ah, fuck it.

i don't know what to make up of the recent events.
have you came upon a point of time whereby you just feel bombarded by things and people into your life, when you haven't been giving the slightest notice?

it's like a tornado sweeping you off your feet.
it's like..screwed up.

curfew vs parents battle.
exasperation.


then there's __________.

i feel so torn. and i don't want to feel torn. how the fuck am i supposed to feel? my heart is ripped into two. i don't even know what i want now.

why does it have to happen now? what did i get myself into? why didn't i stop the moment i saw the signs? why did this happen?
is it my fault?

whyyyyy.

why must you all come attack me, when i've done nothing. all i want are you all to care for me. i indulge in it. because i thought you all see me as your younger sister.
everything seemed fine.

all till you all come say words like that.

what the hell is wrong.



maybe it's just me.
for now, just leave me alone to my thoughts.
let me cry it all out.
let me scream it all out.
let me dwell on it. feel guilt. feel sucked. feel loser-ed. feel lost. feel torn. feel ripped. feel down. feel...naked.

i've committed crimes i've always condemned and destested. i'm becoming someone i used to curse and swear at. i've become someone...hate-able.

god, i'll be better off if all of you hate me. i cannot take this anymore.

how can i bring myself to stop hating myself.
things cannot be solved so easily..

i want to run away. run away for the time-being. just for now. i need a break. i'm so exhausted i'm crumpling. i'm...struggling inside to be nice and civil. to be...me. but i just want to lash back harshly sometimes. because i need space. i need time. i need...to be alone. i need to think. this week has drained me mentally and physically i cannot think logically. i'm commiting more and more mistakes with every step i take.

i'm hurting more and more people every action i make. i don't intend to do so, yet i've done all. how can i remedy this?

by disppearing from the face of earth? probably.

things will be so much better if i never lived on this earth at all.


i'm going straight to hell.
no one can help me now.

if you hate me, i won't blame you. i hate myself too.