exhausted exhausted.

it's into the second week of school and i think i can hardly take anymore of this shit. these shit, more likely.

i think i don't have enough time to rest. all spare time is spent studying and reading up on things that i have no idea of. i must stop complaining, because i chose to take this course due to interest. so although it's so fucking foreign, i must conquer it. I MUST.

i'm taking another tuition slot on tuesdays from 730 to 9pm. wish me all the best man. the extents i'll go to just to earn money.

it's time to save. sigh.

in case you are blur-rified by recent happenings, you need to know how evil i am. how guilty i'm feeling, and how hard i'm trying to ignore everything and get over myself.

sigh. really exhausted. is there another better vocabulary for WORSE THAN EXHAUSTED? cos' i think i am. conquered computer science test today. PSY test in a few hours. good good luck to me. wednesday is ESL assignment due which i haven't touched. i need a freaking break. i think my body is protesting. the lack of sleep is not helping. the crying and the pain will not go away either..

i'm sorry for whatever i've brought upon myself and the others. the hurt is magnified everytime i recall the sweet memories. even the painful ones seem like nothing now, compared to this shit.

i'm prepared to face all decisions by you. sigh, i know i'm not that strong to do what needs to be done, but at least i'll try.

what do i really want? what you YOU want? what is OUR future? who am I to YOU? these are the questions that has been running through my brain...

how easy is it for YOU to let go? it's so darn difficult for me..

how easy will it be to forget? everything reminds me of you.


so much going on. i just want to push everything aside and fucking study. get things into my god damn retarded brain.

crying drains me. emotion burdens bothers me. i need a place of solace. i need to rest. yet my schedule is not allowing me this luxury.


on a lighter note, thanks to all my dearest friends who have tagged the board with sweet msges. those who called to ask about me. those who smsed me to give valuable advice and encouragements. those who made me stronger.

i really appreciate it in times like this..


oh turks, the friday nighters this sat is cancelled.


for now, i don't wanna think. i don't wanna make any decisions. i wanna detatch myself from all this pain. run away if i can. even not forever, just for the time being.

for the first time in a very long time, i really feel strained and expanded emotionally and physically. i don't think i can take more. but i have to...

thanks to all. i'll fight harder.

what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
just pardon me, if my smile seems really forced when i see you. it's not that i am nto happy to see you, it's just that my mask is falling apart.