hidden intentions.

new insights everyday.
like how i love taking weijin's car to tuition every monday--thankful that he is willing to drop by the school to pick me up, knowing that i'll be late if he doesn't.
talking on the car is always refreshing. he is blunt and yet sensitive.
he is straightforward, telling me all the things i need to know about me and the people around me, uncensored.

i've got to know myself better, learnt how to deal with people, and learnt how to open my mind up to greater things, a bigger picture.

perhaps this is what happens when you mix around with older people more often.
i find myself learning the ropes of life, accepting the hard truths with a open mind.
some things, we never like to hear, yet we HAVE to hear. pretty much life.
then, you have to go about changing yourself, to minimise those flaws you have, and try to be the best person you can.

something like self-actualisation.
just the beginning.

yes, there are always hidden intentions.
but i'm glad there was the clear declaration that there was none between us.
somehow puts my mind at ease.
and it's comforting that however crude things sound, he still says it anyway.
nothing is left unsaid; no stone left unturned.

perhaps it was my weakness, since the beginning of time.
only i kept it unguarded, i kept it unknowingly.
and people took advantage of it. maybe it's time to show the other side of me.
maybe it's time to be not-so-nice anymore.

overdependence, unhealthy relationships are present in my life.
i find it hard to deal with.
because if someone claims to WANT to be there for you when you need him/her, yet when the time calls for it, he/she is NEVER there, what do you call that?
utter disappointment on your part? or just simply misplaced dependence?
maybe the key lies in the fact that humans cannot rely on anyone but themselves.
it's so ridiculous how us girls tend to have so many so-called "best friends" to confide in. can we truly be strong without these blocks of support around us?

why, the controversy over platonic friendships and their existence.
my answer?
it's possible.
only sometimes when the guy has a gf, then the contact with the good girlfriend decreases, and vice versa. it's hard to maintain that closeness and yet not bring about unpleasant consequences. mutual respect must be attained. mutual understanding and the give-and-take situations.
it's the true hard facts of life i gotta accept.
which is why, no matter how "die-hard, die-together" buddies(guys) you have, you just cannot rely too much on them.
girls the same.


you've just let me down too many times, and i've just let you lean on me one time too many. it's time to stop letting you take advantage of my willingness to be there silently without complaints. i don't want to be that object of convenience to ANYONE.
because i just don't do that to others.
i'm tired of how things are.
so i shall just ignore those nagging feelings this time round.
3 tests this week.
i better buck up.
tuition is killing me, and i wonder why i have to fight so hard for money.

personal plan to fight my way through this sem.
seemingly gonna be another one of those fight all through my life things.
it's a challenge i shall uptake.
self-esteem and self-actualisation.


i'm glad i have people around me who bring laughter, tears and stomach cramps into my mundane life in school. it makes everything worth it. it makes going to school fun.
so maybe i'm weird, maybe i'm a tad bit too nice. maybe you can bully me, maybe i can blend into the background.
priorities are reset this sem.

so, what's your hidden agenda?