haircut soon. grrr. before cny hits me with a slap on the face with sky high prices. i'm looking forward to the angbaos though. seriously lacking cash.

in any sense, i should prolly take up that private eng tuition. zzz. i'm so slack.

aye, jielin, believe you have it already. and it'll come to you in need.

adik!

first day of school was BLAH. at least no more mornings mornings. mr buddha and mr can't open eyes are my two new lecturers. wonder who will be the other 2 whom i'll see tomorrow. this semester's workload seems heavier, with hefty weightage on certain portions. dammit, so dead. no motivation again. nua.

was supposed to get my phone after school. was pouring cats and dog when i finally alighted from the bus. zzz. luckily i had on my trusty green hoody, managed to salvage myself from large volumes of water on my head. grr. but i like the chilly weather anytime as compared to that humidity we tolerate the rest of the year.

oh great. car-ed on papa's vehicle while he went to sent some stuff. i slept like a baby. HAHAHA. the weather was perfect. okok, i digressed. MY PHONE WAS OUT OF STOCK. WTFFF. -slap singtel-

let's pray i'll get it before friday. =(((( really not fated sia.

on the way home, cricket msged me. wheewhee! i am his adik! HAHAHAH. feels good to be even young for a few months. -grins- damn lame lah. but feels good to keep in touch still. =)

gonna continue reading my book. neglected it for a week already. guilty seh.

abs's present from hk to us. zzz. HAHAHA my sis said the calculator is damn smelly.

when i stepped out of my house this morning, this white fluffy blur looking dog was outside in the corridor having his suntanning session. LOL. it just sat there quietly, blinking at me time to time, as if he had no idea why he was sitting in the sun. uber cute. loves.

rotting on the car.

zzz. i often forget this mole on my upper lip. LOL. i hope it's not growing larger. moelyyyy.


it's always nice to see how uber cute and irresistably unreal people can be corny at times. =D


chic smart. i doubt it's wear-able on singaporeans though. definitely look damn out of place.
------
ayee feeling fat. restless. just wanna snuggle in bed all day and do nothing. buck up jielin!

i need another PT job. sigh.