besides, i'll end up sleeping in class wtf. how sad is that. paying thousands to fall asleep.
what i drew last lesson.
and contribution by nehnehpoks. HAHAHA.
and nehneh drew this. insisting it's a SWING. from playground. wtf please lor. it looks like two buns on satay sticks on BBQ pit can. zzz.
after class was heading out to town to do some research. onsite.
at toys 'r'us. after doing some decent work, i started fooling around with the toys because they were too fun!!!
/EDIT!!!
ok i start here on a new day. so eventually i did head to slowmo's lesson. i pride myself for my determination. ROARRR. and i'm so tired now. sigh.
slowmo's lesson was terrible. today was slightly less boring than usual. the groups got back their grades. BUT NEHNEHPOK YOU HAVEN'T HAND IN YOUR EVALUATION FORM WE CANNOT GET BACK GRADES. wtf.
pray pray pray we get decent grades please please please. at least B+ or A- cannnnn!!!!
sigh. life sucks. really. now i'm home after class on thursday at 11:39am typing this entry to complete it. and i just took several more shots of zilian pics today wtf. i'm not gonna post them till next entry lah. hai.
totally retarded.
the semester has been the most confusing, hectic, stressful and tiring ever. it's a constant struggle to do better, and somehow we are sliding backward. this is weird, wrong and just...against all possible laws.
i still have bob's assignment on my mind. plus PR exams. ARGHHH.
and i'm working VE friday and sat. GREAT. money huh. $.$
i met Dr. G at the bus stop just now on the way home. i wanted to hide but he saw me and he waved. DAMN WEIRD. made small talk and when my bus came first, i siam-ed up without saying bye. zzzz.
hello fatbear! do you know my favourite flower now?
not roses definitely. (:
and i love windmills. i want to be in a field full of colorful windmills!
the last i saw that scene was in holland. hmmm. (((:
pris says she's fat. BULLSHIT. her bone structure, face etc all smaller than me liao. plus she got bigger boobs. SO UNFAIR. HAHAHAH.
seriously lor. where are my eyes? zzz.
weisi takes nice pictures! (: she is very photogenic!
my new bf who has bushy eyebrows. HAHAHA.
and a horn missing wtf.
settled in macs to discuss. almost fell asleep at several points of the discussion. zzzzz. can tell i'm very sleepy right. sian.
met with fatbear after that to nua a bit at his place. then home. long long day.
VE on hari raya. sold 6 packages. that's like 2/3 of my september's packages. HAHAHAHA. double pay. but pathetic still.
Hboss came. worked more. talked with him after a long long time of not chatting. fatbear popped by because he was swimming. i got chocolate bubble tea and chocolate cake to eat. (((:
it's all these little actions that really make me like him for being fatbear.
EMO SIA HAHAHAH. ok that guy's face on the poster is fucking freaky can. wtf.
met fatbear around 6 plus 7 to head to vivo for dinner and walk walk just to relax. had a good long chat with mama as i waited for fatbear. talk until want to cry ok. wtf i had to hide my face. zzzz. but at least i know better what my parents are thinking. sigh.
wearing new clothes! because i have no more clothes so sad.
and i got wear an quan ku under my long tee lah. dots. HAHAHA the whole world thinks i'm a flasher. =(((
can you see my retainers? was wearing them when i took the picture. (: i've been really lazy on my retainers-wearing. HAI. lazy plus uncomfortable. only wear them to sleep now. which is about 4-6 hours everyday. zzz. die.
dinner was at shin kushiya!!!! woots! fatbear rocks!
ordered the premium dinner set and changed to cold noodles for my garlic rice!! HEHEHEH. damn full. and fatbear doesn't eat wafu steak and i forgot totally. zzz. and he still let me order it.
in the end i ate 9 out of 10 pieces. omg lah. let me die please. im not eating cows for a week.
now now...this picture is very nice, minus the fact that my head is growing a hand. WTF.
it was embarrassing the least, because as i snapped away on my camera, the patrons around me were staring quizically. wtf. so paiseh can. i can't help it lah!
after dinner was walk walk to rest our bloated tummies. dragged him into converse to try sneakers because his shoes are like the ugliest, uncle-est ever. i must change his image HAHAHA. shall get him a pair of sneaks once i get my pay. (:
home afterward. too tired. plus don't want spend more money already. MUST SAVE MONEY!
sometimes i wonder if he'll get tired of me.
treating me so nice. and i'm not like the perfectest (or even close) girlfriend in the world.
i demand alot from him. i demand alot from things.
but i guess the day he stops being nice will be another turning point. maybe then, i need to re-evaluate thigns myself.
treat him nicer, you may tell me. but i just can't get over myself.
to buy him sneakers would be a huge HUGEEEE ass step towards committing more of myself into this relationship.
i once vowed that i would never spend money on a guy anymore because it wasn't worth it. and i feel stupid paying for a guy sometimes. zzz. i guess i don't mind him picking up the bills and tabs. of course, i wouldn't mind treating him a meal or two on special occasions...but i still prefer it this way.
i'm a very complicated person, i wouldn't deny.
but to myself, my demands are very simple.
right? i don't know. i hate thinking so much. i hate feeling conflicted.
i hate feeling as though more of me is given rather than taking in. it's perhaps the loss of fear, the loss of familiarity, the loss of independence, the loss of myself.
because you are my respite. you are where i tend to let my guard down. and if i let go totally...you have every right and position to hurt me. it's that easy.
i won't say it's easy to get to the bottom of my heart and mind.
i'm still searching for that balance on the scale.
i never take your niceness for granted. i know. i know every little detail you do for me. i know that i'll probably never meet anyone nearly as nice as you are. treating me like a little princess.
but whether it's consistent, sincere and there for me. time will test.
i know the compromises i must make. i'm trying so hard. i don't show it. but i do struggle. i struggle with myself everyday.
because this needs two palms to clap. not just effort on your part.
give me time, till i regain what i've lost.
i may never become the best gf, or friend, or sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, unique individual. that worries me. because i want to be remembered as those.
somehow, everytime i make a step forward, i feel as though i lose more.
i don't want to gain something at the expense of some loss. i refuse the laws of life.
i hate being told what to do. or what to become.
i want to do it myself. and from within. because then, i cannot blame anyone but myself; if things don't work out.
i worry that impending day; when the basis of my liking you disappears.
should stop worrying........
pictures from webcam taken a few days ago.
so much work to do and i have no mood totally. school....sigh.
only the december trip is keeping me alive.
tuition in a few hours time.
and my webcam took this picture lor wtf. i think my webcam is mad. i don't have effects like this ok! it's like...super distorted.
hi redbull.
ok tiring.
will you ever get bored of meeting me.
nothing to do. nothing to say? nothing to feel.
because i want to be your princess forever.
and thoughts like this, redundant, necessary or not, scare me.
No comments:
Post a Comment