cried in my last speech class wtf.

yea, the title speaks it all.
today was the last class for com326 (public speaking class) and the assignment was commemorative speeches. nehneh and i did a eulogy for weicheng.

i didn't intend to cry. in fact, i kept reminding myself during my rehearsing at home to not cry...and i managed to withold the emotions inside.

unfortunately, i didn't control them as well in the actual speech in class today. =( the previous few speakers before us were not as personalized--commemorated famous people/singers etc. so the emotions weren't that high.

and because nehneh started the first part of her eulogy for weicheng first, i listened. it was quite bad because i was rather close to tears already. it's bad when all the memories flood into your mind like how a dam releases its waters.

then when it was my turn to do my part of the eulogy, i managed to make it past the first few short paragraphs of my eulogy before my eyes became blurry.
zzzz. i know it sounds so dramatic and emo and all that. but i was seriously filled with conflicting emotions. the thoughts of the little things that made me happy, and those that made me want to cry.

mostly regret.

in the end, i sobbed so hard i couldn't see my manuscript, and i couldn't even see the rest of my classmates and mcneil. FML.
i had to rest and pause and take deep breaths so many times because my voice was breaking and i couldn't stabilize it to project it.


i can't even remember the details of what happened, and since i couldn't see my audience, i don't know what were their emotions too. -.-'''
i made it through to my last stanza and left the front of the room, still sniffing and tearing like mad.

someone passed me tissue (one of the juniors i think), someone (william) smsed me to comfort, and another bunch of juniors passed me an extremely sweet note. (:
freaking damn embarrassing and i'm glad this is the last class i have because i don't think i have the face to see them again. wtf.

i never cry in public unless it's like getting awesome results ie. in Olevels OR awful results ie. Alevels. wtf.

but after us, we had a few more eulogies and about 2 guys were near tears (can see eyes reddening and they had to tilt their heads upwards to prevent their tears from falling; voices cracking etc) and another girl cried for the passing of her nanny.
it was very touching to listen and watch.

i must say this round of speeches ended the speech class well. everyone seemed so much closer and empathy was all around the room. the best thing is that i could really see the improvement in public speaking skills for many people in the class. it is really a breakthrough for most of us.

i definitely learnt to speak better than i was.


and i definitely wasn't expecting high marks for my eulogy because of my breakdown. but we both scored incredibly high. could be sympathy. =X i wish not to think so though.
but i believe we touched the hearts of many.
and i'm glad i delivered it. wouldn't have regretted even if i were to score badly.


last ugc lecture today.
better buck up to study.
so tired. and stupid nehneh is becoming mugger again. stressed shits. =((((


update soon.

AND i just wanna say to those i've not talked to for ages because of god knows all the reasons in the world. regardless if we're not talking now but used to be reasonably good friends, or friends i am still in contact with but just lacking the time to catch up...

i'm glad for everyone of you to exist in a part of my life.
shouldn't live with regrets. shouldn't wait to say that i care.

i miss all of you. and if you're reading this blog, it means that you ARE my friend/good friend/best friend/buddy, OR you were ONCE my friend/good friend/best friend/buddy.


so, i miss you all. (: take care.