not dead, neither alive.

been mad busy, as usual. sounds like there's nothing new to my life, right? gahhh. been trying to get all the rest i can grab on the weekends. sigh. otherwise, work has been progressing, learning and learning and learning.

today, a new batch of shatec students (i think) came. they should be staying for some time. while jenny from SMU is most probably ending her internship this month end. =((( i'll miss her. today morning has been......crazy. wtf. printing, editing, printing, binding, compiling, editing and on and on. i was so glad when boss finally left for his meeting. because FINALLY, we get to eat our lunch at 2plus in the afternoon. my stomach was growling!! =(

let's hope it gets easier. anyway, i'm alive and kicking. apologies for the lack in updates. but apparently, i'm a lousy blogger. HAHA. i'd rather sleep than blog. and i'm only blogging because the nagging sight of the piling pictures irks me. GRRR. so, not bintan pics, but randoms.

and i feel awful because i feel that after 9months together, sometimes, fatbear and i seem like strangers. it's a crazy idea. and i don't know why i get such an idea. things seem to be getting harder and harder to cope around here. and relationships are really the last thing i want to handle. unfortunately, things are seldom simple and plain.

i hate it when at the end of the day, we both feel so tired and we don't like to talk much by then. and we don't even talk much during work. just sometimes, an obligatory phone call from him during lunch time to check whether i've eaten (something he has been doing since i was still in UB).

and i tend to get mad at really minute things. it sounds stupid to say it out even, but it's really true! i just wished fatbear could be more accomodating and nice and understanding and pampering and pacifying.

BUT of course, he is tired from work too. SIGH. i can't possibly expect all that from him??!!

it's difficult to explain how i feel...but i guess i really need to evaluate my perceptions and ways of handling things and people.

i'm really not very adept at doing such things. i think i need to up my tolerance level.

a short update. friday is my commencement ceremony, marking my graduation from UB. i look horrendous in my regalia and all. but fuck it, it's a once in a lifetime thing right? let's just pray i don't look AWFULLY shitty and i won't fall down on the stage/stairs/anywhere else HAHA. my parents, both grandmas and fatbear will be attending. i will be taking leave from work.

AND fatbear and my popo met already. i decided to visit popo after she dropped me a call on saturday. and so, since fatbear was with me, we popped by down close to dinner time and stayed and chatted to her for a bit.

and my popo had so much time to call me during work today to ask me to bring fatbear along on friday wtf. while i was kiap-ing my phone between my ear and shoulder AND binding stuff and printing. omg. AND my papa called after that, must have been a plot or something wtf. asking me about my plans for that day. suspicious huh. -sniffs-


ok, enough ranting and updating you guys about my life. picturesss!!

kim gary's for dinner one day after work. at vivocity.

fatbear. waiting for food. starved. but the portions were HUGE. i couldn't finish my share. by 1/4 of my dish, i was picking at my food because i couldn't swallow already wtf.

ying-yang!

fries! lovesss. by the way, they serve really nice fries, in my opinion.

mine.

his.

and fatbear loves to feed me stuff (vice versa wtf). but i think his rate of feeding me his dish is faster than me feeding him MY dish. and i end up REALLYYY bloated at the end of the meal. unfair ok. hmpff.

went to collect my new spectacles on saturday evening. then back to his place for harper's island!!!

camwhoring with my new hair. longer on the front, shorter on the back. for framing my chubby face. zzz.



then sushi tei for dinner one night when fatbear thinks that we deserve a better meal and hence spending more. i didn't want to eat so expensively at first, but fatbear insisted..so...ok lor.

sashimi!!!! awesome. -flies to heaven- juicy, thick and tender. AHHHHH.

more salmon sashimi!!! omggg. -salivates-

fatbear's curry katsu don.

at work, one day. new specs, new hair. AND my hair has grown longer I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. why does my hair grow so fast???!! i want to cut it shorter again! =((( but one thing for sure, it NEVER grows thicker. fml. HAHA.

anyway, the table behind me is now occupied by this male shatec student. SIGH no more privacyyyy. boohoo. and he smokes. so everytime he comes back from his smoke break, GOD HE STINKS. -scowls- but, thou shalt not generalize that he is a bad person because he is actually very polite. hmmmm.

i just need more air freshener. please donate. HAHA.

and btw, I NEVER ZAO GENG OK. i wore another tank top inside my chiffon top, so ya, that grey thing is my tank top, not my bra wtf. in case anyone is wondering.

ok, i admit my specs doesn't look far off from my previous one. but the frames are slightly wider and bigger. and it's a greyish sorta tint, with baby pink inner frames. WOAHHH. HAHA. and i made it entirely in plastic. which is really light. my previous one was all glass, therefore the weight.

does it look better? please say yes! (even if it's a lie HAIZ)

and looking at this picture reminds me that FATBEAR DEVELOPED DOUBLE EYE LIDS OMFG. HAHAHAH. from single to double. =.= eehhh, i think i gave him some of my double eye-liddedness. if it's even possible. please don't pass me his fat genes though! =((( -worried sulk-

well, people say if you spend a great amount of time together with a certain person, you start to develop features like the other party! omg. but i wouldn't mind more of his nose bridge. he has quite nice side profile. as compared to my pancake one. HAHA.

popped by 7-11 one night to grab milk for my breakfast to put at fatbear's. and 7-11 was giving out these at $1.80 for two random characters in an egg!!! we got these! reddish one for me, and blue for him--in order not to look to odd for him. mine's MR SMALL. and his's LITTLE MISS SHY. HAHAHA.

and he hung it on his hp without me having to nag him much! omggg!! a big difference from shitangel's introduction. -beams- and he really seems to like it. =D

then bbpp and shitangel started to amuse themselves with the plastic eggs which contained the mobile accessories. HAHA. shitangel in her makeshift rocking chair. bbpp with his new armour hat wtf.

evil fatbear KIAPED BOTH SIDES OF THE EGG TOGETHER--WITH SHITANGEL INSIDE THE EGG OK! =(((((( she almost died from suffocation. luckily i found her early. i will kiap fatbear if he does it again!

saturday, accompanied fatbear to starhub centre for a CPA australia introductory talk and wait for him sign up and stuff. yawnnnnn. the same day of meet-the-popo-session. i was wearing this hugo boss polo tee i bought dirt cheap in bintan with my bandage skirt and leggings. a very unsatisfactory outfit. but woke up late, no time to choose outfits and feeling fat. HENCE, a lousy short day out =(.

whoops. i know i'm not very demure. -shifty eyed-

sunday, we went out to town for DATING. finally, after ages, we're finally dating outside of the panjang area (ARGHH) and west coast (ARGHHH) and his house (ARGHHH). town was packed man. shopped around. main target was to buy proper shoes. bought two pairs. and a cute boxer PJs made of satin in a nice shade of blue. loves.

dinner at grafitti cafe which took over the LJS area in the basement.

wanton noodles. ALOT. i almost couldn't finish. picking my food at 1/2 the dish. =(

totally can't finish. fatbear had to wipe it clean himself.

entire meal. with bubble tea to boot.

which mostly, fatbear finished all. HAHA.

my outfit for the day, pardon the lousy lighting. took it when we got back to his place. it was still raining heavily =(. black tank for inner from topshop, purple checked chiffon top from f21, bandage skirt from my sis (too big for her but just nice for me FML).

wore with sneakers, but changed to nicer mini stacked flats after i bought them. legs looked way longer. it looks stubby now =/.

i swear, the miracle of heels. but the pain it brings is intolerable too. gahhh.

ok, end of entry. i better grab sleep now. it's going to be 12:30am =(.

stay tuned readers of bigyellowshiningstar. I WILL BLOG SOON. because fatbear sucks and we will not meet until he is guilty enough to miss me so badly he'll want to meet me. HMPFFF.

provided i'm not to lazy to blog myself when i'm home. HAHA.

ps: watch ice age 3! it's really cute and hilarious. even fatbear agrees! (((: and sis's says xiaohuang looks like sid. wtf.

goodnight darlings.

bintan part 1.

HI TO ALL BIGYELLOWSHININGSTAR READERS!!!

in order not to disappoint, i'm uploading pictures with my eyes half-closed HAHAHA. fucking tired. i just want to sleep. but i'm waiting for fatbear to reach home from OT so that we can chat on the phone for abit before heading to bed. such is the life of an struggling-accountant-to-be and a-fresh-graduate-in-a-small-private-company.

wednesday now, past midnight, and i seriously ought to catch up on beauty sleep before i collapse and die. meeting tomorrow at work with boss to update him on stuff. PLEASE DON'T SCOLD ME =((((. i'm trying my best. i'm supersonic the multi-tasker.

crazy at work. time flies. and i've been playing happy farm and barn buddies just to kill time sometimes. to keep myself awake. and to motivate me to rest, then continue working harder. myeyesarekillingme.

new spectacles hurt too, because i'm still not accustomed to it.

so here are the Bintan pictures PART 1. all are our faces. pardon the trigger happiness. AHAHA.

early morning, on the cab to pick monz and chip up to head to the tanah merah harbor. pardon my very sleepy face and FATS omg HAHAHA. pretend never see lah. i'm obviously not very embarrassed by my fats. -guilty face-

anyway, didn't realise the sleeve of my tee dropped off my shoulder, and hence the very unforgiving picture above. but there's a better one, without my fats! HAHA.

the cab was jerky and the pictures were awful because my hands kept jerking away from focus. gahhh. just make do lah.

arriving, checked in, buying alcohol from the duty free just before boarding.

with monz. wahh, my grin so big. =.=

she gamely posed for my picture, pretending to act shocked at.... i dunno what. zzz.

walking to our boat!



our boat!

departure. a short getaway is all i need. i'm not greedy, yet.

our seats. free seating, so you kinda had to fight for it, singaporean style. it's quite bad because everyone made a dash/quick-walk for seats of their choice. some wanted to sit together, so acting fast is a MUST.

which reminds me: on the way back, while waiting for the gates to open to allow us to board the boat back to singapore, everyone was crowding at the gates. DAMN PACKED. machiam got sale. and being the notorious singaporeans, we also queued up. HAHAHAHA wtf. so diu lian. i swear it's just singaporeans. the ang mohs can't be bothered man, just sit relaxed on their chairs.

AND the moment the gates opened, people RAN ok. WTF. sounds really exaggerating right? BUT I NEVER EXAGGERATE. IT'S TRUE. i didn't run hor, just for your info. HAHAHAHA.

sweet couple.

us! white and brown.

then i had to rub my nose, and i don't know who snapped this. wtf. i look so bushuang. HAHAHAH.

ahhh. look at my hair. GONE. hehe. above shoulders, breezier, lighter, cooler and way younger. i'm in love with my hair.

happy graduation trip for us, and...happy birthday to me!

our couple slippers.

arrival. on the coach.

we look crazily happy.

the only scenery picture i have of Bintan.

our rooms. fatbear packs and transforms into this motherly figure while i slack and take pictures.



full-length mirror in the bathroom. can't resist some camwhoring.

our kids came on tour too! (((: say hi to bbpp and shitangel! =D they came to celebrate my birthday! wheeee.

ok this marks the end of PART 1. stay tuned for PART 2.

too tired. still sick.

good night.

BANG.

guess what?
i felt sick today. slight fever (must be the heat) and headache plus cough.
quite bad.
i don't think it's H1N1 lah..although my region seems to have quite a few clusters..........and i take the route to work everyday which passes by Maju Camp wtf.

don't worry, i'm safe, i think.

anyway, work was rather crazy today. ARGH. getting worse everyday.
and the boss seems to derive pleasure from watching the work pile up on us.
and of course, we get chided for not doing work fast enough.

i really wish i were a supersonic being.


and ya, OT today. took cab back. dropped my colleague off.
then headed off to my place.
AND,

at the T-junction near clementi interchange, some MPV crashed into my taxi's rear because it did not brake in time at the red light.
impact threw me forward, but not hard enough to make me smash my head against the front seat.
=X and i'm guilty as charged, i did not wear the seatbelt. SIGH.


but i'm fine. no bruises or whatsoever. =X

had to wait for both parties to take pictures of their vehicles, then more waiting, and more waiting. zzz. called fatbear but he was too busy and after checking that i was fine, he had to hang up. called mumsy to tell her that i had to be delayed because of that. and she chided me for not belting myself on the vehicle.

the car owner and the cab driver kept apologizing to me and asking me if i was ok.

had to fill in the witness form for the cab driver after that. i think he was ultra grateful that i was being helpful.

and i thought i was brave and nonchalant. but i realized that i was trembling after some time. wtf. could be the cold. and could be because i was feeling weak from the entire day's events. and i couldn't stop shaking all the way home. zzz.


and well...i paid for the cab fare, slightly discounted lah. the cab driver didn't want to charge me, but it wouldn't be fare anyway. good karma! HAHA.

ok ending off my busy, tiring, sick and close shave day.
rest. to fight tomorrow.
nights.


sorry i'm getting wordy with no pictures.
congrats if you read every word.
you know what's happening in my life.

rants.

i really should stop playing facebook games. they make me so soooo damn pissed. i keep trying to break my own highscore and it's fucking tiring. zzzz. i get more tensed as i play. zzzzzzz.

aren't games supposed to be fun? this is madness. i'm swearing off them for today.

i'm supposed to post bintan pictures. but i don't really have the mood now.
so frustrated with several issues.
i wonder why.
nothing is helping.


this is an awful weekend.
thanks to you mr fatbear.
i hate this.

fuck the coming week.

a plea to the heavens.

tonight is the stage whereby i've reached my saturation point, the maximum limit.
and i'm so tired of trying i don't even want to try anymore.
trying to make things work, when they aren't, is fucking tiring.


i've never thought how things can become harder, more difficult. but apparently, they can.
and perhaps it is in my nature to be picky, fussy, anal.
i want things to go my way. to be what i want them to be.
and i hate it when they tear in the opposite direction like a crazy horse.
makes me feel helpless and upset and desperate.

now, im sinking into a quick sand of frustration.


ok my eyes are closing.
thursday and friday combination is a killer.
i can only move ahead, because there is no looking back.


one call, late by months back came today.
i wonder if i should go for the opportunity. i'm just so tired right now.
but maybe i really should try.


another opportunity stands there. and i wonder if i should try too.
whatever happened to my spur or energy?

i thought i am only 22. why do i feel like i'm 88. wtf.


a relationship is tough to handle and sustain. to me, there are no things called honeymoon period. everday is a trying day. because when two separate worlds collide, they can only work harder to adapt to each other.
if not a war will inevitably begin.
the adaptation, however, can kill at times.
and when i mean separate worlds, it means OPPOSITES.
don't doubt me on that.



i'm glad it's finally saturday. because the week has been ARGH. and it's gonna get more ARGHHHH.
oh god, i need superhuman powers and luck. please.

thursday mania.

errrr. you see, i am no fan of facebook quizzes and games and widgets or whatsoever. BUT, because my colleagues are crazy over it, and they play these things before work starts/during breaks/after work etc, they have influenced me to try it out. wtf.

and my ego is sorely bruised. damn freaking tiring ok these kinda games!!! not supposed to help you relax mehhh. i play already even more stressed. wth.

i'm seriously exhausted, so i'm gonna update and go sleep.
it's friday again.
thursday, which just passed one hour ago, was tiring. work work work. then had KFC delivery call-in before the meeting with other business partners and then the conference call to U.S.

started meeting at 7plus in the evening. conference started at 9pm. ended at 11pm.
almost died. so my working hours was from 9am to 11pm. =.=
shared cab home with another colleague who also lives in the west area.


running on tight budget now. finances are flashing code red.

i really just want to follow the happy flow.

learnt more about life and myself again today. more re-evaluation.

will post bintan pictures by this week, since fatbear is too busy with OT-ing at his work to bother about me. i'll be lonely for now. SIGH. apart from the killing workload lah. zzz.

and how i look like in my new hair? =/
LOL.
collecting my new specs on saturday.
i really really wished i could wear contact lenses instead. can really see the difference in eye size. somehow, spectacles make my eyes look smaller. why is that so??? can any optician friends tell me? =(

my eyes are BIG ok. i swear.
they were like huge ass marbles when i was a kid (before spectacles ruined my life wtf).
anyway, i'm sure things will turn out fine one day and i'll miraculously turn into a beautiful swan.

righto?
a swan with brains too, thank you.
and a rich swan with brains. wtf. am i greedy?
HAAHAHAHAH.

goodnight.