bomb my tv.

apparently the meow-bomb isn't very effective. my tv is still there. =(
SIGH.
i'm fucking screwed lah.
no work done.
WD=Fxperpendicular distance.


damns.
tml one test.
thurs 2 tests.
tuition tml.
ARGH.
i'm kinda fed up with life, but i need that fuel in my veins to keep me high.

i'm gonna be normal and wear normal sneakers tml ok.
hel stop saying i'm weird or not i kick you to china also.

mans. oversensitivity is never too good. this is my personal guide to living life now. for now, before i can take more of life's shit.

skill number one: ACT DUMB.

hahahah. woots.

skill number two: BE ANNOYING.

yes, you heard me.

skill number three: BE NONCHALANT ie. unaffected.

uh huh.

skill number four: HIDE YOUR EMOTIONS when they are negative.

yes, so as not to spread the negative germs.

skill five: IGNORE PEOPLE THAT DON'T DESERVE IT.

yes, mean i know. but sometimes it has to be done. when you feel that you are being taken advantage of, just do it. humans are greedy creatures who never know their limits. humans are self-centered most of the time, even when they insist they are not.

so, people think i'm simple-minded.
it's a disguise i hide behind.
simplicity is the key nowadays anyway.
hiding what you have under the layers( NO NOT FATS) is just an act of self-protection.
no one appreciates. not openly, not voluntarily.

i find acceptance much easier.
and i find myself falling in love with strangers and their daily activities.
things they do which are different from my almost clockwork ones.
i like observing people.
i like how the world turns.


the green man was flashing in the distance.
but i waited, and waited.
for the red man to appear.
then-
i crossed the road.

hidden intentions.

new insights everyday.
like how i love taking weijin's car to tuition every monday--thankful that he is willing to drop by the school to pick me up, knowing that i'll be late if he doesn't.
talking on the car is always refreshing. he is blunt and yet sensitive.
he is straightforward, telling me all the things i need to know about me and the people around me, uncensored.

i've got to know myself better, learnt how to deal with people, and learnt how to open my mind up to greater things, a bigger picture.

perhaps this is what happens when you mix around with older people more often.
i find myself learning the ropes of life, accepting the hard truths with a open mind.
some things, we never like to hear, yet we HAVE to hear. pretty much life.
then, you have to go about changing yourself, to minimise those flaws you have, and try to be the best person you can.

something like self-actualisation.
just the beginning.

yes, there are always hidden intentions.
but i'm glad there was the clear declaration that there was none between us.
somehow puts my mind at ease.
and it's comforting that however crude things sound, he still says it anyway.
nothing is left unsaid; no stone left unturned.

perhaps it was my weakness, since the beginning of time.
only i kept it unguarded, i kept it unknowingly.
and people took advantage of it. maybe it's time to show the other side of me.
maybe it's time to be not-so-nice anymore.

overdependence, unhealthy relationships are present in my life.
i find it hard to deal with.
because if someone claims to WANT to be there for you when you need him/her, yet when the time calls for it, he/she is NEVER there, what do you call that?
utter disappointment on your part? or just simply misplaced dependence?
maybe the key lies in the fact that humans cannot rely on anyone but themselves.
it's so ridiculous how us girls tend to have so many so-called "best friends" to confide in. can we truly be strong without these blocks of support around us?

why, the controversy over platonic friendships and their existence.
my answer?
it's possible.
only sometimes when the guy has a gf, then the contact with the good girlfriend decreases, and vice versa. it's hard to maintain that closeness and yet not bring about unpleasant consequences. mutual respect must be attained. mutual understanding and the give-and-take situations.
it's the true hard facts of life i gotta accept.
which is why, no matter how "die-hard, die-together" buddies(guys) you have, you just cannot rely too much on them.
girls the same.


you've just let me down too many times, and i've just let you lean on me one time too many. it's time to stop letting you take advantage of my willingness to be there silently without complaints. i don't want to be that object of convenience to ANYONE.
because i just don't do that to others.
i'm tired of how things are.
so i shall just ignore those nagging feelings this time round.
3 tests this week.
i better buck up.
tuition is killing me, and i wonder why i have to fight so hard for money.

personal plan to fight my way through this sem.
seemingly gonna be another one of those fight all through my life things.
it's a challenge i shall uptake.
self-esteem and self-actualisation.


i'm glad i have people around me who bring laughter, tears and stomach cramps into my mundane life in school. it makes everything worth it. it makes going to school fun.
so maybe i'm weird, maybe i'm a tad bit too nice. maybe you can bully me, maybe i can blend into the background.
priorities are reset this sem.

so, what's your hidden agenda?

officially hopeless.

if i continue like that during my weekends, i can go and die straightaway. tmdknn SLACK. oh god. motivate me....now!!!!!



=(



yesterday sushi dinner with sis she commented that my mole above my right side of the lip is growing bigger.

o.O -stun tio-



win already lor. sooner or later i going to become some moley woman.

HAHAHAHA. ok fine.

i insist it is MEI REN ZHI ok!!!

anyone who dares say otherwise....i kick you to china! (accompany meow study chinese there)

monz and i under the xmas tree at vivo...long long ago.

ok. so im screwed. i feel screwed. let's hope i survive this sem. i feel like there's something waiting to pounce on me..out of nowhere. you know...like walking under this bunch of trees in the woods and knowing that some idiotic bird will come shit on you...just that you dunno when.

-_-

i slept till 1pm plus today. i'm like the SUPER SLEEPER.

someone boliao called me around 6plus in the MORNING. ARE YOU THAT PERSON?
wtf. home number, and i don't have that number also. so it has to be someone damn bo liao lah. anyway, i didn't call back. so if it's you, whoever you are, call me back at a EARTHY time. thanks.


i've got my tailored jacket from mama. woots. expensive seh. but well, investment ya? i'm going sleek rugged. it's ironic i know, and it's totally contradicting, but possible. HEHE.

but i need more...girly blouses. (don't smack me)


i better start omphing for a ride to tuition tml after school. my omphs take pretty long to come true mans. damn tiring lah.
HAHAHAH.

it all ends tonight. i'm falling in love with that song.


now now, don't you all come staring at my face to see my mei ren zhi ok. :)
i'm outta here.
darkness has turned to light, and everything has ended tonight.

it's so free i feel weird.

ok, so the projects and homework doesnt seem to have landed on me yet, so i'm pretty....ok.

but i feel weird. it's almost as if i DO have homework, but just that i FORGOT about it. damn scary ok.

friday was damn tiring. ESL in the morning....ARGH. then went home to run(but after that ate alot, so the fats were basically....unmoved). met leon and a few of them for movie at vivo.
damn, that mel gibson show is fucking sick ok. i really wanted to puke countless times in the show. damn gross, everything uncensored.

plus the bloody cinema was damn cold, wanted to die mans. there was this cold wind blowing between me and hel, so we kept moving away from each other. damn funny.

BUT THE SHOW IS STILL DAMN GROSS. BLEH.
m18 is still like not advisable mans.
but i think abs might like it. -grins-

met turks and monz for dinner. ate at fish&co. damn damn full. i feel fat again. =(

went arcading again. hahaha. sianz man. we suck at the basketball game lah. and bishi bashi is SO NOT my game. arghs. slow reaction. =D

reached clementi mrt 1130pm. missed my last bus, so decided to walk home. no money for taxi lah. walk lor...abit scared lah, so quiet and dark. but i had a helpful little mouse there though. thankful.

reached home safe and sound, no worries. made a mad dash for a bus that also went to my house bus stop. wahlaueh, leg pain.

so today was tuitioning. cousin, then centre. felt good to be back there on sat; it's always good to chat with them and talk cok. HAHAHAHA. damn funny ok.
laughed like mad. and yes, i'm taking another class. additional income, but more time of cos'. but they need a more experienced teacher who can control the class. yups, i'm gonna give it a try. those boisterous kids will DIE.

don't test my patience mans. HEHE, i will go in looking stern. somehow kids nv climb over my head like that, yet still have fun lah. :)

ate sakae sushi dinner with family at wheelock. woots.

many people think my boots are very expensive. i wonder why.


the talk with aizat last night was comforting. thanks to that monkey. :)




"what's inside that drink?"
"eh..passionate fruit!"
"?????"


stupid jh and wj keep saying "yo yo yo!" whenever i enter the centre. dammit. they say i very ang moh and very hip hop. -_-'''

i want to smack them every time they do it.
it's like YO YO YO complete with hand gestures and head nodding ok!
kick them to china man.
i got ang moh face mehhhh??


sian knn can those fats GO AWAY.

it's....gonna be friday!

so, the first week of school is finally ending.
i'm alive, thank god.
whatever the higher powers are, please continue to shine down on me.

i'll never forget, the way you look tonight.

com test was a little tough, just a teeny wee bit. nevermind lah, should be able to get 80%-90% correct? HEH.

so, after that was rotting at students' lounge, then the girls went for their ugc lesson and i....conquered maths. i'm like REALLY proud of myself ok. REALLY. i did a couple of pages beyond the part he left off in lecture. and the practice Qs in the tutorial lesson afterwards were....tolerable, with the VJ BRAIN(yes abs that's you).

i feel relieved. now, it's gonna get harder, but optimism and hard work should be able to pull me through. that 3.6 gpa must be retained. damn.
wait wait, i should aim higher right. 3.7!!!!


i tell you, somethings are just...plain toooooooo coincident. ARGH. remember i mentioned those ______guys who were watching us play pool that day. i cannot believe it!!! THEY SAT NEXT TO THE TABLE I WAS AT. although they were sitting in the glassed room, and we were outside, but oh freak.

I THINK WE MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD TO FORGET.
because i was facing their direction when they came back to their table, i happened to see them. and because i was stoning, i was looking at the far distance beyond, looking but not really looking. THEN I REALISED THAT THE GUY WAS GRINNING AT ME.

sibei paiseh.
OF COS I PRETEND I NEVER SEE LAH. WAH LAU.
then knn, he keep grinning, made me REALLY paiseh i tell you.
=(
haiz...i felt the on-coming threat of a tomato face.
damn bad.

and after that he MADE HIS FRIEND ASK ME FOR COINS SO THAT HE CAN PLAY POOL. knn. thanks alot lah. after that came over personally some more. super cannot hide. alone somemore. =(

nevermind lah. remember then remember lor! won't die! HAHAH.
i mean, sooner or later will forget one lahhhh.

yawns.
finally wore my blacks after some time. good choice, cos' it rained today. yays.
and i saw this guy whom i saw during the RELC exam registration. i think he didn't recognise me. :) goody.


oh man oh man. reminded me!!
i saw a cute guy today.
-drools

wenta canteen to grab a bite before i was reduced to skeleton, met koey and tomato outside the canteen. they accompanied me there too. then on our way up to the lounge, we entered a lift with....THE CUTIE. only 4 of us ok, and i was like....staring at the cutie from my obscure corner when KOEY TALKED TO HIM.

"hey! nice shoes!"
"thanks! they are from north(or issit south?) africa!"
"woah..BLAHBLAHBLAH"

one level up nia.
i was gaping at koey, then at the cutie.
i seriously thought koey knew him.
-_-
tomato was laughing at my facial expression i think.
and that diamond earring was like....flashing at me. oh god. kenna shan dao again. :D
okkkkk.

so i have a new omphing target.
heeheehee.
i'm not chikorbei ok!


i just need some excitement.
should be meeting monz and a few others to go out after school. think i might get home after ESL go for a run before leaving. i so need to stretch my legs and get my legs back in shape. =(


we still kill the old way.
we say goodbye, but you refuse to let me go.
don't look back, don't look down.
please let go of me.

crazed.

i feel.....WTF IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE kinda feeling.
yes.
third day of school, got test.
in like...10 hours, i have another test.
!@$#%#$

next week, more to come.
and ESL 408 research paper is freaking intimidating.
maths is bloody....CMI.

cannot, better start psycho-ing myself that I LOVE MATHS WOO HOOOOO!


like really.


happens that SuckyImpossiblyMiserable school trying to cut cost. WHERE GOT TWO MODULES SAME LECTURER ONE.
knn. use mike might as well don't use. make me go all the way down to listen to what he's talking. feels geeky. heck, i need that gpa.


tuition was good. think the kids like me still. HAHAHA. fun time for all. laughs and yet learning. damn, i think i'm comical to them, always laugh at me and my facial expressions. -frowns-

still, i guess i DO look different from the rest there. cannot be helped. =X and my way of doing things IS different, which is worrying, yet i like it that way. aiya, see how things go lor.

i have plenty of kids for every class, meaning potential rise in pay. I SO CANNOT WAIT FOR FEB. my a/c will officially come back from the dead.

ok the fats aren't moving. i need to run. THIS SUNDAY!!!

you know how i have this deepest darkest desire to wear jap long socks and short skirts for freaking long, YET i don't have the courage to. HAHAHA. relax mans, i know it's a puke-worthy sight. :D

i'm damn tired.
another long long day tml. =(

5 days week is like the norm for me already.
plus one weekend kenna robbed from me for tuition(asides from the weekday slots).
i feel deprived.
think long term jielin!

i so need self-motivation.

accidental ompher.

damn i typed an entire entry and it was lost. so i'm just going to retype, after much thought, since i'm tired but cannot fall asleep.

i'm feeling much better, so don't worry, those out there who care. i'm not gonna self-destruct or anything close.
just a bad night. comes and goes.

first day of school...was just...LAMIAN. HAHAHAHA.
dammit. RAHMEN is just plain boring. i had to choose between options:
a) kill him
b) kill myself
c) get a heahache
d) fall asleep
e) all of the above.

pretty impossible. so i stayed awake. mans, that battle with my eyelids were like....eons.
2 hours never seemed so long.

break. with pool-ing and abs. OMG WE ARE FUCKING CLASSIC. seriously. one hour. who does it like us!!! HAHAHAHA. okkkkk. but i think it was our fastest game yet, really.

and those stupid..._____ guys were obviously commenting about how lousy we were lah. knn. thanks alot man.

BUT I ENDED THE GAME FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. BLACK BALL!!!
i'm demi god already. HAHAHAHAH.
(let me dream for 5 secs pls)


ok dreaming ended.

it's one lesson for me later. i hope this com teacher won't put me to sleep.

com modules are IMPORTANT.

maths. i need all the help i can get. and all the hard work i must put in is pretty obvious with the first day.

SIGH.

i still love my boots.
but buying has to stop.
i should just stick to cheapskate cotton stuff that are a few bucks per piece.
but so auntie!
dammit, the clothes i eye are either high street pieces, or just so abnormal they are expensive.
i'm weird.
different, yes, don't need to keep reminding me.
no i don't feel awkward.
if i think i look decent, then i am happy.
no point dressing like crap and feel like crap.


"teacher! your ear hang one diamond!"

yea man, i wish. if my ears can grow diamonds, i would be rich now.


accidental ompher?
oh wells, weijin sent me to tuition centre today. REALLY. i was like WOAHHHH. damn lucky can. HAHAHA no squeezing with the stupid peak hour crowd. if only all my mondays could be so heng. =D

i'm progressing up the ladder abs! i must be there when the money rain falls. i don't care.
u better up your level.
HAHAHAH.


"jielin tai guo xiao hai zi xiang fa."
wah thanks alot lor. those two, one principal, one vice, talking behind my back.
i'm gonna dig it outta the vice soon.
GRRRR. the things they say. really.


maybe i'm just naive.
so it's a crime.