hacker.

right now, i'm using my neighbours' wireless connection. yes yes it's supposedly illegal, so hush please, don't tell anyone. it's some jap guy's one anyway. let's hope mr jap is not petty.
it's not secured anyway, no code leh.

anyway, mine has been giving me serious troubles recently. halfway cannot connect and all that bullshit. singtel is driving me nuts. knnccb.

so, on a heavier note, i think i experienced a meltdown today.

embarrassing shit.
i'm sorry for everyone who had to tolerate my....few minutes of...emo-ness.


sigh, to sum it up, i only have myself to blame.
and that loss in 20plus marks is all my doing.
who am i to overestimate myself?
who am i to think that i am even close to SMART.
i'm kidding myself. i deserve it.

i guess i really am not that smart, or...well, academically inclined.
those semesters of tad bit of hard work and extreme luck.
maybe it's all going down the drain; i don't know. i shall work harder....i hope.

sigh, those tears were of frustration and anger lah. don't worry, for those who comforted me. appreciation taken loads. really.

i am being hard on myself, but i cannot stand myself not pushing myself.
sounds...neurotic.
sighs. it's difficult to take the role of others and understand my point of view, so don't bother.

now once again, i resume the cool, and hide my real self beneath the mask again.

it's much better never to reveal those debilitative emotions.
for now.

until i get my moral holiday.
soon. december jielin, just a few more months. faith and courage.


december escapism.