faith.

it's all about faith.
and i have faith.
=)


well, to update, i'm getting my extractions next tuesday.
yays to me.
good lucks. note the S.

fucking scared.
dentistphobia. don't know called what. but yea, i'm scared.
*shrugs*
will try not to think about it. yaman.


friday nighters this week! newton!!
hahahha. reminds me of novena. another place i've never been to.
but the food there should be darn good.
my last heavenly food before braces?
=X




i wonder why everyone fears dentist.
i mean, generally lah. i'm sure there are people who don't. maybe cos' we don't go to the dentist that often.
maybe when i start frequenting it, it'll be chicken feet liao lah.

maybe it's the scene of lying vulnerable on the patient's chair, and the evillll dentist wielding tools(read: drills and pliers etc) and..well, senseless images. hahaha. gory?

rahhhhhhh!

JIELIN NOT SCARED OF DENTIST.



ya?


wah biang eh.


if only i could live in romance forever. =)

oh freak.

i think i'm starting to feel jealousy.

this really is CRAZY.

you know i hate feeling like this possessive freak.

ok..further details would be too obvious. journal time. =X

ok scratch that.

i was in a super duper horrid mood yesterday.
scratch that entire previous entry.
sigh..outbursts can really be so hurting sometimes.

i'm sorry...


just that..well..
okok, in short, i'm contented now.
no more demands from me.
no more expectations.
i'll be fine lah.
=)


friday nighters/nighties/nightsters/eaters outing today was good.
funny.
card tricks.
*MAGIC*
steamboated which left me SUPER full..
then island creamery.
nice. yums. =)

tired man..
shall go rest..

sigh.

it's so hard to understand one day.
at the start of the day, you can be SUPERRRR happy, giggling, roaring with laughter, wiping the tears from your eyes and trying to keeo your jaws closed.

the end of the day, u might already be struggling to give yourself a simple smile and say that everything's alright.


the dental appointment's good. gonna go back next week tuesday to get my records done. sigh. good luck to me and my teeth.

oh ya, my dentist is pretty! hahaha. but mama says that female dentists suck at extraction. dammit. i don't want she to pluck halfway then go "UH-OH. it's stuck. i no strength to pull out leh."


wtf. i'll just die there.
4 extractions in total. one tooth $50. shit lor. so expensive.
but i'll be retaining my vamp teeth.
hahaha.

oh well, planning to get it done before sch starts.


bugis-ed with monz. damn hiong. hahaha. ate at ajisen(sucked) for lunch. talked. then neoprint-ed TWICE. omg damn broke. but the pictures are freaking hilarious. hahahha. monz suck at designing can. so obvious which is done by me, which is hers. hahaha!! but i think we are becoming the neoprint pros lor! =p



FINALLY, began our shopping at 4 lah. wts. hahaha. almost 1 hour plus at that neoprint shop. darn addictive.

bought stuff for school. heh. quite broke.
bought something for him.

hope he'll like it.
hole in pocket. sadded.



sighhh. oh wells. i really should stop being so nice..and trying to make pple smile, when they can't be bothered to make my day.

somethings and some people just aren't worth it.




don't know lah. i just want to be happy.
girls ARE meant to be pampered at times.
and guys can be so thick in the head they don't know it even when you're HINTING darn obvious already.
some guys(don't wanna generalise).



fucked up now.
cannot think lah.
better off not thinking right.



maybe this is all a huge mistake.
maybe i AM better off alone.
maybe i'm a lousy _ _.
maybes.


is it freedom that you want?
are you sure i'm the one you want?
am i a mistake for you?
it's not too late to pull out now..

i don't want you to face regrets in the future...


i'm really tired.
i just want to be happy.
why do i always shun those who are willing to give me happiness, yet attracted towards those who choose to care less about me?

i'm really dumb.

but i follow my heart.
and it hurts, sometimes.


i need to SEE that you care. i can feel. i can hear the words you say.
but like they always say: actions speak louder than words.


no energy to write in my journal anymore..
sick..

letter.teeth.shopping.random.

got my letter from SIM finally.
accepted into arts in communications studies.

it's gonna be a tough ride.
i'm not taking this for leisure or for fun.

it's $58,000++ i'm talking about here.
it's a fucking large truckload of money.

which makes me stressed.
sure, i do want to start campus and schooling life again.
sure, i am full of anticipation of the new people i'll meet.
it's going to be a very un-school-school.
hahaha. nai nai you'll prolly get what i mean.

=)
really happy to know that there is someone i know, a face i can smile at on the first day of school. we shall brave this together. and be the bestest of friends again! hahahah. no worries man, you want to go crazy, i'm here lah!! =p



starting school 28th august.

hmmmm. i need to get my forms done. grrrr.


not yet gotten my dental consultation at NDC. the more i look at m teeth, the more i smile at the mirror and catch a glimpse of that familiar smile..the more i hesitate.
i've grown up with this set of teeth. i am proud of them. i do not think they are ugly. but i'm doing this...don't ask me why..

sometimes..i don't even understand myself.

i'll miss my old smile. i definitely would.
and i wonder again, when would i smile again.
hahah..


i need alot of assurance, and who can i get it from?




going to conquer bugis one of the days this week with monz. hahaha. LOADS OF THINGS TO BUY. back to school really. shiooook.

and i need a temporary job. like really soon. grrr. i need a job-seeking partner that's all. =(
kill time. earn extra bucks. meet more people. get my mind off things. gain experience.
make my days=$$ instead of ZERO.




i find it so hard to verbalise words in my brain to words coming out from my mouth. so hard. and i find it even harder to express what i really feel or think.

why am i holding back?




i could lie just by your side, and time would seem to stop. i wouldn't have a care in the world, and i could just lie there quietly. because you are by my side. and that's what really counts.


time. no longer something i can take for granted.

i seem to be having mood swings recently.
everytime i do, i think...and i realise the reason is you. and you.


i'm not made for relationships. it tires me out.
but i'm trying. in every aspect.
for those little packets of happiness i'll enjoy. =)


because you must know the hurt and the pain, before you start to appreciate the love and the care.

minor details. simple gestures.




those who wander might not be lost.



how's everyone? i seem to have lost touch with the world. and i fear that i'll lose even more when the school term starts.
like yun ma said...friends come and go. few stay.
look at the people around you...are they truly the ones who stay by your side? or are they merely fair companions. same class. same clique. same cca. you all come together for the same reason. so when this reason is gone, does this friendship go too?



i've been seeking answer to this question for some time. i hate to admit. but i am a victim of such.
and a do-er of it.

it's so hard to treasure, when they are right before you. yet when all is lost, then you regret.
humans. dumb bunch of asses.

decision.

ok..so i made a decision.


i getting braces.


for my teeth. yea.
impulsive decision i must say. but it's a decision i mhave to make sooner or later.

not so much of short term already. long term health for my teeth and gums, and also image ba.


not that braces is damn hip. but at least i get to choose the colour of it! quite fun can!

cons..of course have. sigh. pain. pain. pain.
cannot speak properly.
cuts on lips/insides of mouth.
expensive.
ulcers.
image?(this could work both ways. i've heard some guys like girls with braces....-_-''')


pros.
health reasons for gum and teeth.
otucome will be almost close to perfect.
pleasant smile! *BEAMS*
erm.
yea.


pretty much so.

dunno man.
i've taken far too long to make this decision.
2 years..

i'm just dreading the process.
but i'll survive lah.
=)


better late than never right?


i'll miss my vampire teeth though.
4 teeth will be pulled out.
i doubt i'll live thru' the blood loss and pain.
but i shld be able to.
heh.


my vamp teeth.
white ass cannot call me vamp liao.
sigh.

darn.
i think the only things i'll miss abt my teeth are the two sharp vampire teeth and my smile.


and those two things are damn important to me.

conflicting doubts.


i cannot waver man.
make the decision and stick to it. =(

maybe i can request for them to choose which teeth to pull out.
HAHAHAHA.



going NDC tml.

=(

i found out today that i cannot play pool for nuts.

i'm seriously damn lousy at it.
gonna secretly practice downstairs at my pool room.
hahahahah.

but i think the quality of stuff there quite lousy liao.


anyways, pictures for sandwich and scooter outing will be out most prolly tml.
shutterfly.

hahahah.

shar is damn pro can! if yahoo pool can have such power to train her until like that, i might just try that. =p

the two sandwiches also not bad man.

had a relatively good time lah. =)



oh wells. i'm looking forward to pasar malam-ing with my evil sista!

muahahahha.

but seriously, being evil sucks.
the guilt hits hard afterwards.
i'm trying so hard not to create false hopes.
sigh.

it's hard not to take advantage of his nice-ness.
but i know i cannot.

my heart tells me otherwise.
it'll still stray back to where it truly belongs.
i'm just scared that the opposite's heart says otherwise.

so fucking hard to overcome everything.
but it's so worth it just listening to his voice or reading his msges. =)

heaven! is a place i go to often.
hehe.


aiyoooo, GROW HAIR GROWWWWW!