Theres a voice in my head telling me why I should hate you, but I hate myself instead
Theres a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me
I guess its wrong to live life
Scars are tearing open along my palms and knees
I guess thats what I should get for crawling back at your feet
and now I'm feeling so down that theres no god above
and no mercy for a soul thats just way to fucked up
Theres a pain in my chest growing stronger with every heartbeat
now theres nothing left of me
but empty bottles of pills and bacardi
as I guess its wrong to live life
Leave me here, die
Leave me here, to die
Scars are tearing open along my palms and knees
I guess thats what I should get for crawling back at your feet
and now I'm feeling so down that theres no god above
and no mercy for a soul thats just way to fucked up
Alcohol and altar boys--bayside
good song. especially when you're feeling angsty and all. heh.
heard news of bitching ang gossiping again. sigh. sometimes, i just wished all these high school drama would stop. childish, immature and very unthoughtful. we always complain that others speak ill of us, yet do we realise that we too are speaking behind others' backs?
i never believed in gossiping viciously, or even back-stabbing. belief in karma lor. lol. but somehow, some people seem to SEE me as one who is mean and well...not nice.
why so judgemental? especially the biasness is uncalled for, and based on groundless "talking"? how well does one know that person? on what right do they judge people on?
in a relationship, or in cases whereby there wasn't one in the first place...both sides are to blame. there is no SINGLE PARTY AT WRONG(according to will). makes sense i guess...food for thought. heh.
why do onto others what you do not wish that others do onto you?
was late for school reached com101 in time to copy pointers for the finals. lol. super tired lah. could't wake up. woke up at 9am can. win already. sorry to luke for missing breakfast and all. =(
isolated myself after the lesson. things just seem so different when you are alone, without friends chatting around you, or company that protects you form this cruel cold little world.
but that isolation was short-lived. william came over and chatted to me for sometime. lol...he's a nice chap lah. as lame as me, yet serious when issues are meant to be. i guess...there's hurt in everyone...
it's only how much we hide it from the naked eye. how much pride each person has.
then he left, and koey and tomato came. lol. so they sat and talked to me also...koey lent me his lappy to watch episode 10 of prison break. nice. then he left for home. and tomato stayed on, studying cse.
and ghost came over inbetween..heh. the guys just started talking about studying together and swimming and shopping on friday. lol. i'm invited. but....TO SWIM? paiseh lah. *squirms* LOL. and speedo has been tested and tried by ghost--"doesn't stretch and go out of shape easily!"
tsktsk. male-bonding. =D
i guess what remedies school life is that of friends around us. i'm thankful for blessings from this certain higher power who always blesses me with nice friends. =) constants.
i guess when you're suey in a certain aspect of life, something else makes up for it. hahahah. and i must say my friends are all...ultra nice! =)
the talks with tomato and william made me think and reflect quite a bit. new perspectives help alot. especially when you are still discovering yourself, growing along the way.
"you are someone who thinks a lot..small things..you think. but that's you. very xi xin..."
"you need to learn to love yourself first. stop being so nice to everyone...Only when you learn to love yourself, then you can love others around you."
it scares me sometimes how strangers can understand me so well. and it scares me how palmistry is so accurate. just that remark, and i tore my hand away from his grasp.
who doesn't fear hurt?
but maybe like luke said, hurt depends on whether the people inflicting that on us means alot to us or not. if they mean no shit, then the pain related to the hurt should not be that serious. it's true isn't it?
i gotta learn from granny yeap--self esteem must be super high. don't care what others say about you. just let them talk. until them find nothing to talk about then they will stop.
hah. and somehow sarcasm in my face is not so nice. i never once said i was miss popular. and it is indeed cuttingly hurtful. sarcasm is fine. but accusations are not. even if things in my blog are targetted to certain people, why does it matter when names are not mentioned? people read my blog and always assume that the person/people i'm talking about is them. i wonder if my disclaimer is not clear enough for all to see.
names mentioned would be disatrous. but i avoid that. because this is an outlet for me to rant. it's much better than ranting and spreading vicious words about a certain person..wouldn't it?
i don't give my address to everyone. so if they happen to "chance" upon it, i cannot help it also.
on a slighter happier note, i DO love my new shoes. makes me happy when i see it. ha. shows that it doesn't need limited edition to get me high. LOL.
squeak, no worries. things are fine lah. i don't harbour any hard feelings, nor bear grudges against people. things past will be past. it's university already man. and like abs said, we are communication students, and therefore we should know how to communicate effectively!
lol. i guess i'll try doubly hard lah. i mean if people don't like me(based on her own views of me as a person), i gotta work harder to prove those views wrong right? sigh.
heartbreak hotel roomies provide solace.
and now I'm feeling so down that theres no god above
and no mercy for a soul thats just way to fucked up
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