arguing a lost cause;

i've learnt something from a show recently:

arguing with yourself, telling yourself something isn't true...might actually make it seem convincing enough to seem not true to you in the end.

it works--but not for _____.

hah. the cruel truth of it all.

maybe all along i've been arguing a lost cause.
it's all about practised lies.
sooner or later, that glass ball breaks. that perfect world crumples.
nothing stays the same. nothing is in a piece wholly ever.
maybe that's why i don't feel the same.


i need to break out of this.
trying so hard, fighting so hard.
is it going to work? or am i simply better off succumbing to fate's intentions?
i cannot lose this faith.

i need to recollect my soul. recollect my mind.

these lies will never work out. lies about ____ never do.


i want a snow globe for my christmas this year.
plays sweet melodious tunes when wound up, with a snowman in it.
because my first love was mr. snowy.



don't keep asking me why i look so sad.
don't ask me questions i cannot answer.
not now.
i feel blessed with friends who love me, protect me, and guide me.
yet i feel isolation in my world, filled with love, but hardly penetrating me.
it's...almost weird.
it's as if i wanted to push everyone, everything away, protect myself--or so-called to protect myself. from the unpredictable. from the uncertainty. from the future.

i don't want to, but i cannot help it.

maybe i should start lying.
can i live in the world of lies which i've created for myself?

pictures up next time.



i'm gonna have to lie, to face you again.