sudden, random thoughts.

out of nowhere, i just wanted to blade and cycle so damn badly again.
i think i shall get my ass down to a park this weekend.
or not my blades will grow mould again and shatter into pieces when i touch it. and for a pair of $200 bucks blades, i think i wouldn't wanna risk it.
-_-


i realised why i love kids again.
and fuck, i raised my voice to get myself heard over the voices of 10 kids until...i'm basically quite hoarse now.
which is bad. stupid beng. sexy your HEAD.
knn.
and i got pimple outbreak, which can only mean 2 things.


i'm so fuck tired again my eyes are closing. so i shall make myself tireder and plonk to bed in a few minutes.
i think i have work awaiting and i plan to get most done before sunday. god save me, i wanna sleep and slack on sunday. my salvation.

i've got my company.
but i still need mr. stranger.
i think i shall be thick-skin and approach a random guy in the lounge tml during break. fuck lah, not like never do before.
must be secret agent, cannot let my motives me known, or not purpose defeated mans.
either that, or last resort--robot.
NO, NEVER THE CHINAMAN YOU STUPID ABBY CHAN.


or mr. wrong lift guy.


=(

mind games are fucked.
i'm clean.
i intend to stay clean.

i think i'm androgynous.
HAHAHAHAHA.
which is pretty sad, thinking about it. oh wells, i guess that's me.

traits of male and female indeed.


and i think i have self-discipline man.
i'm so proud of myself.
i think as i grow older i know how to prioritise better, which is a good thing, i insist.
:)
wo zhang da le.


i'm awaiting cny so that i can wear my new clothes and...shoes, and well, claim money for them. cos' if i wear them now, no reimbursement mans.
:)

and i wonder what my relatives will say this year.
if it could be "ni bian mei le!"
or...something good at least, other than i am older, im happy.
but i think closeness of relatives is so diminished now.
it's pretty sad. family life is close to zilch.

sighsighsigh.
i think someone should drag me away from...funky shoes.
because i have a feeling i might become those shopaholic, who specialises in shoe fetishes.
and i might become bankrupt.

after painstakingly clearing my debts entirely, i intend to stay this way.
-beams.
must start cny with a clean slate mans.

i've discovered a pretty birdy expression to make involving my teeth. it's REALLY unglam, but it seems to crack people up.
and i like to see people laugh and be tickled.
so it's good.
:)
happiness is infectious.

i think people think i'm weird.
i think random people who see me might think singapore is a winter country.
HAHAHAHAH.
oh wells, my body temp. abit low eh.
i can stand the heat, but i cannot stand the cold.

i think my pride saves me as well as killed me.
i intend to keep it on the brighter side.


did a magic video today with ab the director.
mans, i'm pro.
okok, housewife also pro.

it's cmi lame.
and i like mr. sunny.
he makes me smile.

perceived self vs presenting self.
i think i use different voices with different people and occasions.
different personalities with different groups.
so what you see of me may not be entirely accurate, but simply what i seem to be most appropriate when i am with you.
so if i'm stiff and seldom smile when i'm with you, perhaps i don't find you interesting enough.
when i laugh or go crazy and birdy with you, trust me--i like you.
when i confide in you, i trust you.
when i stop confiding in you, i lose faith and trust in you.
when i ignore you...pretty obvious.
my heart says one thing, but i will do another thing.
somehow, someway, i will make both coincide and agree eventually.

large repertoire of behaviours to choose from.
am i competent enough?
perhaps i still need fine-tuning, because i feel that i've been misunderstood at times.

just don't bother me when i'm alone studying in school. because when i do that, it only means that i don't have time later in the day to do it.
other than that, peace mans.
i'm all game for love and fun and getting high.
with limits lah, and preference.

speaking of which, i miss alcohol.
the one month quit policy is over. and going strong still!
woots.
cny ok, i will drnik. :)
let's keep those fats in reign first.

woo. i'm thinking of the sexy warm sun on my skin.
and i miss sports all over again.