i was contemplating to blog or just go sleep, and i decided to blog.
school has been..really a pile of building up stress. it's barely the 2nd lesson for all my modules and the marks allocation is scaring me shitless. i really gotta work harder this semester. the last sem, might as well make good use of it. and grad with a damn excellent gpa and degree and hence latin honors. grrrr.
and i need to stop procrastinating. i really hate myself for that. anyway. today.
after COM326 with mcneil yucky, lunched with nehneh, pris and chris chai. didn't want to eat, but decided on yong tau foo cos' it's healthy and relatively fats/oil free. yays to me. i wanna diet. seriously.
these two started talking chinese history and all that crap and i was...=.=
at least nehneh understood their content since she studied c.lit in JC too. BUT STILL, i think i really have no interest for history. GAHHH. world civ 112 I LOVE YOU!!! i shall conquer you and get a spanking A!!!!
kns. which reminds me. UGC112 lecture was interesting with the usual, standard american lecturer. however, apparently, he only gave 5As last semester out of the entire cohort who took his module. and he said he gave a record high of Cs and Ds. errrrrrrrrrr.
i DO NOT want Cs and Ds, please. i don't belong to that category wtf. at least give me a B+ overall lahh. =(((
that idiot number 1 got an A last semester for Dr. CT's class ok!!! OMFG. i really must study hard. once i get my photocopied text from the shop, i shall start mugging. wtf. yes. TRY mugging ok. and thanks to idiot number 2 who lent me his text to photocopy because i'm cheapo like that. HAHAHAHA. only need half of the text what! damn expensive ok!!!
met monky after class outside lib and walked to bus stop together. he survived the walk without his heading rolling onto the floor. because he gave me bubble tea to drinkHAHAHAHAH. the pardoning drink. or not i will HOIK already. =D
and i passed him his present from tw too! he claims he loves it. i want to see you wear them monky! and put the gay purple sand bottle in a place you see it everyday to remind you of how good nunny is ok! =DDD
mcneil's COm326 text. gahhhh. poorer. i better score for her module too. PUBLIC SPEAKING!!! I SHALL BE THE PUBLIC SPEAKER OF THE YEAR HAHAHAH. errr. dream.
eh! but dreams do come true ok! (((:
meet yuan yuan. i mentioned earlier in one of my posts that there is a new entree to my bed apart from pudgy. name is YUAN YUAN as in ROUND ROUND.
CUTE HORRRR!!! looks damn happy lor. HAHAHA. i think this was a gift from nehneh like eons ago. i THINK. is it huh nehneh???
finally brought it out to use. because my papa threw away one of my pillows. wtf.
some camwhoring pictures. before i get too stressed to take any. my skin is damn shitty. i need facial and spa and masks and everything good. BUY ME BIRDS NEST EVERYDAY PLEASEEE!!
anyhoos, i added on a belt to give my sillouette shape. nua-ed on the couch downloading stuff from itouch's application store and waited for fatbear to pick me up for dinner with his buddies and chill out session after that.
ate at the hawker centre opposite queensway shopping centre. the zhi char stall was closed. ate bak kut teh and some other random dishes. didn't eat much.
the guys wanted to chill out at some pub near clark quay. so we headed there. was a bit emo on the car because of some issues. i think kinda brought forward from yesterday night's SIGH. monky, i don't feel better. how ah. =(((
in any case, i pretty much stoned through the night. played some lame wu gui wu gui tiao game, a game of guessing up-down with cards and 2 rounds of stupid black jack with a waitress i didn't really like. she was damn pushy mans. and very unpleasantly fake. i guess it's my girl hormone being a bitch. -shrugs-
the rest of fatbear's bros were nice as usual, so i enjoyed myself minimally. drank beer like water, even more than in taiwan. damn grossed out by the bitterness of it all. wondered why men love beer so much. i prefer hard liquor any other day. but still downed more beer than i ever did--just because there was nothing much for me to do wtf.
no kick at all. seriously. my poor livers just took in toxic without giving me a high. wtf. reached home at 12am sharp. cinderella calls. fatbear sent se gui home. and he went home safely too! (((:
it's another class in school-PSY333 with granny yap tomorrow. then tuition. then we'll see how.
i think recently i've been emo because of relationship issues on my mind. somehow things aren't as simple or happily ever after as i thought. which forces me to grow up from my childish demands and perception of love and relationships and my future. sometimes i think fatbear makes me grow up faster. as though my past 3 years haven't been enough.
there's still a long road ahead for me. not gold-paved. but i'll make it through, and all the way to the top of some uber huge ass mountain in this world. i'll have a place in this world. a place where my dreams will be fulfilled, where new dreams then begin, and where i will feel happiness doing the things i do everyday. i believe strongly in that. and i believe i am destined to.
i've got to be strong...and understanding and reasonable and kind and caring and all the positive traits of a girlfriend meanwhile. it's so taxing i want to give up and start shutting myself up, away from fatbear and everything that bothers me. the more i care, the more hurt i feel, the more insecure i become.
it gets so bad, sometimes i even wonder if fatbear still loves me as much, or more than before.
whether it's paranoia speaking, or just plain stupid girly suspicion.
stupid hormonal imbalance or skeptical of the other species.
doubting of my decisions and intelligence.
endless possibilities for my...shitty situation.
words are nothing but mental assurances.
sure, it means something.
but i need more than that.
because it's been proven to me that words can be empty promises.
i don't want to feel used, and discarded again.
No comments:
Post a Comment