SIGH.

i cannot stop whining about studying. i really am not cut out to study, no matter what others say about me being smart or whatever.


i am reading through the notes just as it is. so tiring.
LL, please let everything i've studied go into my brain, be retained, and only utilized when i'm taking the exams!!!



kns, i think evaaaa died again. dulan.
how come i always seem to kill her unknowingly. HAI.


GIVE UP.




prelude to more pics from connect@six after exams.
rahhh. i rather be doing project now than studying.
studying makes me feel so lonely.



i really need both As for these two modules.
and i will get them.
i can feel it.
must be confident, jielin!!!!!
-shrinks away very not confidently-


VE yet again. sucking away all my time. work work work.
can't wait for the trip.

goodbye my loves.
my brains are exploding.
but the irony is, i don't know how much knowledge went in.

lost cause.

it seems like even if i don't sleep, eat, bathe, shit, watch tv or breathe, i'll never finish studying.

i think all i can do is MAKE THE BEST OUT OF WHAT IS LEFT.


which is basically...erm...try to chill and study.


i will kill myself with extreme stress. and i cannot do that. i promised to give myself some breathing space and not get all anal. so i must BREATHEEEEE and don't tear my hair out.



which is not working. because i get minor panic attacks now and again.



oh god, i hate bob to the extent whereby i have no words to describe him.
monky, set your hippo assasins to murder him please.



i think bob is a sadist.
he derives joy from our pain.
demon from hell disguised as a oilspill on earth.

i'm so glad i did not choose him for next semseter. god bless.
even a slow-talking machine COULD be better, right????

if it's possible, to lose faith in you.

i thought you had the ability to make me smile. cheer me up.
but talking to you made me none of the above.
instead i felt angrier. more frustrated. more annoyed.

greater urge of wanting to cry.


but he illicited a smile from me.
why couldn't you?


why, promises are always broken.
i have to get used to it.

ARGHHHH!!!!!!

//edit.

KNNCCB STUPID BOB HOW COME LAST MINUTE INCREASE SO MANY CHAPTERS.
KNS I THINK I FORGOT EVERYTHING I LEARNT INFRONT CAN KNNCCB DULAN.

HOW COME LIKE THAT?
OMG i don't want to study anymore.
haiz.


I SWEAR I WANT TO STAB HIM TO DEATH RIGHT NOW.
I FEEL VIOLENT.
and...i feel so angry i want to cry.



kns. i really hate studying for exams.
i think i'm falling back into depression again.


just let me die =(((((
------

i really hate studying for exams. oh god.

RAHHHHH. give me an academic brain for nowwwww.

LL, i need your blessings once more. thank you.


sigh. studying makes me sleepy.
but i need to retain that 3.85. kns.


damn. how long more.

just so you know.

just so you know that i still take pictures (though not as often because of hectic schedule and damn sian half the time cos' of no life), i'm giving you guys a HUGE ASS picture of my...erm.


non existent cleavage. or whatever it is. HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

ok. sorry, my blog is like m18 huh HAHAHAH. anyway my boobies also not as impressive as nehneh or pf or yan or mz lah. HAIYO.

more pictorial updates from like..ages. i don't know. LOL. just view for pleasure lah huh. (((:

to compensate for the text-heaviness recently. sorry man. lazy to upload pictures.

apparently, i've grown fatter and tireder and this was taken while we were preparing for the FINAL presentation WHEEWHEE.

weisi looks soooo tired too. HAHAHA. we were printing the research report.

com443 rendered me damn poor. HAIII.

so i attempted a very look happy face HAHAHA to cheer myself up that i busted my pockets paying for all the high-end advertising stuff. hello, i cannot see my eyes again. wtf.

and yes, wearing brighter colors is an attempt to cheer myself up too. and make myself look more juvenile wtf. HAHAHAHA.

zw saw me in school one day when i was wearing this and she said i looked like i was donning some kindergarten uniform OMFG??!?!

ws is pouting. awwww.

footwear differences. HAHAHA. when will i get my decent pair of slippers and not feel weird wearing them? hmmmmmmm.

another day. dinner with fatbear.

visibly tired out. i think i just woke up not long. HAHAHA.

dinner time!






our table was filled with dishes that were all spicy to the max. HAHAHA. siao one. and i was still having sore throat. but..haii, don't care lah.

red pepper fries. bloody good.

his.



loves!!!!! damn nice as usual!

erms. taken on the final ppt day!!! AFTER the ordeal. WHEEEEEE.







constructed by yours truly! =D

for fatbear. my christmas island!!! HAHAHA.

happy lego time!

ok i've got tons more of pictures taken on ch's camera which i've just saved off facebook but i'm VERY lazy to upload right now, especially after the entire bulk i have today. zzzz. ANOTHERDAYOK???

promise!!!!

a day at work. VE. and i realized i'm getting increasingly accident prone. i used up my house's supply of plasters. and i decided to get new ones. SIGH.

and my pink brolly wtf. i created history and set a new record in JIELIN'S BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS when i bought it.

and evaaaa. from fatbear! AHAHAHHA. more pictures about it later!

random pictures from today.

from thursday till today, i've kept my face SUPER clean. like no moisturizer, no concealer (damn eyerings! =( ), no nothing. damn sick of the clogged up pores and humid weather and constant perspiring. damn dulan. my skin needs to BREATHEEE.

so yea. you can see that i'm uber pale in my pictures. HAHAHA. ghastly! -gasp-

before steamboating at ed's place we went grocery shopping at sheng shiong, commonwealth area...

preparation for food---i did finished my share and this was taken when most of the stuff were completed. SO DO NOT THINK THAT ONLY THE GUYS ARE WORKING HARD. HAHAHAHAHAH.

monz and i damn accomplished also ok!

aye happy people leh. HAHAHA.

see!! OUR SPREAD. and each person only need to pay about $14!!!! considering only 4 of us. and this included icecream dessert (which i missed out because left earlier than expected). MY PADDLEPOP!!! -whines-

anyway i was sick lah. sigh. still sick. damn, my immune system is terribly broken down. =((((

damn alot of food lor!!!


see? never bluff you right! HAHAHA.

we couldn't even finish all these!!! =S






aye i wanted to drink, but i was super full by the end of the meal. no alcohol for me! damn, i'm so disciplined i hate myself HAHAHA. but i had a gulp of hoegarden koped from fatbear. FATBEAR YOU MUST STOP DRINKING! GOT BELLY LIAO!!!

ANDDDD, don't DRINK AND DRIVE HOR. i will worry one ok. -slaps-

monz my love. ((((:

i'm convinced she's found her happiness. and i'm glad.

fatbear and me. (me looking pale ARGHHHH)

damn hot! i was perspiring from the heat (steamboat at home is very humid too!!!) and was flipping my hair, annoyed.

group picture!!! GAHHHH FAT!!!!

ok this is evaaaaa (must drag the name cos' it's from wall-e that white thingy robot HAHAHAHAH) !!!!! it was resurrected after fatbear changed the usb cable wire with the supplier (after smartly showing me the website AND price BUT i pretended i did not see HAHAHA).

so it's working now!!! i'm charging it. it's actually this electronic photo frame thingy. slide show in an egg. HAHAHA. keeps changing pictures in the frame, and acts as an alarm clock too! quite cool! (((: i'm charging it now as i speak!

ok i don't know why everytime i try to take picture of it it flashes my picture. i'm not that zilian ok. so i gave up taking pictures of it.

and the pics were uploaded by fatbear for me. (: how sweet.

OK MORE PICTURES NEXT TIME. so tiring!

psssttt! west coast plaza is gonna be the NEXT BIG THING LORRRRR. HAHAHAHA. super near me. with all the restaurants i need without even stepping into town. there's laundry service to send my stuff to wash. and tons of other shops! DAMN I'M SO EXCITED. imagine. the one-stop barely 5-10mins (depending on rate of pace) walk away!!!!

sometimes i still don't know many things about you, or about me.

and i wonder if it's all going in the right direction, with the right vibes...you fit me like a glove. we fit together with such ease it's weird, but comforting at the same time.

tell me this is something good, something eternal and filled with happiness and bliss. convince me that this won't be like the rest.


because i gave you my heart, and it really scares me...because...it means i'm left with nothing. nothing in my emotional range to protect. which makes me want to pull back. and cover myself up in the shield i'm so accustomed to. but i shouldn't be doing this. and then i experience a series of tension. tugging from all directions, with all conflicting emotions. even if all the assurance you offer, i don't know what's real and what's not, what's true and what's lies. words will just be words. as always.

time. not long. not short. and i already feel like i've stagnated. it's time i throw my gear into action. because i need to grow. this just isn't me.

jelly is sick.

im sick.
i ate 4 pills today.
all 4 different colors.

two cold.
one pink.
one skin.


-dies.

no mood to work today. but had to struggle through two tuitions and VE all the way to 11pm.
zzzz.


i have two boxes of panadol cold. two boxes of strepsils honey lemon. one box of mentrual pink pills. two boxes of stomachache pills.

OMFG. apart from the pink pills, the rest is fatbear buy one. HAHAHAHA.
eh fatbear u take care of me well.
last time want to eat medicine cannot find.
now i can open pharmacy.

=DDD love u!


still, i must start studying. 7 days. minus 3 days work. 4 days. 20 chaps (atleast).
5 chaps per day. SIAO. HOW TO FINISH KNS DIE ALRDY.


ok teojielin buck up!!!! =((((




but my wishes have more or less come true. more to come. more to come true. ((((:
yayyy.


seriously in holiday mood now. fuck.

wc, you're missed.

wei cheng,

it's been a year.
i think of you time and time again.
of the times you made fun of me.
the times u sat me down and told me serious stuff.
the times you lent your helping hand generously and sincerely.
the days we spent with ocip people in udon thani.
the times we used to call each other brother.
the time when you laughed at me for not being able to sing well in kbox.
and yet you told me to sing daringly.

i cannot say we were the best of friends.
or that i know you inside out.


but i miss you.
and i still cannot believe you're gone.
it's been a year. how time flies.
and i still cannot come to terms with it.



i see your face on facebook.
i see your face on friendster.
i am afraid to look through my ocip pictures.
because i am afraid i'll start crying like mad.


thinking of you makes me tear.
i miss you.
regrets; all too late now.


no matter what happens, i'll never forget you.
i hope you're happy where you are.
we all miss you.

i don't want to go, and release the floodgates again.

211108(:

HAPPY TWO MONTHS ANNIVERSARY TO FATBEAR AND MEEEEE.

wheewhee. bombeebee.

ok, these two months feel like years. zzz. but still, thank you fatbear for making every effort possible to make me happy. i am a blessed princess indeed. (:

thank you for the love letter HAHAHAHA (omg got minimal grammar errors ok!!! so proud of you) and EVAAAAA aka the white egg.


ermmm, only that i'm figuring out how to sync eva with my laptop and it's not showing any signs of response. shits. did i kill eva? wtf.


coincidentally, i fell really sick last night. was starting to feel uneasy during work. when i came home finally, it was full-blown headache, nausea and sore throat. damn bad.

concussed on bed although i had switched on my laptop and planned to chat online for a bit. but totally no energy. headaches sap my energy.

i think my parents switched off my com for me though.


i developed minor fever last night; sweated it out. stinks.


got some TLC from fatbear. yayyy.


heading to work soon.
i'm losing my appetite recently. i wonder what's wrong.
sigh.



please, may the great p come soon. like in a few days*.
*few days=3 to 4 days.


best is today. HAHA.



i'm supposed to be studying for the finals. but haven't touched the books yet. die.


bbyebyeee. time for work. rahhh.

OVER and OUT.

finally, after an extremely hectic morning before class, EVERYTHING IS FINALLY OVER.

this has been one of the most amazing journeys ever in my years so far in UB. it really indeed is a feeling of surreal and disbelievement and much pride for having successfully accomplished this module.

most of all, i am so proud of my team and all 5 members within. because i believe this was one of the rare times of project work whereby everyone had their own areas of expertise and performed well in them. if i were to miss out anyone, i would definitely not have been able to do what i had done for this module.




and congratulations to our team for obtaining the "most creative" title plus the "best agency of the year 08" for our class section!!! WHEEEE.


i swear all of us were like damn stunned. HAHAHAHA. because totally never expect. our final presentation was basically to have FUN FUN FUN. all of us knew what was going on, and hence scripts would have been almost redundant.

laughter was all around. relaxed mood and smiles and grins. i feel the love mans! =D

in fact, things like the portfolio, powerpoint slides and some other stuff were only completed a FEW MINUTES before the presentation itself HAHAHAHA. aiyaaa.



everyone did spectacular today. wow. seriously. i was awed.


i think this module has left us enriched, experienced and very better than before.




in any sense, the team settled more stuff after class. distributed our LEGO loot. settled debts. took pictures. compiled portfolio for all members of the group and so on. will post the pics as soon as ch posts them onto facebook! =D



lunched with fatbear at rail mall. subway.

headed over to P's place for tuition. earned $25. almost dozed off. so sleepy!!!

went back to clementi to wait for fatbear to pick me up. toured singapore for 1 hour plus. sianed.

marina square for madagascar2. random stuff for dinner. after movie was geylang for dimsum.
then home.


it's work in 10 hours time. SIGH. time to start studying. or at least try.
no time. if i were to calculate in the times i would be away working. sian.
must start to earn more moolahs also!!!! die die must squeeze time out!




somehow, i feel like fatbear doesn't love me as much. or pamper me as much. or dote on me as much.
and sometimes, the gap between us can be so vast, it actually daunts me.
and i scare myself thinking about the differences.
and how practical it'll all be.
i really want it to work out.
but...can two different worlds ever become one?



and 2 days ago, i suddenly thought of you.
i remembered. the memories.
and i almost teared involuntarily.
i thought the pain was gone.
but...apparently...remnants linger.
why did it have to be you?

171108.
fatbear bought me my first top from him.
(((:

met fatbear's friend for dinner today. his treat.
sakae sushi.
his friend is hilarious.
=DDD
enjoyed myself.


i just realized too, that the time we spend together is short.
merely a few hours, sometimes 1 or 2.
sometimes more if we're lucky.
we're so different, we lead separate lives away from each other.
no intersections.

i'm so tired i snooze everywhere i go.
this is bad.
i am about to concuss as i type this.
so warped.
so surreal.
everything is...hazy.



bob is so...arghhh!!!
cannot wait for wednesday to come and end.
so so sooo exhausted.
although it'll be full-blown studying (or trying to) after that, i need mental relaxation from the high levels of stressed i have been experiencing this semester for this module.


hug away my troubles.
hug away my woes.



it's time i metamorphorsized again.

diary of the pained soul-

i miss my bed so god damn much.
my days pass so quicky with school, work, and you.
i'm losing my mind without me knowing it.
my throat still hurts like a bitch.
i have a million pimples on my face.
my eye rings get darker and darker with every passing day.
the paper cut never seems to heal.
i think my body has stopped repairing itself without me realizing.
i wonder how near death is to me.


and sometimes i wish i never ever wake up from my slumber.


because with every waking moment,
with every blink of an eye i take,
every breath that comes out from between my lips,
comes a combat against life.

frankly,

today has been horrid.

the morning started out bad because i found out that my VE polo was still wet despite it being washed on thursday already. and the worst thing was it was HALF wet and HALF dry. wtf???? literally LEFT wet and RIGHT dry ok!!!!

and it's not DAMP. it was WET.

dulan.

and then i got pissed because mama is damn favoritism.
whatever lah. i should have learnt to never depend on anyone.
i always forget time to time again.



stomped off to tuition.
wasn't late. so that was good.
both tuition carried on fine.
both were nice.
ended P's tuition with a good chat with her mum.
really...helped me quite a bit.
i fear. the future.
although i keep telling myself everything will be alright.
everyone tells me i'll be alright.
but it's hard to believe. right now.
the world's bleak.



fatbear came to pick me up. lunched. at pioneer mall. hokkien mee cravings satisfied.

throat still damn pain.
abs, i didn't do anything to you when u were sleeping ok! wtfff! we divorced second time rmb? HAHAHAHAH.

i think it's telepathy. we cannot run away from our fates.
it's intertwined. wtf. HAHAHAHA. lover's destiny -up down eyebrows-



VE was...dots.
damn bloody busy.
alone today. so i had to settle all those unreasonable customers and smile at nice ones and attempt to keep my cool at stupid ones.

gary came back and looked very happy to see me wtf.
some laouncle wanted to buy ferrero rocher for me. wtf wtf.
some people were just plain rude and unappreciative.
some people were nice as usual.
some were troublesome.


yesterday was weirdo bithday boy who refused to leave.
today was irritating guy who decided to choose his dvds until 11pm. WTF HELLO CLOSE AT 1030pm OK!!!!!
-slaps


i had to close at 1115pm. and i was supposed to meet abbas at 11pm. SIGH.
there were admin problems because Hboss forgot to do something earlier in his shift.
i finally pulled down the shutter at 1130pm and rushed to find abbas at the taxi stand.


wooo. thanks to abbas i got a ride home! (((:
thanks dude!
it was really great catching up with him. NO TIMEEEEE. not enough timeee.
so much to say, so little time.


cinderella had to be back by 12midnight.
must catch up again soon!!! geez.


miss him loads! (((:



now, home, want to rest. so tired. throat is a bitch.
but have work to do. for meeting tomorrow.
damn sian. ULTRA SIAN.
i hate weekends. RAHHHHH.
WHAT WEEKENDS??!?!?! DON'T EXISIT.


-cries.
enough whining. byebye.


feel myself falling ill soon.


wah lau kns damn bad mood. cumulative of so many events.
dulan. shall not blog these debilitative emotions.
i'm losing my mind.

although i look so calm on the outside.

hokkien mee cravings.

i conclude that most of my friends have forgotten about me.
cue: marshy, whiteass etc.
AYEEE.


feeling so sad.



trying to do some work before i concuss. sigh. damn, weekends are such tiring days for me.



i just read my sis's blog and found out that she was asked to join the SIM Face Pageant!!!!
omg lah, my self-esteem just hit another low HAHAHA.
what's new?



VE was alright today (fri). Pboss smsed me to tell me that my commission earned last month was good and to continue the good work. aye. die already lor. my this month's commission is only...1/5 of last month's. i can die already. must start working harder.

should be doing closing alone for sat VE without LF. which is fine by me as long as the $$ tallies.


sore throat is a killer. =(((

i'm starving. i only ate a mini packet of maggi mee today before going to work today.
nothing since.
hunger drives me crazy.


but i seem to be putting on weight. ERMS.
wtf. eat too much air.


i got myself a terrible paper cut today during work. !)$)#@%*)(@$!)$
i hate paper cuts. they're painful shits.


i super need retail therapy.
but damn broke lah. forever broke.
especially this semester spending too much on cab fares to school wtf.
and now to fatbear's place also cos' i'm lazy to take the bus. HAHA.
CANNOT AH, TEO JIELIN!!!
die die must take bus. must wake up earlier!!!


and tuition hasn't been that intensive recently.
could explain my loss of income.
both tutees got the time. but i don't. which sucks. i see $$$ flying away.

my itouch. shall eat air for now.
SIGH.



i want to eat something salty now.
like...hokkien mee.
but i guess i should settle for eating paper now. wtf.
my sad life.

losing sleep, losing mind.

i opened this window like 3 hours ago and only start typing NOW. wtf. toomuchworktodo.

today was last PR presentation/project. YAYYY. i couldn't sit still in my seat to wait for our turn to present. no rehearsal no nothing. AHHAHA. but heck lah. damn sian liao. just wanna finish everything.
now pray mcneil loves me and gives me high class attendance and participation marks. ermmmm. ok i'm gonna try be positive wtf.
and it's finals exams to conclude the semester. A- at least PLEASEEEEE.

anyway, finally more picture updates. taken on...erms.. monday. shits my memory is failing me. i keep forgetting days as they zoom by me. all i remember are dates for exams, presentations, reports, meetings, work and HOLIDAY. wtf.

MY VERY VERY VERY COLORFUL TOP HAHAHAHAHA. eh mai siao siao ok. i everyday where black/dark colors, first time wear so colorful.

plus i was almost late for class that day. ran up like mad dog. MOMENT I STEPPED IN, quite a number of people commented that i wore super colorful and it's damn NOT ME. HAHAHAHHA. i think they thought i was possessed or something.

after class hard at work. me, sucking at photoshop, must leave it to the pros(xc, pris, ch). i can only give concepts and comments and suggestions for improvements. zzz.

but omg I LOVE THEM ALL LAH. seriously. like all 5. all specialized in various skills. damn zai. (((: last presentation next week le. i wonder if i'll miss advertising and them.

fatbear popped by to wait for me to finish work in school for late dinner. SIGH. and to celebrate something HAHAHA. ermmm. top secret. (ok, it's not really top secret but im saying this to arouse interest HEHE)

fatbear brought me to hilltop!
JAP FOOD ROCKS CAN.

appetizers.




sauces.




TAPANYAKKI style. yums. but oily sehh. and we left the place stinking HAHAHAH.







we had to wear like orange colored aprons over our clothes to protect ourselves from splatters of oil/scraps of flying food(when the chef flips and fries stuff) etc.

WIN ALREADY LOR. i became a 5 colored walking animal wtf. damn uglyyy. =((((

steak!!!!! LOVEEEE.



my dear house hubby HAHAHAHAHHA. the apron suits you fatbear! remember your monthly market allowance of $400 ok!!! =D



ok of all the dishes we ordered, the GARLIC FRIED RICE SUCKS. like HELLO???? where's the garlic taste? zzz. all i tasted was fried rice. so disappointed. =((( waste money sia. even shin kushiya rocks the house with THEIR version. not gonna eat that again EVER.

soft shell crab with egg wrapping. this is...awesome. eat when served hot. biting into the soft shell actually causes the juices inside to EXPLODE in your mouth. like..seriously, the gravy SQUIRTED inside lor. omggg. heaven.

giant prawns!!!

asparagus.

prawn head. zzz. cholestrerol cholesterol, jielin. HAHAAH.

bean sprouts. tad bit too oily. =(

EH i said unfair cos' he was further back and his head smaller. so RETAKE HAHAHA.

tadaaa. smaller head! ok ignore the fact that i look SUPER tired in the pictures. i was REALLY tired. lack of sleep. my eye rings are...dominating me.

i think i like how i look in this shot! yayyy. but fatbear looks retarded.

complimentary dessert.

chui face.

aye. fatbear must practice poses.


almond beancurd.
mango pudding.




more chui faces, by yours truly, the camwhore. (actually i think i need to shed this title because recently i don't even have the habit to take photos unless people remind me to wtf)

even fatbear asks me to take pics before we start eating blahblah. shits.

after dinner, climbed to top to enjoy view.




self-timer wonders! (:






tuesday in school 443 meeting again. met the two idiots TOGETHER this time! whenever i see them in school they are NEVER together one. separate. HAHAH. and they wear like couple outfits. white and blue. wtfffff. even same color sling bags. DAMN GAY! =DDDD

miss musiccc. erm. i think.


weisi so happy lor. HAHAHAH.
ok i've got more pictures in my phone again. but damn lazy. and i'm super tired now.

after school, i had to rush to VE by 12pm. and it was STORMING. i was so drenched i decided to become even MORE drenched and STAY wet for 7 hours is NOT ALLOWED. so i popped to ntuc (aiya some supermarket at clementi central) to grab a mini UMBRELLA. OMFGGGG.

TEO JIELIN BOUGHT AN UMBRELLA.

like...can go buy toto or 4d HAHAHAHAHAH.

and pink somemore. shits.

but i managed to stay dry from the moment i used the brolly. although my sneakers were soaked and my socks were damp and i felt like shit for 7hours still.

at least feel like lesser shit also good.

work was...bad. boring. stoned. and sian.

watched 3 cartoons and 1 movie. wtf. hopeless. but at least i get to widen my list of "watched".



LF finally came close to 7pm although he was supposed to reach at 6. handed over. byebye.

oh, fatbear popped by to drop me waffles and bubble tea. AI XIN SEHHH. (((: thank you fatbear.

CHEER UP FATBEAR! MUACKS! i'll always be here for you!!! ((((:

byebye. cannot take it. more work tomorrow. ROARRRR.