thoughts.

hmmm. talks with yonghe bro really make me think alot. cant stop thinking now. i wonder why am i alwaes thinking abt the wrong stuff. here i shld be studying and revising but im wasting my time and life away online. this is bad. very bad. i think im going to isolate myself soon to start studying. sigh. im a loser. but i dun wanna be one.

i wanna excel and do well. let's all hope and pray. best fren says i'll make it in the end. let's hope so too. he says i'll do well for As. let's hope for tt too. but hoping is no use. there needs to be actions. like mp says: the real enemy is yourself. no pt comparing with others. she's so right. the worst enemy im facing is myself, myself and myself. just need tt drive and motivation to start.

but now, tts not wad im talkin to bro abt. in fact, im talking abt lotsa stuff. thought-provoking indeed. tsktsk. think too much no gd yar. but i was just doing my silent musings: life is not abt judging ppl by their looks is it? we all strive and aim to be better looking in our own ways. we all say natural and simplicity is beauty. but is it really true? guys dun like girls with makeup on, yet they dun like girls who are plain looking too. so what kind of girls do they really like? are females only out to please guys by making ourselves look better? of cos' im not discriminating pple who want to look gd. looking gd has its pros and cons. we do feel more confident abt ourselves when we feel gd abt ourselves.

but are we really superficial beings or what? once i was talking to a guy friend online. i asked him whether wld he be attracted to a gd looking girl or a girl with gd character. his answer was the first option. then he told me: first impressions alwaes matter afterall. i wld get to know a girl i find pretty and pleasing to the sight.

which brings me to my next pt. does it mean that ok looking girls will nv get the gd looking guys? hahaha. i dun think so. i walk down the streets in this country and i observe tt this is not so. there are gd looking guys with average looking girls. gd looking girls with average looking guys. and i read newspaper reports abt guys not minding if their other parts are obese, and vice versa. and this gives me faith in guys once again. yet i will meet male beings that are superficial and makes me lose faith in males once again. am i just going on in a tireless search for the answer to my Q: is life all abt judging ppl by their looks?

i cant bring myself to deny tt im a "superficial" being by nature. a gd looking person with charisma will indefinitely cause me to notice him or her. but first impressions do not last for me. i will get to know the person sincerely as a person, not by how he/she looks. to me, the inner beauty is worth much more than the outside. an apple can be shiny and flawless on the outside, but it can be rotton with worms inside. why do we always think tt we are not worthy of someone when we fall in love? why do we alwaes think tt we will nv measure up to our desirable halves and choose to live in inferiority? why do we sometimes think: he/she is too gd looking to notice me in the first place. i am way outta his/her league. personally, i feel that a relationship is much more than a competition of who looks better. it's more than just wanting a gd looker for your partner, isnt it? i would want my other half to be kind, sweet and sensitive type of guy--not neccessarily dashing.

i have no idea. of course, there are some who do not think so. i wish i do no think so too. but i have no reason to think abt such stuff cos' i choose singlehood and independence now. yet as i see friends ard me in this struggle within oneself, i am made to ponder: what exactly is important in this life? how do we even measure beauty?

is inner beauty or the outer one more important? i recall vividly my pw grp's project on beauty. it was a really insightful project tt i embarked on. yet, somehow i cldnt stop myself from thinking how stereotyped the answers we collected in the surveys were.

which do u think is more impt? inner or outer beauty?

most answered inner.

isnt it like human instinct, for us to answer what seems to be morally correct?

to me, i truly believe in inner beauty. because it's what differentiates individuals to individuals. we are all unique and special as one person. there is no double of u and me. inner beauty never rots, falter or wilter with time. it is everlasting. tts wad i want to see in people. tts what im learning to see in people. today, in this increasingly competitive and cold world, emotions are looked down on, compassion seen as a weakness. rebellious as i am by nature, i do believe in the good of people.

i must accept ppl for who and what they are. cos' im a picture of imperfections too.