--

i no longer know who or what i am living for.
i find it difficult to negotiate those common grounds, especially when there is no intersecting commonalities.

so, here iam, all alone, left out.
because, just because, i'm different from the rest.

so very tired.
just struggling on. maybe the demons will never leave.
maybe it's just s futile fight to please my soul.
maybe i'll never be who i strive to be.
i just wanna give up this time round.

i'm tired of everything i do, making everyone else happy but me.


kill me, before i kill myself.
let this be the passing phase of the week.
let me redeem myself before i start to feel hate.
let me open my heart and attempt to understand the others before i start to feel contempt.
communications taught me.
i must, must try to understand.

even when fatigue hits.

because grinning as wide as that,
does not help to shelter than gloomy soul inside.

give me hope, someone, anyone.

i'm studying, and not studying.
i'm playing, and not playing.
i'm working, and not working.

unsteadiness in me.
edge of chaos.

geminis have double edged sides.

i feel the onset of the demon. whereby the paradise filled with angels have momentarily closed down for vacation.
they will be back.
i will be back.