winter warmth.

u brought warmth in winter.
the unexpected, uncomprehended.
the surprise, or shock?
the thumping heart, the flashing lights.
the steadying of voice.
the shiver of fingers.
the words that were exchanged, the emotions held back.

all for my own good.

why would i want myself to be hurt again?

your words. expressed nothing short of positivity.
outsiders-
convinced i should give up already.
so why, do i still hold on that subtly?

i don't find this courage to love you anymore.
i find it close to stupidity. foolishness. ignorance. blindness.

if only you showed me more than nonchalance.
showed me more than the rest.


i'm like that muppet, controlled by its owner.
who is going to cut those strings for me?
the loyalty--misplaced?
willing? too much.


this conflict.
i wonder when it'll be resolved.
it IS taking a toll on me.

i wish things could just flow smoothly, that you could just do things the way i want them to happen. be the man i would love, and love me all your heart. that it'll be just another fairytale story.

but fairytales never exist.
so i guess this equates to IT never being able to happen.
HA.
who am i lying to, man.


living in self-deceit i feel.
hurting people around me in the process.
unknowingly, unintentionally.

i do things and say things to protect you. not now, but for the future. to minimise your hurt and your pain.
why not now, instead of dragging it on till it becomes too late.
i hope you understand.


anyway, celebration for KL was good. hahaha. though i didn't really know that group of friends, but it was nice to just hang out with friendly and noisy people. took my mind off things certainly. heh.
and times are mind cafe in the afternoon was entertainment filled. =) love those peeps man. heh. missed them hell much.

anyway, congrats to my 80 year old friend and chip! hehe. CHUNK AND CHIP are finally together!!! *grins* jiayou ya you two. and chip, you better take care of my darling chunk. placing her under your care liao..=) treat her well.

proves the accuracy of the curse between us yet again. sigh.
i guess this would mean i might have to be a nun already. ha.
you get the message right.
i just cannot seem to break this fucking dumb curse.
=(



lurking shadows.
ghosts of you and me.