JEZ

well, one thing that i've decided is that instead of ME finding for that constant in my life, im gonna try to be the constants in MY friends' lives. :) im serious. i want to be there to cheer them up, wipe away their tears, make them smile, find hope and strength with them.

let's just hope i'll be able to do it, and not simply words on a plain piece of paper.

it's been so long since i had a nice long chat with two of my very good buds. and it really has cheered me up. my mood seems enlightened and somehow more cheery.

it is raining now. the raindrops are crashing down on my balcony, making the leaves of my father's money plants slouch with weight. the lightning is flashing continuously, accompanied by roaring thunders. people who know me well, would know that i absolutely hate rainy days. i hate the darkness, the dreadful skies, the dull atmosphere, the lack of activity, and the horrible lightnings and thunders that still scare me even though im a full-grown 18 year old. childish as it may seem, the rains just remind me of how gloomy and hopeless life can be.

on the other hand, the situation after the rains are a completely different thing. hope and life seems to spring up from every corner of the world. the birds are flying in the skies, chirping loudly as if to cheer for the absence of the loud thnuder. earthworms come wriggling up onto the surface gasping for air, humans are seen walking on the roadsides again, children coming out to play with the muddy puddles of water despite their mothers' protests.

everything just seems much more cheerful and happy. the sun peeks out from behind the clear clouds, greeting me again, with it's warm rays shining down onto my face. i feel hope. i feel happiness. i feel warmth. i feel comfort.

life, these 18 years, has taught me one of the many lessons so far.

no rain would keep raining.

yes, no matter how gloomy and hopeless your life may seem at this moment, there'll come a time when the sun would greet from after your period of darkness and seemingly lonely world. nothing will keep us down for life. we must be strong and face everyday with a mindset to conquer life. to conquer our fears, and to face them unwaveringly.

i've not given up yet. 18 years, and im still fighting my fear of the darkness and loneliness. one day, i believe, i will be able to do it.

i really don't know what i will do without the friends in my life. yes, JEZ will stand forever. no matter what happens, no matter what position i will have in your lives now or in the future, you guys are something i'll treasure for life, and that position will never change. i assure you that. thank you for being there for me in all these lousy times i've had. thank you bra. thank you marshy.

i don't know what prompted me to write this entry...but yes, i just thought that if i don't do so, i might die one day, and die regretting i've nv told them how much these two guys mean to me in my life. i have always believed strongly in pure platonic friendship. and these two guys are examples of my theory in life. :)

words will never describe how i feel. i am just not that inclined in that aspect yet. i just feel overwhelmed, when i recollect the past, the present, and embrace the future. it is true that the love of friendship is different from that of the love of relationship between that of a boy and girl.

but this friendship love, has taught me many things. made me grow up. made me realise things i once thought i knew. made me become less selfish, and more selfless. taught me to appreiciate, for good things(or rather people) don't come by chance..i wouldnt trade this in for anything.



time may fly. people may change. things may evolve. but i hope this friendship stays true and same, just like how it all began. never shrinking, but always growing stronger, 3 as 1.