the demons will never be rid of.

as mentioned in one of the posts, accompanied fatbear to lecture in school. drive-thru wcp macs. i asked for 6 sachets of chilli. they gave me NONE.

fatbear called to complain and bs and all that. long story cut short, we had an additional free meal. and an extra apple pie to boot. for apologies.

and seemingly over 20 packets of chilli sauce and scatters of BBQ and curry sauces too. wtf. MacRevenge. =.= they think i drink sauces for meals.

abby is home. she dropped by school after our classes to pass us presents. thanks abby chan yuen sang! love the gifts! very snowman-ish HAHAHA.





the gifts.


a snow man mug. a UB bear keychain WTF?? i didn't know UB mascots used pigs. and snowman marshmellows. (((:

and...meet xiao huang! hello nehneh! is he familiar to you? HAHAHAHA. papa gave him a good wash to rid of the dust and pulled on some baby tee which was given to me by my SJAB friends for my 15th birthday wtf.

ok....now i feel old. omg, I AM SO OLD CAN!!! =(((

spanking clean! and ready to greet guests for cny! HAHAHA. the tee is so sweet, really. (((:

thanks to those who made it! i think sin wee was the one who did the sewing. (((: i still have relatively good memory! and i received it during one of the nco courses i think!!! oh mans. so young.

xiao huang wants you guys to love him too! (((:

i have a splitting headache since early in the day. and it's still persisting. i have a million thoughts and woes on my mind. i want to say it all out, but this is too open for my ranting.

i want to tell you how i feel. how...stuck i am. of how everything isn't really like that. and how, i wished i weren't like this too. how sorry i am for causing you the undue stress and tiredness. of how..maybe i should just care less.

because when i care less, nothing really matters. and when nothing really matters, nothing hurts as much. and when nothings hurts as much, i won't be such a bitch right now.

and you. really pissed me off. i hate to see your black face. be it if you're unhappy with me whatsoever, i don't need to see your face to make my day worse. i believe i did not do anything to offend you. and even if i'm did, i tried to clarify, but you brushed it off. so don't blame me for it.

i think i might just have brain cancer. i could die of the pain. if not of the distracting one coming from my heart.

life is a chain of events. i set of the trigger. can i stop the aftermath? do i have the ability? the more stationary i choose to be, the more i'm pushed forward against my own accord. eventually i end up face smashed against the wall, wanting to run but can't. the more i struggle, the more pain i feel--like how the rough gravel and sand scrapes against my cheeks.

i don't want those hot tears rolling down my cheeks again.
if you really feel that i've not given you enough, or if i'm not good enough--think again.

because i think i've emptied myself for you. this is so much i have to give.
any more, and i'll be soul-less.
i've given you things so precious...you probably don't even know the value of it.
everytime you say that i don't love you enough, or good enough to you, it hurts like fuck.

and it just reminds me of the shadow of his back; walking away from me.