ahhh.

no, i do not freaking feel any much better. my life is still as fucked up, my results will be STILL be fucked up, and i pretty much have no hope in life.

BUT, i still wanna thank all that have shown concern and care, giving me endless encouragement amidst my loss of self-confidence, my almost-depression mode, and also lending me a listening ear or me whining and complaining abt my sucky life and lousy brain.

thanks specially to yun ma, winnie, eugene, zihao, bishi, and many many more. i really don't know how to thank them. many times during this week of terror and dread, i simply felt the need to drop out of school and get out of all that shit that binded me to school--tests, exams and failing them. yet these people really stopped me from doing that. many a times i wanted to just end my life there and then, but these people were there for me. they kept me from losing my sanity. they kept me from giving up.

im really grateful for all the faith n encouragement u guys gave me. although im STILL gonna fail this block test2, but i guess at least i tried my best to STUDY. and i did really sit my big fat ass down to study hard. though probably not effectively.

im exhausted from everything. during this process of intense "mugging", i felt like i was losing my mind. losing my happiness. losing everything i used to have. but it was these people and their simple acts of kindness that touched my hearts and convinced me i was pretty much alive and shld stay that way. thank you, i hope u all know who u are. :)

i suffer from lack of slp, so much so that the eye rings under my eyes resembles that of an ah beng punching me in my eyes. that ah beng sure had accurate aims. man, am i sure glad for glasses for once. mask the ugliness behind. or perhaps, it didnt help at all. hah.

i still need slp anyway. im so glad that i din suffer from extreme crankiness from the lack of slp. i've also come to conclusion that my body clock is screwed from the hols. moreover, people cannot sustain for 3 weeks with only maximum of 5 hours slp per day. at least not for me. i almost died, and im not going to try that again. at least need greater psychological balance, so i can concentrate better.

it's just me against myself. im still trying to overcome myself.

i think i spent my entire life struggling and opposing the odds. i struggled during PSLE to get into rv. where i then struggled for 4 years of my adolescence--being sent to principal office for TEA, self-study sessions, meet the parents sessions etc etc. it's quite sad really. considering i was just another mediocre student in the school life. i struggled my way out of tt sch and ended up in jj where i did not struggle just as much during first 3 months. studying was no problem and yet i could still ace my tests. WAHAHHA. those were the days man.

sheesh. so now im here, in this school, struggling for about one year or so, failing pretty much everything since this year. in fact, i don't think i passed any maths test before. physics is becoming another major problem too. now, even my most interested subject--econs is also quite gone case. geog too. gp to add in. what is working out in my life? i do not see much.

im just thankful for what i still have left in my life though. and that basically adds up to friends.

the only conclusion i've come to in my life so far: i am just stupid and slow.

i bet no one can deny that fact.
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went out today with yun ma and winnie after geog paper today. eugene met us later. hmmm, was slacking ard in bugis. was supposed to go shopping for MY stuff, but ended up buying stuff for my ma and sister. heh. both earings. but im quite happy with the purchases la. my sister was very happy with my little gift for her, so ya, it was nice to see that i am able to make people smile.

but anyway, today's outing was very fun and funny. hahahha. i cldnt stop laughing over many things. i think the released tension felt good. :) and the company was great too. talked quite abit.

saw eugene's flying spit with amazing projectile. the spit was quite large la. wah lau. but very drama. HAHAHAH. when me, winnie and eugene's eyes followed the spit. DAMN FUNNY. i cant forget tt moment. especially when we were VERY engaged in an interesting topic. :D internal joke la, only funny when u see it.

hmmm, did a bit of looking ard. still deciding to buy a plain fitting tee or a polo tee, or the costly alternative--an adidas polo tee. hahahha. shit. i'll have to think through first. hahahha.

then there were talks abt our ideal counterparts, loads of jackings, and tons of laughing. hahaha. ithink my face cramped a couple of times, not to mention the stomach aches. hahahah. :) thanks guys, i enjoyed the outing tremendously!

coffee bean rocks when it comes to slacking and chilling out. especially when i get to cosy up to a couch!!! :D sooooo satisfied.

hahhha. yun ma and i have come to conclusion that we are "excluded" from the comfy team of two people during the mini outing. hahahaha. reminds me of geog..exclusion. BAH. but nvm la, very sweet. :)

ehhh, i actually wrote 10% intellectual stuff for geog today. quite ok. but can pass gd liao. one of 4 subs to pass. not bad.

me:i like tall, tanned and guys who are sporty....
yun ma:orhhhh...i know who liao...
me:must be quite rich also..wo yao jia ge you qian ren. HAHAHA.
yun ma:aiyo..i wanted to say deepan one..

WAHAHAHAH. firstly, deepan is naturally tanned la(that i agree). secondly, he IS quite sporty and tall. but don't worry huifang, i wont snatch best friend away from u. :D

im praying u won't see this.