last training.

today was the last official trainin i guess. hmmm. also not sure wad to say, actually gan chu liang duo la..just tt dunno how to put them down in words..heh. really will miss everyone loads loads. mans..hmmm..heh, training was ok la..played friendly with ajc girls vs girls and guys vs guys..den ya, made a couple of stupid mistakes..sigh. played a position i hardly noe abt..right back is the usual position..but danker put me in sweeper position la..dots..he noe one la..but suan ler..nvm..at least it isnt the real tournament. heh.

oh yar after training we wenta tiong bahru to eat..den after that talked alot cok la..hahaha..den going home liao, but dunno why suddenly hf suggested we can go her house to slack..hahaha..so we did la, me her monz n paula..damn funny..wenta her house slacked n watched dvd of meet the fockers. very funny..hahaha..quite porn..but still managed to make me laugh quite abit la..hee..talked abit..sighs. i wish there was nothing called As la..sigh, den can really enjoy myself..now gotta start studying already..yup..cant disappoint the ppl ard me...

sometimes i really wonder who my real friends are..heh..somehow ppl i thot i cld trust just suddenly turned against me and showed their true colours..somehow its not detest and hate that i am faced with..its more of disappointment and upset. i trust ppl easily, and i trust them to things which i told them. yet somehow, sometimes i think i shld not trust ppl so much..cos' like yong he bro said, never ever trust anyone but yourself. perhaps facing with so much disappointment everytime, i still remain firm on my stand to trust my friends because i know there are alwaes exception. some friends i know whom really hold their words and promises firm, loyal and understanding..and these ppl i've met, together with ppl whom i've lost faith in.

ya, tts all i wanna say.

blEh blAh boO.

bleh. lately just think im super disconected from my class. dunno why la. too tired to think why also. sometimes just dunno wad to talk to them abt. conversation is so hard when u have no topics. it's worse when they simply exclude u from their conversations. perhaps the problem is me la, but its not that i dun wan to spend more time with them, it's just tt i CAN'T spend more time with them. den slowly drift apart. plus alot of them dropped geog..den got alot free periods to hang out and talk together, and i din..so it's like hardly get to see them and really talk to slack together. seems like things have changed drastically this year from last year. i am one who likes changes. yet this kind of change i refuse to admit..it makes me sad to think that i have hardly any close friends in class..no person with the same cca as me and of the same sex(minus deepan who is a guy), no one in demanding sports cca that i can talk abt sports with..no one i can rely on for help now..everyone tells me they care, sur eu understand, yet perhaps it's simply a sentence of "i care abt u" rather than a sincere "i do care abt u". *shrugs* somehow i just wished i can blend in more with my class now la..it's like super left out..and it's only when im with hockey peeps tt i feel really happy now..it's where i noe company is alwaes guaranteed and comforting..

*shrugS* dunno la, guess i shldnt think so much mans..lately super tired..hwk cant seem to finish, topics all i lagged behind like siao..this friday's parent meet teacher i can imagine the scene of show-down of all my negative stuff from parents to teacher and vice versa. well, not like i care now anyway.

tml is nj match vs us. damn nervous n scared. but i really hope we'll play a gd game today. dun wan say more le. wanna slp..so tired..
yawn.

burnt.

i wonder if i'll suffer from skin cancer. hahahah. super burnt lately. i think im skin pigment is like totally ruined. hmM~ dun like to put sun block la..dun like tt oily greasy feeling on my skin. and besides i'll like wipe it off when training starts cos of all the sweat dripping down..and the worst thing is uneven tan lines!!! ahhhh *screams* hahaha.

the guys won cjc!!! hahaha..im so proud of them, woke up at 5:30am to get ready stuff for training and also to watch the guys match at ccab. hahah. super tired la. my eyes like cldnt even open. super puffy. luckily it became better. and just as i was about to leave house to take bus, nicey daddy popped outta his room and offered to give me a ride. mans, is tt nice or wad? lol, so i slpt for a few more mins before leaving the house lo. yup, slpt abit more in daddy's car. dunno y so tired. exhausted actually. crying really drains u of your energy. =X

hmM~the guys really put on quite a huge fight out there. and we girls were screaming for them too. hahaha..the soccer guys even came and some rugby guys too. wahhh. so funny la, not to mention the keane fan club of j1 girls came to support him. HAHAHA. but heard from quek tt the soccer guys actually requested for training to be pushed backwards so tt they can come watch the hockey guys. sweet aint it? :) the score was 2-0. nicely done. :) the last part was most touching la. most of us already strolling back to the bags area after the match. then we realised tt the guys were all in one line linking arms shoulder to shoulder approaching where we last sat. then all of us rushed back to the area. the guys bowed to us la..then one of them said tt this victory was for the girls..wah lau. i tell u im like super touched to bits. :*) thanks guys..really. though i may not know them very well, but somehow just very touched by their actions tremendously. hehs. :) *smile*

training was so-so. tried to practice sweeping and hitting and some tackling. then me n mp asked coach to show us how to tackle and stuff l. did some drills. then suggested to him next training we shld practice tt too. gd gd. i cant wait. must self improve!!! heh. wanna be a GREAT DEFENDER!!! =) clarified some stuff. hopefully i can get to try out those tactics. yups. it actually felt gd to be able to REALLY concentrate on the ball and anticipate the opponents' actions. somehow today's short but simple drill for a couple of us really made me realise some stuff and learnt from it. its all abt having the right timing. we shld NEVER COMMIT. this i must REMEMBER!!! no throwing of sticks. no commiting. channel the opponent to ur stronger side. watch the ball carefully and concentrate. dun be distracted. always place the opponent in a place where u can see them. most importantly place ourselves in a position whereby we can see both the player and the ball. be ready to execute but dun ever gif the opponent the idea of wad u are doing. alwaes give pressure. fight for the ball ALWAYS even though the tackle failed. nv tackle from behind. jab properly. no backsticks. stick flat on the grd. reverse stop must practice more. clear properly and hard. be nimble. nv give opponents a chance to pass u. trickery!! actually hockey is quite an intellectual game la. alot of strategising and stuff. gd gd. gonna try them out. maybe got time practice at home. fight fight fight till the end of the season!!! be brave girls.

one more thing tt struck me today. coach was talking to us..about the match yest. and perhaps he was right. we shld never ever let our hearts rule our minds. in this sport, our minds have to mentally strong. we ARE girls, but we cant get all emotional and let this affect our game. instead of being disheartened and discouraged, we shld instead be stronger. as the saying goes: what doesnt get u down makes u stronger! GO GIRLS!!! :) from now on, i gonna start gearing up mentally instead of emotionally.

heh. anyway when i reached home after the dessert session with some hockey peeps, my head was pounding terribly already. must be the sun la. bathed n stuff then wait for hair to dry n wenta slp for a while. woke up at 7plus. went out with family to eat dinner at marche. hehs. nice food there. yum yum. though i think i shld start to diet already, but it can wait la. for now try to eat healthily first. hahah! ok i hafta go get some econs hwk done. forgot to bring back my tys la!! arghhhs. guess i hafta read my notes first. okaes. outta here! byeeeee. :)

rmb girls, we must nv be disheartened. let's not disappoint coach n boss. let's not disappoint ourselves. we've fought so hard and came so far. one step at a time, we shall complete this race. :)

once again.

just wanna say tt today's match, we din meet our own expectations, or even close to meeting the expectations o coach. but im sure each and everyone of us fought hard. we cheered hard. screamed hard. tackled hard. just tt today wasnt our day. dun cry no more. wipe away ur tears and stand up to fight for the remaining matches. we trained so hard to give a gd game of hockey for our opponents. we din train so hard to fight and lose and then give up after that. like our much beloved turkey captain hf says, we do still have a chance of entering the semis. although the chances are slim, but there is a possiblity. no matter wad, we gonna give it our best shot and nv admit defeat till the end of our season.

we definitely suffered from this loss. first the rjc match, and then this. but i assure u guys, it's gonna be the last one. fight hard. fight with all ur might. read boss's mail? for once he actually made it short and simple, and it hit home straight. was very touched by his words. girls, i hope u all will pull urself together and we shall emerge victorious from this semis. whatever the results, im sure the greatest thing we received from this is tt we made many precious and darling friends tt we'll probably not forget till we become old and senile. we shall continue to enjoy each other's company. we shall continue to jack each other. we shall continue to laugh and smile and tear and share our sorrows together. we will love each other yeas? :)

i cant imagine the pain i felt after this match. bad mistakes commited. super off-form. and cj was super on form. we stepped onto the pitch feeling confident of winning this game. yet we stepped off the pitch, most of us already in tears. we fought for the entire game, yet luck was not on our side. we missed. we lost. 3-0. first time i played in a match this season, and first time i got on the pitch really wanting to win this game. though a mere few minutes i was on the pitch, i was determined to put in all my best. i simply cant bear to see us being down..by 3 goals. the tears just came flowing after the match. i din want them to come, but somehow it dawned on me tt it may just mean the last chances of fighting to the semis. it has been such a long and difficult journey for all of us. we trained so hard for this. is this the end of it all? i dunno. but i know now, we shld not give up now, in fact we shld NEVER give up. not now. not ever. we are all champions at heart. and champions nv gif up. lift up ur heads girls, continue to fight hard. this is the spirit of us girls..quoting from boss, it's time we show our stubborness.

refuse to admit defeat. refuse to play a bad game. put in not only our 100%, but 200%, 300%!! we can do it. we can. we really can. each and every one of us is impt. in a way or another. this is wad makes us so special. saints hockey!!!! ALL THE WAY GIRLS!!! :) one step at a time.

wanna thank those pple tt have comforted me. yea..the guys were really sweet to stay back, knowing very well tt we were extremely upset from the match. they comforted, and their presence was greatly appreciated. really. thanks! thanks for all the supporters from sajc. it was greatly needed, and we wished we had a better game to show u guys..thanks to frens, to best fren first aider. hahah..for ur pre-game sms, to ur comforting words after the match. yeas..we shall remain strong ya! thanks mostly to captain turkey who was ever so encouraging and strong to support us when we fell and faltered. :) love ya girl..u make such a great cap!

now now, my eyes are closing and im exhausted. tml is the guys's game vs cjc. i do hope they'll win. for us sistas eh? heh. going down to support them..after tt got training..gonna make full use of it now..utilise it to the fullest potential. 2 more matches. quoting from louis this time: persevere on and ENDURE. yes, we can do it. rmb girls. AWESOME! let's go out and kick some ass ok!!!

for now. wipe away ur tears my darlings. hope to see ur smiles again. much love.

nv say die.

we are the energizers. never say die. actually wad i wanted to say more or less talked to the ppl already..yups..today's match..4-0 to rjc. but hey guys, nv gif up and admit defeat ok. this is not the end of our season yet. we can still make it and fight for the remaining matches. next to come:cjc. thrash them! we will, im very sure we all have the determination and courage to do it. never gif up..nv say die. nv admit defeat. never.

the umpiring was lousy. but we cant go agst it. yet the goals were not mainly cos' of the sucky umpires. rather, there were mistakes on our part too. the first half was gd. but our second half broke down..perhaps we really wanted the draw score or to score too much. many many perhaps. but we played hard. we fought hard. it's no one's fault at all. really..no one is to be blamed. everyone commits mistakes at some pt or another. hockey is a team sport. saints hockey is a team. we are a team. no one is blamed for goals or anything. we must support each other and continue to persevere. never withdraw in the face of defeat.

wad i wanted to say, i've told them. u noe..i've often said how much i love this hockey team..how much i love saints hockey..but its only today tt i really treasured this frenship..and started to realise tt perhaps this feeling is mutual afterall..hehs..its true..wad weiyan said. i love love this team alot alot. the time i spend with hockey peeps are shorter than the time i spend with my class or wad. yet the frenships build and the bonds formed are much much stronger than those formed in my class. perhaps its all the bsa shit, the pts, the long and tough trainings in the hot sun, the tournaments, the huddles..everything..that brought us closer and closer in tt short time. we've been there for one another. we see each other everyday. we support each other in everything. be it hockey or outside hockey. from strangers, we became fast frens. i really treasure saints hockey team. the bond i feel cannot be described appropriately using words..the pain i felt when the final whistle was blown was tremendous. built up over the last 30 mins of the game. even though i din not physically play in the game, yet i knew tt the struggle out there, the pains they were going thru were really all for the team. we are not bench-warmers. we are all a team, regardless who plays and who does not. its all for the gd of the team..hockey, saints hockey is a team sport. :)

i love u all. really. love u all alot alot. treasure and cherish the times we had and more times to come. u wun noe how much u all haf contributed to my life..how much my life has been changed cos of it. how much sacrifices we all made for hockey. all for a common goal. this is wad tt touches me most. i heart saints hockey! we shall fight on. fight fight fight! the next match. cjc. we shall do our best. not dwell on the mistakes. today, tonite is the only moment when we shall mourn. tml, we shall reset, start afresh, fight with renewed spirit again. we will meet rjc after the semis. that time, we shall show them wad we are really made of. awesome, girls. u all are awesome! :)

lastly i wanna add to thank those who wished us gd luck. to those who came down to support us too. to boss and coach who nv gave up on us and the many sacrifices they made for us. the guys hockey who came down to support too..yups..to all my frens la..u all shld noe who u are..=) even first aider best friend also veh supportive...hahahah..he's damn funny la..tell me a joke then think its veh cute..veh act cute man! :P shHhhh..

and oh, thanks for best friend(deepan), hanis and johan for the nice ice creams..heh..push on girls. we trained with half our life all for this din we? we cant stop now. nothing can stop us! :)

GONNA GET OVER U!

please note the exclaimation mark at the end of this blog entry title. YES! im so gonna get over u! i am!!! well at least i haf to anyway. heh. enough said, i just hope this hurt will go away soon enough, no more false hopes, no more wrong signals, no more oggling. i better start settling down and think of wad are m priorities in life and go for it. yeas. perhaps i shld start by doing my econs tys and actually reading my notes instead of blogging and slacking now like what i am doing. hehs.

so disconnected from everyone. who is someone i can really turn to? i have many close frens, in class, in hockey, in sec sch, outside sch, ppl i hardly know yet i can talk to, ppl from ocip, ppl from jj. im touched by their frenship. i seriously am. sometimes i just needa talk, and they were there to provide a listening ear for u. sometimes, even a strong shoulder for me to lean on, to cry on. recently i seem to be getting weaker and weaker, getting torn apart. the harder i try, the harder i fall. the pain is excrutiating, yet who can really tell from my appearance. i may appear to be happy always, but am i really? i hardly talk to my parents abt my troubles, not even my sister. sometimes i just hope i can fade off into the backgrd and die unnoticed. hehs. i try very hard to be happy, to make ppl happy, to be strong and confident. and i succeed most of the time. except the part of being genuinely happy. im seriously troubled. happiness is shortlived. i wished i had the naivety of a young child. to ignore the hard and cruel truths of the world. to ignore the pain and hurt i face everyday. their world is just so simple.

perhaps its just today. another one of my thinking days. melancholy. reflective. wells, im so gonna get over u. yes i am and i will. im sure of that. i just hope no one will like come and take over ur place. cant take the highs and lows of such interpersonal relationships. hahaha. well, at least not now.

friends are truly very important. yeas. i love them with my life. they are the only reason why im alive now.

oh ya.

was just thinking..and sudenly remembered..abt somethings today during the cip..hahha..rmb i mentioned abt the clowns? yea..they are actually ex-convicts. but i was so amazed and awed by their love and tenderness with the children tt i totally forgot they had such past records..the most touching part was when one of the clowns told the children abt his past, and asked for forgiveness..i believe many of them dun understand what he was saying, but to me, tt speech was super touching..really almost made me cry..sigh..SUPPORT THE YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT OK!!! :)

yea..then i also rmbed the times when the clowns played witht eh kids..some of them even talked to them..it was like they really enjoyed themselves and tried their best to please the kids and make them laugh. one of them even had stage fright but he went on stage to perform infront of all the mothers and children at the starting of the programme. i din even noe abt their backgrd until they talked abt it themselves..and even pointed out the leg tag thingy strapped onto their legs..yea..and one of the clowns even got surrounded by the kids and got "beaten up" by sword balloons and yet he was grinning away. he really looked happy. i felt happy for him too. sometimes i believe what this world needs, is actually a little bit more love. and these children have given unconditionally abounding love tt touches me..their innocence simply amazes me and leaves me in envy. somehow i wish my world cld be so simple too...

oh ya. wanna thank yong he bro yea? shall not say wad u did for me..but ya, im really touched..thanks..dun worry i'll make it to the concert! :)

hahaha..mans, more and more ppl are knowing abt the apple thingy. sighs. talked to eugene abt it just now. he knows abt it la..quite long ago le..one of my closer frens tt actually know the full details of it. yeas. he said sumthigns la. but i think i shall not be hopeful of wad he said. cos nothing is guaranteed now. and to wad i noe, guys' inference can be quite bad. maybe eugene has bad inference? hahahah. ok la..but seriously, thanks darling. u really cleared some of my doubts and cheered me up. u take care of ur knee ok. dun over exert. dun nag and nag at me then u urself dun preach wad u NAG. lol. yups. :) oh ya, even tt tracy tay tutu also noe liao..but i noe she wun spill anything out la..lol..

which reminds of me something. like the guys were half naked(top half) during trainin today. some of them only la. and me and some other pple were bioing their bodies. so tanned and wel built eh? lol. i rmb with amy esp. we were bored n nothing to do on the pitch n i marking her. then we started talking. n i commented raymond's body quite nice..hahaha..oh mans. then she told me dun tell her cos she'll feel teh urge to peek. LOL. i almost died of laughing. then we talked abt yan liang's body. wahahahha. amy har..=X and several other bods la. quite hot. like johan got 6pack. santhosh got damn nice bod also. ahahah. mans. how things have changed eh? :D