Monday, April 30, 2007

hates marking.

got bored with marking. very annoying i say. ARGH.
marking compositions is one of my pet peeves.
so i did the quizzes i saw on meow's blog. so bored, you must understand.


You Are a Pinky

You are fiercely independent, and possibly downright weird.
A great communicator, you can get along with almost anyone.
You are kind and sympathetic. You support all your friends - and love them for who they are.

You get along well with: The Ring Finger

Stay away from: The Thumb



fineee. i'm weird. HAHAHAHAHA. tskkk. how much must we trust these quizzes?


What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem intelligent and a bit intimidating.

In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless.


how true is this? haiz....

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait


HAHAHAHA. wtf. plssss. now, i'm doubting the accuracy of it all.

Butterfinger

They call you sticky fingers for a reason!


errrr. yes butterfingers. i tend to drop things sometimes. does tripping count? -grimace-

Your Pride Quotient: 39%

You're a little prideful, but nothing out of the norm.
Like everyone, you enjoy attention. But you're also good at sharing the spotlight!


wheee. i'm a tad bit normal. good.


Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!


er ok. i have my personal hell, that's true.


Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.


HAHAHAHA. oh wells, this is pretty accurate.


You Are 53% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.
You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...
But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.



This too. not that bad.

You Are 55% Feminine, 45% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides.
You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you.
You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.


yayyy. this i know. anyway the rain just fell out of nowhere. at 2:55am. weird.


Your Kissing Purity Score: 49% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.


errr. this part i don't really know how to interpret. nvm.


The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.
You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.
You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.

Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.
Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.
You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.


i guess.

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty


true true.

Your True Love's Name Is

Nathaniel H.


HAHAHAHAH. yes i'll wait for you nathaniel darling.
whoever, whereever you are.
i've never met a single nathaniel before.

You Are Lacy Panties

You're one seductive chica, but you've also got a ton of class.
You are like a pinup girl, with timeless beauty and sexiness.
Men are afraid to talk to you, knowing they'll be addicted to your charm immediately.
Only a true manly man, confident in himself, is your perfect match.


ULTIMATE. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. peng. really. totally don't trust quizzes already. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.


----

ok you can tell i'm bored.
off to bed. long day tml. =(

Sunday, April 29, 2007

aftermath of work.

nua-ed half a sunday. felt darn good.
just integrated into my sofa and stared at the tv for an entire afteroon. shiok or not! i meannnnn, like NO BOOKS!

haiz, spare me the lecture. i know i have an mgq exam still and i really think my hate for maths is overwhelming i'm actually disappointed and ashamed at myself.

still, i'm not so much of a numbers and weird symbols person.
nor of formulas or well, related stuff.
pardon me and my stupidity will you?

it's a prerequisite unfortunately for me.
very very unfortunate.
so i'm praying the ever godly nehneh will bless me with her powers.
and i can scrape through mgq once again.

orientation briefing tml. how exciting.
first aid lehhhhh. like after 3 years of keeping away from the first aid manual and kit. haizzzz. some things cannot run away from ok. it's like some ka zua.
but still, I HAVE SKILLS OK. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

-shrugs.
briefing the ogls. i hope i won't screw it up. personally i have no idea how andrew and i are gonna make this work because i hardly ever converse with him and i feel awkward being the yakking duck.
he's divinely intelligent i must add.
makes me feel stupider than i ALREADY am.

looking through genting pictures, got reminded monz is going on her HK trip. haiz. i wanna kill myself already. WHYYYYYYY????
i want to travel overseas so bad even a trip to m'sia would be ultra exciting.

but no, i don't want to go there lah. i want some place exotic (not to pick up Es) with loads of architecture, cold weather, awesome scenery and interesting bold people. i wanna learn new things, see new places, breathe in air from the other side of the world.

away from the stifling atmosphere here.
wait long long lah, jielin.

you have like one week holiday very good liao.
dream on.

orientation is actually so near it's pretty scary.
though i don't play a large part in it, but just brings back memories of the various camps i've been through and conducted.
i miss the feeling of running an entire camp.
miss the feeling of being in one.
haha...-shrugs-

it's gonna be a flurry of activity, then ah gong's bdae, squeezing tuition duties here and there, grapping little sleep, then back to school. and i think my parents are going overseas over the weekend. meaning we'll have the house to ourselves. pretty cool. wheeeee.


i find work everywhere. tons of papers unmarked. students. grrrrr. it's like every piece of work multiplied 13 times. then multiply again by 5 classes. PLEASE KILL ME. haizzzz. i'm starting to think maybe i should never overestimate myself.
but i'm quite alive. shall persevere. money money money jielin.
you are different. you need it.


so, i need that extra income soon. yayyyyy paycheck day coming soon. -beams- i love it when my account beefs up from my hardwork. spending is not that sinful as taking money from parents in the past.

work work work jielinnnnn.

ran 1 hour today again. good mans.
after so long.
soaked again.
super hot and humid.

random musings.
arghhh. yes i must go back to that stack of essays.
roarrrr. i wish everyone would leave a line. NOW i know why my teachers insist we do that. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

aiiii.
prepared p2 maths mock test too.
accomplished mans.
byebye. pics next time when gene sends me. =)


those intense eyes;
stripped me of everything.
you saw right through me;
down to every little minute nerve.
you are the death of me;
just like the way you bring me alive.

haiz.

the thought of a short holiday is dreadful.
but i desperately wish to get rid of that maths module.
i will see what i'm resigned to.

feeling so nua from tuition and early mornings and late nights.
fucking exhausted, a train ride from boonlay to clementi is enough for a good nap.

i woke up to find a few guys staring at me with a little smile/smirk/weird expression(circle one).
WTFFFF. made me think of what my sister said a few days ago.
that i LAUGHED OUT LOUD IN MY SLEEP.
knnnnnnnn.
if i really laughed in my nap on the mrt, please please let me never see those people again.
SIBEI MALU.
suan ler.

don't ask me what i dreamt of.
i never remember my dreams now.
extreme fatigue.


looking shittier by the day.
i've gotta tone down the eclectism.
juggling close perfection never seemed so difficut.


lusts.
for wants.
never dies.
only i'm so physically and mentally tired i don't want to move a muscle, unless it's to earn more money.
and yes, i have one last paper i catch no balls or nuts.
i hate stats.
fucking kill me.
crash course please.


no more omphs.
i work for everything i want myself.
there's a beginning and there's a ending.
i think i have an aura that pushes everything away.


shrouded beauty;
clouded moon.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

pain hits.

my teeth is hurting. my gums are hurting. i can actually feel tension and my teeth moving.
i feel pain.
it's numbed, but it's there.
shots and shots of it.

it's late and i should be sleeping. somehow when the adrenalin runs dry, i feel empty.
when the blur of activities end, i feel lonely.
or maybe it's just the sharp contrast.
i actually enjoy this period of the night.
silence and reflective for me.

i look at my ramblings and i wonder who reads them.
who actually bothers?
who takes them seriously?
who knows what my hidden meanings are?
who knows what's beneath all those?

perhaps life is nothing without it.
everyone seems to be glowing.
except me.
it's not jealousy.
it's not envy.
it's simply missing.
i've forgotten how it feels like.
how it's supposed to be.
how not to feel the hurt, the anger, the distrust.
how to let the ice melt and warmth take over.


the scent of burberry lingers still.
reminds me.
the perfect lavender smell is unfounded.
maybe that's why i'm still waiting.
the true meaning of lavender. who really knows?

one day, i reassure myself, one day.

the buzz of life.
all emptied slots filled up.
i want company of people i've neglected and miss.
yet i want personal space.
the dialectic of connection-autonomy indeed.
i feel drained, truth to be told.
i feel like someone took a ultra large vacuum cleaner and sucked everything out of me.
i'm simply a breathing exhaling machine.
emotions, sincerely, are shots of medicine.

i need a break. yet i am not sure what to do in this break.
i feel fulfilled from my life.
yet i feel lost too.
the time i'm spending on others, is actually much more than on myself.
i wish life would bring me to a meadow somewhere far away from here.
let me lay there in the morning sun; soak in the warm rays on my face and limbs.
hear the whispering of the tall grass around me.
smell the fragrance of spring.


perhaps the pursuit for material wants have surpassed the satisfaction of inner comfort.
in the flurry of events, i've forgotten what my simple aim in life was; since i was young.
i've replaced them with complicated, wishful thinking. unattainable, dreams, illusions and lies. money, possessions and more of everything. image, academics, love, friends, food, success.


i'm still hurting.
i wish the pain would stop.


i need an angel too.
i think mine went on a holiday long ago, and decided never to return.

loads of loveee.

update on ulcer: it's so swollen the right side of my lip is larger than the left.
sibei cool ok.
HAHAHAHA. i have pouty lips. even though they are uneven. -sheepish grin-


anywayyy, about the subject of today. TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY!!!!
asides from the collection of books, the dreary mgq lesson i still don't understand a shit, meeting up with haoz, gene and bishi rocksssss.
wheeeee. =D

and yes, shopping with abs.
-sighs.
spent a bomb in topshop.
im determined to slim down somemore.
grrrr.

eyeing that edhardy jacket.
or boots.
roarrrrr.
i so want a bomber jacket.
that f21 one. looks quite high class somehow. posh. =)
want my black leather slouchy boots.
want t100. but considering another model cos' i think resolution too high.
want new bag.
want to slim down.
want to become smarter.
i'm greedy arent i?


I FOUND OUT t100 is ONLY 699BUCKS.
ONLYYYY.
i expected more for the camera lah.
wtf.
still, it's money.
haiii.
i want a new pair of sneakers too.
=(


so random.
took loads of pics today. happy day.
laughed so much as compared to the past weeks.
really love love miss miss them.
=)
haiii.
some things still never change though.
like zeehao's saliva.
BUT, he started the bring brolly trend.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
sibei funny.
and i guess i still like to poke fun at him.
he reminds me of xiaozhong. HAHAHAHHA. opps.

and gene with his fabulous camera.
wheeee.
so talll also. taking pictures from ascending to descending height is so easy with them. HAHAHAHAH.
bishi the seatmate.
i like how things fall into place.
how everything feels.


take a deep breath.
and i enjoy the cool night breeze.

the moon shines brightly.
lighting up the clouds surrounding it.
the stars sprakling like jewels in the clear sky.
hope in bottomless emptiness.
nice. i like.

happy times don't last.
that's why i appreciate it.
and i remember it more clearly.
loves.
:)


i'm glad good things don't change.

Friday, April 27, 2007

it's over, almost.

so, things happen most unexpectedly.
i don't really know what it means, or what you want.
i guess i will play along with you.
nothing to lose.


flu day.
bad day.
maths day.
gonna do badly for maths.
BOO! =(
chinaman really came out some killer paper. cos' i didn't study the other chapters.
died badly.


i killed amazon forest today.
judging by the amount of tissues i used.
the examiner was kind enough to give me a plastic bag at the end of the paper.
"use this to throw away all your tissues ok?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.
oh well, cannot blame me, the tissues covered half my table. =(


met meow and hel in town.
ate at star(or is it sun?) and moon japanese restaurant.
not baddd.
but flu spoiled my appetite abit.
feeling quite frail now.
even two panadols don't help.
i should fall sick more often.
dont eat and lose weight. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

watched 200 pounds girl!!! IT'S DAMN NICEEEE.
really. a good mix of humour and well, sadness.
i cried mans. geez. i'm a tearbag.
go watch. i recommend. (:


didn't get to shop or buy anything. boo! =(
i think not much time for these already.
next few days should be going out still, but evening time. not much time to spend $$. hahahaha. not that i alot money to spend.
buttttttt. -grins-


well, i've nicely kept away from alcohol since the start of the year. pretty proud of myself. i think i've passed that phase of alcohol misuse.

can i consider myself grown up now?
seeking deeper meanings in life.
seeking to self-improve and make myself better than before.
life's more than just drowning myself in sorrows or wallowing in pity because of certain emotional issues.
i've retained my independent streak.
i've gotten back that lonw wanderer spirit.
maybe because of this i'm turning off many others.

-shrugs-


i've gained, and i've lost.
to weigh which is better or worse, i cannot.

being alternative kinda scares people off?
or does it simply appear eclectic?
or weird?
i keep quite alot to myself now.
so much inner thoughts. breeding grounds for evil.

got ulcer on my lower lip.
stupid braces.


meeting haoz, gene and bish tml!
wheee.
long time no see.

i wish the pimples will go away.
=(((((

my sister bought me portugese eggtarts!
i think love does wonders.
HAHAHAHAHA.
i benefit. (:


by the way, i love egg tarts. that's why.


ok lah, go le. bored.


the reflection against the oceans.
the stillness of the moon.
the eerie beauty of the planet.
can you visualise?
us, holding tight.
dancing slowly.
to a melody.
a song playing in our minds.
we connect.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

hmmmm.

i'm back again with another random realization.

i thinkkkkk.
just thinking.
i think my sis is in love.

not the previous one.
i think it's a new one.
and he seems to be keeping her really happy.
which is good.
because i've never seen my sister in scuh high spirits before.

free from PMS!
wheeeee!!!
all hail this new love king.

except cupid better start working on mine. BOO.

BOO!

the art of changing answers or trusting my instincts.
i STILL gotta fine-tune that.

though 217 i think i succeded in trusting my instincts.
i KNEW 225 i must check more than once.
yes, i changed a couple answers to the correct one.
subseqently changed one to the wrong one.
hoseibo.

anyway, i forgot totally about neutrality-empathy shit.
LIKE IT DIDN'T EVEN ENTRE MY MIND.
so just gave up wrote impersonal and handed in it.
HHAHAHAHAHA.

so while others are gonna get 100 marks, i think i'll prolly end up with 97 or so?
BOO!
nevermind,
i'm praying noodle will be ultra nice and give higher marks for my two reports.
both 217 and 225.
then i should be quite safe.
=(

i'm not trying to be an elitist.
but since everyone is doing so well, i guess i cant afford to slack behind like i once did.
still, i realised i rely alot on last-minute-panic-and-study patterns.
HA.
i AM slack, and i admit it.
i just make up for it through consistent slow work.
LOL.


jut did math131 fall paper.
pretty ok.
but i think ah li would change the paper to become pretty scary.
=(
=(
=(

i need my As.
cos' i wanna feel like i've indeed worked hard this sem and i deserve those lousy few days of break.

more things to prove.
shhhh.

ok, i'm gone.
lousy lousy pok.
one more day!!!
patience jielin!!!
one more day and you are liberated from books.
for at least....a few days, before you touch mgq again.
SIAN.

byebye.

words then numbers;

it's words for the past few days.
then terrifying numbers which i've abandoned for god saken centuries.

i will fail my maths.
like how i did in JC.
haiz.
but i don't want to.


this sem, if i can get 3As and above, i shall reward myself.
not that without 3As i won't reward.
cos' the rewarding process begins on thurs!!!! WHEEEE.


i've sat on the chair for hours, day to night, sunny to rainy,
i think my butt grew up at least 2 sizes.
my specs need increased degrees.
i'm so tired i could sleep a hundred years.
and i think i'm crazy because i'm still tuitioning.

money is stil important. so if i can actually emerge "victorious", i deserve it, don't i? :)
one more class=more revenue.
money makes the world click.


not the only thing of course. but pretty much for now.
happens when you live on your own bank account.
i feel independent.
and i feel loved in the centre.
most of the kids know me, from last year to this.
the teachers are friendly and cheer me up when i'm stressed.
it's a positive communication climate mans. (wheee!! 225-ed)

i've got to start memorizing.
dreading my maths paper which i will be studying for in 12 hours time.
haiz.
run for so long, hide for so much,
still came back to me.

life's shitty.
but i'm used to it.
i still think about it sometimes.
it and it and it-them.
i'm glad it's over,
and i feel the resentment tiding away.
this is a breakthrough for me.


i'm looking like a pimply dumpling now.

REALLLLLLY unattractive.
not that anyone cares.
still alive, barely.

i looked punched in the eyes.

no one can save me, but myself.
unless-
higher powers, are you listening to my pleas?
help me, please
.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

parasites.

FUCK OFF ALL.

highly versatile moods.
and i have a reason.
for maintaining distance.
the various strategies all also used before.


so, as fast as it starts, it sends too.

this is why, although some omphs work out,
the most important ones never,
for me at least.


when i say i never study means i really never study.
never a closet mugger.
will never be one.
never a mugger.
never be one.

this is why i won't accomplish big things in life.
life is more than studying.
i'm trying to understand how things work still.
applying books to life is never easy.
especially with people like them.

no no no.

no, i'm not studying hard.
i know it's wrong.
so kill me lah.

yes i'm still a slacker.
taking things too easy.

i'm guilty.

and i'm tired.
feeling the Alvl emo hitting me all over again.
tmdknnccb.

so i have a second cousin coming to sim ub biz.
had a good talk with father and daughter.
-shrugs-
i must have been a good persuader.
i think i will see her this orientation.


i'm......giving up slowly.
and i hate myself for it.
go with the flow.
i'll see what grades i get this time.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

scary day.

and i thought omphs were meant for abs only.
apparently i'm not that bad.
but it's just scary the way how things turn out.

like how i merely said that i would gladly share a seat with someone.
and then he ended up standing next to my seat for the rest of the lesson.
HAHAHAHAHH.
(no we did not share seats. he is E.R afterall)


then like how abs wanted to shake a prof's hand, then he turned to shake curly's hand instead.
HAHAHAHAHA.
peng.


and how i was mentioning about so many part-time students who come for 7:30pm classes. then some look rich so...

me: -sees alot of PT students- quick bio!
abs: you ownself bio lah.
me: ya lah. just bio only what. not like they will see me.
abs: want learn from meow ah.
me: ya....-TRIPS-

FUCKKKKKKKKKK.

win already lor.



and i saw him.

after so many years.

maths killed me and i was trudging to the bus stop.
parked myself by the green railings as usual.
stared off into the distance. stoning.
i had noticed this green uniformed guy at the bus stop earlier. didn't take notice.
hecks.
then i felt someone come nearer.
"jielin!"
-_- stun tio.

my heart skipped a beat.
and all throughout the conversation, i felt my heartrate beat at a pace i've never felt for months.
i think i managed to hide it pretty well.
but i was fluttering all along.
marveling at how you didn't change much.
at how good-looking you still are.
and mentally slaping myself inside for looking a mess.
184 came too soon.

i didn't ask you that question.
you didn't ask me anything either.

i still love your eyes.

i wish---









saw pear on the bus home too.
chatted abit about school life and complained.
HAHAHAH. oh wells.
miss everyone.
:)


things really do happen for a reason.
i wonder what this means.

huhpees of my life.

i'm gone but you're still there.



during maths, conversation with abs.
TSK TSK.

me: what were you guys doing???
her: ohhh. our mouths were like......(trails off). and then our hands....(trails off)
me: o.O wahlaueh! ABBY! WHY YOU SO FRISKY!!!

HAHAHAHHA.
okok. she was copying notes lah, so i think abit distracted.
BUT STILL, if taken out of context, she is still damn SM in my perception. =D -grins-



on azz with mz.
PENG-o-meter overload.

me: stomach cramp? go boil hot water lah.
mz: don't want lah. lazy.
me: -_-''' ONLY A FEW MINS WAD. YOU USE FIRE BOIL MEH.
mz: no lah. stomachache. don't feel like walking.
me: okkkkkk.
mz: yah, then azz see my big stomach. (infer meaning) he ask me be careful don't walk too much.
me: -ULTRA SIBEI PENG ON THE SPOT + WANT TO BOX HER-


somtimes i'm amazed at the kind of things we say.


during tuition.

student 1: miss teo!!! HOW YOU SPELL CUP?
me: er...C-U-P?? -smells something fishy-
student 1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. ORH HOR! 'CHER!!! YOU SEE WHO PEE????!!!
me: -_-'''

in case you still don't realise, it's cos'
C-U-P = SEE- YOU- PEE


the things kids come up with.

student 1: CHERRR!! got one more! WHAT IS LAZY LEG IN CHINESE. LEG must be in "di si sheng" (fourth pitch).
me: (thinking WTF. YES I KNOW WHAT IS IT. SO I DON'T REPLY) eh, i don't want to say.
student 1: eeeee. teacher know liao, not fun.

o.O
and i wonder what kids learn today.


me: ok! next word i want you to spell--OCCASIONALLY.
student 1: ahhhh. wah so difficult. die. OK-SHE-NE-LIIIIII. -scribbles on paper-
student 2: HAHAHAHAH! miss teo!!! i know i know!
student 2: it's OK-SHEN(god)-NA-LI(where)!!!
me: -stabs myself silently-



and if you were wondering why their words are usually in bold, it's because my kids don't SPEAK. THEY SHOUT.
machiam i'm hard of hearing.
now. imagine 13 kids shouting AT THE SAME TIME.
i'm so tired i don't even wanna say how it's like.


in between the borders of life and death,
both battles i fight.
loss and victories, how do i judge?
when the going gets bad, they say the bad gets going.
i'm just pushing on and on, in hope of better things around the corner.
everything, i do for a purpose, a reason.
things too, happen for reasons, phantomable or not.


btw. i think i like my new bg. :) it's my boots btw. NOT A VASE nehneh.



that day you left me there, and went off alone.
the rain was heavy, the lightning lit up the dark room.
the room was empty; reeking of loneliness.
where i remained.
praying for your return-
which never came.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

blahblehbloh.

i think as the days go by, and the nights trawled, we are getting increasingly irrelevant, incoherent and well....nonsensical.

On PS (inside joke)

me: ya lah, you and your china plants.
mz: why only china plants? don''t discriminate lor. the rest also very nice.

HAHAHAHHAHA. WTFFFF.

me: wah lau X got rich boyfriend. knn.
mz: aiya, we also will have one lah. one day.
me: ya right.
mz: i give up on next sem intake liao mans.
me: why leh? it's 200 odd leh. alot you know. just bio abit lah.
mz: bio also they won't bio back.
me: you want they bio back? cannnn. FALL DOWN INFRONT OF THEM LOR.
mz: SHIT U.

=D


continuing on the topic

me: wah lau. then later they see X they will nose bleed. knn i sjab have to go help them.
mz says:
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
mz says:
MAYB THEY WILL FALL IN LOVE W U
mz says:
lols
mz says:
cos u like angel save them
mz says:
yeah all guys will flock to X
mz says:
E-s will fly to abs
mz says:
ermm..
me:
......
me:
HAHAHAHHA
me:
u is all those foreign worker
mz says:
unless construction workers come lor
mz says:
ya lor
mz says:
shitt
me:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
mz says:
forever stuck in the trend
mz says:
tmd cannot get out of it


i swear there are funnier conversations.
then again, we tend to forgot 50% of what we hear everyday.
explains why i cannot rmb them.
oh wells. it's all inside jokes.
don't understand nvm.
just for memories.


the life of the act-rich-not-rich.
haizzzz.
i want BLINGGGG.

healthy living? ah pui.

yea, so i ran like 1 hour and 10 mins worth.
i'm so proud of myself i treated myself to a drink of soya milk and xian cao!
yums, my favourite drink from markets.
wheeee.

the weather was so bloody hot the redbull tee sam got for me from thailand was soaked by the time it hit 5mins. -_-'''

seriously. perseverance!!!

-claps myself on the back-

i'm convinced some of my fats are gone.
i think?

walked to sheng siong to get grocceries for myself (promote healthy living).
walked past these 2 secondary school boys. one of them was like saying "WAH LAU EH. SO HOTTTT. I'M MELTINGGGGG. KILL MEEEE!!"

please mans, i kill you who kill me.
slash my own wrists mans.
even abs not stopping me. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND SIA. ASK ME STAND INFRONT OF ADMIN TO SLASH BETTER.
-_-'''
mean porks.


admin sucks.
so i'm getting another lousy timetable.
so tireds.

the weeks are getting dreary.

something i wrote in my friendster profile and ACTUALLY mean it.

if you can sweep me away from this bloodied battlefied.
into the meadows;
to places where sand melts at your toes;
where the sky and the sea meets in one line;
where isolation equals beauty.


fucking bring me away.
i mean i do love singapore and all, but i'm so stifled sometimes.

can't breathe.
and i;m gaining weight. sibei dulan ok.
doesn't help that the entire world is growing smaller in sizes.
bloody difficult to find clothes.

enough ranting.
slash slash.


i still want something from ed hardy.
it's nearing my birthday.
i should start making a birthday list. =D



not that anyone is going to get it for me.
i buy for myself cannot ah.
puiiii.

Monday, April 16, 2007

woahhh.

and so technology advances in postmodern era.
now we can blog in hindi. damn cool i say.

not that i know how to type or even understand the language.
prolly a little from those MRT announcements they make lah.

anyway, my chinese really sucks.
i've not written my chinese name in...monthsss.
blahhhh.
=(

bilingualism!!! where is it!!!

talk to me in chinese ok.


i think it's kinda extreme when you use the computer for the entire day doing bloody assignments then when you try to shut it down, IT DOESN'T RESPOND.
then you don't listen to music on the radio at home. YOU USE YOUR COMPUTER TO LISTEN ONLINE.
yeah, that's what i'm doing now lah.

anyone has music and lyrics's sountrack? the one sung by drew barrymore and huge grant?
send meeee.

done with 217. not the best quality. but i'm so tired my eyes cannot differentiate between good or bad anymore.
i'll leave it to fate.

tried my best. really.

now, it's back to the pia period. BLAHHHH.
a few days of rest. look forward girl, look forwardddd.
a few days is better than none.

i like megg and aj from antm. very cute and got attitude.
woahsss.




LOOK! NO MORE MICROSOFT WORD. even for few hours also shuang. really.
dying le.
yes yes, i know the bg is disturbing. HAHAHAHA.

i've heard the songs in my itunes library at least 3 times in 2 days.
send me new songs please.
hush.

huhpee-ness.
is.
good.
no one will know what i am talking about. or thinking.
keep those within. breeding grounds.

i will love you in a minute.
don't think about tomorrow.
don't buy the future.
think of me.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

emo chick.



flipped and found this in one of the self-help books. took it when i went orchard library with abs quite some time ago.
tsk.
applies to all.




mans. how long since you saw a perfect view of sunset? (nehneh excluded. i know u travel alot) i guess i miss the simplicity of life.
miss ocip peeps and the things we did, the times we spent, the hardships we endured, the sweat we shed.
unrepeatable.




kop-ed this picture from gene. lol. i was kinda amazed by how much my teeth has shifted since. it's shocking. for the better or the worse, it's halfway done.

haven't we all changed. i'm looking forward to post-exams celebrations!!! wheeee. miss miss miss all.
:)

no i haven't completed my 217. buzz off my back.
am getting rude and crude, realised.
selective liking.
i guess when i'm stressed or uptight, i don't like people buzzing around me.
kinda blows my top off.

and i wonder how many truly understand me.
or how much i know someone else.
it's scary to think you know someone, yet when one does something you don't expect, you are left dumbfounded and hurt, perhaps.

why. ghost has approached the selective liking phase too.
or is it simply the people we meet?
is it just me?
i find myself staying in neutral gear most of the time.
not very good in terms of communication.
haiz.

i miss simplicity.
travelling.
wants-
horseback riding.
t100 camera.
a bigger RAM for my laptop so it doesn't lag.
new new songs both eng and chinese for me.
perhaps more money.
more clothes and boots and perhaps plastic surgery.
HAHAHAHAH.

i'm being a chicken. ignore me.




peck peck peck.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

=((((

i fell asleep twice while typing my com217. i'm barely 1/3 done.
so fucking tired.
i wanna surrender, i don't even know why i'm struggling so hard to make ends meet.

so what if they don't meet?
will it change anything?

i guess it's about risk-taking.
i refuse to let any stray strand leave the pack.
just like i've planned everything.
slowly, surely, quietly.

things will work out. breathe, jielin, breathe.

you can get used to the lack of sleep.
push limits further, we are all inhumane some part or another.

listening to chinese songs somehow calms me down gradually.

but english songs are good too. selective listening.

i need to wake up. my eyelids are weighing like fucking elephants.
blahhhhh.

if not for money;



remedies.
my teeth hurt.
my stomach is suffocating me.
my thighs can create thunder when touched.
my face is an errupted volcano.
how sexy.

no distorted feedback.
developing evil thoughts by the day.
curb them! you don't want them to come true, then start regreting!!!

i'm craving some ice cream waffles.
haiz.

so gonna flunk this sem.
that faith is like water flowing by me.
i see darkness and more darkness.
lights glimmers and vanishes.
all hypnotism. all illusions.
deceptive in nature, manipulative in reality.

free me of the demons.
free me from myself.

Friday, April 13, 2007

ka-ching;

money outflow again.
little things here and there. amounted to more than $100 plus already.
winner.

=(
i had wanted to remain shopping bag free ok.
end of day my shoulder was hurting from all that weight.
guess whether i succeeded or failed lor.

sianz.
went river island to check out their boots.
good lord, $249????
peng.
no money sia.
i want want.
this one, that one.
all want.

haiii.
gorgeous babies.
=(
and i realised since i don't seem to be slimming down at all, i might as well buy clothes don't show my fats to the world.
blahhh.

stares.
compliments?

life's greatest gifts sometimes don't come in nice packages.
no rain ever keeps raining.

now, i shall do my esl.
corrections.

fart-

pretty stoned.

REPLY ME CHARLESSS REPLYYYYY.
LIKE TODAY!!!! TODAYYYYY.
NOONNNNNN.

or not i fucking don't need to sleep for two nights.
please god please.
ultra sonic omph needed.

i want to sleep.
desperately.

not like after all these shit is over i can enjoy life.
finals bloody finals.
no study break.


i've roared countless times today.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

been e-ed.
birded.

memories of the past.
ah, i miss those days, those people.
even a fleeting moment was enough.

nothing repeats.
except maybe bad things-
then again, this is how we learn to cope.

i haven't changed much i guess.
from those evaluations.
peseverance my girl.
"you are a very lucky girl"--> super huhpee.
HAHAHAH i wonder who.


i'm actually quite pleased with my first ever decent esl ppt. i guess i should leave with a bang. =D

Thursday, April 12, 2007

evil thoughts must be rid?

recently i've developed a habit of reading my horoscope when i get home after a long day of work or school.
and i could think back on how true it was.

today's was shocking.

i guess horoscopes are not entirely lame afterall.


but i read cleo's gemini horoscope and i pray it'll come true. HAHAHAHHA.

i must have mis-omphed. the boss is charles chua. HAR HAR.
tick tick.

deadlines to meet.
i feel like procrastinating.
and i hate it when i catch no ball.
haiz.

maths coms esl mgq.
very bad.

so today noodle gave a fucking quiz afterall.
didn't study. yay. my first less than 9 quiz. so exciting. AND GUESS WAD. i think i have to start trusting my first instincts.
cos' i circled the right answer, then i changed it last minute.
so exciting.
haiz.

feed me sleep.

breathe jielin breathe.

and i thought those tears were gone for good.
no, not for you.
for these.
be strong, you can do it.
believe.
"have courage" she once told me.

pipimimi.

i'm still alive, very much haggard but alive.
died last night/today morning for 1 hour plus on my bed.

woke up to go school.
spent entire night pia-ing an esl essay i didn't know i had to hand in until the day before i was supposed to hand in. GREAT.

then today esl glenda says don't need to hand in. WIN ALREADY.

but at least i cleared some load to free time next week. provided my essay is not entirely off track. FUCK.

had flu early in the morning. really terrible. popped two panadol cold tablets from tomato. subsided after an hour or so.
getting high on pills indeed.


i'm quite tired. i think i'm prone to throwing tantrums at this stage, but i'm controlling it pretty well.

ok, more sleepless nights ahead. so much to do, so little time. i refuse to push away tuition and earn less money cos' of all these academic shit. NO!
but then again, i might flunk finals. YAY.

haiz. see how.

i will do it.
jielin always does.

Monday, April 09, 2007

solace.

is it possible to feel permanently tired and exhausted?
like brain dead?

i believe that one's brain has the ability to expand.
and someone can become smarter over time.
somehow i think i'm losing momentum i just wanna cave myself up and do it all alone. do it all again.

when it reaches the stage of staring at words and they dance about, when things get blurry and you lose that determination.
K.O.

chapters and chapters.
assignments and assignments.
work and work.
kids and kids.
at least there's still money.
there's hope.


i feel so pissed with all that cramming.
i really can't breathe at times.
dreams; all about school, work, worries.

when can i have a real rest?
sundays, no longer long hours of sleep.
it's catching up and more catching up.
i don't wanna lose passion.
i don't wanna lose faith.
i want to lose that restrain.
i wan to release.

i don't see it coming anytime soon.
and i'm burning out fast.
someone, please, i beg, a break...

Sunday, April 08, 2007

12:49am

i yawned and my rubber band snapped.
how exciting.
not to mention the countless times it flew outta my mouth when i was trying to hook it.
AND it got lost. damn pekcek feeling, especially when you are in a rush.
or when you are trying to hook it, it DOESNT fly away, but it SNAPS and HITS YOUR UPPER LIP.
ouch.

the pain of it all.
for one stupid vain goal.

i believe.

i think i better head to bed soon. because last night i went to bed late and i woke up late for my morning tuition, so i have to make up for it in like...8 hours.

fuck.
i still hate my hair after 4 hours.
i think i will still continue hating it for a few weeks.

how do you remedy REALLY bad haircut?
besides shaving all bald.

haircut does make a man.
i mean, look at AZZ with long hair. seriously.
only i look pretty shit this time. the cut's all off and weirdodo.

so tempted to go for extensions.
let me comfort myself.


i'm outta here.
i feel fat.
it's it.
i should stop obsessing.

i should learn from e.
i like her.

you asked how am i.
i told you i like girls.
you gasped.
you asked why.
i said, just because.
you still asked why.
i just shrugged and ignored you.
you still asked why.
dude, did anyone ever tell you that you suck at communication?
you got it all wrong.
right from the start.
go ahead, conform in your little bengwannabe world.
and live happily ever after, not.
i curse.
this omph will work.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

howhowhow.

when things go wrong, i would love to blame it all on the other party.
this time, i STILL want to.

dammit. how how how.
my hair sucks.
-heaves a great sigh-

ok i'm back to being a....boy.
fuck.
fuckfuckfuck.
really loadful of fuck.

i'm so angry i could scream at someone.


forget it. i'm gonna be pulling my hair everyday.
grow fasterrrr.

uglyfuck.
it will pass.
but i still miss the old hair.

fate's joke.

la ji da xiang jie mei hua.


aiii. i thought i could cheat fate once.
did it.
then today, i couldn't believe i was so suey.
thought i could cheat yet again.
but it failed.
fate had to play this joke on me.
so harsh and cruel,
utterly no taste.
crude in it's worst possible form.


now i wanna take buses everywhere i go.
hatessss.

and i realised i haven't been meeting real gentlemen yet.
according to abs definition.
oh wells.

omphing begins soon.
:)
though i have not much standards to deserve a omph, but rmb, confidence eh??? hahahahha.

white ass, if you are reading this, i put the pic on friendster cos' i though it looked pretty nice.
like emo rock. yea man. the colours lah.
sorry if i scared u ok.

bought a nice nice blouse today.
yayity.
=D



when difference scares them,
they shun it.
when they cannot shun it,
they condemn it.
fear, in their eyes.
the world shrinks because of them.
this, i laugh silently within.


the day ends, not entirely satisfactory i would say.
back to basics.
back to routine.
if only-

Friday, April 06, 2007

new skin.

was reading my sis's glamour mag and there was this column written by a male: WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE YOUR(WOMEN'S) BODY.

number 7: You can wear sandals.

Ever take a look at a man's feet? Scary, isn't it? Your feet can be pretty(toes polished or not). The best ours can hope for is non-repulsive.

hahahah. oh wells, i thought it was kinda funny.

today, right now is relax time. damn shagged from the entire week. i'm dull and dead and barely alive. suppression is the key.

as you can see, my new blog background. now, with this, i aim to prevent people from visiting this place. because my face will scare people off. HAHAHAHAH. yayyy.

anyway, red and black is so emo punk. niceee.
and i think i look slim today, which is good. three cheers.

i should stop obsessing about weight. just work everything out if i feel flabby. confidence is the key, ain't it?

sighs.

what am i trying to prove?

the day was long, but lessons were relatively ok. time was manageable. loads undone still.

BOO.

i need space to put my clothes. i'm using up the chairs and laundry baskets. DAMN.


the wayward cloud;


random thought from me: bad taste is better than no taste.

today while jogging i saw this eagle right overhead in the sky. soaring so effortlessly. for a moment i wished i could be a bird(no, i'm not a bird YET).

fly away towards the setting sun.
it's been quite long since i saw a decent sunset.

i'm feeling hungry.
i'm feeling quite hot(weather).

Thursday, April 05, 2007

playing around.

i just thought i'll fool around with my blogskin for a bit.

it's not easy, i realised, but still, i will be trying my best to change my blogskin once every few days.

change is good. refreshing. :)

done with 225. i think it's pretty much shit, but what's done is done.
the week is almost over.
tgif.

time to catch up with lagging chapters in comm.
sighh.

but i am so looking forward to friday.
we deserve it, really.

it's sleep time.
-snores.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

slacking those restrains.

i wonder, if i were to start omphing again, what would happen?

the history, for fear of repeating itself, i stopped.
but now, i just wish to see how things will change.
how i might unwittingly create havoc in my life, and who.

maybe my omph-ing powers have surged.
unlying wants have been fulfilled, and certain things went according to planned.
but did i omphed for those?
or merely luck?

because i am decadent.
yes, i am growing uglier by the minute,
fatter by the second.
so what?

i guess ah gui gui is pretty impossible.
waking up from a dream.

i will start practising those powers soon.
perhaps after i've conquered this bloody week.
fucking shagged.

i am miss-sleep-everywhere-i-go-because-at-night-never-sleep-enough.

Monday, April 02, 2007

huhpee.

jl: how do you have plant sex???
mz: WHY NOT? (insert super loud tone and enlarged eyes)



SERIOUSLY.

i didn't know lao meow had such interest. HAHAHAHA.

first was abs with her SM, then now lao meow with PS(plant sex).
HAHAHAH.

oh wells, it was funny to hear her retort so loudly, then gasp in horror.

today first time totally never study com217. KNN GOT QUIZ.
i blur diao ok. i just used common sense for all, and surprisingly all same answer as wl(who had same paper as me), except one TELL AND SELL. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK PLS.

i thought it was TALK AND SELL. peng.

tml sure got 225 quiz. hai. nv study yet.
fucking bloody back.

ok com225 no slp tonight.
gos bless me.

by the way, i don't really care what you think, because i don't dress to impress.
i dress to make myself happy.
:)

before i lapse into the terror of week again...

i shall give an entry to signal my surrender for the week.
haiz.
my god. i will never finish anything without sleeping.

i didn't realise how fucked com225 is.
and the quizzes.
ARGH.
sibei dulan liaoz.

i need caffine, and i don't even drink coffee unless i need to.
i see no more sleep for the week.
should have started earlier.
should.
didn't. now i'm paying.

i think i need toothpicks to keep my eyelids open.
or maybe superglue will do.
a thousand slaps in reserves,
to keep me awake when i nap.
perhaps electric shocks will work wonders,
when i fall into the slumber.


times like these, i wish the polaris were above me, and i have a glass ceiling to look up into the sky.
all night, you will lead and guide.
in the breeze, i hear your name.
i hear those whispers,
and hear the giggles.

through the forests,
rustle of leafs, more whispering.
these; cries of pain.
tears of anger.
the used.



mass deleted some smses from my phone.
tsk. memories mans.
things change, last sem to this.
people more drastic than the events themselves.
i always think the answers will come, one day, i convince myself.
truth to be told, i know the answers will never arrive at my doorstep.
nothing repeats.
nothing happens twice.
even if it does, the feeling is just different.

we are history.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

because i'm drawn to you.

so the outing was hardly that successful. met abbas at clementi to take train to suntec, turns out jj also took same train as us. so damn pi4. so the two guys instantly started talking about army. -insert peng msn emoticon-

-sigh- slacked at starbucks talking cok about army, suan-ing jj about his pervy-ness and abbas being the gentleman of all times as usual.

strolled to esplanade where the guys insisted "there very romantic. let's go for a walk." hahahaha. so yea, 3 romantics.
there was soloist performance. fucking serenaded. -beams- the girl sings darn well.

got quite late for cinderella, so i decided to cab home. the guys were nice enough to agree and we waited bloody long for one. walked to main road to get one because apparently friday nights are freaking hired-cab-nights. sian.

got home in time. phew.

tuitioned today entire day. shagged.
cute kids. tolerable. noisyyyy.

rained heavily so i couldn't leave the centre. was late to meet monz. just in time for our movie STOMP THE YARD at vivo. fucking crowded as usual. -grimace-
the movie is really good. realllllyyyy.

-insert snake hissing-
-insert wolfcall-

HAHAHHA. now i wanna learn street dance.

lamed around with monz. walk walk talk talk. I MISS HER COMPANY MANS. you see this girl??? hahaha. TOP 10 SEH!!!

hai. saw a sweater from pull and bear.
I LOVE. bloody 80 bucks. seriously.
if only i love rags instead.

I WANT.
i want so many things.
it's beyond help.
stab me.


ugly me.


time flies when i'm with monz. but it's worthy every second.


i love it when you tear me apart.
i love it when pain turns into pleasure.
i love you,
because i'm drawn to pain.