random.

too many things on my mind recently. can't really figure them out still. feels like some rojak of feelings and emotions that come and go, surge and disappear, irritate and annoy me. most of the time im left confused and frustrated, very helpless to all these stuff happening in my brain. im really sick of it. wish these will go away soon.

BAH. just as i was lamenting something shld happen to my life, this happened. nothing much to say about it. but i guess my stand is still strong, i guess i can still go out as "friends" and state my stand clearly first before i do so. i doubt he has any intentions left anyway. been so long since we talked and he had to pop out of nowhere. but i truly believe in letting bygones by bygones. then i guess i gotta do what i preach? hmmmm. yea, stop dwelling on the past and just concentrate on the present.

what am i rambling on and on about?? i can't even understand myself anymore.

BAH. i really gotta start revving up my engines to get ready for prelims and As. dun wanna fail again. i cannot afford to fail again. not for prelims. not for As. i really have to do well, and prove that im not a retard(which is quite hard i know). sigh. they say you reap what you sow. then i better start sowing, or i'll have nothing to reap eventually.

i really just want to be happy. is it that difficult? i don't know how much lies and deception is lying under this mask i wear everything. i smile but do nto feel truly happy. i smile for almost no reason. i smile just to make people smile. and i smile to make others not worry abt me. i smile so that people will not bother asking me "are you ok? you don't look happy."

i seriously hate that Q. it's dumb you know. when i don't look happy, i am NOT happy. that's kinda obvious isnt it? i hate it when people ask the obvious. but yes, i understand that they DO care. my friends do care, and i truly appreciate it, but i just hope they'll put it across other then that classic "are you ok" line that irritates me. still, sometimes i REALLY am grateful for the "are you ok"-s that i receive, cos' sometimes i just really am not ok, and i want to talk about it..thanks to all my friends out there who have tolerated this absurd behaviour of mine. hahaha.

anyway, before i forget, i wanna wish my darling-that-is-not-so-darling-anymore HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY to you and winnie! damn, time really flies yea? :) hope u guys will treasure each other and ba happy till forever!! hahahha. chEerio! two good buds that i really cherish! JIAYOUUUUU!!! :)

i shld get going to study my econs and do the dumb tys.

i'll probably be getting back most of my papers next week. are there any drivers out there?

maybe one day i can just cross the road and some lorry/truck/car/van/bus will knock me down. and i will die.

joy to the world.