sadness.

i cannot sleep.
i was looking through pictures stored in my computer and my zip disc.
pictures of all kinds and people and events.
pictures in school.
my memories in sajc.
i felt a sudden ache.
it never occurred to me that i could miss those times, those people, and those events so much.
i really feel...well, i'm not sure how you put it, but..really sad.


someone once told me memories remain best as memories cos' they are the sweetest this way. i always thought so too.

but today, i realised memories, can both be sweet, and well, heart-wrenching.

it hurts to know that there will never be a day like that. never will the same things happen with the same people you care about. two years. so swift. so eventful. so fulfiling. i never regret. but perhaps i regret not touching my tys more than i should.

i kinda miss wearing the school uniform which i've grown to both love and hate. the rules that i cannot help breaking. the "running away" from the terrible certain someone. and the constant staying up at nights to complete my unfinished work after training. the staying back after school for hockey. the travelling to pitch trainings. the lessons and lectures. the matches, the games. the teachers. the friendships. the food. the laughter, and the tears. the misunderstandings, and the happy endings. everything. nevertheless brought me both pain and exuberance.


all will remain as memories.
some stored in the form of pictures.
some in the form of writing.
and some, simply lost with time.

perhaps it's the late night that has got me thinking. as usual. the serenity and the companion of myself.

sometimes you know things are lost. and that's when the hurt and longing for them hits you.
and there's nothing you can do. that feeling sucks.




with the upcoming release of Alevel results, i am wrought with both panic and resignation.

whatever the outcome, i must prepare to face it. for you reap what you sow. sometimes even life does NOT work that way. but we gotta accept it. i deserve it. i've got to accept it. i hope i truly do. for i cannot imagine what will happen if i do not.

gotta move on with life. gotta be strong. gotta have courage.

there is nothing to do but pray. and hope for the best.