short wednesday.

YAY. CSE111 was cancelled so our last lessons was effectively taken off the time table. but i still think they could have the courtesy to tell us one day earlier, and at least i wouldn't have to lug that damn heavy EXCEL book to school. *WHINE*

hahahah.

oh wells, it's a relatively short day compared to the past few days. snuck back home to catch some close-eye. PHEW. now i'm awake, need to conquer my UGC and ESL assignments..due on friday. SIAN. and i heard there is a ESL test this friday too. *GASPS*

hahaha. suan lerrrr.

anyway, yesterday night was pleasant, talking to abby online till SUPER late. today morning was damn zombie-fied lah. don't like those feeling. luckily i get more awake as the day passes. heh.

he made the decision to carry on the r/s, but i'm still so worried and scared. things will be different now won't it? i mean...i really want to try my best to close up that rift in between, but if he won't let me, then i'll wouldn't be able to do it..i really don't wanna be just another companion in your life. i want to be something more. someone who actually means A LOT to you, and not just someone you can do without. i want you to NEED me.

maybe that i basically what i want in a relationship.



sigh. you know, sometimes it's easier if i don't try to act smart and open my mouth to ask people questions. i end up with shocking answers which i hoped i never would know. WHY DO I GO CREATE TROUBLES FOR MYSELF? i really am such a klutz in life.

see lah! now i find out another secret i shouldn't have known. but it's still not going to make any difference cos' i don't plan to do anything about it. yups. and not that the other person will too.

cos' i know where my heart lies.


yet, after talking to ab yesterday, i suddenly found myself thinking about several questions.

how can i find out whether i like someone just because he is the IDEAL kind of man i wish to fall in love with, as opposed to someone who doesn't fulfil any of my "criteria" at all, yet i still like him?


how can i separate and differentiate the various emotions interconnected to the sense of familiarity and the fear of leaving this comfort zone?


every little things we indulge in day to day are habits we need to break at some time or another. just like how i need to forget you, if the situation calls for it. breaking habits can be so easy for some, so tedious for others. so painless for some, so heart-wrenching in other cases.

how can i find out whether i'm just afraid to lose this regular way of life or that i really do like someone?



aw shucks. i wonder what he would think of to these questions.

BAH. back to assignments i guess, if i can actually decipher what those UGC notes are talking about. so bad, really bad.