bigyellowshiningstar.

2009-07-24T23:53:00.002+08:00

moved.

because i can't blog properly in blogger for some reason. Shall archive my old entries for keepsake. =(
i'll miss bigyellowshiningstar.blogspot.com
all the memories;

starting afresh/continuing my life's adventures at:

bigyellowshiningstar.wordpress.com

see you all there! amidst revamp!
UPDATE YOUR LINK PEOPLEEEE!!!!

wheewheebompeepee.

2009-07-19T22:14:00.007+08:00

today i tried to be sporty and dragged myself out of bed to wash up and get ready to go to FICO Sports Hub just to watch fatbear and chip play soccer at their company's event. monz was there too.

i think i tried so badly to be sporty and bask in the morning sun, i totally lack my beauty sleep. i'm so sad.

it's gonna be monday tomorrow. in a few more hours. i'm gonna be heading down to the zoo for an appointment with my colleague. i hope that it'll be a fruitful day! tuesday will be appointments day too! learn learn learn! already in my 3rd month of probation. a little bit more....

so after trying to be sporty and staying there from 9am to about 3pm (followed monz to send her doggie coco back home and getting lost in jurong west wtf before using GPS to save our asses--monz can drive!!! OMG i'm the last one. zzz), fatbear and i decided to go home and wash up before going to queensway to scout for my trainers.

unfruitful. couldn't find the design i wanted. BOO. no pink!!! WHYYYYY. =(

anyway, we wanted to go vivocity's nike store to look. but they didn't bring in that color either. and i ended up browsing store to store for cheap clothings HAHAHAHA. and guess what!!! i bought a club marc blazer! it's so cool! trying to run from absolute black..so i bought grey instead! it's got a unique cut, and it's only $29 bucks!!! zomg. take pictures and show another day.

i've got loads to upload.

saturday was family day after tuition. went to serangoon broadway to take the family grad pics because my popo insisted. AND i got make up slapped on me.

i think the auntie could sense my irritation when she forced me to sit still HAHA. so, she gave me a light base of powder foundation, SHAVED MY EYEBROWS WTF, drew one line for eyeliner, dusted some eye shadow, glossed my lips. and i was done. zzzzzzzz.

i looked at the mirror before and after make up. and yea, i was pretty shocked. zzzzzzzzzzz.

for a moment, i believed that i could be pretty. believe it or not. it's only light make up, barely noticeable, but she highlighted everything so well, i looked like i had super defined features (my eyes looked even bigger!!!) and flawless skin. it's crazy. now i know why people say make up works wonders.

i looked good even in spectacles!!!! WTF. eh, i'm pretty lah HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

pardon my bimbotic moment. but i always thought i'll look shit in make up. i've got hope! i should learn and do make up more often! AHAHAHAH. but i'm too lazy. zzz.
removing is another bitch. GAH.

dimsum dinner with the family afterwards.

more next time. enough rambling. pictures to entertain next!
keep reading! i know you'll want to know more about my boring life. HAHA.

whatever i want, i'll work to get. i'll make it come, with my own ability. that's power. things will change. and my wind is just changing direction--for the better.

ikoi dinner buffet.

2009-07-16T23:17:00.012+08:00

please accept my apologies for neglecting this space.
i have been working and working and too lazy to blog. tons of pictures...and taking forever to post. SORRYYYY.

anyway, grad pictures another day. I'll probably do a partial pictorial post on that because all are already on facebook. so if you go to my albums, you can find the pictures there. lazy ahhh. similar to the grad bash.

i'm getting more and more anti-social wtf. so please ask me to go out. greatly appreciated.

in any case, yesterday went to ikoi japanese restaurant yesterday after work for dinner. it's located in miramar hotel.

met monz and edwin and fatbear! my treat for....long story. HAHA. it was my first time there, but not the first for the couple.
the dinner buffet really encompassed loads of variety. i'm amazed. and the sashimi...brought me to heaven again. (((:

and i'm growing fatter. i don't dare to weigh myself. HAHAHA. aiya, should still be 55kg lah. HAI.

complimentary salmon sashimi for all.

happiness.

eh!! we look so synchronised!! HAHA.

anyway i was REALLY exhausted by the end of work. work is supposed to be more relaxing with the boss away in shanghai for business for the week, but it's been nothing but crazy AND he's coming back tomorrow--friday. let me live, please. zzz.

our first platter for sashimi. tuna, yellowtail and salmon.

we had two more plates of salmon sashimi afterwards. HAHA. loveloveloveee. and guess what!!! I DID NOT LAO SAI OK! -claps-

salmon skin handroll. yums.

i forgot what this is called. can be bought from supermarkets, but they stuffed sheese in the hollow area and it's really yummy too!

chawanmushi.

fried tofu.

tempura.

katsu curry rice with chicken cutlet.

nothing fantastic.

they had this. and the 3 of them liked it a lot. but knowing me, i run from fish. HAHA apart from tuna, sardines, dory fish(for fishnchips) and salmon sashimi. others i don't eat. except for grilled salmon made by my mum. she makes sure that the fish has no bones.

but according to them, it was really good!

seafood soup, served in this teapot thing. cool. really like the traditional jap style!

AHHH FAT FATTT!

chicken wings.

HAHAHAHAH. wtf.

errr. typical scenario HAHAHHA.

monz wants to be in harry potter. she is doing some spell.

monz keeps eating. and edwin worries about how to support this buffet-loving girlfriend in the long term. HAHA.

imaginery speech bubbles-

monz: eat eat eatt!!!
edwin: DIE LAH. my girlfriend very hard to feed leh.

group shots!

the place was really crowded and we had to reserve our seats before hand. i think monz actually reserved during the weekends and we went there on wednesday. according to monz, to reserve seats ON the weekends are worse. tskkk.

my 80 year old bond!!!

love love you monz! end of year trip? HAHAHA. must start saving liao...=x

ok my throat hurts. my lips are chapped from the air-conditioning in office. my skin is dry. and i'm super tired. finally done with blogging. more pictures due soon. i'll try my best. but first, i have to know if people are still reading this???!!

if not...=/ a bit pointless to continue. HAHA. my life can get so boring. sorrryyy.

mini updates:

1) monz and i signed for great eastern's women's run for 5km. HAHAHAH. eh i know people like marshy and whiteass probably are laughing like mad now. people go for standard chartered 42++km and i'm only doing 5km???!!

ok fine.but granted i've not exercised AT ALL for MONTHS!!!! and i seriously feel unfit.

in fact, fatbear dragged me out for a jog (because i told him i want to exercise but very lazy so he must drag me out no matter what) on sunday evening and we jogged from petir road blk 217 ALL THE WAY to ten mile junction's sheng shiong.

OMFG. can you all please clap!!?!??? granted, i felt half my life seep away HAHAHA. but still! what a noble effort i feel! =D

and i just went to the gym at my place for a short 30min++ jog on the treadmill. did only about 2.6km. WTF. super loser. HAHAHAHAH. shit. must improve. and i was the only one in the gym which was freaky because i went at 8pm+ and i kept hearing sounds. WTF.

must be maria (one of my colleagues) telling too many ghostly stories during lunch break. zzzz.

2) i want to get nike women's spring 2009 collection, well, one of the shoes. if i'm not wrong, it's called nike women's zoom sister one. i wonder how much it costs? i want either the hot pink or bright orange ones!!! chio!!! and it's supposed to be light and flexible like my nike prestos! OMG.

i need new track shoes!

ok blog more soon. really want to sleep. not enough sleep! =(

goodnight folks! love me!

end of ONE road.

2009-07-11T12:13:00.003+08:00

i've finally graduated. well, or so called, a symbol of graduation by attending the convocation ceremony.

HA HA. if you have read my facebook status, you could have sensed my minimal excitement in this.
my family (excluding the sister) is like over the moon with this. they were so happy yesterday i felt like a wet blanket next to them. HAHA.

in any sense, a new phase of life doesn't have to begin just because i've graduated. my new phase started 2 months and 2 days ago.

pardon the skepticism. update more anyways. going to tuition now. tataa!

not dead, neither alive.

2009-07-06T22:04:00.010+08:00

been mad busy, as usual. sounds like there's nothing new to my life, right? gahhh. been trying to get all the rest i can grab on the weekends. sigh. otherwise, work has been progressing, learning and learning and learning.

today, a new batch of shatec students (i think) came. they should be staying for some time. while jenny from SMU is most probably ending her internship this month end. =((( i'll miss her. today morning has been......crazy. wtf. printing, editing, printing, binding, compiling, editing and on and on. i was so glad when boss finally left for his meeting. because FINALLY, we get to eat our lunch at 2plus in the afternoon. my stomach was growling!! =(

let's hope it gets easier. anyway, i'm alive and kicking. apologies for the lack in updates. but apparently, i'm a lousy blogger. HAHA. i'd rather sleep than blog. and i'm only blogging because the nagging sight of the piling pictures irks me. GRRR. so, not bintan pics, but randoms.

and i feel awful because i feel that after 9months together, sometimes, fatbear and i seem like strangers. it's a crazy idea. and i don't know why i get such an idea. things seem to be getting harder and harder to cope around here. and relationships are really the last thing i want to handle. unfortunately, things are seldom simple and plain.

i hate it when at the end of the day, we both feel so tired and we don't like to talk much by then. and we don't even talk much during work. just sometimes, an obligatory phone call from him during lunch time to check whether i've eaten (something he has been doing since i was still in UB).

and i tend to get mad at really minute things. it sounds stupid to say it out even, but it's really true! i just wished fatbear could be more accomodating and nice and understanding and pampering and pacifying.

BUT of course, he is tired from work too. SIGH. i can't possibly expect all that from him??!!

it's difficult to explain how i feel...but i guess i really need to evaluate my perceptions and ways of handling things and people.

i'm really not very adept at doing such things. i think i need to up my tolerance level.

a short update. friday is my commencement ceremony, marking my graduation from UB. i look horrendous in my regalia and all. but fuck it, it's a once in a lifetime thing right? let's just pray i don't look AWFULLY shitty and i won't fall down on the stage/stairs/anywhere else HAHA. my parents, both grandmas and fatbear will be attending. i will be taking leave from work.

AND fatbear and my popo met already. i decided to visit popo after she dropped me a call on saturday. and so, since fatbear was with me, we popped by down close to dinner time and stayed and chatted to her for a bit.

and my popo had so much time to call me during work today to ask me to bring fatbear along on friday wtf. while i was kiap-ing my phone between my ear and shoulder AND binding stuff and printing. omg. AND my papa called after that, must have been a plot or something wtf. asking me about my plans for that day. suspicious huh. -sniffs-

ok, enough ranting and updating you guys about my life. picturesss!!

kim gary's for dinner one day after work. at vivocity.

fatbear. waiting for food. starved. but the portions were HUGE. i couldn't finish my share. by 1/4 of my dish, i was picking at my food because i couldn't swallow already wtf.

ying-yang!

fries! lovesss. by the way, they serve really nice fries, in my opinion.

mine.

his.

and fatbear loves to feed me stuff (vice versa wtf). but i think his rate of feeding me his dish is faster than me feeding him MY dish. and i end up REALLYYY bloated at the end of the meal. unfair ok. hmpff.

went to collect my new spectacles on saturday evening. then back to his place for harper's island!!!

camwhoring with my new hair. longer on the front, shorter on the back. for framing my chubby face. zzz.

then sushi tei for dinner one night when fatbear thinks that we deserve a better meal and hence spending more. i didn't want to eat so expensively at first, but fatbear insisted..so...ok lor.

sashimi!!!! awesome. -flies to heaven- juicy, thick and tender. AHHHHH.

more salmon sashimi!!! omggg. -salivates-

fatbear's curry katsu don.

at work, one day. new specs, new hair. AND my hair has grown longer I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. why does my hair grow so fast???!! i want to cut it shorter again! =((( but one thing for sure, it NEVER grows thicker. fml. HAHA.

anyway, the table behind me is now occupied by this male shatec student. SIGH no more privacyyyy. boohoo. and he smokes. so everytime he comes back from his smoke break, GOD HE STINKS. -scowls- but, thou shalt not generalize that he is a bad person because he is actually very polite. hmmmm.

i just need more air freshener. please donate. HAHA.

and btw, I NEVER ZAO GENG OK. i wore another tank top inside my chiffon top, so ya, that grey thing is my tank top, not my bra wtf. in case anyone is wondering.

ok, i admit my specs doesn't look far off from my previous one. but the frames are slightly wider and bigger. and it's a greyish sorta tint, with baby pink inner frames. WOAHHH. HAHA. and i made it entirely in plastic. which is really light. my previous one was all glass, therefore the weight.

does it look better? please say yes! (even if it's a lie HAIZ)

and looking at this picture reminds me that FATBEAR DEVELOPED DOUBLE EYE LIDS OMFG. HAHAHAH. from single to double. =.= eehhh, i think i gave him some of my double eye-liddedness. if it's even possible. please don't pass me his fat genes though! =((( -worried sulk-

well, people say if you spend a great amount of time together with a certain person, you start to develop features like the other party! omg. but i wouldn't mind more of his nose bridge. he has quite nice side profile. as compared to my pancake one. HAHA.

popped by 7-11 one night to grab milk for my breakfast to put at fatbear's. and 7-11 was giving out these at $1.80 for two random characters in an egg!!! we got these! reddish one for me, and blue for him--in order not to look to odd for him. mine's MR SMALL. and his's LITTLE MISS SHY. HAHAHA.

and he hung it on his hp without me having to nag him much! omggg!! a big difference from shitangel's introduction. -beams- and he really seems to like it. =D

then bbpp and shitangel started to amuse themselves with the plastic eggs which contained the mobile accessories. HAHA. shitangel in her makeshift rocking chair. bbpp with his new armour hat wtf.

evil fatbear KIAPED BOTH SIDES OF THE EGG TOGETHER--WITH SHITANGEL INSIDE THE EGG OK! =(((((( she almost died from suffocation. luckily i found her early. i will kiap fatbear if he does it again!

saturday, accompanied fatbear to starhub centre for a CPA australia introductory talk and wait for him sign up and stuff. yawnnnnn. the same day of meet-the-popo-session. i was wearing this hugo boss polo tee i bought dirt cheap in bintan with my bandage skirt and leggings. a very unsatisfactory outfit. but woke up late, no time to choose outfits and feeling fat. HENCE, a lousy short day out =(.

whoops. i know i'm not very demure. -shifty eyed-

sunday, we went out to town for DATING. finally, after ages, we're finally dating outside of the panjang area (ARGHH) and west coast (ARGHHH) and his house (ARGHHH). town was packed man. shopped around. main target was to buy proper shoes. bought two pairs. and a cute boxer PJs made of satin in a nice shade of blue. loves.

dinner at grafitti cafe which took over the LJS area in the basement.

wanton noodles. ALOT. i almost couldn't finish. picking my food at 1/2 the dish. =(

totally can't finish. fatbear had to wipe it clean himself.

entire meal. with bubble tea to boot.

which mostly, fatbear finished all. HAHA.

my outfit for the day, pardon the lousy lighting. took it when we got back to his place. it was still raining heavily =(. black tank for inner from topshop, purple checked chiffon top from f21, bandage skirt from my sis (too big for her but just nice for me FML).

wore with sneakers, but changed to nicer mini stacked flats after i bought them. legs looked way longer. it looks stubby now =/.

i swear, the miracle of heels. but the pain it brings is intolerable too. gahhh.

ok, end of entry. i better grab sleep now. it's going to be 12:30am =(.

stay tuned readers of bigyellowshiningstar. I WILL BLOG SOON. because fatbear sucks and we will not meet until he is guilty enough to miss me so badly he'll want to meet me. HMPFFF.

provided i'm not to lazy to blog myself when i'm home. HAHA.

ps: watch ice age 3! it's really cute and hilarious. even fatbear agrees! (((: and sis's says xiaohuang looks like sid. wtf.

goodnight darlings.

bintan part 1.

2009-07-01T00:02:00.008+08:00

HI TO ALL BIGYELLOWSHININGSTAR READERS!!!

in order not to disappoint, i'm uploading pictures with my eyes half-closed HAHAHA. fucking tired. i just want to sleep. but i'm waiting for fatbear to reach home from OT so that we can chat on the phone for abit before heading to bed. such is the life of an struggling-accountant-to-be and a-fresh-graduate-in-a-small-private-company.

wednesday now, past midnight, and i seriously ought to catch up on beauty sleep before i collapse and die. meeting tomorrow at work with boss to update him on stuff. PLEASE DON'T SCOLD ME =((((. i'm trying my best. i'm supersonic the multi-tasker.

crazy at work. time flies. and i've been playing happy farm and barn buddies just to kill time sometimes. to keep myself awake. and to motivate me to rest, then continue working harder. myeyesarekillingme.

new spectacles hurt too, because i'm still not accustomed to it.

so here are the Bintan pictures PART 1. all are our faces. pardon the trigger happiness. AHAHA.

early morning, on the cab to pick monz and chip up to head to the tanah merah harbor. pardon my very sleepy face and FATS omg HAHAHA. pretend never see lah. i'm obviously not very embarrassed by my fats. -guilty face-

anyway, didn't realise the sleeve of my tee dropped off my shoulder, and hence the very unforgiving picture above. but there's a better one, without my fats! HAHA.

the cab was jerky and the pictures were awful because my hands kept jerking away from focus. gahhh. just make do lah.

arriving, checked in, buying alcohol from the duty free just before boarding.

with monz. wahh, my grin so big. =.=

she gamely posed for my picture, pretending to act shocked at.... i dunno what. zzz.

walking to our boat!

our boat!

departure. a short getaway is all i need. i'm not greedy, yet.

our seats. free seating, so you kinda had to fight for it, singaporean style. it's quite bad because everyone made a dash/quick-walk for seats of their choice. some wanted to sit together, so acting fast is a MUST.

which reminds me: on the way back, while waiting for the gates to open to allow us to board the boat back to singapore, everyone was crowding at the gates. DAMN PACKED. machiam got sale. and being the notorious singaporeans, we also queued up. HAHAHAHA wtf. so diu lian. i swear it's just singaporeans. the ang mohs can't be bothered man, just sit relaxed on their chairs.

AND the moment the gates opened, people RAN ok. WTF. sounds really exaggerating right? BUT I NEVER EXAGGERATE. IT'S TRUE. i didn't run hor, just for your info. HAHAHAHA.

sweet couple.

us! white and brown.

then i had to rub my nose, and i don't know who snapped this. wtf. i look so bushuang. HAHAHAH.

ahhh. look at my hair. GONE. hehe. above shoulders, breezier, lighter, cooler and way younger. i'm in love with my hair.

happy graduation trip for us, and...happy birthday to me!

our couple slippers.

arrival. on the coach.

we look crazily happy.

the only scenery picture i have of Bintan.

our rooms. fatbear packs and transforms into this motherly figure while i slack and take pictures.

full-length mirror in the bathroom. can't resist some camwhoring.

our kids came on tour too! (((: say hi to bbpp and shitangel! =D they came to celebrate my birthday! wheeee.

ok this marks the end of PART 1. stay tuned for PART 2.

too tired. still sick.

good night.

BANG.

2009-06-29T23:42:00.005+08:00

guess what?
i felt sick today. slight fever (must be the heat) and headache plus cough.
quite bad.
i don't think it's H1N1 lah..although my region seems to have quite a few clusters..........and i take the route to work everyday which passes by Maju Camp wtf.

don't worry, i'm safe, i think.

anyway, work was rather crazy today. ARGH. getting worse everyday.
and the boss seems to derive pleasure from watching the work pile up on us.
and of course, we get chided for not doing work fast enough.

i really wish i were a supersonic being.

and ya, OT today. took cab back. dropped my colleague off.
then headed off to my place.
AND,

at the T-junction near clementi interchange, some MPV crashed into my taxi's rear because it did not brake in time at the red light.
impact threw me forward, but not hard enough to make me smash my head against the front seat.
=X and i'm guilty as charged, i did not wear the seatbelt. SIGH.

but i'm fine. no bruises or whatsoever. =X

had to wait for both parties to take pictures of their vehicles, then more waiting, and more waiting. zzz. called fatbear but he was too busy and after checking that i was fine, he had to hang up. called mumsy to tell her that i had to be delayed because of that. and she chided me for not belting myself on the vehicle.

the car owner and the cab driver kept apologizing to me and asking me if i was ok.

had to fill in the witness form for the cab driver after that. i think he was ultra grateful that i was being helpful.

and i thought i was brave and nonchalant. but i realized that i was trembling after some time. wtf. could be the cold. and could be because i was feeling weak from the entire day's events. and i couldn't stop shaking all the way home. zzz.

and well...i paid for the cab fare, slightly discounted lah. the cab driver didn't want to charge me, but it wouldn't be fare anyway. good karma! HAHA.

ok ending off my busy, tiring, sick and close shave day.
rest. to fight tomorrow.
nights.

sorry i'm getting wordy with no pictures.
congrats if you read every word.
you know what's happening in my life.

rants.

2009-06-28T14:42:00.002+08:00

i really should stop playing facebook games. they make me so soooo damn pissed. i keep trying to break my own highscore and it's fucking tiring. zzzz. i get more tensed as i play. zzzzzzz.

aren't games supposed to be fun? this is madness. i'm swearing off them for today.

i'm supposed to post bintan pictures. but i don't really have the mood now.
so frustrated with several issues.
i wonder why.
nothing is helping.

this is an awful weekend.
thanks to you mr fatbear.
i hate this.

fuck the coming week.

a plea to the heavens.

2009-06-27T01:19:00.002+08:00

tonight is the stage whereby i've reached my saturation point, the maximum limit.
and i'm so tired of trying i don't even want to try anymore.
trying to make things work, when they aren't, is fucking tiring.

i've never thought how things can become harder, more difficult. but apparently, they can.
and perhaps it is in my nature to be picky, fussy, anal.
i want things to go my way. to be what i want them to be.
and i hate it when they tear in the opposite direction like a crazy horse.
makes me feel helpless and upset and desperate.

now, im sinking into a quick sand of frustration.

ok my eyes are closing.
thursday and friday combination is a killer.
i can only move ahead, because there is no looking back.

one call, late by months back came today.
i wonder if i should go for the opportunity. i'm just so tired right now.
but maybe i really should try.

another opportunity stands there. and i wonder if i should try too.
whatever happened to my spur or energy?

i thought i am only 22. why do i feel like i'm 88. wtf.

a relationship is tough to handle and sustain. to me, there are no things called honeymoon period. everday is a trying day. because when two separate worlds collide, they can only work harder to adapt to each other.
if not a war will inevitably begin.
the adaptation, however, can kill at times.
and when i mean separate worlds, it means OPPOSITES.
don't doubt me on that.

i'm glad it's finally saturday. because the week has been ARGH. and it's gonna get more ARGHHHH.
oh god, i need superhuman powers and luck. please.

thursday mania.

2009-06-26T00:56:00.003+08:00

errrr. you see, i am no fan of facebook quizzes and games and widgets or whatsoever. BUT, because my colleagues are crazy over it, and they play these things before work starts/during breaks/after work etc, they have influenced me to try it out. wtf.

and my ego is sorely bruised. damn freaking tiring ok these kinda games!!! not supposed to help you relax mehhh. i play already even more stressed. wth.

i'm seriously exhausted, so i'm gonna update and go sleep.
it's friday again.
thursday, which just passed one hour ago, was tiring. work work work. then had KFC delivery call-in before the meeting with other business partners and then the conference call to U.S.

started meeting at 7plus in the evening. conference started at 9pm. ended at 11pm.
almost died. so my working hours was from 9am to 11pm. =.=
shared cab home with another colleague who also lives in the west area.

running on tight budget now. finances are flashing code red.

i really just want to follow the happy flow.

learnt more about life and myself again today. more re-evaluation.

will post bintan pictures by this week, since fatbear is too busy with OT-ing at his work to bother about me. i'll be lonely for now. SIGH. apart from the killing workload lah. zzz.

and how i look like in my new hair? =/
LOL.
collecting my new specs on saturday.
i really really wished i could wear contact lenses instead. can really see the difference in eye size. somehow, spectacles make my eyes look smaller. why is that so??? can any optician friends tell me? =(

my eyes are BIG ok. i swear.
they were like huge ass marbles when i was a kid (before spectacles ruined my life wtf).
anyway, i'm sure things will turn out fine one day and i'll miraculously turn into a beautiful swan.

righto?
a swan with brains too, thank you.
and a rich swan with brains. wtf. am i greedy?
HAAHAHAHAH.

goodnight.

busybeeme.

2009-06-23T23:37:00.002+08:00

been surfing the net since i got home. reading blogs, looking at fashion blogs and shops and ITCHING like mad to shop. but reality hits. i'm pathetically broke.

parents allowance + grad gown deposit + rental fee + tea ceremony tickets + new spectacles + insurance + transportation + ETCETCETC.
$400 + $250 + $20 + $80 + $350 + $100 + $250+ ETCETCETC.

it's as if i earn thousands. HA HA HA. i think i just spent every single cent and even had to eat into my savings. sigh. the cold hard truth. i really really wished i earned more. and sometimes, i wished so hard that perhaps i had a governmental position instead. will i really sacrifice challenges for security and money?

I was getting worried that no one was calling me to inform me about my graduation gown pick up at the studio, but the person called me in the evening around 9pm. woahhhh. wtf. i was still in the shopping mall at clementi central after my haircut when i picked the call up.

i shall pop by down AFTER work and BEFORE my late night conference call at the office to pick it up and try it there. i'll see if anyone is willing to accompany me. =( my lonely lonely life. HAHA. good thing is, the studio is a few bus stops away from my work place! BUT i think i'll need to cab home after that because of all the stuff i'll be lugging around tomorrow. GAH.

speaking of which, i got so fed up of my measly weedy hair and decided to get a haircut today after work. reached clementi central at 8pm or so. waited for my turn at my usual hairdresser for VERY LONG because their business is super good! lucky i had my touchy to accompany me and i played all my games until i broke all my high scores wtf.

i was sick of my long hair and decided to snip them all away because frankly speaking, i don't think it flatters me that much. the length is now above my shoulder, kinda like a bob cut, but a longer form of it. shorter at the back, wispy cut. longer at the front to frame my face. fringe remains more or less the same, just shorter too.

i quite like it. it looks refreshing and i look younger. my neck feels cold though wtf. BUT at least now my hair won't keep getting caught with my bag's strap or stick to my neck everyday because it's so freaking hot. i'll have to maintain it though. but i'm loving it definitely! (:

it wasn't on impulse...or maybe it is. but regardless, i don't regret it. long hair can be such a fuss.

was reading the papers on day and chanced upon a picture of dakota fanning at age 14. seriously, i'm green with envy. WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT AT 14????
i think when i was 14, i was a monster. zzzzzzz. i will dig up my old pictures and show you guys The Evolution of Jielin. wtf.

and i'm still vaguely a monster. i wonder when i'll become vain, put on makeup, wear contact lenses, throw on dresses, walk in high heels, perm my hair (no need to straighten cos' hair is naturally straight), carry pretty bags/purses, SLIM DOWN and be gentle.

i pity fatbear. HAI. fatbear, i'm sorry. BUT IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO REGRET NOW. YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! HAHAHAHAH!

cute. don't you think so? simple and sweet.

really. what is puberty to her? i don't think she ever had any. zzzzz.

jealous to the max. HAHAHA.

anyways, i rarely watch TV nowadays. and i've been missing my ex-love xiaogui on 100% entertainment on Channel U. therefore, i have no idea of current news about him. today, i went to his blog and realised that HE IS RELEASING A NEW ALBUM!!!! omgggg.

and he really grew so much cuter from the last time i saw him. i love his nose mannnn. arghhh. so straight and sharp and defined. and his dimples!!!! and his eyes!!!! and his lips!!! gahhhhh.

i think i'm in love again. =((( i wanna marry xiaogui.

xiaogui<3

okkkkk. i'm halfway through bintan pictures and i don't think i'll upload all of them. not much of the sun, sand, sea and blue blue sky. but more of us, us, us and ya, our faces. HAHA.

upload by this week, hopefully.

i'm on a diet. no dinners. no heavy meals. exercise if i can. even if i don't put on a single kilogram, i really hate seeing my body/face in the mirror at times. so detrimental to my self-esteem. will i ever ever ever turn from an ugly duckling to the pretty elegant swan?

at 22, i don't feel like i'm anything to be proud of.

long awaited mini update?

2009-06-22T23:28:00.008+08:00

HELLOOOO!!! have you guys been clicking on my blog link everyday? have you realized that i'm lacking pictorial entries? okkk, maybe no one noticed (wtf so sad) but i've been busy/lazy and hence the lack of updates. uploading pics from blackie onto blogger is tiring because the file size is crazy huge and i'm way toooo trigger happy. =.=

so i have to spend time editing the lightings for pictures, resizing them, then finally uploading them. all with my laggy laptop, which is trusty, but turning dusty, because i seldom use it now already. =(

ANYWAYYY, bintan trip pictures are barely 1/4 through with the editing....so, well....they won't be up yet. =/ randoms for today! (: make do alright? then come back for moreeee! =D

one day after work, fatbear and i met up for dinner at vivocity before our movie MONSTERS VS ALIENS (3D!). it must have been a tiring day because both us seemed quite tired, especially fatbear. booboo.

at a loss of what to devour. ended up in this steamboat buffet place BeiShanChuan. serves spicy steamboat as specialty, but has other soup bases too. located behind Daiso. this is NOT advertisement, but just to people reading this who will like to try.

spread is decent, and we had one hour to kill and swallow food before the movie. man, are we pigs. i got full after some time. =/ I SERIOUSLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT AND DIET wtf.

we had a mix of tomyum soup base and seafood soup base.

seafood soup.

tomyum soup.

fatbear eating and cooking for me too! lovelove!!! ((((: no pics of me because i look like shit. gahhhh. i hate work. it makes me age i swear. or maybe i'm just old. AYE.

movie timeee! first time we are watching 3D movie together! AHHAHAHA. so exciting hor!

the glasses.

didn't dare to turn on the flash on blackie, so had to make do with lousy trembling shots. =D

wah so cool! HAHAHAHAHA.

me me meeee!

quite cute lah huh. wtf.

us being idiotic. zzz.

WAH THIS ONE SO BRIGHT. cos' i think the advertisement in front which was playing on the screen was very bright too. and we were seated like 3rd row from the front wtf. full house ok, no joke. HAHAHA.

ok, then it's waipo's 80th DA SHOU at mirama hotel. where i pigged and pigged on salmon sashimi and forgot my name AHHAHAHA. no lah, i still know what's my name.

it's....

sashimi teo. HAHAHAHAH. ok not funny. moving on....

that's my sweet granny in pink. then mumsy. and sis. and me behind sis. daddy is taking the picture in this shot.

entire family. and i half-squatted i don't know why, don't ask me. wtf. i'm as tall as my sister in this picture HAHAHAH.

still half-squatting.

i'm the camera man now! singing the birthday song! and a makeshift birthday cake. because granny doesn't like cakes that much (i think), we didn't get her one. i asked for the candle from the hotel staff though!

making wish and blowing out the candles!

a customary slice off the "cake".

and chocolate fondue dips. crazily sinful. but sashimi is just HEAVEN.

i was indulging in them i forgot to take pictures HAHAHAHAH. omg. i swear i was in sashimi heaven. talk sashimi language to meeee!

one day home from kallang when fatbear came to fetch me. the pretty sunset. trembling again sorry. HAHA. the traffic was heavy. =/

one more!

fatbear! lovelove!

jam jam jam. hate.

a random shot of my satin pants for work. i have another one spandex one from zara basic. damn chio ok! fits like a glove! (: this satin one i bought from online and tailored slightly because it was too huge.

random shot from weeks ago.

one last random shot for you guys. this is me.

next week onwards i should have changed. went to make new specs. i hope it's nice! it's grey and pink wtf. fatbear says in nice, so ok lor, trust him ba...=/

wanted contact lenses but my eyes were irritating me quite a fair bit. will try again next time when i'm more ready. sigh.

i don't think i look that bad in spectacles right? =/

comfort me. boooo.

monday is over. it's another mad week. will only get busier and busier. =(

responsibilities.

and REALLY broke after paying for a new pair of spectacles. SIGH.

broke is only temporary.
i won't stay like this forever.
soon it'll all be over.

PBL.

hi there!!!!

2009-06-21T16:07:00.002+08:00

i really REALLY realllyyy apologise for my lack of updates AND pictures. way shit overdue. =/

it's the weekends again, and i'm taking all opportunities to nua at fatbear's. we've finished 9 episodes of Harper's Island and it's crazily intense. HAHAHA. although after some time the plot gets predictable.

I JUST WANT TO FIND OUT WHO IS THE MURDERER!!!

okkkk. apart from my obsession for the weekends (which totally won't last for long if the downloading doesn't quicken) i've been doing nothing much really.

i've got pictures to upload, but resizing them to a decent size so that they won't take years to upload is tiring. =/

work is just work. and really, i can't comment much about anything else.

many times this week i wanted to blog about several things that bothered me. but most of the times, i am too lazy/tired to open this page. i'd rather just surf and read.

i found a reallyyyy crazy cute website. GO SEE. REALLY. i'm in love already. i should start a bbpp and shitangel range or xiaohuang range. wtf.

my milk toof.

it's too hot now.
perspiring. constipated. and not bleeding yet. =/
byebyeeee!

quick shots.

2009-06-15T01:08:00.002+08:00

will blog with pictures soon. so many overdues. HA.
bintan+birthday(sort of) celebration. waipo's birthday at mirama hotel. randoms.

i'm growing uglier. in need of a makeover.
someone please sponsor me contact lenses/lasik surgery funds.
and also a phone will be good. HAAHAH.

aye. apart from fatbear, sis, monz+ed, mum(not really birthday present also HAIZ), i don't have presents from anyone else. sad case right. but oh well, what's the big deal about turning 22. =(

hectic week. hectic-er weekends. and i miss fatbear loads. one day spent with him is never enough in the weekends.

met up with ocip peeps on sunday noon. cafe cartel then settlers at SMU. didn't take any pictures! =(
after that was rushing to mirama for buffet dinner with mum's side to celebrate my waipo's 80th da shou. thanks to fatbear who came to pick me up and drop me off. lovelove!

another new week, and really not looking forward to it. crazy loads of work to do. and i'll never seem to finish.

tired.
=(
gotta head to bed now.
i think fatbear's phone ran out of batt, can't seem to get through. boohoo. no goodnight from him.
stupid fatbear.

i'm gonna wear my academic regalia on 10th july 09. and it's 3.847 as a final gpa. =/ not too proud of it, given my last sem's results HAHAHA. but still, i'm fine. it's just a slip of paper now.

the father, mother, popo and waipo are turning up. sis is skipping it because she has school on that day and i might see her in school to take pics anyway. should be popping by the grandparents house to take pics with ah gong after that, and perhaps a studio shot? =) first graduate of the family. whheeeee!

deposit for the regalia is fucking ex. but at least its worth it, right?

i might not go to the bash, I THINK. =/
-shrugs- feeling anti-social LOL.

fatbear will be attending my commencement too. well, i think it's the official introduction to the family from that day. =/ nervous??? =////

ok, blog more soon. goodnights!!!

tuesday reflections.

2009-06-09T23:52:00.002+08:00

it's gonna be wednesday again in a few minutes, and i'm absolutely tired.
i don't know why i get so tired easily these days, but lack of sleep could be a reason.

i've got loads to update about my life, but at the same time, i have no idea where to begin.
i don't know who still bothers to read about me and what's happening, or even truly sincerely care about what's happening to me.
i get so exhausted emotionally and physically these days, and all i want, is to be alone--yet not entirely alone alone.
it's hard to put these down in words.

somehow, the world is only as big as you allow yourself to see it.

it seems as though i've been struggling with finances half my life.
but it's been barely 5 years.
i think it all began when i went to UB, and my parents went broke paying for my school fees.
considering the fact that EVEN IF i return my parents 1k per month, for a year, i can return up to 12k. so 60k means i need 5 years to COMPLETELY clear.

AND this calculation is based on the facts:
1) i don't take leave/MC/absences/urgent leave/hospital leave etc
2) my pay increases in 2 months time to a MINIMUM AMOUNT OF XXXX.
3) i eat grass for 5 years. (wouldn't be a problem, kallang has alot of trees)

i just withdrew 40% of my pay from my account to give the parents for school fees debt + allowance. both got a share.
so...i'm officially freaking bloody broke.

i'm so broke, i am ACTUALLY contemplating to get a china phone just to replace my crazy LG one. because the china phone is only 185bucks. wtf. but it might explode in my face.

i'm reserving 10% for my insurance, 30% for my transport expenses...leaving me with 20% for survival. AND i don't earn alot, for your information.

i keep wondering if i can get a better paid job which i LOVE in this state of economy.
then...i lose track of my thoughts and i go back to stressing myself regarding work.

i feel helpless when parents misintepret my actions and accuse me of things i FEEL i am NOT.
i never seem to gain that understanding, and i'm truly truly TIRED.
all i want is to be loved geuninely, cared for gently, sheltered lovingly...

all i want is to be a normal 22 year old, or perhaps a pampered 22 year old.

and i do have lapses in time, when i wished so hard i wasn't the person i am now, because of my circumstances. i've changed so much these years, i am no longer the person i once was.

i'm so terribly bitter now, i feel sorry for myself.
i'm guarded, cautious, calcuating, careful, forward-planner, practical, desperate, needy, determined, full of perseverance, weak, tattered, shattered, vulnerable, brave, persistent, stubborn.... all at the same time.
unbalanced indeed.

finances is one of my major issues on mind right now.
i wished i earn more. i wished i can afford the things i want and need. and i wished, i didn't have to be so restricted.

working life, wasn't what i imagined it to be.
at least, because i know i took to crazy bitchy hard way out, looking for more trouble myself, avoiding routines and mundane lifestyles, going for challenges and hectic schedules and flexibility, i know...i chose this road.

so i must keep walking for now.
and pray along the way, i find things to support me, give me strength and courage...

because things can only get better from here.
it will.

signing off: 12:08am.

friday again.

2009-06-05T00:31:00.004+08:00

ok, i'm starving now at 12:31am. my last meal was about 2pm in the afternoon.
so tired. today has been crazy. but i don't know crazy about what exactly.
worked as usual.
had macs for lunch. delivery. got a free glass.
bought stuff online during my break. retail therapyyyy.

did more work.
decided to go for tuition today since i'll be missing my saturday tuition with her due to the bintan trip.
left hurriedly at 630pm from kallang.
reached boonlay(jurong west) at 840pm.
DIED ON THE TRIP PHYSICALLY--but didn't sleep.
tuitioned till 11:15pm. DIED TOTALLY.
made small talk with the mum.
checked up on tutee's status. realised she slacked from one week without tuition with me. the mum was beaming that i managed to make time for her. she thanked me profusely and offered to buy food for me, but i really was too tired to eat.
wanted to take bus all the way back to clementi from jurong west. but it was so late and my last bus had long gone.

fatbear called. he was outside HAVING FUN. -snorts-
told me to take cab.
made sense. so i took cab. fucking ex. crazy shits.
costs the same as taking to fatbear's place from my place. grrr.
friendly taxi driver.

managed to stumble home, with severe gastric pain.
bathed, brushed teeth, wore retainers, got online to ibank my shopping items.
read a few blogs, surfed a little facebook.
i'm ready to sleep.

fatbear has been making me annoyed recently. maybe it's my hormones wtf.
i'm going to bintan from saturday noon to sunday evening.
short getaway SEVERELY needed.
i hope it'll be super fun! going with monz and chip and fatbear.
fatbear's and mine grad trip (considered lahhhh) plus 2nd honeymoon trip (wtfff).
can't help it when everyone is so busy. =(

staying at nirwana resort. and i found out through facebook post that pinxuan is going there too! OMFG. same hotel and we'll be meeting on the weekends too--with some luck. HAA.

it's friday again. crazy shits.
i think it's about 1 month since my work started. 2 months of probation left!
many things have happened.
i can't even sort out my thoughts. i think i should twitter more/fb post more.

sometimes i think, maybe one day i'll remember that chasing after my happiness is crazy and useless and futile. it almost always never happens. either i'm not fated with the H word. or...i do not know what happiness is.

got lectured about my life a two days back. realized some stuff. have to re-evaluate my life again. i suddenly feel like a failure. i've been nobody all along. all along i've been thinking some people are somebody, and that i could be somebody too, perhaps...

but life is so much more than i thought.
more difficult.
and i cannot walk down this road with my current attitude and perceptions.
i need an overhaul.

till the next time.

morning...panadol.

2009-06-01T09:44:00.002+08:00

panadol extra strong for the morning.
pale faced and pounding head.
early for work, but hrm was earlier.
she said i looked ghastly.
i like my work assemble today.
simple, clean, nice.

either i grew fatter over the weekend, or my pants shrank in the wash.

shitted. ahhhh.

fatbear is not forgiven. because i hate broken promises. excuses again and again everytime this happens. it does speak of how important i am right?
you demand for me to listen to you. but how can i? if you don't listen to me?

of monday and non-blues.

2009-05-31T23:34:00.007+08:00

er, ok don't be deceived by the time shown on this entry. i was lazily uploading pictures, and just began typing now......12:11am. zzzz.
just a couple of updates before i head to bed to gear myself up for the monday.......blues or not. hopefully not.

it's been a crazy week. what's new? a week that zoomed past me...leaving me incoherent and..really...i don't know. i think my mum is right: time flies by when you start working in the work world. i didn't think it's true. since school days always seemed so slowwwww.

i would say that my weekdays are always mal-nutritioned. SIGH. i don't know what's wrong with me. somehow, if fatbear doesn't feed me, i won't eat/eat as much. which is awful. because to me, i'd rather save money than spend on food. mainly because i'm impossibly broke. and i really need to save money for various items. hai.

maggi in pantry saves my day. or occasional biscuit bites when i have time in between tasks. or..simply water and tea. and mostly, by the time i reach home, dinner is over, and i would have lost my appetite on the longggg journey home. so...ya, no meals.

but fret not my friends. i've not lost a single kilo HAHAHAH. back to basics: fml.

some pictures!

fatbear bought this for me in some gem/jewellery place in taiwan. (: didn't really feel like wearing it because i thought i still looked...weird...in it. but i still brought it out to wear..for 2 days. HAHA. i guess i'm not much of an accessory person.

my sis bought me my birthday present in advance. it's ear studs. made of real swarovski crystals. she says it cost her a bomb. but it's from the same store she bought the earrings for me last year's birthday too.

i like it. it's pretty pretty. yet to wear them yet.

the resolution is really poor. i think my blackie is dying too. zzz. should use it more often. ARGHHH. made of pink, purple and plain colored ones. very bling.

and after a late night after work, fatbear came to pick me up to get me my breakfast for the next day. i hardly met fatbear last week because of his and my work. we both had to work till late. crazy shits. but managed to find one day to see each other. aren't the dounuts pretty???!!!

damn pretty lor! HAHA. i couldn't bear to eat them. but i was famished the next morning, so i gobbled them up. boohoo. say hi to the pig.

(((:
see this paper bag? HAHAHA nehneh gave it to me. OK PLEASE IT'S NOT FROM POH HENG. HAHA. it's goodies from taiwan!

tadaaa!!! ate half of them already. sinful shits.

then i met fatbear on saturday after finishing some of my stuff (work..GAH). i skipped my tuition for extra hours of sleep. so freaking tired. i thought my body integrated into the bed already. weekends are really time for me to SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. before i lose my mind.

we went groccery shopping!!! YAYYY i love groccery shopping! HAHA. bought madloads of tidbits which we stashed at fatbear's place. one of the supermarket aunties commented that we were tidbits king and queen. cos' the entire basket was filled with tidbits! HAHAHA. ok lah, but i admit, mostly were mine. =D but must ask permission of fatbear one ok! plus he's damn good at calculating the price. like mini packs VS mega packs. which one cheaper--> more worth it etc. WAHHH. my bear is best at that. HAHAHA so i let him count, then i just take. (((:

saturday also means the house is empty except for the maid. so we decided to cook. bought ingredients.

i think the maid cooked this tofu coated with flour. SO DAMN SHITTY. ruined my perfect tofu. so sad ok. i ate one piece, got so turned off, and never touched it again. and i love my tofus!!!!

noodles because we didn't want rice.

garlic for taste and baked beans.

cut up sausages.

crabstick.
soup!!! yumsss.
HELLO!!! it's proof that i actually did help cook!!! although i procrastinated and nua-ed and tried to keep fatbear nua-ing with me in bed but haiiiii, he ran from my grasp and threatened me to cook with him in the kitchen. HAIII, being the good girl, i got out of bed and helped out. boohoo.

i wish i were more domesticated. didn't help that fatbear and his maid laughed at me for being super un-pro and scared of the sizzling oil in the frying pan that kept spitting oil at me. i seriously hate those sizzling stuff!!! damn pain ok!

i look mad happy. but it's all a facade. i was breathing in smoke and oil and i felt full even before eating. =(((

please ignore the fact that i'm wielding the the frying thingy so unpro-ly. HAI.

that's fatbear and his hands.

see!!! THE AWFUL TOFU mixed with my precious tau gei and hotdogs. =((((

we also heated up laksa, packed from my late lunched which i didn't eat after all. my meals are way too irregular!!! =(((

fatbear made this, and i helped fry it. baked beans with scrambled eggs, crabstick and hotdogs.

helped cooked the noodles too...

the spread.
with soup. so much, we didn't even finish 1/4 of everything. i stopped eating after a bit because everything tasted quite awful. i think it must be the heat (i hate singapore's weather, period) and the excessive oil inhaled while cooking. lost my appetite =(.

or maybe my stomach is spoiled.

anyway, camped over at fatbear's after i went home and packed my stuff. we watched DISTURBIA on HBO till about 3am, then went to bed. and slept all the way till 1plus in the afternoon!!! OMFG i'm sucha piggg. HAHAHAHA.

bathed, ate some breakfast/lunch (shitty meal times) and napped from 3plus to 6plus again. HAIII. why am i like that? plus it was so hot, i was perspiring as i napped, but i just wanted to nap. but napping in this weather makes me angry when i wake up.

GAHHH STOP BEING SO HOT YOU STUPID SUN.

fatbear's friend birthday party today. bbq at one friend's place. but it was really too hot to envision sitting by the crazy bbq pit the entire night PLUS i didn't think i'll enjoy myself much, so i gave it a miss. i know i'm stubborn and like to do things my way. sorry fatbear.

but in any sense, i think he doesn't mind either. kicking me away and having some time with his friends. boohoo. fatbear love me no more. =((((

so i'm home. was browsing blogs, shopping sites..contemplating to buy...and end up...i'm empty handed still. HAI. my sad life. i wish i could go to town to shop.

if only i were richer. really.

mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.

i want a short getaway. but cash restricts still. i see friends going places, living the life, enjoying their break and NOT working. i look at myself, i hear people say i'm stupid (not in my face, but implied surely) and i feel stupid for accepting a lowly paid job...........

what can i do? i'm stuck. no where. not up, not down. just...there.

and i still wish i were thinner, healthier, prettier, and the list goes on.

i wonder why i'm a communications student..when i don't communicate that much after all.

dear friends, if you DRIVE, and have time to spare after 7pm (or later), come pick me up at my work place, bring me out to eat/shop/do anything fun. before i feel like i'm losing my youth. so rapidly, perhaps i'm losing myself too.

i really...am not looking forward to 7th june.

overandout.

20 things and a post note.

2009-05-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

1) met up with nehnehs and chaigaoyuan yesterday after work. they picked me up and we went to rail mall for dinner and a short catch up. they thought i died or something because of my MIA. sorry guys. but i work on the other half of the island...explains my disappearing act.

2) thanks nehnehpoks for the tw goodies. have yet to touch them. (:

3) angry at fatbear. but maybe i shouldn't be. must be understanding right? SIGH.

4) hungry. another day without dinner. i swear that my eating hours are damn bloody irregular although my sleeping hours are more regular now. i'm so starved i cannot feel anything anymore.

5) deadline friday. i've got a pile of work to do. and really really REALLY tired. thank god it's friday. BUT no thanks to god, i feel like time is zooming past freaking fast, my youth is like flying away.

6) my birthday is coming. 7th of june!!!! argh. fuck it. let's just hope that i won't be doing work related stuff on that day/weekend. PLEASE LAH PLEASEEEEEEEE.

7) it's not that i don't love my work. just that it's so challenging that i feel everyday my brain is tested to the limits. everyday i have to mould myself to fit the needs of an entirely different task. i feel like a crazy chameleon whose altering forms are soon going to die out.

8) abby replied me on facebook. SHE IS ALIVE!!!

9) i took 2 hours to go home from kallang to west coast today. i wasn't that exhausted when i left the office. but by the time i reached my doorstep, i wanted to slap anyone who offended me. which....luckily...didn't happen because no one offended me.

10) i finally have two bottoms for work. so yay! i don't stink (as much) anymore wtf.

11) i have a shit looking at me, beckoning me to complete. but i guess...escapism. wtf.

12) i seriously want to sleep.

13) i ate maggi for lunch today. in a desperate attempt to save money (ruin my own health SIGH) and...save money.

14) why do i sound so annoyingly pathetic.

15) mlia. but sometimes, i think it's just fml.

16) someone once used to tell me that i have this innate ability to make anyone who is suffering, feel LESS "suffered" than me. in other terms, i can make anyone in shit sound LESSER in shit when comparing me with him/her. wow. that's some great ability. HA HA.

17) my birthday is coming and i have no plans. fatbear is going to take me to a coffee shop to celebrate. -cheers- wtf. fml.

18) i need a new handphone before it dies on me because i made 4 phone calls (one bar of batt depletes withevery phonecall received/made). bloody LG. but then again, i was contemplating LG Icecream (pink)............because it's so crazily cute. BUT, LG again. why do i never learn from mistakes??? SIGH.

19) i can't receive smses from some people because apparently, my LG phone blocks them out. HA HA. omg fuck my phone lah seriously. WHAT PHONE TO GET????!!!! i don't have extra cash. and...i can't sign a new contract. so this means i have to pay a bomb to get a new phone. so stupid. sigh.

20) i really should start on my work. byebye and good night.

ps: i really just want to say that i'm not good at expressing emotions right now. i do miss so many people. and i want them to know. but...sigh, not that it matters. because if these people knew that i cared, they would have at least talked to me/smsed/msned me right? which didn't happen. so well....i conclude that my life is......a wasteful bunch of shit.

i wonder why i'm even living.

2009-05-28T01:03:00.003+08:00

Why is it the mass perception (or at least...say the majority) that a job can be considered desirable and a dream job only when it fulfils the requirement of having a high pay/salary?

It gets tiring, to convince myself against the words of others, and gets tense when ideals clash.
Was this what the fortune teller in tw was refering to when she told me about the expectations of year 2009 for me?
It seems highly so when I suddenly recalled her words as I was resting on the couch...

Everything does seem to make sense now.
If so, the only thing I can do is persevere and believe in myself.
Because my big break will come soon.

Meanwhile, let me harden my resolve and try to meet the crazy deadlines. God I hate china and their crazy long holidays. Argh.
I've officially hit another record in my life--doing a Chinese business proposal in ppt.
Amongst others. Zzz. This job tests me again and again.
Constant challenge was what I asked for, it is what I'm getting.
You don't have to be good at one area only; you have to be good at everything!
Because eveyday you come to work, you have to accomplish tasks which tests a variety of skills and knowledge.

The boss is right.
Not everyone can do this job well.
But I do hope I have the flair for this.
It's all too early to say.
Learn retain update upgrade refresh.
Let the mind run wild.

Everyday I feel stupider, and yet gain more knowledge with each passing day.
Ironies do make sense.

before i sleep.

2009-05-26T23:26:00.008+08:00

woke up late today. was supposed to leave house at 730am as usual. i woke up at 715am. WTF. and i was dreaming about work ok! gahhhh. i must have unsnoozed all my THREE alarms. siao liao.

anyway, some pictures before i head to bed. tired mans. long days. looking forward to end of week..hai.

while waiting for fatbear to pick me up after tuition on saturday. took some pics. heh.

bought some late lunch then went to his place to rot and wait for him to finish part of his office stuff so that he wouldn't need to OT that much the next week. boohoo. REALLY rotted. i don't know where my saturday went. =(

i forgot to blog about this from long long ago! NEHNEH sponsored half the cost of this chloe clutch for my birthday gift. (: thanks. but i used it once only. TSK. no life to go out and dress nice nice.

helllooo. at fatbear's office entertaining myself after doing stuff like surfing web, playing games on touchy and napping a little. tsk. my hair is growing crazily again. sigh.

GAHHHH. see my horrible pimple. so huge it's hard not to see. -.- and my lips are uber chapped. better lather on the moisturizing lip balm or something. so ugly. =(

hello sneakers! long time no see! (: my best companion.

subway for late lunch.

full view of the clutch. it's like bursting because i had so many things to bring about. wtf. HAHAH. and the leather by itself is already super heavy. =X

it actually looks alright in this picture without flash because this was taken BEFORE it became full-blown. -cries-

fatbear's list of things to do. HAHA.

met monz and chip with fatbear to go for movieeeeeee at vivocity! Night at the Museum 2!

then we wanted to take pictures but couldn't find a nice backdrop. we were standing outside daiso after the movie. so wtf. end result.

monz and i wanted to pretend that we looked like we were in JAPAN WTFWTF. whyarewelikethat. HAHAHAHA.

don't judge me based on my clothes again! zzzz.

chip became the always $2! AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. so cheepcheep.

the only group picture for the day before we went separate ways. =( boo. time flies.

tsktsk. i never know if they're adults or children. perhaps a mix.

look a bit too much like twins wtf. HAHAHAHA.

and us. very...un-alike. =(

monz took this picture for us. with flash.

she tried to take without flash but obviously she's growing old because the camera picture came out so shaky it looked like there was an earthquake at vivo. zzz. don't mind our faces because it's all candid wtf. monz can never take proper pictures lehhhh.

then i gave up, and took for them. without flash.

EH CAN WHAT. monz, you need to eat more chicken legs wtf.

at work. morning. that doremon thing is quite nice! and behind it, you can see my tidbits mug. wtf. HAHAHAHA. i put it next to the monitor because it spurs me to work on. -.- and because when i'm stressed i need to munch to prevent myself from tearing out my hair.

after my swollen eye day. still a bit too swollen but back at work. i didn't realize it at first but i look like i have antlers growing out from my head because of the background. -.-

from sneakers...to heels/flats. i cheat a lot. i'm supposed to wear heels. but i seriously hate towering over people. and i hate having to walk in them. such a chore. i definitely hate looking at the top of people's heads. argh.

which reminds me of the bus ride i had last week. i stood amongst 5 other males (middle-aged and young ones). i was taller than 3 of them. IN MY FLATS. like not 1cm 2 cm taller kind, but SIGNIFICANTLY taller. and the other 2 were same height as me. (i judged based on the reflections from the bus windows. everyone was standing straight because it was peak hour and there was no space to slouch or lie against the panels/hand holds etc.)

eh depressing lah.

i shall work on reducing my weight and size first wtf. which will never happen in my life i think. -.- fmltothemax.

ok. enough. long day ahead. long week actually. longer months. argh. so much to do. one step at a time. learn as i walk.

good night!

friday is a wonderful day.

2009-05-23T01:14:00.005+08:00

wtf am i doing online instead of sleeping? sometimes i DO think that i am responsible for shortening my own lifespan. SIGH.

anyway, some pictures i just uploaded from blackie. didn't want things to keep piling up. some are random pictures unless i say otherwise.
and just to keep in touch with the rest of the world. i can't seem to find time to talk online anymore. but that doesn't mean i don't care..sigh.

from mcdelivery. the free glass. and my morning milo. preparing to start work!

some healthy bar that actually tastes quite nice! i love groccery shopping with fatbearbearrrr! (:

pardon the morning puffiness and really strained smile. HAHA.

a few days ago, i cleverly walked into a cabinet. i was carrying huangy and he kinda blocked my line of vision. i was walking briskly. and my left knee whammed into a corner of the cabinet. my right knee whammed into another corner. and my right ankle whammed into the lower corner of the cabinet.

I SWEAR I SAW STARS.

i hurriedly sat down and cursed non-stop, trying to ease the extreme pain by rubbing the areas gently. left knee soon turned purple. GAHHHH.

to spend our 8th month anniversary, we decided to go to mount faber for a short walk at night. fatbear just finished his short OT and since i was stuck at home from the lousy red eye that gradually recovered over the day, he picked me up after his work! we had mutually agreed months ago that no matter how busy we were, we must make time for our monthly anniversaries. (:

and i realized from yesterday, that i'd rather be in office doing work than staying at home doing work. office really ups your efficiency level. and my eye is definitely better. slightly sore and still itching, but not that lobster red.

today i woke up with a slightly red and itchy eye still. but i forced myself NOT to rub it. =(

EH, no concealer day again. infact, no moisturizer or whatever. HAHA. i had just finished editing some proposals and sent them out to my boss before i left the house. aiya, doesn't matter. =X can't really tell since i never put on thick makeup anyway. my thickest is moisturizer with concealer HAHA. fml. i think i'm 12 instead of 22.

my poor right eye was still tearing.

fatbear wants to sleep. and here you can see my fatface!

blurry. henderson waves. there were quite a number of people there when we arrived. all chilling out.

my right eye is usually bigger than my left. but because of the stupid red eye, it became smaller. wtf?!?!

guailan face ah.

i love fatbear's ears wtf HAHAHAHA. eh what lah, i'm not into the kissing pose ok. mis-aim cannot ah! hmpfff.

hellooooooo! haven't changed much, have i?

fatbear.

he looks shocked, don't ask me why.

OH! this picture was taken a few minutes ago. wtf. horribly ugly in real life. it looks better on camera ok. HAHAHAH photogenic bruise. in real life it looks like some patch of brown shit. gross.

anyway, work on friday was just....work. fridays are like...heaven. signals weekends and .....more sleep hopefully. (:

had a meeting in the morning with the boss. editing later. then i had to hurriedly send out a proposal to someone before i was chased out of the office for lunch with hrm, hre(hr executive) and boss. apparently, boss was intending to treat us lunch.

the weather was so bloody hot outside the office i think i got a momentary heat stroke. wtf. i drank super a lot of water and kept going to the toilet to pee...BUT i still ended up with a horrible headache (i get headaches easily in extreme heat and cold, AND alternating between both).

the traffic was slow which made sitting in the car worse. gahhh. lunch wasn't some great buffet or what, but at a muslim food place they usually visit. the food was not bad, maybe because i was kinda hungry. but we rushed our food because we were really late from the stupid traffic and cannot leave office for too long.

traffic back was no where better. this is crazy.

by the time i got back to office, my head was splitting. and under the crazy air-con, my head felt like there was an on-going war inside. =.= i wanted to DIE. managed to do more editing, then had another short meeting to discuss my work for the next few months and then i went back to rotting infront of my com.

i just wanted friday workday to end. the headache was so bad i was non-functional. fatbear knew i was feeling terrible and postponed his OT to the weekends just to come pick me up. TOUCHED OK. =)))))

i died on the car and napped all the way from kallang to BP. went to plaza to find food (fatbear) but i didn't have any appetite because of my head. so we left. went to fatbear's place to crash. i wanted to nap away 2 hrs before going home, but i KNEW i'll never be left in peace wtf.

i managed to grab a short disturbing nap while fatbear went to bathe. he went to cook some glass noodles soup thingy for me with hotdogs and all. i still had to appetite. he dragged me up and made me eat the PANADOL STRONG pill (sibei bitter)and then dragged me to eat my late late late dinner. wtf. =((((((

picked at my food, but managed to finish my bowl of food eventually and was fed by fatbear too. i hate it when i'm sick. but i love it when fatbear takes care of meeee! -beams- he makes me feel like a little girl, which is rare because i can be such an anal bitch when it comes to work, i evolve into some highly independent and strong-minded female. =.=

i guess fatbear is my catharsis wtf. HAHA. thank you baby! (:

i felt better after having something simple and warm in my tummy. wanted to nap. but was dragged into fatbear's mum's air-con bedroom to chat and look at photographs of them when they were younger HAHAHAHA. geee. fatbear so fat.

then the mum made me sleep for a bit on the mattress in the room to make my headache go away. fatbear and i ended up in a tickling war WTF WHY ARE WE LIKE THAT???!! but we finally retired after much wrestling zzzz. i started sneezing violently. and made fatbear wake up to time-check. was late, so he sent me home and here i am after a good hot bath.

it's saturday. i need to grab more sleep when i can. I HAVE A HUGE PIMPLE ON MY LEFT CHEEK. then i have a perpetual pimple on my right. so from far i look like i have one DOT on each side of my cheek wtf. fatbear says it looks cute and funny. =.= i'm traumatised.

ok, pictures soon when i take more.

thanks for reading thus far! everyone is sorely missed! (:

swollen eye pirate.

2009-05-21T13:27:00.003+08:00

ok so fatbear called after i msged him my displeasure.
he claims that he fell asleep while waiting for the clock to strike 12am.
hmpf. alrighteyyy, i'm not mad now.

ah, people may note the time and wonder...why is jielin blogging at this time?
reason being, i'm on leave today!
i'm not being a lazy bum and staying home. in fact, i woke up, bathed and breakfast-ed as usual.

the only thing that was different today was my severely swollen right eye.
i woke up on tears; eye was super irritated and kept tearing. very itchy.
i cannot remember if i rubbed it too hard during my sleep or whatsoever.
but i woke up with a right eye so RED it looked like all my blood vessels had burst in my eye.
zzzzz.
i was so shocked myself.
plus my eyelids were swollen to twice the usual size, and the area under my eye was superbly swollen too.
it's crazy!!!

i could not open my eyes because of all the swelling!
had to pry my eyelids open to see what was wrong with my right eye.
only made it worse.
had to bathe half-blind, eat half-blind, dress half-blind.
then i figured, i can't work half-blind, especially if i'm gonna be staring at the computer the entire day.
i definitely don't want to travel to kallang on a 1hour bus half-blind wtf.

plus i was worried it was sore eyes or something of that sort.
spreading it would also be the last thing on my mind.
so i called in to take leave.
SIGH. it's no pay leave btw.
my sad life ya.

about 2 weeks (estimated) since i started work, my first leave because of a lousy eye wtf.
but i get bouts of these sometimes. could be recurrent up to 2-3 days. i wonder why.
=((((
in any case, i amended my share of proposals at home and just sent them out.
will await instructions.

oh! the eye is better now! still swollen, but lesser extent. still red, but faint red.

i wanted to go to see the doctor BUT the doctor only came at 1030am WHEN the clinic claims it opens at 0830am. HELLO???? open clinic without doctor inside??? don't make sense ok! shitheads.

and i tried the other clinics but ALL were full!!! like 10 plus people and queue moving slowly.
so i went back to my first choice, continued waiting.....THEN i gave up.
fucking pissed.
the queue wasn't moving!
how come so many singaporeans are sick!!!!!!! -slaps random people in anger-

so i don't really know what went wrong with my eye, but i hope it won't happen again, or something else worse for that measure.
SIGH.
i need sleep. maybe i'm gonna nap for a bit.
my eyes are way overworked. maybe it's a sign of protest HAHA.

in any case, i found a tailor/alteration place near my area. walkable distance. i think i'll bring my stuff over for altering if it's good. shall wait for my pants alteration to return before deciding future outfits. HAHA.
i need more working stuff. before i grow smelly wearing the same bottoms again and again wtf.
SHHHHH don't tell anyone.

i use ralph lauren perfume anyway. TSK! how can i smell bad! =D

AND I NEED SUPER A LOT OF MONEY.
aye.

happy 8th month!

2009-05-21T01:32:00.003+08:00

happy 8th month anniversay, fatbear!
many more to come!

my first working month (well...part of) and fatbear didn't even wish me happy anniversary this month.

i'm so HURT.
grrr.
he's probably sleeping.

i need a spanking new phone.
and some contact lenses.
and more working clothes.

i swear, days fly by without me noticing.
everyday is so loaded, that at the end of it, i'd rather not THINK.
i spend 80% of my day thinking. and 5% sleeping, 5% with fatbear, 10% on public transport WTF. fml seriously.

this is some crazy life i'm leading.
and it's some crazy industry i'm being introduced to.
there's so much more for me to know. and i'm barely 1% there.

it's thursday again.
goodnight.

another week start.

2009-05-19T23:19:00.013+08:00

i'm starving now, and super uber tired my eyes are closing. my last meal was at 1pm (macs delivery to office because it was a busy day. had meeting after that). my last time i was sleeping was 630am early morning.

i thought i could get off work relatively early today. i did. i got off around 7plus. but fatbear was OT-ing although i thought we were supposed to dinner together. SO I STARVED and went home and CONTINUED STARVING.

my life sucks. seriously. FATBEAR U BETTER BE GUILTY. =(((((

reached home 830 to 9pm or so. fucking bloody tired. the bus ride was amazingly.......long. feels longer than the morning ones. but then again, maybe because all i want to do is go home and sleep.

i wanted to just relax at home and...nua and rest...REALLY rest. and maybe upload pics onto my blog to write about my week and...watch korean drama if i'm lucky. ended up....doing the uploading only. i'm struggling to write this. may not succeed...may succeed, depending on my willpower to keep awake.

just some pictures off blackie t77.

fatbear's new watch for his birthday. and mine on the left. couple watches!!!

taken on the way to the airport to send fatbear's maid off. a new maid came to take over.

sauna all the way from BP to changi. freaking crazy shits. and sauna all the way back again. =( stupid car air-con.

saturday was tuition as usual. then proposal-ing.

sunday was SLEEP till 12plus in the afternoon. nua-ed around managed to watch a few episodes of korean drama likeable or not!

and i think the sleep helped my body quite a bit because my period finally came on monday! woootss. ok but i'm seriously bleeding to death wtf. =.=

anywayyy, sunday night, fatbear and i decided to head out to finish up our bottle of SHAO1 JIU3. HAHA. plus i needed some food pampering. i spend most of my days eating maggi mee from the company's pantry HAI because like that can save money. i deserve some nutrients mannn.

by the way, i know i didn't blog about this because i got too lazy to do backdated posts so i'm gonna briefly mention it here. we went to this place for valentine's day too. opened a bottle which we couldn't finish. so now we're coming back to finish it up!

LOADS of CAMWHORE pictures from here on. sorry lah. AND DO NOT JUDGE ME OK. i nua-ed at home all day and waited for fatbear to finish his work stuff before going to get a quick bath and heading out after a change of clothes (wah, long sentence wtf).

i didn't even bother to put on my concealer or whatever shit. HAHA. SO DO NOT JUDGE ME OK. i just wanna rot on weekends IF I CAN.

hi big face lin.

fatbear copy my pose. tskkk. anyway i think i developed a blush after my 2nd cup or so. blood circulation damn bloody good lor. slept well that night HAHA.

SASHIMI. ok i officially have started eating sashimi, but selectively. MUST BE GOOD QUALITY ONE. and no bones. wtf.

this is a higher grade than the yellow tail. DAMN fresh, succulent, not soggy, not too strong, has enough natural juice and taste really good! for the price i guess. =X don't ask me what's the name...i was too tired to notice plus i was reallyyyy hungry.

forgot name also. grilled something. tasted yummy too.

this time, we learnt from our previous mistakes and made special care to remind the waitress to serve our dishes one at a time so that we won't have to rush through our meals or have dishes turning cold at the side because we couldn't finish eating the current ones.

plus, we opted for table and chair seats at the dining area on the 2nd level, which was more spacious and since the place was relatively empty then, we were given the "private" cosy seats which had surrounding walls around to block the other distractions out. nice setting and ambience (:

but guys, if you intend to bring girls there, please remind them to wear longer dresses/skirts or just jeans/shorts. if not, opt for tables and chairs. it'll be extremely inconvenient for them if you ended up with the floor seats.

the restaurant's name is Satsumo by the way. near clark quay. for details, google yourself or ask me.

we ordered dishes we didn't have the last time round, and the waitress recommended new ones which were still not on the menu.

this spicy cod roe gratin and tofu was SUPERB! the tofu is soft and simple, whilst the melted cheese and cod roe surface complemented the tofu with a tinge of saltiness. i coulnd't taste the SPICE though. LOL.

the light above us. the place is dimly lit. not bright lights.

how it looks like without flash from camera. too dark. so we turned on the flash, which rendered us partially star-bursted-blind.

our watches.

lalaaaa. fatbear not appreciative.

failed watch spokesperson. TSK.

more camwhore shots.

his eyes got cramps from all the flash-ing HAHAHAHAHHA.

THAT picture above is a blurred shot of fatbear's chin (underside). can you spot the pimple?? HAHA.

AH BU! (mother!) HAHAHAHA.

hi! i'm alive! (:

the best way to avoid looking cok-eyed or half-opened eyes when you have flashes (camera) in dark places is to squinch your eyes in the pictures and act like it's a purposeful pose. WTF. HAHAHAHA. eh, i teach secrets ok! must trust me!

we took 2 shots whereby we tried to open our eyes as big as possible against the flashes. BUT SIBEI UGLY. so for the sake of not scaring away my fans, i will not put it up. unless there is popular demand, i will post them. WTF. HAHAHAHAHA.

i got bear-huged by fatbear.

hello, i'm so loved. wheeeee. (: PS: BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH STILL FATBEAR HUANG!

my hair has grown crazily long again. arghhh.

i swear my skin reflects light wtf. i look ghostly next to fatbear because of the vast contrast in skin tone.

after the satisfying meal and finishing our drinks, we took a short walk by the river before returning back to the car.

jumping shots! finally taught fatbear how to do it on my camera.

wah my legs look so long and toned here. HAHA. BUT OK LAH, I KNOW I GOT FAT WAIST (reminded of colleague's words. SIGH)

shots at work the next day. was free in the morning so took a few shots.

my desk is still free from designing because i have no time, and because i don't have anything to design with. plus, i think passing my probation period with flying colors is more important now! pay rise plsssss.

alright, no more pictures. more soon. thanks for reading thus far and being updated to what's happening in my life. i do read my comments for entries, so leave comments if you cannot get replies from me on msn or sms or calls. (:

today was supposed to go to a dinner buffet event (FOC) at pan pacific hotel but didn't. too tired. plus the seating was limited because we booked late (company thing) due to miscommunication. nevermind, more to come i believe.

had my first meeting with our company's events agents. 4 men. aggressive and passives. TSK. i had an interesting time OBSERVING what was happening in the meeting. and i was praised for my good work on the proposal. HAHA. must work harder! GO GO JIELIN!

boss wanted us (me and hrm) to follow the events/sales people on a M'sia biz trip but i guess the timing wasn't right for the other side to coordinate too. but i think i'll have another chance soon! -beams- so excited! one step at a time. exposure takes time. and at least now people know my name.

so many things to do this week. i'm doing/following up/editing about 3 proposals each day. could be english, could be chinese. apart from reading other docs to prepare for meetings with my boss and hrm over huge year-end events to be planned. gee. my brain has to constantly be working TIP-TOP.

i'm getting better at reading and typing chinese. faster too. -beams- nothing is impossible. (:

things will flow for me. efforts will pay off. they already are. just have to keep this going. i'll make it.

i need...

2009-05-16T01:30:00.002+08:00

Everytime i face certain challenges in my life, i struggle, then i ask myself why am i doing this?
is it even worth it? will it benefit me? will it help me grow? will i rather do it a simpler way--avoid and run?

every single time.

because i crave to learn. If i do not learn, i feel like i'm growing stupider every day.
so i need new things to enter my life. teach me new concepts, ideas, perceptions, lifestyles.
to let me understand what the world is like out there, beyond this little island.

because if something doesn't challenge me, i won't be spurred to work harder.

aiya, i don't really know how to express my feelings now in words.
i have had people telling me to quit my job.
i have had people telling me what i do is shit work and is unjustifiable.

i will not disagree. but neither will i agree.
it IS a matter of perception.
as long as i conquer this, i'll win it.
and i can feeling myself going in the right direction--steadily.

the thing now is to win the clients' hearts and for them to accept the proposals i've done so far.
working my magic is difficult when there are so many constraints.
but then again, it's part of learning.

i'm exhausted, i admit. and my body is so broken down i'll probably not live past 40 years old (and if i do even hit that age i'm damn lucky).

i was looking forward to a good break this weekend. but i guess....i might as well forfeit the idea.
it's gonna be a tight weekend. to meet deadlines and prepare drafts for meetings and discussions and editing on monday. it'll be a busy tuesday too.
and then another week will probably fly pass.

all i need now, is a good sleep.
and then perhaps quality time with people i love.
and i really do wish fatbear and i wil stop running on short circuits and get irritated/bicker/argue over small matters.

two working people in a relationship is harder than i thought.
but oh wells, whatever that is difficult and trying, just needs more effort on both ends.
things will flow for me.
they always do.

other random stuff:
-had to be a temporary babysitter for fatbear's nephew, gabriel. he grabbed onto my fingers of my left hand and fell asleep. i was in such an awkward angle i didn't nap well. didn't matter much. my mind was whirring non-stop.
-still having cramps. but no sign of the period. see? evidence 1 that my body is dead.
-lacking in appetite.
-hates ironing clothes, but has no choice.
-still loves black. trying to love heels. but prefering flats. missing sneakers.
-growing fat. unable to lose weight.
-needs more money. or maybe just spend less.
-needs love and concern. DESPERATELY. sigh.
-needs support and care. refer to above point.

ok sleep time. dear computer, please do not die on me. i need you. and whatever that i will be needing, DO NOT DIE ON ME TOO. PLEASE.

some peekaboos.

2009-05-14T23:35:00.004+08:00

aye, post some pictures as promised. nothing exciting. work these days have been too....crazy to take any pictures. plus it wouldn't be nice to slack off and whip out my camera/phone. =X

to update, an intern arrived at our company er...monday? she's one year younger than me. studies at SMU in her second year. it's her break now so she's interning. she's an international student from Indonesia!
i say she's rather pretty! very...meek and pretty. HAHA. i feel like a gorilla.
well, i wished for someone to fill the desk cubicle behind me. my wish came through.

taken last sunday i think. was still doing up my first huge proposal. crashed fatbear's office while he did work and i did mine.

eh, and i realized after wearing decent clothes for 5 days of the week, for saturday and sunday, i'll be glad to wear nothing wtf. HAHAHAHAH. no lah. what i mean is it's really tiring mans. i'll rather throw on a oversized tee, shorts and sneakers (oh my love, you are missed wtf).

so i'm sorry if i look so chui.

one day at work. before the rest arrived. i was early.

one of my colleague bought us egg tarts! it's freaking nice!!! the crust wasn't too thick or too thin. and the filling was soft and sweet. (: loves.

how my workplace looks like in the evening.

for mothers' day, i bought my ancient dino mama this massager. HAHAHAHA. or whatever you call it lah. the cat looks happy and cute what! it's a fortune cat!

his name is ZHAO FU! woooo. my dino mama loves it HAHAHAHA. long live the dino! =DDD

and because we had to send fatbear's maid off, we went to changi airport. and fatbear's aunt's car had a defective air-con unit. which is DOOM in this crazy humid weather. SIGH. i literally perspired all the way from bukit panjang to changi. and back. aiseh. sauna man. =.=

but we tried popeyes!!! finally! but sadly, it's no big deal. seriously. the KFC in KL/malaysia is much better lor.

this was taken at wen dong ji. the food place opposite beauty world. it looks really odd right? it's colored paper wrapping the utensils.

fried tofu. but the insides were awesome. tofu love!

the obligatory chicken rice. i was so hungry i swallowed everything. zzz. i eat dinners at 9pm now. work IS tiring. even if i get off work at 7pm. i reach clementi at 830pm or so. SAD LIFE.

ok, i'm lazy to post pictures from my blackie t77. i bought fatbear a watch for his birthday. similar to mine, but a more rugged version. will post up soon. we shall go ticktock together wtf. annoy the shit out of people HAHAHAHA.

and my body is so screwed up. because my period is ULTRA late. and i wouldn't blame it. if i were my period, i wouldn't come either. the owner of the body ill-treats her body! =(((( i needa catch more sleep. but sleeping on the hourplus long bus ride is so difficult.

mz, i think i may start the inflated pillow trend soonwtf. pls don't call stomp ok.

SO, update on my life recently. been meeting fatbear almost everyday after my work, even though it's freaking late. he'll either pick me up for LATE dinner or send me home. and my mood can be so bad at times (especially beginning few days) that i can really get so mad at him for being insensitive. sigh. but things are better now. i guess, a relationship really isn't that simple.

today, thursday, i got off work at 7pm also!!!! -beams- mostly because everyone else had left and i was finished with my work.

today, i had an even MORE normal lunch than yesterday HAHAHAHAH. why??? BECAUSE I ATE AT THE CANTEEN WTF. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. eh what, it's super duper huge ass achievement. but i don't think i can keep this up mans. =X

and today, i spent god knows how long translating english ideas from a meeting with ceo and hrm(henceforth known as hr manager) into chinese to instruct china's office to do up some proposals on their side. geeeeeeeee. i almost died. REALLY. all those biz terms ARGHHH. biz ideas!!!! -grimace-

i even apologised BEFOREHAND for my lousy chinese. but apparently, it wasn't so bad HAHAHAHA. he merely changed a couple of my inappropriate/nonformal chinese terms. eh maisiaosiao. i'll do XIE LAO SHI proud ok!! HAHAHAHHA.

sigh. but i've yet to actually communicate over the phone with them (china office). watching and listening my hrm do it seems effortless. i'm going to achieve that standard soon. let's hope they won't start laughing at my lousy chinese before i accomplish that. boohoo.

i've got loads more to learn. GO GO JIELIN!

had a couple of meetings with the ceo today. hrm too. hrm having one day biz trip to KL, so i'll be alone in office with intern J and ceo and the accountant. bless me. let it be a good friday!!!!

working makes time fly by so fast it's madness! REALLY! i cannot believe it's friday now! =X looking forward to the weekend! although it'll probably be tuition filled. moneymoney come to mama. sighhh.

i wanna grow thin. one of my colleagues said that i have a huge waist/hip and my body is short. the only good thing is my long legs. SIGH. it's not like i am not aware of my flaws. so disheartening. not like i wanna be born like that right. zzzz.

the day i see my weight drop from 55kg to...maybe 54.5kg or whatever, i think i'll go buy 4d/toto. zzzz. 4th year already. losing hope.

anyway, i don't even know where's my weighing machine now. given up already mans. SIGH. but the last time fatbear dragged me to weigh myself after a crazy huge dinner, it showed the same thing.

this is depressing shits. fml.

ps: received many clothes from my online shopping. more to come. thou shall vow not to be frumpy office lady. HA!

pps: I MET CHUNKIAT ON THE BUS HOME TODAY!!! i met PEAR like a few days ago!!! yayness. been so long. catching up with both of them is great! talked super alot. HAHAHAHA. gee, i miss those days in class. fool around talking cok. aye. it's great to know that everyone is doing well (:

ok, i'm outta here. i feel cramps. i don't know if my period is finally coming back from vacation. zzzz. but it's like 1 week overdue. gee. update soon! (: thanks for reading peepos!

i want it to be my turn soon. i want to travel. and i want to succeed. i will.

13 is my lucky number!

2009-05-14T01:19:00.002+08:00

i should be sleeping gahhh.
was just surfing the net for random sites. shopping, blogs etc.
my only form of leisure activities now.

updates!
today, 13th may, wednesday, is probably my most normal working life day to date!!!
-beams-

I HAD NORMAL LUNCH!
this means that i did NOT camp infront of my computer rushing something else!!! PUI!!! HAHAHAHAH. in fact, us 4 ladies had a nice cosy lunch in the conference room. chatting and stuff. nice! i hope for moreeeeee.

and.....I GOT OFF WORK EARLY!!!!!
ok, technically i start work at 9am and end at 6pm. for the past few days since the first day of work, i've been stsaying till 8plus to 9pm. freaking crazily tiring.
BUT TODAY!!!! i knocked off at 7pm!!!!
i was rushing a proposal till 6plus still, but it ended fast cos' it's easy peasy. compared to my first huge project. i just got quotations so i just have to go back to add the figures in tomorrow morning and send to my boss for approval. (note to self wtf)

need to read through a couple more proposals because i'll be involved in them.

I HAD AN OFFICIAL CLIENT MEETING TODAY IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM!
okkkkk. ya i know it's no big deal. but hello, noob me got meeting with possible partner of the event PLUS my CEO plus my HR manager!!! i think it's very good already ok!
only thing missing was my namecards boohooo. they are printing right now. -excited-
my first name card ever. wtf.
hello all! meet corporate communications executive: TEO JIELIN!
wtf.

ok, whether i succeed or not in my near future is hard to tell. i'll continue working hard.
and i think getting stressed is like...normalized wtf. fml.
seriously. i think i could get used to this.
but this is only the beginning. i swear.
when i look at how my HR manager juggles SO MANY FREAKING PROJECTS and have to make A MILLION PHONE CALLS (even when we were sharing a cab at night together), i think...i have loads to learn.

never expected myself to end up in this industry.
liscensing and all that. but i guess i often end up where i never expect.
let things flow. (: i'll make myself something out of nothing.

so sorry to all my dear friends if i haven't been chatting online.
i'll be contactable from 9am-7pm everyday. but subject to free time lah, then i'll reply. LOL.
anyway i don't have much friends. HAI fml.

i decided to bus to fatbear's after work instead of him coming to pick my up (like previous few days). was taught to change buses. and i THOUGHT i knew where to alight. but i alighted one stop earlier. and the distance btw two bus stops is like 2 HDB blocks apart ok. from this ulu grass field to just outside the semi-detached houses. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

i hate myself sometimes. i can be so retarded when it comes to taking the public transport and recognizing HDB blocks from one another.

so a walk which was meant to be 5 mins across the road and to his block took me abt 15-20mins. so tired! plus i was perspiring. crazy weather! =(

in any case, we argued a little. but it's hard to have a full blown argument at his place because his family keeps entering his room to retrieve stuff from the cupboards. so like...everytime argue until the climax part....-family member enters-.....cools down....argue...and the cycle continues. zzz.

which is good and bad. i need privacy mannnnnn.

ok, but we didn't argue much because i was tired and fell asleep on the bed in a huff, refusing to talk to him or face him. he gave up on me and switched on his laptop to use. i guess i must have napped for 1 hour or so. when i woke up, things were better.

(: long story cut short, he sent me an email while i was asleep and he was next to me with his laptop. a very sweet and funny email.
you should know how fatbear writes...so it was pretty entertaining. =D spellings were all correct (he used spell check WTF) but many grammatical errors!! HAHAHA.
touching too. (:
thanks fatbear.
i'm glad we managed to clear it up.
but please rmb to put what we discussed into action.

words without actions are nothing. (:

ok lovelove you all. thanks for supporting my blog and reading about my life.
i reallyyyy need a day to just post pictures and blog HAHA. sorry manssss. i know i'm boring you with my wordsssss.

ok nights!

words.blind.

2009-05-12T00:31:00.002+08:00

im alive. but barely.
everyday i go to work, it's a warzone out there.
to fight for yourself.
and i'm fighting for what's left of my pride and dignity.

work, i can say now, is far from what i expected it to be.
work...feels like another version of hell.

maybe it's just the place i'm in. and the people around me.
but this really pushes you to work harder because you realize that you are nothing around people who have been in this line for 5+ years.
doesn't matter if you're good in school. no one cares.
doesn't matter if you're top.

it matters if you can clinch the deal,
make the client love you,
make millions with the words you type,
make people want to listen to your words.

so tired. slept 3 hours again last night.
ok i'm heading to bed now.
really should catch all the sleep i can get.
i shall face THE proposal for a bit in the morning AGAIN.

then pray it'll bring millions/billions (heck the China company is worth damn shit lot) for my company (bring benefits to me too).
i need to readjust some things in my brain.
to make it corporate style.

then...i shall see what is the event that i'm supposedly placed in-charge of.
nervous.
bless me. i must do well.
that's the only way i'll earn a place in this crazy environment.

pictures soon when i have time.

2009-05-10T00:33:00.002+08:00

it's the weekend and i'm still stuck editing the proposal. GAH.
i know i shouldn't complain. but i feel like shit.
after waking up at 630am every day and returning home close to 9pm (if i'm lcuky), i think i'm turning crazy.

and....
i cannot believe that i forgot about marshy's birthday!
it was the first day of my work and i was thrown so much shit i totally blanked out.
remembered much later and wished him happy belated birthday via sms.
i feel like shit.
marshy, if you're reading this, please know that i'm a pile of shit. =(((
I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT. -tears hair-
fuck myself.

sigh.
wherever i go, social life is close to impossible.
that is depressing.
it's going to be a tough hike uphill from here.
after i finish this proposal by sunday, gotta submit on monday. and then i'll be assigned to working on another event.

god bless me. it's good that i'm kept busy.
but it's bad because no one bothers to teach you.
yes i know, learning is faster through mistakes made.

but i already feel like zero from here.
doesn't help that i'm the only fresh grad in the company.
makes me feel like i'm thrown into China sea to feed Chinese sharks wtf.
and abby chan i read your comment ok! -slaps- i do NOT have an affair with erhem. wtf.

ok back to work. or else i'll never be able to sleep in peace.
tuition today. tuition tomorrow.
and hooray to me.
the company i'm working at DOES NOT have off days for public holidays.
HA HA HA HA HA.

so guys, i'll be working on monday, vesak day. and the other public hols that rest on weekdays.
my life rocks totally.

in case people are lagging behind and wondering,
i am a fresh graduate and just started a new phase in my life as a working lady.
this is not a holiday job wtf.
so please take some pity on me and send me birds nest or white fungi dessert or something. =((((

brain rot.
face rot.
body rot.

exhausted.

2009-05-07T23:16:00.005+08:00

first day of work was horrible. it was like my brain snapped and had difficulty getting back on track.
i never read so many chinese characters in one day.
that can easily be the chinese words i read in 3 years. NO JOKE.

i have a 46 page CHINESE business proposal to translate in 2 freaking bloody days into a corporate ENGLISH proposal.
a proposal i've not seen before, heard of before or even had participation in.
and i swear the chinese writer of this proposal sucks to the max.
YOU TELL ME WHERE GOT ONE SENTENCE GOES UP TO 3 LINES, SEPARATED BY JUST COMMASSSSSSS??

and i mean 3 lines across A4 paper ok.
it's like that throughout the entire proposal. i'm going to die.

i slept 3 hours on my first day of work.
i'm utterly shagged out on my second.
and i dread the 3rd day because my proposal is not yet complete and it's due in the morning.
my parents say i look like i've been working for years in just two days. the fatigue must be all over my face. =(

i hate my boss.
i hate the environment.
i hate the travelling.

i skipped lunch for 2 days but a kind soul offered to help me get lunch. so i eat as i type furiously on the computer.
i OT-ed for two days till 8plus ALTHOUGH i don't get OT pay because i'm a noob.
i have to bring home work to do because i cannot finish it.
i stare at the computer for the entire day and i see words laughing at me already.
my eyes are super tired.
i can't open them.
no thanks to the meagre 3 hours sleep.

i'm starting to think that i'm 100% stupid for starting work so soon and not enjoying life.
fuck my life. i swear i have this innate tendencies to walk straight into traps filled with shit.

if i last 1 month on this job,
i'm a god.
if i don't crash and burn before that.

goodbye.

kallang rabbit.

2009-05-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

ok, so i am officially a kallang rabbit.
and i'll officially officially become a kallang rabbit 3 months later after my probation.

and i'm going to become the translation deity and god.
may i not go blind from staring at the words and computers and GOOGLE TRANSLATOR is going to become my best friend wtf.

my life sounds so sad.
LOL.
but alright la, don't worry my friends, i'm looking forward to the challenges ahead. i'm going to do my best and go one step at a time. things will fall smoothly i'm sure. (:

if this goes right, i'll be doing the things i want. and who knows, i may change my path if it isn't what i want.

for now, it's 1 hour plus bus rides to and the same back. SIGH. touchy is going to be my new best friend. and i hope i don't fall asleep too unglamly on the bus every morning. =(((

no MZ, i won't appear on stomp. =(

i'll be working late the rest of this week (starting work tomorrow,wed) because they have an urgent project to finish by this week. i hope i'll still have my brains by then. SIGH.

YAY i finally got a job! congrats to me. shalalaaaa. =.=

bless me with luck and eyesight.
i can't wait to wear office clothes wtf. and my legs are going to rot from all the heels. I MISS MY SNEAKERS ALREADY!!!! =(((

love ya all. till then! (i may start blogging in chinese WTF)

ps: you know, the more you try to run away from it, the more it'll come back to haunt you. LOL. damn.
but everyone's right. the market in C has potential. it's going to serve me well, right? i guess. byebyeeeeee.

guess what's back!

2009-05-04T17:23:00.003+08:00

ok, am at fatbear's now slacking. his internet sucks. i spent so long uploading my pictures i got so sleepy and tired. so now i have no energy to blog. =X

today i went for the interview. kallang is so god damn far. boohoo. SIGH. nevermind, sacrifices have to be made if i'm selected. pray for the best. will know results soon.

this post is gonna be quite picture heavy with all the shots i took from kitchen project and randoms here and there. nothing exciting though. fyi, kitchen project is some of the surprises i made for fatbear.

cheesecake for the birthday boy!

chocolate cookies!

ya, i know my baking is the cheapo, lazy, brainless type of baking. sorry mans. =( i need to start simple first. plus, my kitchen doesn't have all the equipment i need for proper baking too. so make do with this first ok!

an egg! for the cookies!

MILK! love.

2 packs for cheesecake. one for crust, one for the mix.

baking tin.

if you are a baking/kitchen idiot like me, remember to follow instructions carefully.
you reduce the risk of dying at work.

the baking container and the mixer.

preparing the crust of the cheesecake.

the microwave with oven capabilities.

melted butter.

flattening the crust.

the cheese filling process.

it should look like this when done. evenly spread the cheese over the tin.

this is how it looked like when it entered the freezer.

surprised fatbear with it after we met at 2plus when he finished his work. i added milo powder onto it. wtf. i don't know why i did it. i just did. anyway, fatbear says it tastes damn nice. abit like cheese icecream cake. wheee. it is quite yummy. i tasted it myself.

by the way, fatbear was wearing clothes. he just got out of the bath without a tee that's all.

ya, at 2am i don't look that good. i was so bloody sleepy. and you see that happy face there. that is to cover fatbear's fats. arghhh. so unsightly.

cutting the cake.

eating a slice...

yummmyyy!

and we had this abalone, mushrooms, pig organs soup. FREAKING NICE OK. i'm starting to love this like mad. salivating as i think about it. =.='''

pizza!

making of chocolate cookies.

in the oven.

out from the oven! looking nice!

awesome chunks.

xiaohuang wants to eatttt.

wowwww!

in the morning.

the xmen tickets!!! wheeee. love. should go catch if you're an xmen fan. really.

bought a container to put my bathing stuff inside.

a shower lily! OMG ISN'T IT SO CUTE!!!

HAHAHA fatbear sprained his back while carrying heavy stuff at home. his place is like clearing out things man. all the old stuff throwing out. so he had to go see the chinese doctor for some massage. yawnnn waited damn long for his turn. and another 1 hour for the entire session to be over.

wearing donald and black tube dress. quirky mix just for fun.

he looks like he is doing SPA right. zzz. HAHAHAHA.

fatbear and his notes for exams. studying....

ok last picture of me. hello bello! i'm still bloated and tired.

shall go rest a bit. can't take it.

being jobless is no joke. it's tiring to be jobless wtf.

slacker.

2009-05-04T01:43:00.002+08:00

i'm such a slacker these days. apart from the tuition, i've been nothing but korean drama, online shopping, some time with family, sleeping (wheeee!!!!) and fatbear.

brainless stuff right.

ok, in like...9 hours, i'll be having my interview. WISH ME ALL THE BEST OF LUCK.
i don't mind being a kallang rabbit. really. as long as i love my job.
interest is so important. interaction, meeting new people, going to places, learning.
and so is travelling. =D

and...(i missed this last time =((( )
i finally realized the importance of job fit.
so may i have excellent job fit and qualified enough to fit the vacancy.

JOB FIT. thank you granny. finally your stuff is useful. zzz.

it's no point even if the interviewers/panel love you and your personality and there is rapport. it is not point if you don't fit the job they want you to do.

it IS important. and i realized that.

and i know somethings too. although it took several conversations with a few people to bring that to light. HAHA. it's all about the Q.

so may everything fall into place nicely during the interview and may i be hired.
it's rare that i'm so interested in something.
so let me do it well. like i always do.

ya...fatbear says "there's not a single time when you've ever done something without putting in your best" (rephrased into proper english wtf).
i shook my head to deny.
then fuck it. after thinking REALLY long, i grudgingly admitted.
fine, i do.
but it's because it almost always pays off.

and i know there is something about me.

like what my tutee's mum says.
it would sound pompous to say it out here, so i'll skip it.

ok, i hope my auntie comes soon.
i've enough of being a bloated ass whale HAHA.

and my eyes are becoming bigger again. i'm so happy can. HAHAHAHA.

ohhhh!!! i watched my manly woowwoooootttt wolverine. blog more soon with pictures of what's happening in my life. REALLY, i promise!!! =D

reply to anonymous comment leaver.

2009-05-02T02:23:00.003+08:00

short shoutout:

to the anonymous comment leaver in my blog post "bigyellowshining star returns" asking about my polka dotted tee, i just saw your comment! SO SORRY!!!

anyway i've replied it. and if you're too lazy to scroll back to read, i'll tell you here =D

i bought it from revoltage, a shop in far east. it was under the men's section. LOL. from eons ago, so i doubt they are still selling.

once again, so sorry! i'll check my comments more often okay! =D
wahhh, so touched i have a reader who is anonymous. mysterious ah! HAHA. (:

hello bello!

2009-05-01T22:25:00.002+08:00

i swear i'm becoming impossibly bloated/fat/frumpy from the PRE-ms. zzz.
anyways, i'm using fatbear's lappy to blog now. heading home in about an hour's time.
slept late last night watching korean drama--likeable or not--till about 4am.
crashed my bed till about 12 plus in the afternoon. until both parents took turns to come into my room and yell at me to get my lazy bum out of bed. i ignored all scoldings. then my papa used the ultimatum. zzzzzzzzzzzz.

he switched off my only source of cool air (after the air-con auto-offed itself at 7am)---THE FAN!!!!! i sweated and cursed and black faced on my bed (was just nua-ing..wasn't sleeping at all) for a few minutes, got fed up, and crawled up to wash up.
bathed and came out. mama forced me to eat the maggi mee she cooked for lunch. and then she wanted to bake the remaining cookies (meant for fatbear's birthday, but he made me angry so i forfeited it HAHAHA). so..helped out lor. quite fast. within an hour finished already.

the cookies are awesome i must say. packed some for nehnehpoks (I'M SO NICE RIGHT NEHNEH) and some for fatbear and left the rest at home for parents and sis. wanted to pack some for monky but i figured i'll not see him..and i might bake more during this holidays till i find a job anyway. SO DO NOT DESPAIR MY FRIENDS. HAHA.

okkkk. shit, where was i?

ah yes. i was supposed to just come to fatbear's place, give him moral support as he studies, massage his shoulders, bring him water, and all that nice understanding stuff lah. AND i was supposed to be drama-ing my korean show BUT i found a shopping website on his computer (think is one of his sis's) and i started browsing. FM. =(

FM is my own tagline ok.

ayyye. so i browsed all the way until....now. -.- and i've yet to watch a single episode of my drama. i just checked. my drama has like 172 episodes. i'm still at 22. zzzzz.

but it's damn bloody nice ok!!! HAAH. plus i love that lead girl's office attire at every episode! it's damn nice lahhhh. haiii. ok korean girls are as skinny as grasshoppers (damn leggy also) and pretty and whatever they wear is so attractive.

i must work harder ah! but i've not exercised since forever. and something random: it's officially 1 week since my exams ended. so technically i've slacked for about one week, going for tuition and what's not.

let's hope i score that monday interview so well, job fit and all, and i'll land the job so i'll have something to do soon. yawnnn.

blog more about recent happenings when i get home and upload my pics. errr. asap. hahaha.
thanks for visiting my blog! =D
stay tuned!
(((:

SMELLS.

2009-04-30T00:00:00.002+08:00

WEET WEET!!!!
i'm blogging this at 12am midnight because it's 30th april and it's fatbear's birthdayyyyyyy!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU!
HAPPY BRITHDAY TO FATBEAR!

-beams-

update more soon.
but anyways, just a few points i want to comment about today.

left the house for a mere few hours to travel to and from tuition.
the public transport was horrendous simply because i don't understand why and how some people can go around WITHOUT deodorant and perfume.
you should know that the weather is crazy and humid and it's dumb to not make yourself smell better before you leave house. and even if you do perspire too much in the middle of the day, at least have consideration to bring along a small bottle of deodorant or perfume or cologne to spray yourself!!!!

SMELL GOOD PLEASE PEOPLE!
i almost died on the bus and train today because of these inconsiderate people.
SERIOUSLY.
peak hour plus the crowd is definitely NOT pleasant.

plus i don't understand how some people can LEAN THEIR ENTIRE FREAKING BODY towards me (head and top half of body) to peer at what i'm doing on my itouch when i'm outside. HEY i'm a girl and you are MALES so please give me some respect and personal space. ROARRRR.

and when i glare at you to signal that you should move away, please be smart and MOVE AWAY. COME SO CLOSE FOR WHAT??? i can freaking smell your hair ok. am i your friend? NO. stay some distance away thank you.

and some tiko XXXXXman kept bio-ing at my legs today. SHIT YOU LAH. i stand less than 10cm away from you face to face ok. can you please be more respectful. HELLO I AM WEARING SHORTS underneath my teeshirt and i'm not wearing anything revealing. stop your saliva from dripping down.

AND i glared at you when you finally bio from bottom to top AND i caught your eye contact. WHY YOU SO SCARED FOR WHAT HUH!!! look away for what! guilty ah! fucker man. seriously, where have all the manners gone?? ARGHHHH.

i hate public transport! =(
and i hate summer.

ok anyway, poor fatbear is still working. -sighs-
yawnnnn. update with pictures soon ok! but i didn't really do much to plan the celebration because fatbear is busy in this period of exams also. maybe we'll celebrate when his exams are overrr.

alrighteys.

oh! i have another interview scheduled on monday.
well, let's hope it goes well. i guess even if the pay sucks and it's like on the opposite end of the island from where i stay...i'll still accept it if they want me. ready to uptake any challenges already. i must say it sounds like the toughest job scope i have so far.

goodnights! till i update again! ((((:

ps: REMEMBER TO PUT ON DEODORANT OR PERFUME OR COLONGE WHEN YOU GO OUT OK!!!!!!!!

-sniffs air-
(i know i'm being anal, but my sense of smell is highly sensitive.)

fatbear called~!

2009-04-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
-beams like a sun-
fatbear called fatbear called meeee firsttttt. (imagine singing)

=DDDDD
i feel so much better now.
finally the phone rang with the caller-id i've been waiting for the ENTIRE freaking day.
i cannot even describe the happiness man.=DDDD
and fatbear didn't sound angry or what. just his usual stupid teasing voice asking me whether i wanted to hear his voice or not.
-slaps-
OF COURSE I DO LAH I WAIT SO LONG YOU KNOW! hmpfff.

apparently he had been reading my blog and knows i'm angry and KNOWS that i'm playing along with him--not calling or smsing him.
so we were basically seeing who can hold out longer. =.='''
in the end fatbear had to call me to listen to my voice because he missed me RIGHT?? =DDDD

please, let's not do this again. i really missed you like shit for the entire day and whatever i did, i felt like a zombie--watching tv, youtubing, surfing online websites, blogging, baking...hated it. =(
i hated the idea that we were not on speaking terms. and i wished so hard that you'll call me first. ya ya, because i am too full of pride to take the initiative to break the silence. =(

pride kills me.

so..compromise right? =D we must be responsible and inform each other about stuff so we won't get angry at each other AGAIN. =((( NO MOREEEEE! -determined tone-
EACH OTHER HUH. meaning you also hor, fatbear!

and ya lah, you didn't guess the kitchen project correct. (must be correct in phrasing...cannot drop hints....)lalalaaa. and STOP GUESSING LAH =((( you are ruining the surprise lehhh.
how come i can read your mind and you can read mine? =D

anyway, you won't have any present on the day itself nehnehnipoopoo. HAHA.
ok lah, maybe i'll be budget and tie a ribbon around my neck and give myself to you. (:

love you baby. i know you love me too. =D

rainy tuesday.

2009-04-28T14:32:00.003+08:00

no one called from XXX still. i'm fast giving up hope. maybe my instincts were right.

anyway, mr. fatbear, i've accepted the fact that you also refuse to give me my daily morning sms, not even a phonecall during your lunch.
so if this is the way you want it to be, fine.
i'll not disturb you since i'm such a hindrance in your life.
may you enjoy your studying with me out of your life.

completed project kitchen part 1. at this state, i'm contemplating NOT even going onto part 2. because simply i'm so mad angry at you.

even if you're in a bad mood, it does not give you the right to lash out at me or take it out on me. i am NOT the cause of your bad moods ok. unless i am, then i got nothing to say.

sigh whatever. you want to ignore me, then i'll play along.
fucking pissed.
FUCK EVERYTHING LAH.

why?

2009-04-28T10:51:00.002+08:00

I spent the entire night and early morning waiting for maybe...a missed call or sms.

they never came.
dejected.
I'm going to start project kitchen now.
lest I think too much and cry ;(.

project kitchen.

2009-04-27T23:10:00.007+08:00

ok my mood is damn bad now at 12:30am cos' fatbear is in a bad mood and i'm in a foul mood because of him and i cannot be bothered to cheer him up after all that he has said. so there.

i don't understand why we have different views on so many things sometimes. the way he operates isn't how i operate. and i don't even know whether it's because of the age difference, personality difference, perspective difference, experience difference, background difference or...FUCK IT...all of that.

so tired to even think. i wish things will iron out by themselves.

i was rather happy today for like..3/4. until i just called him to talk after he went back home after OT. then everything began. i tried to ignore all that complaining about W and me going out because frankly THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN US WHAT.

how many times must i say that i only have you in my heart before you'll believe me? how many times must i say that doing this and that with him means nothing because he is just a FRIEND. many things are done out of obligation ok. and i NEVER do anything wrong, neither have i given him the wrong signals. i hate it everytime you say that i don't need you because i have XXX or ZZZ or whoelsethefuckthereis.

whether it's a joke or not, it's no longer funny. and i know you will read this, and i don't want to argue about this because this isn't the time to argue.

i know you're tired of/from work. i know you need rest. i know you need time to study. i know that you're stressed. i tried so many things not to make you tired, tried my best not to disturb you, tried my best to make everything better. i really tried so hard to be understanding and caring and all that. but obviously my efforts are INVISIBLE. i feel like im here just because im here.

nothing matters now. so pissed. may you be in a better mood tomorrow.

ok. today's pictures. met will at cineleisure for buffet lunch. suki sushi. his treat.
AND SERIOUSLY. FUCK STUDENT CARDS.
today is the SECOND TIME i've been denied a promotion because of FORGETTING TO BRING MY STUDENT CARD.

so angry. but W kindly paid for everything still. thanks so much.
and btw, i went home and saw the stupid card in my pencil case still. AND I'VE LEARNT MY LESSON. i angrily stuffed the card into my wallet immediately.

pictures from his phone. he was sitting OPPOSITE ME FOR THE ENTIRE MEAL HOR FATBEAR. only moved over for like 2 minutes to take pictures.

YA YA. look at my face. i can go be a chipmunk. =( i'm on a diet. ate a few plates of sushi. definitely not worth the buffet money. but no way i'm going to eat more just because it's not worth the money.

i know i probably STILL won't lose weight after all my efforts. but at least this gives me hope, right? fuck weight plateaus. (sorry if i use a lot of vulgarities in this post, just in a bad mood. anyway, i'm sure all readers are NC16 above.)

since he paid for the meal, i felt obligated to treat him back. he insisted on watching a movie. so ya, i paid the $6 for him. cheapcheap lah. totally a fraction of what he paid.

the sushi there is quite worth it. better than sakae by A LOT. don't ever go sakae! really. their buffet can eat everything on the plates. don't care what color ok. SO MUCH BETTER AND FRESHER!

and their waitresses are very polite, friendly, smiley and says "you're welcome" whenever i say "thank you" to them. good service!

MUST HAVE everytime.

awesome cream puffs.

chawamushi. buffet also! cheap!

YA, so lame please. we had no intention of watching movie one. but we settled for this malaysian horror flick WTF. totally lame. HAHAHAHA. the sound effects damn loud ok, scared me several times. but it wasn't very scary lor! i was laughing quite a lot throughout. and both of us must have disturbed many people because we were predicting what was going to come next at every scene!

and guess what. we were right 90%. HAHAHA. i'm glad it's only $6. or not i'll stab myself.

OH YA!!!! i saw YEO KAI JIE from RVHS DAYS!!!! TOTALLY OMGOMG. HHAAHAHAH.

it's been like 5 years since we saw each other???!!! wah lau eh. i didn't recognize him at first. but i saw him pointing at me (got another girl next to him, his gf) and then i looked harder and i realized it was him!!! =DDDD eh, he still remembers my name ok!

wah lau eh. brings back all the classroom craziness we had HAHA.

and he said i changed a lot physically =.= and that MY VOICE CHANGED. i thought only males break voices. FML.

wahhh. but it was good to catch up with him! HAHA. so funny. (((: his gf damn sweet-looking ok! that penguin really got good taste man! HAHA.

you can see a sheng shiong plastic bag up there. dropped by the market for groccery shopping on my way home from town. was damn tired and sweaty but i had to go there to get stuff for the BEAR's surprise. i guess it won't be much appreciated given his current mood.

i'll reveal the contents soon. after his birthday presumbly. it's going to be a huge project tomorrow. hai. i wonder why i'm doing all these suddenly. so fucking upset.

home. i need a hair trim. wonder when i'll have the time to go. probably wednesday after tuition or something. sigh.

REALLY exhausted. spent 1 hour in the supermarket getting things i needed. i love groccery shopping, so i'm not complaining. besides, i had to make sure everything was perfect, so i read the contents of everything, contemplated over the props and stuff. SIGH. plus i had budget constraint.

fuck my bank account.

fat day. i want to get rid of my tummy.

i hate my hips.

i have no waist.

i just remembered that i entered a male's toilet last saturday. because the female's toilet was locked. it happened at the place i took the survey for $35. urgent needs. fatbear told me to go to the male's toilet and he'll keep a watchout.

2 other men came in. crazily embarrassing when i had to go out of my cubicle to wash my hands.
one of the uncles got quite a startled look. paiseh lah uncle. me niao ji! =S

i just thought it'll be interesting to document this. nothing special.

ok fuck my life now. i'm out of here.

MAY FATBEAR BE IN A BETTER MOOD WHEN THE SKY BECOMES BRIGHT. MAY HE NOT BE SO TIRED ANYMORE. MAY HE EARN LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. MAY HE DO WELL FOR HIS EXAMS AND GRADUATE.

sigh.
i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. but i've decided...and i've got to stick to it.

btw, sorry monky for making you read this vulgarity-infused entry. and sorry to the rest who hates vulgarities too.

i feel better after letting it all out. have a good day everyone.

sunday sleeppppp.

2009-04-27T01:00:00.005+08:00

well, because i blogged till about 3plus am last night, and i had to wake up at 7am to go to pray at the temple for my waigong, i was pretty darn tired. but survived. and because i figured that there is no point to look that nice on a sunday morning, i just lathered on my moisturizer/sunblock and left the house. -.-'''

in fact, i did that for the entire day. after the praying, went to pick up my waipo to bring her to our place for lunch and dinner. then fatbear picked me up after i bathed again (to wash away the smoke smell) to crash his place. the plan: i slack, he study.

awwww. but i was determined not to disturb him from his studies ok! so being the nice little gf, i nua-ed one corner of the room, watched youtube on my touchy/fatbear's laptop and then fell asleep soon after because i was so tired HAHA.

pictures.

the family dropped by the marketplace near our house to buy stuff for the prayers. yawnnnn. so early and the parking attendant auntie is out already! i wanted to take a picture of her because she is so kaobei, but she walked too fast! geeee.

the sky was blue, too blue, had to catch a picture of it! there was wind in the early morning, then it disappeared, and the weather was back to shitty hot. =( WHERE'S ALL THE CLOUD COVER!!!!

i took the picture while in the car! HAHA. at least i managed to minimize the possible reflection from the window.

tugged out my long lost socks to wear them again. with my pink-fading-become-less-pink sneakers. =(

and you can see that my socks have been through a lot because it's almost see-through when stretched wtf. HAHA. or maybe i just grew fatter over the years -.-'''.

i'll miss wearing sneakers for sure. once i start working. IF i get a job. HAI.

i'm waiting for my telephone to ring. CALL ME PLS!!!! CALL MEEEEE. TELL ME YOU WANT ME!

home after the praying and picking up of waipo. it was a good few hours of family day--papa, mama, jie and me. had a lot of jokes, laughter and i really liked it. it's rare we get to hang out like that. no one has time for anyone else for heartfelt banter already. it's so...normalized.

mama didn't want to take pictures showing her face so the ZB paper will do lah huh HAHA. and huangy looks fat in the first picture, so i took a second one. yawnn.

mama cooked a simple soup. i like her dishes because she is very health-conscious and this has made me a rather health-conscious person while growing up. the soup smelled awfully tempting, even though i wasn't intending to eat lunch.

sweet-tasting. the natural taste of lettuce, cut onions, crabstick, meatballs and mushrooms. no preservative, no oils, no pepper. i like! yums! had a small bowl of this before i went downstairs to wait for fatbear's arrival.

oh! pictures from my phone. took this in the morning before leaving for house. can see how pale i am. I DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO PUT ON CONCEALER LOR. -.-''' i need to give my skin a rest lah. can't be bothered even if i scare people away with my panda eye rings HAHA.

dug out my limited edition converses to wear. since the weather is crazily hot and sunny and suffocating, it is very unlikely to rain, hence my sneakers are more or less safe from any kinds of wetness. (: the skin of the sneakers cannot come into contact with water!

even after about 2 years of not wearing them, or even taking them out, THEY ARE STILL IN PERFECTTTO condition!!! lovelove.

even the base has pictures ok!

okkk!!! JIAYOU TO FATBEAR FOR HIS FIRST PAPER ON MONDAY!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! (:

anyway, because i slept quite a bit this noon, for about 4 hours, i feel like my skin is slowly replenishing all the lost time for repairs. (: happy.

meeting william tomorrow for lunch. it's odd, isn't it? but since he asked me out to chill, then go lor. in any case, he offered to treat me to sushi buffet! HAHA. shall try to take pictures tomorrow and blog! meeting quite early though, so i shall......go sleep now. wheee. beauty sleep!

and i'm really determined to lose weight this time. shall try to resist as much temptations as possible. i have to figure something out for the sushi buffet =XXXX BUT i really want to LEAVE my weight plateau FOR GOOD. as in leave and GO TO A LOWER PLATEAU.

so sick of seeing that number 55 everytime! no matter how much i eat/diet/exercise. nothing changes. ROARRRRR!!! i dislike my bones, my body, my face, my bank account. things must change.

they are about to change already. positivism leads the way.

for now, i'm the queen of nua-ness.

bigyellowshiningstar returns!

2009-04-26T01:05:00.018+08:00

HELLO TO ALL EARTHLINGS!!!
have you guys been clicking the link to my blog and realizing that there are no updates? were you disappointed? or were you relieved? HAHA. in any case, i'm back. to those who were disappointed for not having juicy/boring/wtf/loserish things to read, I'M BACK!

alive, and very much in one piece. although i think i grew into a BIGGER piece wtf. damn fat now. stupid exams period!!! just sit at the table and eat study eat study. lack of sleep slows metabolism, meaning i gain weight faster too! but apparently, because i'm forever on a weight plateau (4 years and counting now), i never seem to GAIN weight. i just...gain FATS. chubbier. wtf.

OK OK!!! FIRST THINGS FIRST! this is going to be an ULTRA SUPER DUPER long post, so if you don't have patience to listen to my rants and what has been going on in my life/brain, leave right now. you've been warned!

to make up for the lack of updates AND pictures, i have words, more words, and pictures that are super random. not arranged chronologically because dated too far back! and very few with my face in it! (i know many of you are heaving sighs of relief) but the pictures aren't interesting or contain any hot babes also. sorry mans. my life is boring like that.

OH!!!!! i'm officially OUT OF SCHOOL!!!! FINISHED MY UNIVERSITY EDUCATION!!!! =D -beams- i managed to live through my final exams. though i can almost feel my As flying away. i'm probably going to get Bs for UGC112 and PSY333. =((((( if i'm lucky, i can scrape B+s for both. HAI what to do. super no mood to study. i managed to read through my notes ONCE and i went for the exams. fml.

so if i can actually score that well, i think i'm a genius already HAHAHAH. really lah, me not cut out to be an academic student who memorizes from textbooks. =( i'm glad it's all over and i can use my brain for other stuff, be it unimportant stuff. CONGRATS TO ALL WHO HAVE GRADUATED!!!!!

i'm hoping that my GPA will not be affected much by my final sem's results. i still want that first upper class mans!!!

okkkkk. ((((: to show that i'm still alive! a picture i took today--saturday 25/04/09!

looking chui still. lack of sleep from the past few weeks. =( i'm trying to catch up on the precious sleep, but there's so much to do now!!! =D i was intending to blog yesterday (friday) after school, but was having a splitting headache after my tuition so i retired to bed early. my body is dying. and i REALLY HATE THE WEATHER.

i feel like i'm living in a glasshouse.

another picture! today, after my usual tuition slots, fatbear picked me up and we went to do some survey thing together! it was at toa payoh, some ulu place and we almost couldn't find the place! toa payoh looks very different from the west!!

anyway, being the cheapo and very eager to earn money us, we decided to go for the interview because sitting at the office doing some survey for them made us $35 bucks richer!!! only 10-15mins required!!!! HAHAHAHAH. wahhh. happy leh. ask me do more survey leh.

there, one page of the rating scale thing. yawnnn.
we left soon after to find something to munch on! i've been eating rather little these few days due to loss in appetite. one meal per day. but being with fatbear makes me happy and hence increases my cravings for food!

we stopped by the HDB hub to grab things to eat. walked around a bit too...super bigggg. but the heat was killing us.

back on the car. fatbear eating his da bao. from tiong bahru paos.

i had BK's mushroom swiss and onion rings which i shared with fatbear.

omg why did i show this picture, you may ask. I'M DAMN PISSED AT MYSELF EVERYTIME I LOOK AT MY FACIAL WASH. let me tell you why.

i decided to stock up on my facial wash because it's running out already. dropped by watsons to get it. then i so happy, because i saw that there was a student promotion going on! i get 20% off the original price of my facial wash if i flash my card!!!

so i happily brought it to the cashier. then i opened my wallet, and realized that my student/ub card was in my pencil case because i couldn't be bothered to take it out after my last paper. FML. i let $2 worth of savings fly away.

even better. that asshole fatbear had to choose the time NOT to bring his wallet along (student card inside), so....i paid full price lor. sibeidulan seriously.

aye, i know it's just $2!!! but i'm damn broke now ok!!! fatbear's birthday stuff is sucking me dry. and i have quite a few more lessons to go till i get my tuition paycheck. =(

-big wet eyes-

fatbearbearrrr. i totally will forgive you for all the things you did last week to make me angry (can't think of any actually, except the stupid facial wash thing) because you bought me my BIRDS NESTTTTTT!!!!

-tears roll down cheeks-

HAHAHAHA. eh i'm serious ok! this is like top grade. not those mini bottles kind!!! lovelove lah! i'm getting my collagen boost! super need it after all the horrid stress. =( and its worse for me because i don't even know how to do makeup to make myself prettier. =((((

(((: i cannot even bring myself to open the bottle and eat the precious stuff. i know it's really expensive for fatbear! thank you so much!!!! (((:

just a few random try-to-be-artistic shots...bear with me.

can you gues what this is?

this above picture SHOULD be familiar to monz. if she still reads my blog.

i see this everyday when i leave house and lean over my corridor railings to wear my shoes. somehow my neighbour placed this lion soft toy permanently outside. maybe it did something wrong =.='''.

wooden wind chimes.

shadows on a hot hot day.

people who know me should know where this comes from. lol.

and i bought a new watch! theorema, mechanical watch! pretty ain't it?

i've got another lust from theorema DAMN BLING. but no money to buy. haiii. fatbear, pretend you are interested and ask me for the link. i'll send you. then you can pretend to not care, and surprise me for my birthday HAHAHAHAH.

my ear studs. both bought from taiwan.

and long lost bbpp and shitangel!!! bbpp can be greygreypangpang already. turning a bit dirty. fatbear doesn't know how to care for them. hai. i think he doesnt love them lor. always chucking them in a corner of his desk. really sad. =(

even shit angel also wanna protest.

"TREAT US BETTER!!!" she says.

got so bored studying one day at fatbear's, so i drew on his leg which was facing me. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

can see his pig hand and pig leg. and my smiley face.

he was saying something when i snapped this. i forgot what he was saying. =X

bbpp trying to fly. via kiap-ing himself on fatbear's water bottle.

and a few random shots of myself.

hello i got neck cramps i don't know why i look so stupid here. HAHAHAH. fml totally. =(((

after finishing the last paper and homeeee! long day indeed.

decides to kiss xiaohuang for some celebration. hehe. he is damn kissable. love him to bits! (:

another random day LONG LONG AGO. went to catch shinjuku incident. somehow i don't think i posted these pictures up. don't know why. =X

nachos. kiss kiss. HAHA.

fatbear is stealing all man.

after the show. late. the shops in vivo were all closed.

back on the car. that's fatbear's jacket i'm wearing. one of the few lah. lol. i like this one a lot!!! (: think i just recovered from my mild case of stomach flu, hence explaining the collarbones' visibility. -.- i don't think it's there NOW.

bought 2 fans for his place from the harvey norman warehouse sale wayyyy back. i don't know why our activities are like that. HAHAHAHA. be with fatbear means you better be willing to do everything! it was DAMN HOT at the warehouse sale. and super lot of people. crazy mans. there is no recession. HAHA.

one chui night. using his lousy pokpok computer. he was studying and somehow he got hold of my phone (spotcheck!) and took this ugly picture. -slaps-

morning rays shine upon the loves. (:

kudos bar. 100 calories each. interesting concept. but not very yums. cheap though. had some promotion.

this is the m&ms flavor.

this was taken on the day of the commemorative speech. can you see that freaking crazy mozzie bit on my cheek!!!??? i swear mozzies love to bite me even though i'm around other people who bare more skin knn. best thing is i don't know how come it can bite me and i totally didn't know until it started to itch.

huangy accompanies me to study.

damn sian lor.

supper one night with fatbear. he had returned home late from OT =(.

that's his legs, not mine hor!

rojak. HAHAHA don't worry, we didn't get food poisoning after this. =D

porridge for me. macaroni for him. i made him help me eat mine. i told him to SHARE the porridge, but he had to go buy the disgusting macaroni. tsk! damn full ok!

HOME FROM MY INTERVIEW. damn tired. my legs in those heels were aching like shit. dressed so formal, i looked odd in the CBD area =X. it's blazer, pants and top with my dressier bag. rolled up my sleeves after i was done with my interview because the weather was sweltering outside.

visitor tag when i went for the interview.

to update about my interview, i think on the day itself, i really lost all sense of nervousness. just wanted to hurry and get done with it. anyhow did finish my 30mins essay test. then flipped the tabletop booklets at the waiting area for my turn, watching other interviewees looking nervous and jumpy. lol.

finally was my turn. just behaved normally. be myself. incited some laughter and many smiles from them. but...i think it's a poor job fit. i think they realized that. not that i'm not good enough, but i don't think i am what they are looking for. =X but they were very nice all the same--engrossed with the conversation, interested to know more about me, asked countless questions, gave me encouraging smiles, and laughed at certain parts of my comments.

it was a board of 4 by the way. 1 director, 1 assist director, 2 head managers from 2 depts. and i didn't feel a single bit of stress. i think my brain is not functioning zzzz.

aiya, if i don't get a phonecall from them this coming week, it means that all is lost there. shall try for another lower paying job lor. open to options man!!! lol. passion is important!

popped by the west coast plaza's popular bookstore to get my ink refill for exams. walking to and fro made me perspire like mad. hates.

inside my condo, clouds white and fluffy, sky incredibly blue. sorry for the poor quality though, using my lousy phone.

and i swear my phone (viewty) is dying. SIGH. but i have no money to change to a better one, so i'll let it be, and hope it'll be nice to me.

oh wait! my collarbones are still there! HAHA. taken on the day of my interview. after i got home and changed lah.

OMG LOOK AT THIS OK!!! EVIDENCE!!! mozzie bite!!! i had 5 of these around my body in ONE DAY. i think this is really unfair. i hate mozzies. and ants. =(((((

i even downloaded the itouch application that is supposed to emit this frequency to ward of mozzies. i turned this on the moment i got 2 bites. and i got 3 more after that. AND i placed it near my legs BUT i saw this freaking mozzie LAND on my leg still. smacked it DEAD. it's/my blood on my palms. gross.

ok, conclusion, this thing doesn't work. =( stupid lying application. i deleted it straight after. cheat my feelings. kns.

see!!! it's larger than my fingernail ok!!! damn gross.

the stagnant bikes.

saw this clothes rack collapsed in my corridor. must be a neighbour's.

ok, i need to wake up in 4 hours time to go bai bai my wai gong.

if you read through all these crap, congrats. i've not updated on ALOT of stuff, but i think it's good for now. i'll try to post more pictures and update more often now that school is over. stay tuned, my loves!

you know, i think my blog is the kind of blog whereby people read, but never leave comments. it gives me the feeling that i'm being watched and although my life is boring, people want to know how loser-ish my life is. sad, really.

in any case, thanks for reading though. byebye, goodnight! (:

no sleep makes me pissed.

2009-04-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

i realized a lack of sleep really makes tempers fly.
and i'm really flar-y now.
i'm so fucked-up sleepy.
2 hours of meager nap yesterday before i went for my 2 papers in school.

lousy ugc112 paper i had to fight with. i just hate ugc112.
but i believe if given more time and being more conscientious, i can be bloody good at it. because it is kinda interesting. i really believe that.

please lah, prof thomsonnnn, i'm damn good student, give me my A-!!!!! or B+ also happy le.
i know you're tough and gave only like 5As in the cohort, the rest scoring Cs, Ds, Es. BUT PLEASE I NEED THIS LEHHHH. =( i'm not talented in this, but i know i tried my best! (:

modesty is good.

uncertainties of answers. no guaranteed marks.

long dreary extended com326 paper because we could not leave early.
napped on the table after finishing the com326 paper in 15mins. checked another 15mins. had so much more time left. dozed off on my table. until the examiner came and pulled the paper from below my head and woke me up wtf.

tried to sleep a few more minutes till 1 hr 15 min was up. and i spent the remaining 15min calculating my projected final/total marks for com326 and ugc112. i got so demoralized at ugc112 and gave up on counting for psy333.
dulan.

so my coverpage for the question paper is filled with pencil scribblings wtf. HAHA i looked like i was taking a maths paper rather than the public speaking one supposedly.

exhausted by the time i reached home at 5pm. public transport makes me mad.
i want a chauffeur. now.

too tired to do any concrete studying on my psy333 paper due friday. so tired. fucked up mans. i hope i can finish and put everything into my brain like some storage database.

AND please bless me with good luck for the XXX interview on 22nd! so nervous!!! i need this job mans. i promise i'll work hard, be a fast learner and be THE BEST EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR HAHAHAHAHA. may the interviewing board love me to bits. may i get hired on the spot HAHAHAHA.

ok. days of late nights have rendered me a panda again. damn the eye rings. FATBEAR I WANT MY BIRDS' NEST NOW!!!! and collagen!!!! rahhhhhhhh. -irritated swap at fatbear-

anyway, HAPPY 7th MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! love you fatbear. you're my best buddy, best lover, and best caretaker! (: many more best. like XXXX king HAHAHAHAHAHAH and XXXX king!!! ayeee. please, admit those are your titles.

as for me, i'm still your best gf HAHAHAH. so much more to say, but i'll write when i'm more awake, in a better, more romantic mood ok?

times together with you get better and harder at the same time. it's difficult to explain. but i know you'll know what i mean. i don't think i can find anyone else who complements me as well as you do.

ok lovelove. my eyes are closing. i need to get some things into my head. nights, byes and take care folks. i'm sorry if i've neglected any one. sincerely sorry. i didn't mean to.

please ask me out from 24th onwards. i'll try to hole out time slots!!!!
before i secure a job. =(
and ive got bigbiggBIGGGG plans for fatbear's birthday!!!
his first birthday with me, and vice versa!!! HAHAHAHAHA.

ehhh, fatbear youexcitednot? =D
ok, i thought i said i'll stop.

i like planning surprises. fatbear you better cry when you see/know.
if not i'll pinch your XXXXXX until you do. HAHAHAHA.

dead.

2009-04-18T20:47:00.001+08:00

I want to kill myself.
losing my sanity.
the last lap for this race seems so dreary.
I have to finish this victorious.
I will. I always do.

must...keep...my...faith.

history kills me HA HA.

2009-04-17T11:19:00.002+08:00

in west coast park macs now.
waiting for nehneh.
study progress has been really slow.

I hate ugc112 again.
and psy333 is such a....goner now.

sigh.
give me perseverance!!!
I keep wanting to sleep );

interviewer sick.

2009-04-16T09:28:00.002+08:00

my interviewer is still sick. which is why I'm sitting here so pathetically.
let's hope she gets well soon.
and for everything to go smoothly. (:

received good news yesterday too.
the thing about technology is that now we don't even have to wait for emails to inform us about being selected for interviews.
I received an SMS from one of the HR personnels from XXX.
having interview next week.
and the entire process sounds slightly unnerving.
makes me feel like I'm taking an exam WTF.
why are they so stringent on these stuff???
well, I should be able to handle the exam right???
-convinces self-

stressed balls.
yes, I'm slowly having my wishes come true one by one.
it's good.(:
thankful. thank you up there. (:
and to those who have been sending me encouragements and blessings! (((:

but I'm walking on tight rope it seems.
so exhausted. it's crazy.
but there's nothing to complain because things are only gonna get rosier.
karma happens. just gotta stay genuine.

I'm sorry for the lack of pictures in my posts.
gonna be more wordy to relieve my stress. :(

to update and to make others feel better, I really am so screwed for finals.
only managed to finish mcneil's. (dunno how much I managed to remember inside my brain)

ugc and psy untouched.
happy new year to me WTF.
I doubt I can finish studying.
but then again, miracles do happen. gonna be good and work hard.

please continue to bless me LL!!!
thank you! (((:

2009-04-15T09:02:00.001+08:00

interview postponed.
may everything still go as per mentioned.
:D

good luck luck luckkkk!

2009-04-15T00:46:00.003+08:00

/edit./
starved. gastric acting up.
i am gonna hurl anytime.
i hate my stomach and the insides.
i need a doctor.
my body is dying.

i saw 5 cockroaches today.
damn disturbing.
plus i hate cockroaches.
especially those that aspire to be pilots wtf.

i've got a phonecall.
another job interview tomorrow (wednesday) 11am.
thank god for papa and his car.
but i've got to figure out a way to get back wtf.

may i not trip and fall in my heels (or any misfortune related to heels -.-'''').
may i ace the interview and create an awesome impression.
may i secure the job easily.
may i be offered a decent pay that doesn't require me to eat too much grass wtf.
may i have a million huge dozes of good lucks for the interview!
and may i appear intelligent and competent because i really am. HAHA.

ok fine fine. wish me a million lucks! open my options!!!!
(((:
i'm ready for challenges!

eyes so damn tired. ok byebye.

cried in my last speech class wtf.

2009-04-14T18:45:00.003+08:00

yea, the title speaks it all.
today was the last class for com326 (public speaking class) and the assignment was commemorative speeches. nehneh and i did a eulogy for weicheng.

i didn't intend to cry. in fact, i kept reminding myself during my rehearsing at home to not cry...and i managed to withold the emotions inside.

unfortunately, i didn't control them as well in the actual speech in class today. =( the previous few speakers before us were not as personalized--commemorated famous people/singers etc. so the emotions weren't that high.

and because nehneh started the first part of her eulogy for weicheng first, i listened. it was quite bad because i was rather close to tears already. it's bad when all the memories flood into your mind like how a dam releases its waters.

then when it was my turn to do my part of the eulogy, i managed to make it past the first few short paragraphs of my eulogy before my eyes became blurry.
zzzz. i know it sounds so dramatic and emo and all that. but i was seriously filled with conflicting emotions. the thoughts of the little things that made me happy, and those that made me want to cry.

mostly regret.

in the end, i sobbed so hard i couldn't see my manuscript, and i couldn't even see the rest of my classmates and mcneil. FML.
i had to rest and pause and take deep breaths so many times because my voice was breaking and i couldn't stabilize it to project it.

i can't even remember the details of what happened, and since i couldn't see my audience, i don't know what were their emotions too. -.-'''
i made it through to my last stanza and left the front of the room, still sniffing and tearing like mad.

someone passed me tissue (one of the juniors i think), someone (william) smsed me to comfort, and another bunch of juniors passed me an extremely sweet note. (:
freaking damn embarrassing and i'm glad this is the last class i have because i don't think i have the face to see them again. wtf.

i never cry in public unless it's like getting awesome results ie. in Olevels OR awful results ie. Alevels. wtf.

but after us, we had a few more eulogies and about 2 guys were near tears (can see eyes reddening and they had to tilt their heads upwards to prevent their tears from falling; voices cracking etc) and another girl cried for the passing of her nanny.
it was very touching to listen and watch.

i must say this round of speeches ended the speech class well. everyone seemed so much closer and empathy was all around the room. the best thing is that i could really see the improvement in public speaking skills for many people in the class. it is really a breakthrough for most of us.

i definitely learnt to speak better than i was.

and i definitely wasn't expecting high marks for my eulogy because of my breakdown. but we both scored incredibly high. could be sympathy. =X i wish not to think so though.
but i believe we touched the hearts of many.
and i'm glad i delivered it. wouldn't have regretted even if i were to score badly.

last ugc lecture today.
better buck up to study.
so tired. and stupid nehneh is becoming mugger again. stressed shits. =((((

update soon.

AND i just wanna say to those i've not talked to for ages because of god knows all the reasons in the world. regardless if we're not talking now but used to be reasonably good friends, or friends i am still in contact with but just lacking the time to catch up...

i'm glad for everyone of you to exist in a part of my life.
shouldn't live with regrets. shouldn't wait to say that i care.

i miss all of you. and if you're reading this blog, it means that you ARE my friend/good friend/best friend/buddy, OR you were ONCE my friend/good friend/best friend/buddy.

so, i miss you all. (: take care.

overhaul.

2009-04-13T12:33:00.002+08:00

been a panjang kid for a few days. done nothing much productive but to spend some quality time with my fatbear.

slightly worried because I have a million things to study finish by this week. I don't really understand why I keep telling myself to be consistent in reading my textbook but I never do. and I never seem to learn from my mistakes. I doubt I can finish studying all that com326, ugc112 and psy333.

correction for above. I'm ultra worried.

much to update about my few days over the long weekend regarding the trivial stuff I do with fatbear. sometimes I think we're like uber good buddies wtf. will update when I feel less depressed.

no sleep. let's hope I survive this final exams. may miracles happen to me. and I really have so many things on my mind it's driving me crazy. ;(

last commemorative speech tml. plus ugc lessons till five plus. awesome shits. ;((((

I'm going to go cry in. some corner WTF. fml. I need a major life overhaul.

dial-up connection feel.

2009-04-09T23:50:00.012+08:00

at fatbear's now. been uploading pictures into blogger since like forever. although his internet connection is definitely not dial-up, it certainly does feel like it. zzzz.

took me ages just to upload a few shots. pekcek. so anyway, let me begin blogging. been wanting to blog for the previous few days, but so many things happened.

i shall start with a refreshing bright yellow-ish picture of me decked in yellow of course. i seldom wear such bright colors, so i think this is an achievement. besides, this top was FOC from the sister. LOLOL. so cheapo right! aiya, but better than nothing mah, since she offered to give me. brand new too!!!

pictures in this entry shall be from my blackie and from phone. you can tell very clearly which are the lousier ones from phone lah. sorry! i don't bring my blackie out everyday.

thinking why i look so frail in these pictures? can't really see the fats from my tummy right? reason being: i fell sick.

i think it's a mild case of gastric flu. loss in appetite, extreme headache (could be dehydration or the severe heat) and nausea. damn bad. plus it all happened on the day when i was supposed to go out with a few others to celebrate pris's and chaigaoyuan's birthdays.

i tried popping a few energy bars to make my energy level go up despite not having eaten anything the entire day (AND lao sai-ing 3 times early in the morning). i don't think i ate anything wrong.

so i almost died in school. and it was the longest day for the week. till 5plus pm!!! i managed to pull myself to join the rest for the birthday dinner. although i wasn't the best company and i think chaogaoyuan was damn worried that i'll puke in his car. HAHAHAHA.

eh please, the way he drives is crazy. damn jerky and unstable. not like fatbearbearrrr. wooo. -big wet eyes- HAHAHA.

oh, a random shot in school. i didn't really join in the hoo-haa over the "last day of school" thing. because i still have school till next week anyway wtf. and it just didn't occur to me that it was the last day. i count last day as EXAMS days. for me, it'll land on the 24th of april. SIGH.

reminded me that i seriously NEED to start studying. concentrate and focussss, jielin!!!

melly the hehbihiam. me. mz the snake woman/chinagirl. yan, my ex-lover or something like that wtf. i guess you can tell how lokcok i looked. zzzzzz. I TOLD YOU i didn't expect a major phototaking session in school what! =(((

cos' that day directly after school, it was crashing nehneh's to do commemorative speech stuff.

eh, i was peeling my fingernails' cuticles lehh. but still got time to half-pose wtf. and another hand kinda got spasms. -.-''''

thanks alot miss nehneh. made my face look so big here. i'm so happy. dots. HAAH. EHHHH, but happy lah. got "natural" blush wtf. i don't know how it got there. i don't put anything on my face apart from concealer (terrible eyerings).

i think can tell right? nehneh is well made-up. and i'm...chui. sometimes i really suspect if i'm 22. wtf. FML.

ther we go again. -.-''' i really should start to do something about my face. boohoo.

i feel like i need another trim. my hair is starting to look like weeds again. roarrr!
damn unglam wtf were we thinking. HAHAHAHAH. ok i win nehneh hands down. i should just call myself rubberfacelin.

commemorative speech. we're doing a eulogy.

the seductive bear decides not so seduce me this time. it's sleeping very soundly with orhorh next to it.

hard at work.

ok, here are a few shots of the outing to swensens at holland v with the few of them. chris chai, pris, jonathan, nehneh and i.

in chaichai's car. don't judge me. it's one of my bad days like i sad. feeling so freaking sick it's amazing i found the energy to camwhore. zzz.

and i only found out that we were going out after school when i REACHED school. ha ha. nice joke. i was prepared to go home and nua mans.

petition for air fresheners in canteen, yo! HAHAHAHA. eh, class joke.

EH SIA LAH!!!! look damn couple right!!!! HHAHAAHHAHA. but they aren't. tskkkk.

crazily huge utensils they gave me for my salad. couldn't even fit them into my mouth. comparison with the normal sized utensils. sorry for the poor image quality.

awesome fries with sauces. yumsss.

chris chai and his crazy eyebrow. looks damn perverted.

i must say throughout the entire dinner, since i wasn't feeling well, i just snapped away and tried not to talk much because i wanted to puke anytime. it was horrible.

plus the 3 of them were talking about random stuff i didn't understand like chinese literature and anime and what's not. nehneh was bored too. HAHA.

you see their conversation. damn engrossed lor!

pris is getting violent!

the firehouse icecream came. complimentary on the house. first birthday song sung with candles on the icecreamsss.

stuffed. AND the second round came. earthquake! with another set of candles and another birthday song!

we wiped it out. i felt 100% sick by then. didn't eat much and still can feel sick. confirm is gastric problem. zzz.

haven't ate much these days. can't risk puking. or falling sick. let's pray my intestines be obedient now. zzz.

although i really lost the fats around my tummy mans! HAHAAHHA. aye. ok. nothing to be happy when you are sick and then lose weight because of loss of health. =(

outta here. long weekend. happy good friday everyone!

tuition. earn moolahs. come on wishes...come true now!!

losing hope.

2009-04-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

devastating.
but what can i say. i think maybe it's really not meant to be. all i can do is to be gracious and say congratulations and tell him that he did well.

because i guess he did well. to score the telephone call and the interview. and i didn't. yayness to me.
i can't cheer up even if fatbear dances belly dance for me.

the red sea came today. cramping up like mad. gonna go into childbirth again zzzz.
i hope it gets better tomorrow or not i'll be like a old woman walking around school.
it's our persuasive speech tomorrow too! BEST OF LUCKS TO ME AND NEHNEH. we will get our anticipated As!!!!!! yayyyyy. zzzz. really need it lah. even though i seriously think my GPA will get me nowhere. super demoralized.

i don't see where i'm going now.
all along i've envisioned my path so clearly...everything was supposed to fall in place like they always do.
now, i frankly am so bloody, freaking lost...i feel so fucked up and no one is out there to save me.
it's a sea of sharks out there. everything isn't what they look like.

losing hope is actually a very simple thing.

sunday sleepday.

2009-04-05T23:44:00.007+08:00

i slept like a pig this sunday. because i didn't want to be hardworking to wake up earlier to do prodcutive work (sad...) and because it was raining heavily outside. thunderstorm in fact. so i just slept and slept and i did wake up to read fatbear's sms BUT i think i succumbed and continued to sleep HAAH.

to all my dear readers, show you all picture of the day...

DAMN SCARY CAN.

terrell yappity!!!! DAMN SCARY HOR. you and your lousy G2000 $20 shirt. not like the nolstagic feeling at all. =S

anyway, i didn't take that picture above. taken by monky yap. credits to him. he sent to me to ask for comments. so those are my comments. HAHAHAHA.

i just arrived home 3 hours ago and i wanted to blog...at 11:44pm. but i only began now...12:17am. after chatting on msn and...reading blogs....and....uploading pictures. i think i'm the most inefficient blogger ever. zzz.

i wish nuffnang would hurry up look at my new layout and grant me adverts again. i was supposedly rejected adverts earlier on due to my previous layout which wasn't ideal enough for advertisers. HAI. but i wonder if they are even going to bother to review because i'm so slack and i only changed my layout a million years after they e-mailed me. zzzz.

BACK TO TOPIC: sunday--> special day out with fatbear. remember i mentioned i wanted to wear something different? ok, i did not. fatbear was disappointed. HAHAHAHA. sorry lah. i was feeling fat and i kept perspiring even though i had bathed. so...i wore my zara dress FOR THE 2nd TIME. wahhh. so not worth the price tag yet. HAHAHAHAH. shit i sound so giam.

this is the only picture i have of myself today with xiaohuang before i left the house to meet fatbear. this post is mostly food and a few of fatbear. so yea...i'm sure all of you are thanking heavens don't have to see my ugly face this time. HAHAHA.

fatbear looked different today!!!! he was wearing his act si wen spectacles and a checkered shirt i've not seen in ages and combed his hair in a new way!!! i thought he looked quite good overall! -thumbs up to fatbear-

we made a mutal pact to make an effort to dress nicer for each other at least one day of the week to make it more special. or not i totally am ZHAI NU already. -.-''' whole day stuck at my home or fatbear's place wearing lokcok stuff and looking damn lokcok.

so...i consider my zara dress very nice also ok! HAHAHAH wtf.

we watched The Shinjuku Incident today instead of Departures. because the latter had the first row seats remaining whereas the first had the 5th row from the front left. and we had good peer reviews of The Shinjuku Incident. it's worth the $8 paid. touching. really violent. a short sexual scene. errrr...A LOTTTT of fighting. hands got amputated (damn unrealistic...i even had a discussion with fatbear over this), knives stabbed and slashed at people, throwing stones, cutting throats and bashing up of humans. ya.

but still, i was honestly surprised that it turned out good. i didn't want to watch it initially. but i think you guys should try it out. worth the moolahs. i promise. (:

because we decided to SAVE MONEY these few months (PBL), we skipped the idea of having our meals in a higher class restaurant and settled for this...place at sunset way.

as you can see, it's a thai food themed place. and...how authentic it is, i cannot say, because i don't have proof.

went for the all you can eat buffet which was cheepcheep. barely $17 for each person at the end of all the +++. a selection of 42 dishes. i bet my life you cannot finish all 42. HAHA. ok maybe zihao can (if he is not stringent on the training thingy. i'm sorry marshy. you're the hugest rubbish bin i know in my life). =X

take note of the address if you're planning to dine some place near. but I NEVER RECOMMEND OK. to your own discretion. and i'm saying this only for the buffet items. i don't know about their ala carte.

fatbear actually looks smart with this spectacles HAHA.

first up, century egg salad. this was passable. because i like century eggs. tons of onions and sour stuff.

green mango salad, with lime dressing. which i didn't appreciate totally. i didn't know the mango salad was supposed to be like this. but fatbear liked it. -shrugs-

cuttlefish ball with thai chilli sauce. this was nice. crispy balls and it's hot when served. the sauce has a blend of sweet and sour.

obligatory tomyum seafood soup. passable. not fantastic. i always believe a tomyum soup speaks a lot about the chef. from this however, i really don't think the food served is entirely authentic. but the soups i drink from my several trips to different parts of thailand DEFINITELY do NOT taste like this.

green curry chicken. too much oil. too little chicken. curry not spicy. a tad too bland.

boss recommended thai olive rice. okay, not bad. quite enjoyed it, but i think the enjoyment was twarted by other dishes which really turned me off. will elaborate later.

stir-fried scallop with garlic, basil leaves. ok lah. not a fan of scallops. and i didn't know scallops were supposed to be served like this. sauce too gooey...not nice. scallops don't taste fresh.

sweet and sour pork. this...i don't know this was a thai dish. but anyway, i must say the prok is really tender. don't see it's like brown and crispy and thin on the outside. the meat inside is tender...AND without those fatty tissues at all! it's entirely meat! lean meat--so i applaud them on that. this dish is worth it.

crispy beancurd with thai sweet chilli. NICE. i recommend this. adequately crispy and light enough for an appetizer.

phad thai. fatbear ordered this. didn't like it.

basil leaves sauteed with minced pork. TOO SALTY, TOO OILY, TOO MUCH FATS/SKIN (pork). totally hated it.

thai sambal longbean. again, sauce too gooey, ruined the crunchy taste that long beans should have.

this, i swear is the worst ever. kangkong with shrimp paste. i think the entire dish was too oily!!!! damn gross. i ate a few strands and gave up. we left the place with the plate 3/4 intact. arghhhh.

what's with all the oil man!!!!

ok, this ends my day with fatbear. a very very short sunday boohoohoo. time flies by when you're enjoying yourself. it's back to school tomorrow. and i must edit my speech one final time and print it now. zzzz.

AND rehearse through or i'm so screwed up. zzzz.

at least i know the 60k spent on UB education has taught me to appear confident and strong in front of the audience/strangers even when i'm really quite nervous inside. i guess the more you do it, the more accustomized you are to something. and you get used to the feeling.

benefit me definitely. shalalaaa.

ok!!! one last thing! i've removed the moderation for comments so now everything will appear when you leave a comment.

I FEEL ALL THE LOVE!!! =D thanks to marshy, monky, nehneh and mz. wheeeee. HAHA. and i know i have a loyal fan who goes by the name ti kar fatbear steve huang jian cai. =D

new saturday.

2009-04-05T02:26:00.006+08:00

this saturday wasn't like the other saturdays for the past year. because today, i had no more VE. hoorays and sadness. booo. money?

tuitioned the 2 tutees as usual. got mad and peeved by their attitudes and i still don't like the china mother.
papa picked me up after tuition and dropped me at nehneh's place. wahhh. panjang is damn chaotic man. the buildings are so messy. but at least i know how to get to ti kar's house now. after 6 months HAHAHA.

the first thing i noticed when i reached her room. a new addition to the bed. some roxy koala bear that's damn black. so it's called orh orh meaning BLACK black. tskkkk. here it is, posing on top of my laptop's keyboard. at least it looks decent.

as opposed to this....still very offending polar bear. i don't know why but this animal disturbs me.

like seriously. now it has a tee shirt on. rolled up sleeves like some chao ah beng. and it's....damn ugly. HAHAHAHAHA.

REALLY LOR. i cannot stand it. but i just had to take a picture of the obscene bear.

ok lahhh. it's nehneh's love after all. HAHA.

managed to finish the ppt and script and timed ourselves for our speech. edited the video needed for the clincher. and everything looks...alright. shall finalize on monday again. GAH. i seriously need to start memorizing and familiarizing the content and sentences for the persuasive speech due tuesday. =(

cos' after that is chiong commemorative already. boohoo. school. i know i shouldn't complain. -shrugs-

ti kar picked me up at nehneh's to go dinner (at his place again, wah so exciting zzzz). kinda starving, so ate a lot. shits. i think i'm damn pig. i eat non-stop. HAI. my perception of beauty is warped and i'm so sad because i'll never fit that model of "beauty" ever in my lifetime.

to be random once more--i looked through my clothes everywhere. i use the term everywhere because my clothes are indeed...everywhere.

i shall not explain why i'm such a messy person.

but i kinda miss all the high socks and crazy stripes and loud colors and leggings and all that. things i don't wear anymore. simply because...a reason i give myself--i've grown up, and older at that. =(

another reason is possibly global warming and the insanely hot weather which makes me perspire non-stop from the moment i step out of the house. BUT, now that i realize i'll probably not have much chance to wear these clothes/accessories again, i will most probably dig them out for their final glory--or something like that.

i should start on project contact lenses soon AGAIN (so loser omfg fml). and learn a little make-up...or something.

ya, i don't know why my life is always XXX or something.

i don't feel 22.

sunday morning at 2:41am. blogging it's crazy. time to sleep. my beauty sleep. gah.
should be meeting fatbear for movie in the evening. most probably watching "departures"!!! i hope it's good. (:

and meanwhile, i will dig out those eclectic stuff to wear to scare fatbear HAHAHAHA.

ok lah, i won't. i promise i'll still look pretty (i think).

please say i'm pretty and smart. wtf. byebye.

ps: eh show me some support and love leh. click COMMENT to leave a comment for me. HAHAHA. so lonely sia.

no pictures, just words.

2009-04-04T01:18:00.004+08:00

/EDIT.
i just revamped my template to something SUPER simple.
it should be readable from itouch/iphones too.
and i'm taking away the chatbox. so leave comments if you wish to tell me something. even if you're a stranger/admirer/hater. LOL.
------

this entry is just gonna be words and more words, no pictures at all. sorry!

anyway, i'm kinda lost as to where to start because it seems like ages since i blogged and talked about my day and my feelings. hmmmmm. so many interesting things have happened but i didn't have the time to jot them down in this space. i don't think people would be interested to know...and even if they did, they wouldn't comment on the content of this blog because i think my tagboard died or something. i'm gonna remove it all together.

and i'm thinking of changing my blog template again. gahhh.
will go blind.

okok, let me start by saying that our persuasive speech outline has finally been approved by mcneil!!! hail the birdnest hairdo!!!! she even made a comment on the paper! reads "Well done, jelly and helena!"

so tomorrow, saturday, after my usual tuition, i'm gonna pop to nehneh's place to crash and do the powerpoint and rehearse and possibly start on our commemorative one. grrrr.

errrr...and i went to the interview at recruits express. i initially applied for a corps comm position in a healthcare company, BUT the people at RE offered me a position in their HR department. zzzzzzzz. it's a long story.

i waited 1 hour before the lady who was supposed to interview me was free. she was one of the higher-level managers and was having a meeting with her boss--let's call this boss miss don'tsmile. and the lady will be hence referred to as miss A.

in any case, i sat there rotting and playing scramble on touchy, watching tens of people going in and out of the office getting interviewed for other jobs by other people there. tsk. finally it was my turn. after filling in a compulsory form (as always), i was invited into a room and by the time i was freezing my ass off from the crazy air-con.

i tried to control my shivers and tremblings hands but it was really a feat. zzz. i gave a few uncontrollable shivers and i think i must have looked odd wtf. CANNOT BLAME ME HOR. who ask them to make me sit there for 1 hour under the air-con!!!! hmpfff.

it was a long, intense interview whereby miss A broke the news of the position she was offering to me. i think she was quite taken back by me and i can confidently say she was quite interested in my credentials and personality. usual interview questions were asked, and a few odd questions that were damn wtf. REALLY. it wasn't very tough at all. i guess the other corporations would be more competitive and intense. -shrugs-

then i had a series of 3 personality tests wtf (i don't think others had to take this test =((( ). and after i was finally done with the 3--felt like exam papers wtf, i was brought to another interview by miss don'tsmile. zzzzz. can guess from her name ok. don't ask me what kind of person she is.

this interview was harder to pass as compared to the first. because she looked perpetually restless and listless as if she had better things to do than sit there and listen to me talk. it was bad nonverbal signs and looked severely impolite. but still. i told her my mind frankly (not about her being impolite) about my feelings towards the position they were offering me. told them i'll consider them seriously.

both interviewers said the same thing about me. confident. sure of what i want in life. will fight hard to get whatever i want. competitive. very suitable for the job. zzz.

left the office finally in a daze. 3 freaking hours. i almost died.

it's a long story, but i can say that from what i gather, the pay they are offering is comparable to the minimum wage i'm ready to settle for. which is fine with me. really. plus there are incentives too.

BUT DAMN IT, WON'T MY MOBILE PHONE START RINGING FROM THE OTHER COMPANIES I'VE SENT ME RESUME TO???!?!!!

=( impatience is bad. but i really want other options.

the position is available from the moment i call them back to confirm. very bad.

but i'm just not sure if it's the job i want. or whether i'm up to it. because the atmosphere is really competitive. and promotion is based on merit. gahhh. and the people there look so...mature.

------
so anyway, managed to meet fatbear for dinner on thursday and friday. yayyys. but was stuck at home kind of dinner. LOL. i think i'm gonna become the next zhai nu (stayathomegirldamngeekkind).

i'm fatbear's sushi princess.
fatbear's new name is ti kar.
i'm tired.
i lost the train of my thoughts.
i have A LOT more i want to blog about.
really can't remember though.
shit, getting old.
forget it.

night night.
it must come soon.

bits and pieces.

2009-04-01T23:41:00.008+08:00

shall post on random pictures from both phone and camera. pardon the outdatedness.

meanwhile, HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL!!!!

ya, taking pictures of myself so i can see how i change with time. it works ok! i look back at my pictures all the time. and of course i see unglam ones and funny ones (like mz in wig and milk carton and flower frames and with snake and all that HAHAHAHA).

pictures are one of the best ways to keep memories. (:

tied up my hair into ponytail because it's starting to bother me again. like weeds wtf. they're so light and fine they fly everywhere. i look like a mad woman.

anyway, blue tint to the above picture because i was so sad fatbear had to OT and we had to scrap our dinner plans. boohoo. 3rd day in a row this week already! =((((

today--my hair after untying it. LOL. lion's mane. eh quite cool ok. got like semi-wolverine effect HAHAHAH.

what i wore today. i think i've been dressing more and more sloppy for school recently. just cannot be bothered anymore because it's ending and because no one will see or notice anyway. AND because i stay in school for half a day only.

hi xiaohuangggg!!! beams. he keeps me company the whole day i'm home. comforting.

in my lift.

oh ok...this picture is taken in the restaurant at suntec city. some jap tepanyaki place which was damn quiet and we thought the food should be good but it turned out normal. BOOHOO. so sad. lousy jap food is like the worst experience ever.

although the food was bad, things would have been fine if the service was good. BUT NO, the service sucked too. except for this very nice chef who served us halfway. the others were rude, did not provide us with sufficient utensils and took bloody a million years to come to our table even though they APPARENTLY saw us.

disappointing to the max. and the place was not crowded, nor was it a peak hour. =( had only us and another group of 3 schoolboys at another table ok. like wtf.

fatbear. in the polo tee i bought from arnold palmer.

me, in my purple zara dress bought not long ago but didn't bother to wear to school cos' it seems such a waste wtf. -.-'''

oh ya, we were eating after the IT fair rampage. damn hungry and tired. (so you can imagine the disappointment from lousy food)

average.

all these came in a set. i think this was just a normal egg with soy sauce or something wth. damn dots.

those are the schoolboys behind me.

seafood that was passable but nothing fantastic.

these noodles saved the day because it came in a huge plate and there was enough for the both of us. we practically wiped it clean cos' of our hunger. but it tasted alright too. better than the other dishes in my opinion.

ok, EXPO day for ROBINSONS sale i mentioned earlier in one of my entries. nothing much.

lies. discounts my head.

before entering the expo hall.

the tee (which you cannot see very clearly in the pictures) which fatbear is wearing is supposed to be a couple tee. i also have one in my size! HAHAHAHA. but ok, i don't know where is it in my avalanche of clothes. zzzzz.

i was wearing sis's vintage handmedown dress--green with giraffes. LOL. wasn't very nice. hmmmm.

after EXPO was meeting fatbear's friends for dinner to celebrate birthday remember? sushi tei at taka. didn't take much pictures sadly. because i guess i'm not like uber close to them to whip out my camera to take pictures of food and people. =X

wanted to take a shot with fatbear before they arrived. but i zoomed in earlier to take another picture and i forgot to zoom out again. HAHAHAHA. that is fatbear's eye.

forgot when i took this. xiaohuang!

xiaohuang sitting atop a pile of clothes.

fatbear bought many tidbits for me. this is only one of the many. LOL. ferrero dark chocolate rocher HAHAH.

not bad. i don't know how much it costs so i can't say if it's worth the money or not. =X

ok, i don't know why i'm feeling so tired. granny yeap's lecture was damn boring. plus the fact that she totally pissed me off with her FUCKING OBVIOUS favoritism at really stupid-act-smart-people. aiya fine, maybe they are stupid, but they are damn teacher's pet also. got thing, no thing will go find her to talk. TALK non-academic stuff one ok.

only local lecturers are seemingly besotted with the idea of "PETS". foreign lecturers are better. really. don't really give a damn who you are. everyone is like equal.

but of course, having a chinese name doesn't help much. i think only 2 of my ang moh lecturers can truly pronounce my name correctly. the rest just call me weird names like "jillian", "jillin", and the alternative i post to them--JELLY.

the chinese and indian/singh teachers are WAYYYY better. they still remember my name and we still talk to one another whenever we pass each other in school. (:

but of course, there are some teachers i cannot be bothered to talk to. only minimally about assignments. i'd rather be invisible in their class and just get my A and scram HAHAHAH.

ok, why am i on this topic? so random. i'm going off.
have to pop by recruitexpress for some interview tomorrow after school. i hope i don't lose my way finding the office. =X wish me lucks for positive impression and for me to get many many job lobangs in the coming weeks!!!!
RING PHONE RING!!! i'm waiting for all the phonecalls. i'm expecting them. they will come. (:

i won't lose out to you.

endurance.

2009-04-01T00:42:00.002+08:00

life feels like a test everyday; from the moment i open my eyes to the second i shut my eyes.

i don't know why he is doing this. on purpose. to spite me. or out of goodwill to share information. whatever it is, i don't feel very nice after the conversation.

the father nagged. content unrevealed. but very disturbed and annoyed and HIGHLY irritated. i don't know lah. i just want to move out alone asap. but i don't have the cash. fed up.

sent more resumes tonight. amidst all the nagging.
the mother helped me ask one of her customers who was in the advertising line. i wonder if she needs a personal helper. because her company just ax-ed all the team staff, leaving my mother's client in the company doing all the shit work. =((((

hire me leh. i very easy to negotiate one. hai.

school was BLAH. long lectures, stressful lecturer, cold lecture halls. stepped out of the school exhausted, mentally and physically.

was supposed to meet fatbear for dinner today. but he had to work OT and i got tired of waiting, i even fell asleep on the sofa. so decided not to meet and...stayed home for lousy dinner.

i can't say if it's bad timing or bad luck.
i feel like it's a fight against all odds.
a fight i've grown so weary of.
no matter how prepared or positive i am.
i end the day feeling deflated.

i need my motivation.

the weekend.

2009-03-30T01:36:00.005+08:00

friday, saturday, sunday constitutes to the weekend for me.
friday, tutored. met fatbear after work to go over to his place to eat dinner. watched another 2 episodes of AI JIU ZHAI YI QI!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
EH DAMN NICE OK.
i know fatbear will back to differ, but yea, i can't help it.
-up down eyebrows-
=DDDD

on the way to tuition. was waiting for bus...about 10 minutes already. then my papa called me on my handphone. and he told me to come back to the carpark to wait for him cos' he'll be driving over to my tutee's neighbourhood to get some stuff done.

so, another free ride! i've been getting a couple free rides from him recently. save alot of my bus fares!!! damn broke now please.

so, i'm back at the carpark. waiting for papa to come downstairs. another number this time. my pink sneakers!

ya, i was damn bored ok.

at fatbear's. after dinner and washing my hands, i decided to leave behind some imprint on his tee shirt HAHAHAHAHAH.

ya, i know i'm damn childish, but it's only moments of such behavior lor. most of the time i'm not like that. sigh.

my last day of work at VE. Hboss and Pboss asked me to stay. and LF wanted me to stay cos' he says he'll miss me working with him on saturday nights.

but fatbear insists that i quit. so HAI, quit, i did. lol. no point getting into a fight because of this topic.

that's LF by the way. i'll definitely miss the privilege of renting free dvds and vcds. i'll miss talking to some of the regulars there. i'll miss knowing every single thing there is to know. i'll miss browsing through films and finding out what's my favourite few. i'll miss the people there, even if i meet annoying people. i'll miss the bosses and LF and those whom i've worked with.

this place has taught me many things about life, about people and about myself.

but it's come to a point, after 1 year stint, that i don't feel that i'm learning anything at all. i know everything there is to be known for a part-timer like me, and even more. i learn too quickly and i get tired easily. i'm doing MORE than what i'm getting paid. i'm doing what my bosses should be doing. but oh well, i'm happy the way it is now.

so byebye, i'll miss VE, but i'm looking forward to what is coming to me. (:

sunday, headed over to EXPO at changi for the robinson's sale. huge shits. but didn't see anything so cheap i wanted to buy. bought a few tidbits and they weren't like dirt cheap or anything. i think the sale has been overrated. tsk!

browsed around for so long. time flew by. had a mini tiff with fatbear. all's well. SIGH.

back on the car on the way back to his place.

his mini eyes.
my very tired me.

he changed and we headed out again. fatbear's friend's birthday celebration. KL. ate at sushi tei at takashimaya. the food was alright. i think the ambience was a little too noisy and cluttered to feel comfortable enough. the place was bustling with activity as usual.

i ate sashima! ya, i mean i NEVER eat raw fish, but well, the sashimi tasted really not bad afterall. so, i approve of it now. =X

i feel so fat. ate too much.

after many undecided minds and a million minutes of discussions later, AND changing locations twice, we finally arrived at some pub to chill out. played games and drank beer. SIGH. i hate beer.

gonna go gym this week again to burn it off and unclog arteries. have to settle mcneil's persuasive speech and begin on commemorative if possible.

time is flying too quickly for me to think and evaluate my path. it's gonna be finals soon, and...i'm out of school and alone to fend for myself.

i cannot say this weekend is the best, because frankly, i don't feel that happy. there are so many things i want to talk about, to write about, but this blog is perhaps not the best outlet.

i wonder, if i keep thinking positive and waiting for the dreams to come to me,
am i deluding myself?
or am i welcoming the parallel thoughts to my life?

i don't know what makes me happy anymore.
i'm sorry for being a sourpot.
thank you fatbear for being there for me. we must work hard together.
now i know what it means...when people say "ignorance is bliss".

it is possible that phrase holds true.

no subject.

2009-03-26T21:23:00.010+08:00

crashed nehnehs on tuesday to get some project done. uber sians. don't like school. but don't like the notion of working either. in any case, i've yet to find a job. SIGH.

dressed up her fat polar bear with some girly top. damn sexy right. just that the bear got no boobs. tsk.

trying to seduce people as usual.

nehneh working on her part, which she effectively LOST because i think she forgot to save or something. LOL.

my work. and the damn speech. still needs ultra working on. SIGH.

stoning cos' really damn tired. didn't stay long that night. too fed up.

one day in school, ate fruits. the watermelons got ALOT of seeds. zzz. i spent a good 1 minute picking them out.

the most interesting thing i saw today was watching a guy load up the vending machines in SIM. wtf. this is how bad school is. SIGH.

pris was playing her DSlite. and i was damn boredddd.

in class. DAMN BORED ALSO. can tell right. very long never camwhore in class DURING class. zzzzz. pris's head is damn small. makes me look giant wtf. nehneh didn't come for class cos' her eyes acted up again. dirty hands touch eyes.

this is what early mornings does to me. look damn shagged. plus i don't bother to dress up also. i really need a holiday. HOLIDAY PLEASE. haiz.

on the way home...at the carpark.

haven't been bringing my blackie out nowadays cos' i'm worried the throwing of bags around in school might damage it. =X so pardon me for all the rather poor quality pictures.

in the lift. looks stumpy hor my legs HAHAHA. eh, my legs damn long and nice one ok! -delusional-

feeling damn bored.

xiaohuang sleeping with his yellow blanket wtf. HAHAHAHA.

ok, don't really feel like blogging. byebye.

disturbing thoughts.

2009-03-26T01:03:00.004+08:00

i think,
loneliness is a scary feeling.
but sometimes,
i think otherwise.
maybe loneliness is just a matter of perception.

you know, when fatbear is buried in his work, i feel torn between polar emotions.
i am glad that he is hard at work.
but i am sad that there is no time to meet.
i don't know where i stand anymore.
i could vaporize into the air, and probably no one would notice.

dual personalities is terrifying.
it may be normal.
but i hardly know myself anymore.
everything i do, every thought i make, every word i say.
it's like i'm bound to two trucks who are going in opposite directions.
sooner or later, i'll split.

having said so much,
i think my main problem is:
i'll never be contented with what i have.
there is just a perpetual feeling of wanting everything best.
i really want a life different from this. i really want to have everything i don't.

i wish...i really wish, i didn't have to grow up so fast.
i wish i didn't have to be so aware of certain things.
i wish i could do something.
21 going 22.