i don't want to care anymore.
what ever you want to eat or do you don't have to tell me.
because you don't give a damn of what i think anyway.


why do i care?
because you mean something to me,
but apparently it's not as mutual.


I'm sick and tired of waiting,
waiting for your call
for your sms.
I tell myself not to wait but I always end up waiting,
just to hear your voice for a while.


but I hate how useless and stupid I feel.
just stagnant and waiting.

you make me feel like zero.


go ahead.
dig me empty.
it's not going to be the first time.



let's just put it down to my ultra sensitivity and super unreasonableness and my uber boredom ok.


if you don't want me to care so much or pester you, just tell me.


I'll leave you alone and live myself.
so sick of it.

sick of being alone.
I was so used to it before you came.
but you invaded my space.
and now nothing balances again.


if you don't mean to DO what you say then don't fucking say it at all.
empty happines.

nonsence pictures.

how bored i am translates into the type and quantity of pictures i take. LOL.

dropped by fatbear's on chu xi for a bit to nua at his shop. you see the stall in the background? he got the art materials from there and we managed to ease off a little boredom by making fake oranges.

not easy ok! sometimes the oranges turned out like orange apples (rectangular shape!) wtf, and we had to remake them. =.=

successful orange! by yours truly! =D



fatbear in his very uncle pose, making a orange.

he passed me this bottle of water to drink. amazing shits. i'll never expect such things to exist.











ok, then on chu san (day 3 of cny), i made xiao huang take those oranges to bai nian.

but obviously, xiaohuang cannot hold the oranges since his palms are so smooth and he has no fingers to grasp HAHA. so ended up looking a bit retarded.



xiaohuang: GONG XI GONG XI!!!



my touchy's wall paper now. (((:

in the uber long tunnel travelling to katong to visit my wai po. yawnnnn. speed limit is 70km/h. uber slow cannnnn. but better than getting a speed ticket huh.



GAHHH my face split into half!!!

finally out in the open, and wai po on the car, on the way to visiting the temple at bugis.

eh wtf i don't know where i was looking???!

the nicest picture of the three of us. while the car was speeding along. not bad already. gonna develop it soon so i can pass to wai po. i look like i have no neck sia wtf HAHAHAH.





ok enough of my ghastly face. byebyeeee. i might just go cycle now. weetweet.

i love it when i shit, and i get to shit when i need to shit. i think it's one of the greatest pleasures on earth. i swear.

late reflections on chu er.

feeling slightly tipsy now.
but it's that sort of warm, fuzzy, fuzzy, comfortable, non-pukish, non-faltering kind of feeling.
awesome shits.
i think i've managed to attained that level and stopped there by self-control.
-beams-
beyond this level, comes the vommitting and hangover. TSK!


i ended up in this state because of fatbear's aunt who is a PRO in daidee wtf. and i play at most twice a year. i'm super noob. and i was sitting at the position after her!!! damn jialat like shit.
but still, it was fun lah. happy is most important mah. festive festive ya.

today, visiting at my mama's side. went to see waipo who is now currently living with my da ah yi cos' of physical inconveniences. my house has no spare room; my sis and i have to share double decker even! or not we would have wanted to accomodante wai po lor.

it sucks every cny. because it's when you see all the family politics and how amazingly childish and immature some adults can be. even children can see and understand the morality of it all, yet they can't phantom a single shit at their ancient ages.

pissed off really.


what can i say. greetings to them; all done in the name of "respect for the elderly" but not REALLY on the notion of respect.

their actions..deserves nothing more than detest and a piece of nose shit or two.



im speaking for both sides of relatives. really opened my eyes..the older i grow..the more things i see. things i didn't used to understand or perceive as being wrong..because i was too young to understand.


-shrugs- what can i say. if they, as adults in their 40s and late 30s, cannot understand the basics of "what goes around comes around", then i really cannot do much. for i am just a youngster in their eyes.


im not declaring i'm uber filial and respectful and all to the elderly, but i know where i stand, and i know how i should behave to a certain extent. when to reprimand them for their stubborness and forgetfulness, when to listen to them and help them when needed. i don't have much to offer, but i give all i can.

my relatives, have so much $$ to offer, but run off at the slightest inference of depleting their $$ bank. disgusts me really. is this where education brings you? and the sacrifices your mother and father have done for you (in the olden days, the parents really work very hard to support all the children ok! plus if you know your own background, you should know better!!!)?

just imagine how your offspring will treat you in the future. what goes around DOES comes around.





OK BACK TO TOPIC. had a small tiff with fatbear on the car when he came to fetch me after my visit at the temple (near bugis). regarding color code issues and family backgrounds. resulted in some tears shed. but all's well. ((((: relationships really aren't fairytales. i believe...i'm just going through something more difficult because of the fact of how different we are...

opposites...really have to compromise, commit and learn, accept; one step at a time. we can do it!!! yes, fatbear?? -smiles-


the time spent today..chu er...at fatbear's was alright. from 5plus to 11plus. gambling. helping him recoup his losses I'M HIS LUCKY LADY GOD HAHAHAHAHA. ate dinner, bai nian, took ang baos and mixed around.

i don't see how and why some people are so hung up over ang baos. like my cousins. when they don't receive an ang bao, or receive it LATE from a person, they'll start bitching non-stop. i think that kind of attitude is really bad. tsk! manners and etiquette!!! it's a sign of blessing..not just about the money!!!

and sometimes when the eldery gives the wrong ang bao(meant for someone else, hence containing LARGE sums of money), they just keep quiet and take that money as if it's theirs.

it's not like they do NOT know who those money should belong to, or if the elderly had given the wrong packet due to his/her forgetfulness and old age. dishonesty is really bad.


i don't know man. degradation of morales and character.
where's the sense of right and wrong? where's the conscience?


the universe runs on the rule of parallels.

HAPPY NIU YEAR!

it's infectious...listening to all the cny songs on radio and watching all the tv programmes. but i don't really have that cny atmosphere around me.

anyways, more camwhoring pictures.

i just kinda like the blue-ness.





after my first chu xi dinner, fatbear asked me out to accompany him eat supper wtf. so full already. ate another bowl of wanton noodles. zzzzzz. -explodes-

this not very nice cap.

the bear who always bullies me.

i was damn sleepy lah!

ok end of night.

next day, nuclea fam's chu xi dinner. mum made all the dishes by herself. not bad. 6 course meal HAHA.



prawns with egg.

fish and cheese.

claypot mushrooms.

not missing out abalone.

egg, prawn, cucumber, tomato, lettuce salad.

and very expensive xiang chang and la chang.

before eating.
after eating, the family watch a little tv before heading out to fetch popo to airport for her departure to japan for tour! -envious-

ya, no resemblance at all. -grimace-

my popo and yi po and sis trying to pretend she's the one flying off HAHA.

our shoes! shoes tell the personality? hmmm.

ok my mum looks uber unglam here. but the other one we took, i looked damn ugly so i'm not showing HAHAHA. ya lah, i wonder where my big eyes went. smaller over the years sia. i hope i learn to wear contacts soon. zzz.

whole family!

today. chu yi bai nian. took some pictures with xiao huang before heading out to popo's house.
woke up really late and nua-ed around before going out to bai nian lor. HAHA. and i tried to wear something un-black to welcome the new year. errrms.

the rest of the extended family were there too! my third uncle says i'm prettier after my braces! HAHA. errr, ya nicest comment so far. my second aunt said i'm "sporty" wtf.

eh i'm really sad ok. few days ago i went sheng shiong after meeting fatbear for lunch, remember? the walk back was damn sunny and hot. i returned home with a mild tan AFTER STRUGGLING LIKE A BITCH TO WHITEN MYSELF FOR 1 YEAR!!! =(((((((

amazing shits. i put on sunblock ok!!!! zzzzzzz.

anyway, xiao huang is super popular lor! HAHA. at home always get bullied by my papa, mama and sis. HAIII.

papa loves to smash xiaohuang by sitting on him or resting his head on huang.

sis likes to poke huang's nose inwards (i'll show pictures next time) and insult him by saying he looks like that robot from starwars wtf.

ok mama is better. she makes huang sleep (on the couch) when she goes to sleep and wake him up when she wakes up on the morning (by propping him up).

ok i wore heels out today and i'm NOT wearing tomorrow. hurts like shit although i walked like less than 10minutes in it for the entire day HAHAH.

it's bai nian-ing at mama's side relatives tomorrow. going to temple first. then afterwards is unknown. see how lah. got ang bao can already. weeee. increase savings please!!!

fatbear is happily gambling and mj-ing. -sulks- i'm gonna ignore him too.

HAPPY NIU YEAR TO EVERYONEEEE!! i hope everyone is enjoying the one week break mans!!! NO SCHOOLL!!!!!! -waves pomspoms-

sending out frequencies again. byeee.

pre cny.

as you can see, i did facial mask at home. then ate round one of LAO YU SHENG with my nuclear family. was fun. made a few "calls of wishes" HAHA.

today's reunion dinner at popo's was okay. i arrived alone without the fam cos' the rest were still on their way. the rest of my relatives were there already. the moment i stepped in, my popo asked me why i didn't bring my bf along? and do i even have a bf?

amidst all the yellings across the room, shoutings and conversations, i managed a weak smile and surveyed the room.

no wonder. even my younger cousins were present with their partners. =.= awesome shits. my sis was arriving with her beau too. SIGH.

it's incredible. that helplessness. gahhhhh.

excuse me, i believe i can be married off ok!!!! zzzz. i'm so undesirable meh wtf? =((( aiya whatever, must get good career first. hmpfff.

anyway fatbear wasn't free also. plus he fell sick and went to see the docs. at least he's better now.

extended fam's TUAN YUAN FAN got no steamboat. catering SUCKED BAHHHHH. nuclear fam's TUAN YUAN FAN on sunday!!! whee whee bom pee pee. also no steamboat. i'm uber sad.


my first saturday in a long while when i don't have to work. and i feel uber restless. but thankful for the break. byebye.

update soon.