pain-o-meter

and i wonder how much i can actually take, before i break into pieces, shattered beyond repair.

the one who said he'll give me glue to piece back my heart, was actually the one who broke it. the irony of it all, the cruelty of fate that begins to sink in.

faith; how much does one person actually have? this faith-bank in everyone. that hope-bank. it will run low soon.

you taught me pain. you taught me lies. you taught me to ignore. and you taught me to be foolish. lying will never stop, and i pray that one day this lying turns to reality.

so that this pain eases, so that i can live without your shadow in my heart, so that i can be touched again, without that fear hitting me hard.

untouchable.
breakable.

it's like that broken glass angel figurine. shattered imperfection.
it's like that chipped crystal star. beauty in lacking.
it's like dried splattered blood on the wall. reminding me of that tear.

the serenity of the night contradicts with the din in my soul.

the calmness on the outside, that icy surface, those masks.

everyday i work to ease that pain. i work to forget what i wish to forget.
i wish to accept.

2006 doesn't seem any different from 2007.

i need a ride. i need to feel that chill on my cheeks again.

for tonight, that mask is put aside.
when the light shines through, when the dawn settles, everything resumes to normal.

because although i feel intense joys, i feel intense sorrows too.
let my saviour appear before i crumple.
let me stand on the rooftops and scream my lungs out.
let me be able to declare that i've tried my best.
let me be able to forgive myself and remove that hate.
let me gain a new insight; let everything end tonight.

how can one die, when her soul is already dead?