the play.

it's easy to feign nonchalance on the surface.
even easier to say "don't know, don't care".

to a question that only magnifies and brings forth my loneliness.
in this crazy world. either i thrive or wither.
who's gonna keep me nourished and watered?
myself?


have i lost my way?




in the crowds i mingle,
and i've never felt more lonely than now.
is it even possible?
the irony slaps me in the face.
again and again.



i wish....i wish.....i could go somewhere else. alone.




you know that recent show on channel 8...whereby the lead actor had the choice to revert time; return to the moment when everything changed. a single event could trigger a series of huge paramounts.

people used to ask me...if you could turn back time, what would you want to change.

and how the wise people reply would be: nothing. every process is a learning step.



i used to too. perhaps because i wanted to sound wise.

but...given the choice now, there are certain decisions i would have re-made, certain actions i wouldn't have done, certain people i would have wanted to avoid or make friends with.

on one condition: if you know the future, then you can possibly alter the process in between.
on another condition: everything requires more than one alteration to perfect.




given the chance, i would grab it. perhaps i wouldn't feel so miserable now.
because once lost/given back, it never returns in the same form and state.





regret; is the debt i pay for life, it seems.





ps: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EUGENE LIM JIA JUN!!! (: may your wishes and goals come true and stay happy!! heh, you'll be my white ass forever!



maybe i should relocate my blog for good.
too many secrets, and i'm bursting from within.