wah lau eh.

let's just say friday and saturday is equally tiring.

SIM orientation(on friday) for UB students studying at SUNY this semester is terrifying. instead of the usual ice breaker games and havoc stuff, our orientation is held at 7pm!!! EVENING. seriously. and my parents and i arrived late cos' there was some jam. well, it was slightly embarrassing entering a class already filled up and lecturer talking halfway. so i stepped in, took a quick gasp internally, scanned the room for space, and located two empty seats right at the back of the classroom. bingo!

back seats are really cool cos' you get to check out the people in the entire class(although back view only) without them realising. people watching. discreetly of course.

there was an indian girl infront of me. priya is her name, after we started talking during the short break we had. i cannot believe it! we merely exchanged names and realised that we were in the SAME CLASS, and also..well, started bitching about some stuff. lol. it's so bad. but then again, it felt good having someone to talk to, although it may seem a little superficial.

it's sad though, cos' i can already spot groups of girls with their friends(must have signed up together) and it's gonna be really hard to make friends with them. horrified at the thick make-up some of these girls had too. i really admire them for their ability to do make-up, but yet slightly grossed out at the CAKE of powder they had on their faces. not very flattering. heck.

there's Miss SIM beauty peagant. HAHAHAHA.

no, i'm not going to join. i don't have "what it takes".

coming back to the topic of terrifying. the lecturer was scaring me with countless numbers(GPAs) and requirements to be able to graduate successfully, and i got so freaked out by everything. i ended up quite stressed at the end of the day, which was 9plus at night.

fucking stressed. no more time for play. so tempting, but i'm going to try my best to restrain that wild streak in me. sighhh. half-hearted efforts always bring me nowhere.


saturday, today was good. fucking early morning...erm, swim. alcohol set in quite fast, but minimal effects. everything happened in a whirl. quite scary. but..really good. heh.

so many first time-s, and it was definitely thrilling, although the kind warning by the security guard got me quite embarrassed. *grimace*

pleasure in everyday life, should they be considered as sins? ok, maybe once a week only? hahaha.

*shrugs*

i've been bad. it's time to go back to the angelic side of me for next week. 5 days weeks plus working on monday after school and saturday entire day. i should be able to survive given my determination. gotta stop whining and fight through this shit. it's really too much to handle, but if i have the support from my friends around me, and also the internal drive within me, i think i might actually pull through. *sigh*

saturday morning till early noon has to be censored on the blog. HA. secrets.

noon was tuitioning and i almost fell asleep. terrible.

finally ended the dreadful tuition hours though i had a good talk with weijing about uni stuff and him saying that he has confidence in me able to pull through quite easily..i really am touched. really. it's people like him, the simple words and gestures coming from them that make my day.

met up with BHB at clementi and napped abit while waiting for monz and edwin to arrive in their car. went to marina south to steamboat! was damn tired but still tried to keep my adrenalin pumping to keep high. hahaha. energy. every moment spent now must really be worthwhile cos' i don't have much time for myself to relax anymore. sigh.

everything was good. really. =)

tml will be blading day with RBG again. i have a new red pouch from BHB! omg. it's darn nice. i wanted to get the black one for DAMN LONG already. but a red one is striking enough. =) thanks dear.

i hope my blading will be better tml. i cannot afford to fall again. sighhh. or blade ankle-ish. damn sad. alfie sure zoom pass us liao. wah lau, chao enthu. hahahah.

i wonder if RBG will still exist even after school starts? =)

every week seems better with me able to look forward to weekends. somehow, reliance on friends during weekends really is simpler than struggling and fighting like shit in the week.


i'm so tired thoughts just keep floating in and out of my mind constantly. i cannot stop them. so confused. so fucking tired.
i don't even know what i am supposed to FEEL. i feel so bad, because i'm enjoying what i shouldn't be. and i WANT to go beyond the limits, but it's against my principles. it's like tension of opposites at work again.

the need and the want.
the urgency and the _____.
yet the romance and the flow.


i've done so many first times these 2 weeks, that i think i've sinned enough for the rest of my life. HAH.

yet i actually enjoyed it. is my inside devil struggling to come out? or do i feel more comfortable being the suppressed and "saintly" me?

i want more. i know it's wrong, but i want more.