sticky fingers.

i spent about 5 hours working on a something that shall be revealed only tomorrow.
and my fingers are stinky and sore and tired from all that focus and tearing and snipping and whats not.


BLAH.

i need to recharge and superwomanize myself more.

it's COM443 presentation for Assignment #5 in a few hours and i'm worried shitless.
sighhh.
i've got a vibe. let's hope it's the same one i had for the previous one.


GO GO GOOOO!!! we will do well! (:
we will do the best! HAHA.
aye. trying to calm nerves.



shall pack up my stuff need tomorrow and head to bed.
so fucking shagged from the super unrestful sleep i had the night before. really...couldn't rest.


but i'm scared to sleep now.
scared that the same dream will attack me again.
scared that this dream will come true.
scared that...i may lose my insanity after all.


the line is blurring.
and i feel not alone, not together.

bad dream.

i had such a bad dream i started crying halfway into it.
i can still remember the contents so vividly.

the dream cannot come true.
yet the details were so clear.
scared.


com443 and 441 these few days. then thursday shall mark the beginning of work. ROARRRR.


hanging on by a thin thread.


let connect@six do well for the remaining assignments and my 441 so secure a good score too.
worried.
i just can't stop competing against myself.


i've got pictures in my phone to transfer over. will do it when i'm more free.
it's a cold, chilly day.
think ws and i have to pop over to queensway to print our stuff. AYEEEE.


today everyone thought i did not wear any shorts underneath my oversized tee. ZZZZZ.

november already.

time flies. it's already november. technically, one more month to taiwan trip. 31st december.

two more weeks to end of projects and then it'll be exams. and then one month holidays. and then my last semester. and then graduation. and then it's time to go out to the work force.

ok, this is all starting to sound REALLY scary. =((((

pictorial updates. i gave up uploading the previous bunch because they're REALLY overdue. LOL. too tiring.

MUAHAAHAHHA. so true. (((: (fatbear wrote it himself)

ok lah. i was lying. i forced him to bring his hand over so i could write that. aye.

macs macs macs.

seriously retarded. zzzzzzz. his idea of "kissing picture" which i find totally overrated.

been so long since i used my front blurry/dreamy camera on my phone.

the fatbear at work. aye.

HELLO BRO. a gecko for you.HAHAHA mr lizard sends his regards (:
nehneh, you like it? =DDD

another day. at macs yet again. how sad.

white faced. zzz. rushed out to meet fatbear cos' he was in a hurry to pick up his nephew and sister. complete lack of stuff on my face. no moisturizer no nothing. not that i use make-up, but still, highly white-faced scary.



he insisted i take a picture with his watch inside. OK LOR.

pictures from today. sunday. just uploaded them.

taken in the morning/near noon. now waiting for youtube to load some vids. so slowwww.
HAHAHA anyway the drama unfolds early morning. fatbear came down to my place at 9plus in the morning. and he was at the carpark waiting for me. I ONLY WOKE UP AND READ HIS SMS THAT HE WAS DOWNSTAIRS AT 10plus am!!! OMFG.

totally didn't hear the notification tone and his missed call. ermmm. HAHAH i sleep like a pig. that's proven. so tired whattt.

so anyway. finally, i was downstairs at 11:30am sharp HAHAHA. aye. fatbear so patient siooo.

and he made up for making me angry. HAHAHA somehow i must always be the one "angry". he cannot have the chance to be angry sia. he can only be in charge of pacifying me =DDDD

that's why i love fatbear. he makes me the princess HEHEHE.

when i don't get my way then angry lor. ermm. yes i'm a spoilt brat and bloody unreasonable as that. but i'm damn nice also okkkk. just that it'll be stupid and super thick skin to blog about me being nice MYSELF.

too bad fatbear doesn't blog. if he does, he'll probably need spellcheck in blogger HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

OMG this picture makes me look as though i have doe-eyes!!!! 0.0 ok fine, a bespectacled doe-eyed girl.

hello hellloooo.

ok i'm actually still quite tired. sleep debts sio. but i shall continue to fight on!!!! do my best at least.

seriously blogger is kinda screwed up. the sequencing of pictures is all wrong and i have no idea why. usually the way i upload is fine what. ayeee. so ma fan.

anyway, the above picture was taken when it was my FIRST TIME AT BUKIT TIMAH PLAZA on friday. (erm correct? or is it bukit panjang plaza) AIYA ANYTHING. they all seem the same to me.

lunched there. and i think it's the first time i wore something so colorful. didn't take pictures though. show you guys next time i wear it.

HAHAH guess what? i saw two stupid niaos hopping around outside cafe cartel HAHAHAHA. omg. seriously damn niao. wtf.

okk back to today. uncle fatbear in his uncle wear of shorts and lousy tees. AYE he needs to change image!!! =(((( and i'll miss being driven around again. booo. public transport sucks!!!!

TOTALLY UNCLE OK. HAHAHAHA. big bag small bag from market. he shall be my best house hubby.

meanwhile i just camwhore lor.

HELLO! say hello to my mei tui HAHAHAH. ya right. just damn long never wear my pinkies le lah. and without stockings too! (:

pardon the really ugly socks. HAHAHA. eh i had to wear socks on thursday friday and sat for VE work ok!!! i don't have so many socks lor! zzzz. so bo bian.

brunch.






yumsy.
HAHAHAH found this on fatbear's study table. he needed it to check meaning of words he didn't know.

spring timetable. SIGH.

wrong sequencing of pictures again. aye.

ok i'm damn sian. back to work. ROAR.

no matter how i try, i really can't seem to be happy, until the answer is found.
please let it go the way i want it to.
i try so hard. i work so hard.
just for my dreams.

but yet, something which i used to think were important, suddenly wasn't that important anymore.

and things...which weren't important in the past, still isn't that important.

i start to question my direction. my goals. my life. my dreams. my wants. my visions.

the line between realism and fantasy.
must be erased. to become one.
my fantasies shall materialize.

what's so great about love.

FATBEAR SUCKS.
fatbear seems to be getting better at making me sad.
HAI.
i don't want fatbear anymore.


i'm complaining at 3:05am.
but i might change my mind in the morning if fatbear is nice to me again.

either way, he sucks right now.
I HATE YOU.

aye. breaking my heart everywhere.
STILL ANGRY AT ME SOMEMORE.
you good.



hmpfff.


i cannot stop questioning myself.
how different we are.
and i get so pissed off because of that.
i am STILL pissed off.
shall not think.


ROARRRR ANGRY.
i cannot be reasonable now.
i am angry cos you said i make you pekcek. but i also pekcek now.


aiya tmd. don't care.
love sucks.
one month plus and i feel like it's a million years.
not necessarily a good vibe.

when the clock strikes 12.

you know how things are in fairytales?
when the clock strikes 12, everything reverts back to the good old gaudy image.
the carriage becomes a stupid pumpkin.
the magnificent dress becomes tatters.
the diamonds become stones.
the princess becomes another normal girl.

the prince isn't supposed to change.

but, this time, i feel like the prince is evolving when the clock strikes 12.
it's as if i was...blind before.
and unmasked at 12.
is that possible?



my intestines are twisted yet again.
hurts.
i think i was too busy at VE to think about the pain. but the moment i stopped to rest at fatbear's car, i could feel the twisting and wrenching.
zzzzz. today's biz was good. flow never stopped. chores couldn't finish also. zzzzz.
worked with LF today lor. and worked partially with Pboss also.
but still damn hiong. zzzz.

LF was annoying as ever. HAHAHAHA.
seriously, we're like enemies.


eh. sold 3 packages I THINK.
can't rmb.
talked to sk on the phone quite a bit to ask him come collect pay or else donate to my jielin fund HAHAHA.
miss him quite a bit. been so long.


one week work at VE. 90 bucks already!
got my tuition pay for both kids too.
whee. P's mum was nice. HAHA. talked to her a bit.


i'm still eyeing that itouch picture i slotted under the glass of my desk. zzz.
but...everything's gotta wait till end of the month then see how.
AYE. LL, PLEASE GRANT ME ALL MY WISHES WITHOUT FUCKED UP TERMS AND CONDITIONS! =)))

i don't ask for much.


ok time to tackle 443!
RAHHHH.


death brings you back to the very beginning.
the very spot you left off.
but does this mean it all rewinds?



i'm sorry i can't really do happy entries.
i'm trying my best to look happy and be happy.
it's something so simple, but something so difficult all the same.


so far, i manage to deceive.

sian.

RANDOM PICTURES NOT IN ANY SEQUENCE JUST SO YOU WON'T FEEL BORED READING ALL WORDS.
NO LINK TO TEXT THAT FOLLOWS.




















yesterday was purely PR day.
in short, nehneh came over to camp and finish up part C and E of RACE report.
zzzz.
very bad.
she fell asleep half way and i slogged it out before conking out 1 hour plus later.
concussed for an hour.
woke up at 7am. continued the shit work.


really beyond help some parts.
forget it.


emailed hema to ask her help print and hand in.
too dead to even step out of house.
let alone go for class. decided to skip PR class.
sent nehneh downstairs to take cab home.
concussed another hour.
woke up bathed and got ready for work at VE.


stoned there till 7pm. LF and ER came over. ER is a new girl over at clementi. Hboss dropped by too.

because i was alone for the first half of the shift, i decided to watch films to pass time. since i had nothing to do and i couldn't use my laptop anyway.


played Singapore Dreaming.
then was Blair Witch Project.
both very different genres.


both impacted me quite a bit.

Singapore Dreaming taught me about life. and money. and dreams. and sacrifice.

Blair Witch Project was just..nerve wrecking. not that it was scary or terrifying. but it ripped me apart watching the psychological breakdown as physical fatigue hits the 3 students. then fear, hallucinations, mental breakdowns.

it was a war, ripping them from within.

i cannot imagine myself in their situations.
imagine walking for more than half a day in a certain direction, THEN arriving back at the same spot where you left off.
hearing children crying in the middle of the night in the woods.
waking up to find buddled up sticks and cloth blood soaked at the door of your tent.
piles of rocks surrounding your tent in the morning when they weren't there the day before.
sticky gooey stuff covering your backpacks.
mysterious attacks on your tent at night.

and i thought it was all REAL. the story. the disappearances.
so i tried asking friends if they had watched it.


finally monky googles and youtubes it for me. and...i find out that everything is fake. =(
FAKE.

but, it is indeed a historical breakthrough film. tsk!


ok. more VE tomorrow. opening AND closing. how awesome.
gotta get some school work done too.
more projs projs projs.
but i need money too.
funds are running low. no time to work more because of school.
ARGH.


thank you LL and superclover for everything.
i still need all the good luck-s till i find my answer.
please continue to bless me.
salvation must come to me.



sleep is catching up with me.
so tired...



somehow i am amazed i can survive 3/4 of the day without dying.
how come my body is so strong?
zzzz.



goodnight.

blah bloo.

i've survived through COM443 exam #2 and i think i have less than 10 mistakes in total. erm, considering EACH question is about 3 marks-->total 150 marks, i think that's quite a huge bulk.

BUT!!!! i am going to cut myself some slack because, frankly, i started studying very late. i think around saturday then really sat down to concentrate. =(

in any sense, my stomach has been feeling queasy recently. let's hope another bout of stomach flu will not hit me. =((((((


currently, i'm in wcp macs trying to edit COM441 report part A to be handed up. so that tomorrow we can start on part C and hopefully finish E by thursday. why do i miss my bed so much?



in fact, i only slept 1 hr 20 mins from sunday to monday. zzzzz. how awesome. i should be glad i'm not hallucinating. but my eye rings are so terrible i can be a stand-in for any low budget vampire show mans. zzzz.




AND, the only reason why i'm blogging this is because i'm fairly pissed off by an oversized Mxxxx couple sitting behind me. YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY MACDONALD'S FLOOR IS OR NOT? SERIOUSLY LOR. got dried and oily looking fries, curry sauce, PLENTY OF GROSS LOOKING HAIR, tissues, and GOD KNOWS WHAT SHIT on the floor.

AND, i carefully balanced my battery between my seat and theirs, since the powerpoint was too far for me to place my power plug wire/battery pack by my side. =(

AND, people who know me should be aware of how careful i treat my laptop. I ABSOLUTELY-FUCKING-HATE people to dirty my laptop (complete with wires and pack). because my laptop is my darling. aiya, whatever.


ANYWAY, they sit sit sit, then the BIG BLOODY ASSES pushed the battery pack ONTO THE DISGUSTING GROUND. and now i can only stare in dismay at my poor battery pack lying innocently on the ground and i cannot save it. HAIIIII.

stupid fat asses.

later i must clean my wires and pack before keeping them mans. dulan lor.


WHY GOT SUCH PEOPLE ONE. sibei inconsiderate.
i mean, they want to be dirty is their problem ok. i'm damn clean one. zzzz. dulan.


ok enough complaining.

turks smsed me earlier in the evening to say she spotted a guy who looks like me at a bus stop. wtf. HAHA MALE. GUY. MAN. ehhhhh, but she said the guy got feminine features. okkkkayyy.
i feel slightly better. lol.

miss ya turks!




final 2 COM443 assignments given to us today. boo. no time no time. still got finals looming!


and i'm continuiung to have faith and believe and wish!!!!
i have to.
it's the only force that keeps me going.

ok, i have tons of pictures to upload and i'm lagging behind time, but i'm still very tired and sleepy. so i shall postpone to another day ok? sorry to my dear readers.

i know this is wayyy too text heavy.
love ya all for reading up on my crappy life! =D
muackkkkssss.

ps: in case you forgot how i look like, i have pictures of me! (ermmm, taken like weeks back wtf) i look like shit and super chui now, so may not be accurate representation huh.

pps: stupid monky is using photoshop to suck fats and enlarge/minimize boobs but he refuses to do any thing for me. THANKS HUH MONKY. -beheads-