disturbing thoughts.

i think,
loneliness is a scary feeling.
but sometimes,
i think otherwise.
maybe loneliness is just a matter of perception.


you know, when fatbear is buried in his work, i feel torn between polar emotions.
i am glad that he is hard at work.
but i am sad that there is no time to meet.
i don't know where i stand anymore.
i could vaporize into the air, and probably no one would notice.


dual personalities is terrifying.
it may be normal.
but i hardly know myself anymore.
everything i do, every thought i make, every word i say.
it's like i'm bound to two trucks who are going in opposite directions.
sooner or later, i'll split.



having said so much,
i think my main problem is:
i'll never be contented with what i have.
there is just a perpetual feeling of wanting everything best.
i really want a life different from this. i really want to have everything i don't.


i wish...i really wish, i didn't have to grow up so fast.
i wish i didn't have to be so aware of certain things.
i wish i could do something.
21 going 22.