psychic inaccuracy.

i am quite scared, of what i shall not say.

wj thinks he is psychic. wtf.
even i cannot see anything coming.
anything mans.
he is full of rubbish anyway.


esl profile.
knn so dead.
my two comm texts are gonerrrrr.
=(

damn stressed.
and i really hate limits.
dammit.

save me.
swallowed by darkness.
struggling in exhaustion.
again.

mindfucking yet again.

i don't know why you did what you did.
at least you chose yet another semi-conscious moment to say such things which you know might get you killed if i weren't.

i don't know why you said what you said.
i can't really remember.
just snippets.
just cuts off a tape.

i shouldn't care what you said.
who are you.

i should just assume that you were drunk.
maybe you really were.
as usual.

this mind game, requires a discerning mind.
it's time to train myself.
i cannot let people down.

gotta run. some mouse king is coming.

swell.

i woke up, mouth throbbing and slightly swollen.
beyond pain. numbness.

tuition early in the morning. reached cck by 9am, fuck tired. almost dozed off several times. left around 11plus, boon lay-ed, 12-130pm. woahs, monkeys indeed. no wonder the teacher has problem controlling them. gave too much leeway already!

so i set the standards for them again. felt terrible reprimanding them, but still has to be done mans. one super naughty monkey will effectively set the lead for the other potential monekys. very bad. HAHAHHA. my vice principal heard me chiding them and my stern tone while setting classroom rules. HE SAID IM GOOD OK.

=D

yays.
okkkk, then prepared materials till 3 for another class. sibei tired. the whole day is full of marking and returning and going throughs and corrections. damns.
and my mouth hurts mans.
napped abit after 430pm last class. numbness and pain somehow is part of everything already. can't really tell the difference, but everything is god damn sore.

left to meet monz at BV mrt. walked there and chatted abit.
wayne called to ask me go buy car accessories with him. -_-
DIAO. hahahaha. too bad not free, would have been fun to check out car stuff.

settlers with the ever growing friday nighters is indeed fun.
:) missed my sis's 21st bdae celebration though. shall get something for her once i cash my cheque. =(

taboo rocks. omg, and anthony is DAMN CUTE. HAHAHAHAH. geez.
had a good time laughing at random guesses, pretty mindless sometimes. but hecks, it's all about guessing and probability anyway.

i think i'm damn pro at fixing the rubber bands even without mirror ok!
HAHAHA. and it's only the second day.
fine, i'm a quick learner.

versatility is so crucial nowadays.
and i still am thinking about my profile writing. i have a good idea, but i'm really scared it doesnt work out. or wouldn't have the courage or time to complete it.
shall try my luck tml. =X

i think i'm quite teacher-ish leh. only dressing not up to it only lahs, but still, i enjoy the interaction with kids. every communication seems to be a challenge, because there has to be different ways to deal with various students of genders, levels and personalities. it's all about finding that click. :) i'm still working on it of course.
perfecting the art.

i feel loved.
or maybe because the less i expect, the more i feel.
thanks for all the love around me.
even when i'm alone, i don't feel the loneliness.
i actually feel...tinges of peace.

WHY ARE TAIWAN GIRLS JUST SO CUTE?
cannot stand it.
rainie is damn cute, in my opinion.
dammit, if only i have her build.

YES LAH I STILL TRYING TO RID THOSE FATS.

and people who ask me to drink but i refuse, it's because i resolute during NYE to not drink for one month. ONE MONTH ONLY NIA, CAN LET ME FULFILL IT NOT!!!!

hahahaha. determination ok.
i'm trying to cleanse my body.
i feel weak and ill inside.
and yes, the fats issue.

just because i like it.
i'm no bimbo, but face it, everyone likes pretty things. and i want to wear pretty stuff too.
without complaining that i have a huge tummy that shows in every outfit i wear.


i'm not rich ok. i just happen to like things that tmdknn happen to be expensive.
-curse and swear-
i'm not a brand conscious person, trust me, just like things that are not what others have.

yes, i should become more feminine, working on it. very hard. :)

HAHAHAHA, tt stupid rock is damn idiotic.
i cannot believe he goes around the centre telling everyone i'm his "woman". LOL.
kick him to china mans.
but i know he means no harm lah.

mans, i wish one day someone will tell me:" wo hui zhao gu ni de...wo hui yang ni de..." and means it.
HAHAHAHAH.

i mean, provided i like him too mans.

squeak says he must find dragon or rabbits.
dammit, i don't know find which species.
HAHAHAH.

fuck tired.
i want be cute too.
without a lardful body.
or being brainless.
i'm working on perfecting my flaws. or at least, minimizing them.

but i think my style way off.
it's time to be more extreme.


i am salivating for those sky high patent heeled boots. OMG. orgasmic can.
SIGH. i'll be happy if i can test wear.

it looks so hot from afar.

ok fine, wait for more money first ok.
still saving for japan.
MUST MUST MUST.
god, release me from this no winter place.

money is evil.

i finally realised how bad things were when i realised my nets doesn't even have $16 bucks inside.

i feel like shit, but i know i've done my best to last so long.
RELC pay cannot be rushed, i still owe hel $4, yating $18(transferred over cos hel owes yating money, so now become i owe bigbird) and yea, pretty much surviving on free sim food now. HA.

this is my shitty life.
i daren't ask for my tuition pay cos' i'll feel bad.
i know the centre has always struggled, with the mission to provide affordable tuition to the lower income group in the neighbourhood. and i always gave my utmost best and efforts, not asking for more. because i always have enough to last.

but now, i'm just so fucking broke, i don't know what to say.
and the thing is i didn't buy anything ok.
all spent on transport and some food inbtween breaks, never exceeding $2 per meal.
HA. it's almost pathetic.

and don't ask me to take money from my parents.
because the school fees are such a bomb, and i haven't taken $$ form them since i graduated from JC, i think i shouldn't start now.
at least...the chinese have this saying of "first bitter then sweet"(literal translation).
i'm awaiting the sweetness. please oh god, before i die.

i am hungry, but i think the pain in my mouth exceeds my hunger.
so i shall just starve.

i have fats reserve anyway.
not that i seem to be slimming down anymore.
i think i reached this limit, but i choose to believe my belly will go away somehow.
faith lah, can?


ok, enough whining about money.
it's just plain evil.
after i get my tuition pay end of this month(which i hope by then i'm still very much alive), i will repay all debts(totalling erm...$22???) and carry on with life.
mans. work extra hard to earn more.
spend less, even though i'm dying for new clothes. hahs.

just gotta get used to the fact that i'm not as priviledged as i hope to be.
or rather, i CHOOSE to be.

independence, want then must be all the way.

fuckload of pain.

went for my dental appointment today after ESL. win already. knn in truckload of pain now.

rubber band phase. i feel like my teeth are pulled TOGETHER and BACKWARDS at the same time. win already, totally.

my whole mouth is close to being swollen i think. fuck. liquid diet ok.
MUST JIAN FEI.
confirm can lah. i cannot even open my mouth wide, or bite without feeling pain.
ARGH. and this is making my mood very bad.
VERY VERY BAD.

=(
the pay is still not in, and i feel very buey song.

i am practically...living on air and water already ok. fucking save me, someone.

super tuition day tml. god.
i'm in so much pain i cannot concentrate.

sim tissue box.

was my bestest friend today, i swear. i couldn't leave it alone for a single second even. sneezed non-stop; gotta be one of the unglam-ness days ever in school.

popped two cold relief panadols. didn't work till i reached home. win already lor.

the two tests were pretty ok.
should be quite decent.

tired nonetheless.
i wonder if i'll remember to go refill my gas if my tank ever runs low. HAHAHA.

and mr leon, i am not a workaholic. i need that money ok. no family support. but thanks for your concern squeak, i will take care of myself one ok. i'm expecting that big big stuffed bird on CNY. gotta be something interesting mans. a bird among the pigs on my bed. HAHAH.

actaully i realised there are signs of intercultural communication everyday. i'm saying that even if we are talking to people the same race etc. because of the existence of co-cultures. but of course the communication must have enough significance on an individual before it is considered meaningful and worthwhile lah.

see, i am open-minded to such communication, just maybe a tad little insensitive at times. i tend to do things i don't realise, and it can be quite damaging. but it's worse if the opposite party tends to have low tolerance, and also not open-minded to the entire communication, ie. defensive. one cannot be ethnocentristic. not easy, i'll say.

but i never once thought i was superior to anyone. rather, i'd say it's the other way round, just perhaps hidden and disguised well enough.


i keep pondering over the question whether i indeed refuse to break out of my comfort social circle. yet the fact is i derive quite abit of pleasure from being the lone ranger. there is no need to stick to groups at times. and i actually crave meeting new people. because i get bored easily.

my survival guide is working perfectly.
=)

i feel a sense of achievement and pride in myself actually. i pride myself for being so...stubbornly strong. HAHAHAHA.

fuck it. i live my life, and this is how i grow up and mature.
don't take me as who i am on the surface.
mindless and childish i may seem.
layers.



the phone conversation with the monkey was damn long yesterday night. from full batt to no batt. win already. then today wake up late. HAHAHA. but still earlier than most people for lessons. yays.

i'm bored. didn't meet mr lift today. but at least i was pretty lucky to not sit next to mr pool today in students' lounge. HAHAHA.
woots.

abby chan, you will pay the PLICE for saying what you said. grrr. mr. PORNFORMSLOPE has no diamond stud ok. don't play play. i think my omph not as haywire as that stussy nightmare meow. :)

for now, i don't wanna care about you. i got more important things to do. :)

bomb my tv.

apparently the meow-bomb isn't very effective. my tv is still there. =(
SIGH.
i'm fucking screwed lah.
no work done.
WD=Fxperpendicular distance.


damns.
tml one test.
thurs 2 tests.
tuition tml.
ARGH.
i'm kinda fed up with life, but i need that fuel in my veins to keep me high.

i'm gonna be normal and wear normal sneakers tml ok.
hel stop saying i'm weird or not i kick you to china also.

mans. oversensitivity is never too good. this is my personal guide to living life now. for now, before i can take more of life's shit.

skill number one: ACT DUMB.

hahahah. woots.

skill number two: BE ANNOYING.

yes, you heard me.

skill number three: BE NONCHALANT ie. unaffected.

uh huh.

skill number four: HIDE YOUR EMOTIONS when they are negative.

yes, so as not to spread the negative germs.

skill five: IGNORE PEOPLE THAT DON'T DESERVE IT.

yes, mean i know. but sometimes it has to be done. when you feel that you are being taken advantage of, just do it. humans are greedy creatures who never know their limits. humans are self-centered most of the time, even when they insist they are not.

so, people think i'm simple-minded.
it's a disguise i hide behind.
simplicity is the key nowadays anyway.
hiding what you have under the layers( NO NOT FATS) is just an act of self-protection.
no one appreciates. not openly, not voluntarily.

i find acceptance much easier.
and i find myself falling in love with strangers and their daily activities.
things they do which are different from my almost clockwork ones.
i like observing people.
i like how the world turns.


the green man was flashing in the distance.
but i waited, and waited.
for the red man to appear.
then-
i crossed the road.