the 9am classes are suckign my life away. back to the first sem days where 9am classes dominate. zzzz.
my jog yesterday. or rather on tuesday. my entry posts are always posted near/around/past midnights. 1 hour again. toned. but still fat. SIGH.
i need new running shoes, but i'm not gonna waste money. =((((
bob's com443 today. group chosen. i have 2 freshies (will find nicknames soon), weisi and pris. 5 man group. truth to be told, i am not very happy or pleased. but i guess i've had had worse. sooooo, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?
i'm sure things will work out. they always do. continue to persevere and work hard, jielin!!!
god-of-random-group-project-pickings must work HARDER!!! =(((
com441 in a few hours. just printed out the stuff to be presented tomorrow. blehhh blahhh. warm up for the whirlwind of presentations ahead. geez. i need a better presentation set of clothes; especially a pair of really chio, tailored, fitting pants! HAHAHA.
cannot lose my presentation edge. must jiayou!!!! com443 is gonna be tougher. must go find out who is good at editing, presentation making and videos. zzzz. i cannot be superwoman this time lehhh. =(
but die die must do better than that bitch's group. kns that heshe is getting on my nerves.
i'm sorry nehneh. i am not as sociable or have night life like you. i just find fun and entertainment in other areas and people that's all. SIGH.
so does this make me a lousy executive/high-ranking worker in a corporation? i don't know man, really. just because i don't club or have wild nights out?
-shrugs-
waipo got admitted into hospital because she fell down at home. she's living with my da ah yi (mum's side eldest sister) now because my da jiu jiu (mum's side eldest bro) wants to sell his flat after the divorce and my waipo hence HAS to move out. knn.
received the news while i was in bugis walking around with nehneh.
previously, we were soaked by the rain and nehneh went home to change after chrislaouncle sent us to nehneh's place. THEN NEHNEH MADE ME STAND OUTSIDE AND WAIT FOR HER. WTF?!!! HAHAHAHA.
while i was preparing to camwhore outside to entertain myself, her auntie poked her head out and caught me in the act. WAH KAU sibei paiseh to max. anyway the auntie invited me in lah. wahhh.
anyway, the point is that because my sneakers got soaked, my shoes became very uncomfortable. almost developed a couple of blisters. =(
left bugis after a while and went to raffles place to find my mum. due to head to changi hospital at evening.
mirrors are so tempting. though i looked like crap. it was a feel-fat-day and everything i wore, i felt fat in it. SIGHHH. hence the chui-ness.
if you noticed the slippers, it's some jap slippers whereby people wear at home lah. my sneakers were causing me so much pain so i changed out of it.
BUTTTT the slippers so or-biang. HAHAHAHAHA they were in my mum's place for comfort wear.
OMG WTF?? HAHAHAHAHA new trend okkkk.
the designs on the slippers quite cute one lor. and made of lightweight spongey material. very comfy! but too big in size HAHAHA.
ahhh the chui face. don't know why my camera suddenly became so clear. zzzz. mum is behind. just got reminded that i didn't wear my retainers for the entire day today after removing when i woke up. zzz. shall go brush teeth and put them on later.
bad sneakers. so hard they hurt.
don't know why i am so sleepy. zzz i get average of 5 hours sleep what. so much work to do. =(((
white freak!!! -gasp-
it's tuition for P tomorrow after class. then meeting monz and ed for WALL.E!!!! HAHAHAH YAYYYY. so happy. finally i'm not watching FREE VE dvds HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
ok, must discuss tour plans lehhh. die die also must go. i work so hard for this trip man. suck my life and blood and moolahs dry. and my parents like don't care. HAHAHAH.
fuck man. this is literally...growing up in environment whereby parents instill "what you want, go earn it, i'm not going to pay a single cent" theory. zzzz. i feel sad/happy for myself.
chicken rice for dinner. and then i ate another round after this. fucking fat liao. ROARRRRR!!!
it sucks when your elder sister is a size 2 or 0 and you are size 12 to 14. WTF??!?!
i feel sad for myself definitely. zzzz. i hate myself, actually. how come same genes, so different? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
i feel like i got no hope already--when it comes to physical appearances. AHHA.
look nana!!! my version of food porn!!! =DDDD
my final shot before leaving for the hospital. too tired on the car. napped. reached the hospital. it sucks to see waipo so frail and skeletal on the bed. really. she's such a sweet, gentle and un-complaining old lady.
she never demands, she never requests. everything i remember she does is always for the good of others and putting others ahead of herself. i can hardly find someone like her anymore.
i hope she gets well soon. and i hope nothing bad will befall her. this applies to all my loved ones.
eve since school started, i've been embroiled in a a turmoil of emotions. i have no vocabulary to describe. so i shall do my very best in explaining while not divulging too much.
because i don't know who is reading this.
everyone is fighting to be the best.
everyone assumes that they are the best. or will be.
everyone wants to be with the best.
i belonged to one of those groups; but right now, i'm doubting.
i am at this stage whereby i feel that i've been blinded for ages, seeing myself as someone whom I thought I was. but perhaps, this isn't who i am in reality, or in the perception of others.
i find myself wanting to conform to please the majority of people whom i don't really give a fuck for. i am doing this simply because i don't want to "feel" left out and different.
but the fact is just too obvious. I AM DIFFERENT.
i cannot stand next to them and say that i am like you all.
i cannot tell myself to go on my life as how they do; spend like how they do; enjoy like how they do; act like how they do; speak like how they do.
the lifestyle is different. and there is a limit to where i will cross before i start realizing how foolish and stupid i've been. because i don't enjoy it at all.
call me restrained and guarded. call me unsociable and boring. call me anything.
i can't do this anymore.
they say just be true to yourself.
but right now, i hardly even know what being "true" means and who am i TRULY? this all just don't make sense anymore.
i just know that only and only if i feel comfortable with you, then i will be myself. really me. without any care in the world.
if i feel a different vibe emitting from you, then i can't say i'll be sincerely friendly towards you. i guess it's like an eye for an eye? right?
i can't do YOUR bitchiness, so i just don't do anything at all. call that hostility, maybe.
mentally and physically tired; but i had to get all these off my chest, hence the blogging. more ahead awaits. more to overcome. i can do this. teojielin, you can do this!!!
sometimes, being a loner is so much easier.
i just don't enjoy some company anymore.
some fakeness is killing me.
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