read if you like.

i am stupid?
i don't know. anyway, it's such a wrong choice to come home from school. cos' there is this stupid construction/renovation work in the apartment next to mine. and it's so freaking loud and noisy i cant even hear myself talk. dammit.

stupid. i hate renovation. WHY ARE THEY CONSTANTLY RENOVATING??!?!?!!!!

fuck. i cannot stand such noice. just as much i cannot stand techno music. what? is techno cool? look at my lips: I DON'T CARE.

it's just dumb people following dumb trends. show me real people who really know how to appreciate techno. then perhaps i'll change my mindset.










i was just browsing blogs as usual. and i realised why are some people so retarded?? i mean, there are blogs we HATE and bloggers we DESPISE, and yet we continue to visit their blogs and read what they write daily? it all just doesn't make sense does it? i don't think it does. why would you want to read something by someone you hate positively, thinking that it is nothing but utter rubbish.

i think i know why. so that we can whine and complain about it to our friends about how lousy that blog/blogger is.

"wah lau! did you read XXX's blog?? SO STUPID RIGHT?"
"yar! why is she so bimbotic? so brainless one!"
yada yada yada.

tsktsk. senseless bitching.

this is what i call the nemesis blogs.

i'm sure everyone has their own nemesis blog(s). blogs we hate to the core and cannot stand reading, but yet visit religiously just to check out what that brainless idiot has written, and then complain and whine about how incompetent that person is.

of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. it's human psychology. really.

what i think is hilariously ironic, is perhaps, WE ourselves are the nemesis blog of OTHERS. people hate our blogs and yet they continue reading it. this contributes to the high readership i guess. not because people love you to read what you wrote, but more likely because they hate you, and just want to read about your you-think-its-so-good ranting online.

hmmm. that being said. i must add in that there are of course people who are blatantly neutral. reading for the sake of reading. reading to kill boredom. to understand more about someone's life. reading..simply to well..TRY to pry our way into their thinking..i don't know.

there are probably many kinds of people out there reading blogs. it's the "in" thing now isn't it?

i've blogged for like what? 4 years or so..and this shit just became hot this year or perhaps the year before. the controversy. the perceptions. there can never be one stand. just ONE. it's us humans. finding nothing better to do lah.

i can't be bothered. i blog for myself. i blog to remember things i don't wanna forget in the future. i blog, simply because i feel i need to vent. i blog because i love to read and write.
i am not perfect. i will never be. but at least i try my best to improve. better than people who think they are the best. i think that is ridiculous.


another ridiculous thing. i was looking through my stats for my blog, and i realised how STUPID some of the top keyword searches for my blog was:

mr mannan
freaking vampire
pretty vampire pictures

WHAT THE HELL????
i'm sorry. mr mannan is not in my list of entries so far YET.
and yes, i AM a freaking vampire. hello!
no, there are no pretty vampire pictures here.




ok, i cannot stand the noise already.

//edit.

i'm really pissed and hurt now.
i don't know what i fucking did to deserve this. and maybe now i don't fucking care anymore.
so what? i mean you are not a good friend of mine in the first place. what was our little "friendship" based on? i don't know. you and your superficial-ness? you and your i-am-so-sweet-and-good-to-everyone attitude? perhaps so. perhaps this is why i trusted you.
TRUSTED.
you know what? trust is earned. and you fucking did not because i used to tink that friends need not EARN trust. i trusted my gut feeling. and this time, i am so wrong. so wrong. i regret my decision. that decision i made to befriend and accept the frienship of this two-faced monster.
i am being harsh. i don't care. i am just hurt.
maybe you don't trust me either.
all i can say is that i used to trust you totally. i used to tell you all my troubles. i hid behind NOTHING. i wore NO mask. i was sincere in my words and actions. and you fucking broke it all.
i hate you. for now? for ever? i don't know.
i'm just so fucking hurt and pissed.
pissed that i didn't see that monster through you.
pissed that once again, i am victim to another of my trust-people-too-easily personality.
i think i hate myself too.
and you made me hate myself.
i wish i never knew you.