stress-

when stress and pressure builds up, i take solace in

a) eat more
b) don't eat at all.

problem is that i alternate between the two. i'm like....a piece of ultra fatty beef. damn dulan.
and i feel like i'm becoming more and more stupid. little brain activity. ask me to study words and pages and essays, i think i will die.
wait, i think i died long ago.

projects are still...slightly more flexible and lively.

i know i really shouldn't grumble.
but let me continue.

I SLEEP TOO MUCH.
as in when the fatigue hits, i die on my bed and i don't wake up until hours later. and when i wake up, i think it was a total waste of time, and i want to slap myself.

yet when i am awake, i don't find that motivation to study or mug, then i slack and rot around doing don't know what i and end up wasting more time.

i really hate my lazy butt sometimes.

ROARRRRRR!!!

my brain is on a riot.

so to make up for the expected loss of income this month, i scheduled my week right after wednesday's exams to accomodate all my missed tuition from my cousin.
ARGH. money. i need it.
so it's wednesday centre tuition.
thursday cousin tuition.
friday cousin tuition.
sat cousin plus centre.
sun cousin.

my life is god damn exciting sometimes.

but money, is everything i need right now.

it sucks to not take any money from your parents. because when you are broke, you are doomed.
which is right now.
pride, destined to kill me one day.


brain food. i need brain.
it's the B culture.
BRAINY BEAUTY.
aspiration mans.

HAHAHAHAHAH.

there are so many leisure stuff i'm dying to do. catch mindless movies. rot around in town. chill in some cafe just talking and laughing. play some stupid arcade basketball game. sing crazily in kbox. eat to my stomach's content WITHOUT growing fatter. exercise and get more healthy. sleep without feeling guilty. and the list goes on.

these things, i doubt i will be able to do without feeling like i should be doing something else.

opportunity costs indeed.

tiresome.

i think my rashes will have scars.
aftermath.

i would love to excuse my heavy weight for presence of muscles.
but i think that would be cheating myself.

between lines of lies and self-comfort, deprecating jokes and self-honesty.
blurred-


i shall try to get information into my pea brain now.

never gonna score this semester.
i need miracles to happen.
or my As are not gonna appear.
PLOP from the list indeed.

don't need any guru to tell me that.


save my soul;
let me reincarnate.


you may not be able to tell, but it reads i love xg. HAHAHAHAH. somewhere along that line. if you could control destiny, could you alter mine to my wishes?