knn maths.

i think i'm rapidly losing faith in myself.
everytime i try to convince myself i am smart, i do something stupid to contradict whatever i just tried to convince inside.

i just keep wanting to stab myself over and over again with a sharp knife.
then leave that bloodied weapon on the table.
and let me die slowly as my blood is drained out of me, like how a leaking tank drains its water.

so i won't be doing well for maths.
that one question stumped me, blurred me, made me curse under my breath, and finally, is gonna make me lose my A.
GREAT.
i wonder how many As i can get this sem.
my gpa won't be maintained.
haiz. fuck lahs. i know i shouldn't be so affected by grades and such, but it means so much to me. i have things to prove. and people to prove to too. i work hard. i study hard. i want to balance both well. i don't want anything to fucking suffer.
but it seems like i'm draining so rapidly, such that even convincing myself i'm damn freaking alert even after 4 hours of sleep is not bloody working.
and i have to act all professional and patient with the kids.
coms is right; children really have difficulty sensing the change of moods in adults. haiz.


i'm so fucktired i wanna give up on tml's mgq too. there's that dumb 225 quiz. mgq i really don't know whatthefuckamigoingtodo.
someone please save me.
i need to suck optimism from someone, before i wither and die.


see, the happier you are on the outside, the sadder you are inside.
the stronger you seem on the surface, the weaker you are underneath.
BUT the stupider i seem on the surface, inside, i'm stupider.

SEE, my day was bad enough already, waking up late, rushing to school, waiting for the stupid 189 bus for freaking long, THEN ALL FOUR BUSES CAME AT THE SAME TIME. KNNBCCB. the first one was occupied, then behind 3 all EMPTY. what the fuck is wrong with bus drivers now. simple things like driving on schedule also cannot. pissed.

then after school while crossing the overhead bridge, I SLIPPED AND FELL ONE STEP. so fucking glam. seriously, and i thought nothing worse could happen. lucky i didn't land on my butt anyway, and people behind me were a certain distance away. thank god most that i was one step away from the landing when i slipped. or not tml really can don't need take mgq already. kns.



cheers me up that i read from meow's iweekly: geminis have a high chance of marrying into a upper class.
HAHAHAHAHAH. cheers to me.
oh wells, but accuracy is yet to be investigated. tsk.


every week, i wish for the day to past faster.
yet the faster it zooms, i realise the lesser time i have for assignments to be completed.
the only thing that keeps me going are my friends.


only that i feel as stupid as xiangqin that i wish i had a zhishu in my life.
blahs.


diet of hope.