Tuesday, July 31, 2007

wrong move.

WARNING: LONG POST. DON'T READ.

i wanted to know where it leads to, and i got my answer.
perhaps it was negligence. or it could be suey-ness. or just that i refused to admit that it would turn out this way.

my positivity can get me killed sometimes.

and wj is right, i should stop playing with fire.
i make others worry, and i get myself in dire straits unknowingly.
i'm.........retarded. bird brain indeed.

sighs.

thanks to nehneh. for everything. you know i cannot voice my gratitude that well, but im ultra glad for everything you did. words cannot describe. thank you loadssss. -bows-

i've never really uttered much about marshy and gene in the blog, mainly cos' i doubt they have the time to read it anyway. but i'm gonna drop a few words of appreciation here.

thanks to gene aka white ass. for ALWAYS being there to listen to my complains and outbursts and whinings. trust me, you are a stable pillar of support, reliable, comforting, and da besttttt! -beams-
i know that i've done something very stupid, and i've promised you never to do it again. i promise. (:
thank you for your limitless understandings and encouragements given throughout my course of life. i can't imagine life without the existence of white ass. seriously. =)

marshy. i was so surprised to receive your sms on the day of my exams. even when i was running late for the paper and panting like mad, that little beep on my cell reminded me how cared for i am. thanks millions for all the small things you do. the gentlemanly acts here and there. that retardedness that never fails to make me damn dots and cheer me up ultimately. =)

i guess i must thank wj for everything too. somehow i find his company comforting. his talks rewarding and insightful. honesty works. i am thankful for his frankness in certain topics; at least i get to understand better the other point of view.

and wy, for letting me bully her. she doesn't know of this blog (along with wj), but i really wish to thank her with utmost sincerity. her presence in xh cheers me up indefinitely. hahaha.

i guess god compensates for my lack of brain and brawn with wonderful friends whom i know i can rely on through thick and thin.

though mrA says i'm cute and stylish. hee.
and mrT said i'm pretty. whee whee.


fine, make me happy a bit lah. not happy don't read.

my mask remains untouched.


------

nehneh's right. maybe it's time i wake up from my fall.
deeper i go, higher the chances of hurt.
but i cannot help it.
it's been so long since i get so happy (and ridiculously happy at that) just receiving a simple msg from a certain someone.
it's dumb, really.

sigh.
but what hopes can i have?
not to have them dashed in the end.
the risk, so many urged me to take,
yet i am hesitant.
because i know this time,
healing will take longer.

and i cannot afford that.
never.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

progress.


mz's hands are super active.


ok, so i've actually hair long enough to tie it into a tiny ponytail.
i'm thinking of cutting soon. like when i'm REALLY free, inclusive of all the highlighting and treatments.

booooo. no time, no money.

and compliments about my hair. =))))
glad.

my eye rings and eye bagsss.
gross.
i must do my mask later.

HAHAHAHA. first time okkk. so cool.

so today, i had this p1 class. SUPER CUTEEEE. my gosh. HAHAHAHAH.
i think they like me too. =DDDD

and then there was the p6 kids. hmmmmms. puberty seh.
but i think the lesson went pretty well, though highly unprepared.
boos.
stupid jh nv tell me lah. wah lau eh.

but it's money. who's complaining.
not meeee.
-grins-



the history.


i work because i have to start from somewhere, to get something bigger in return.
somehow, i know it'll come for me.
soon, in time. =)


sidenote, they are plonking me in clementi pretty a lot of days. zzzz.
and they plonk until very convenient one lor, don't need to tell me before hand. just plonk then inform.
win.


is it too good to be true?
but i know i must still take things one step at a time.
rush, and i'll stumble.
too slow, and i might miss.

where will these subsequent occurences lead me?
i'm so damn curious...



this is superrr old school.


what will come out of it?
what happens for a reason?
i need to knowwwww.

but pray, things not be negative.
pray i be safe.
pray i be well.

just, mr fate, don't give me high hopes, then crash me down.
can you hear my cries?

your eyes still mesmerise.


One may say that evil does not exist for subjective man at all, that there exist only different conceptions of good. Nobody ever does anything deliberately in the interests of evil, for the sake of evil. Everybody acts in the interests of good, as he understands it. But everybody understands it in a different way. Consequently men drown, slay and kill one another in the interests of good.

jing bao.

AHAHAHHAHA, superrr.

i'm tempted to believe that my ponytail might be puny but magical.
-beams-

=DDDD

riding high.

things are going better than expected in that area.

BUT overall, i'm still trying to take everything in. mans.


first was meeting you.

and then that weirdodo guy on the way home.

and then online i initiated the chat.
and so many jing bao things happened.
wahlaueh.
cannot take it.

sighs.
but i'll let fate run the game.
i'm not entirely sure if the vibes i get are accurate.
i tend to get a little woozy and high at night, misinterpretations.



or it could be intoxication on his part.
damns.
see, i'm thinking ahead. no hopes, no disappointments.

tired. com240 proj research tml! better get it done.
tuition in noon. money money money.
hai.

time and fate and chance.
let it be, jielin.
flow.

byebye. (:

can't fall asleep.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

aching all over.

ok i'm tired, so i shall make this short and sweet.

1) kids in clementi are smarter than kids in boon lay. i taught them, so now i know.

2) i pasted flyers over a few blocks of hdbs in clementi and i almost died from perspiration and climbing stairs.

3) i was supposed to paste flyers in the morning, tuition in late noon and mark at night.
i ended up cutting flyers stuff and marking papers in the morning, tuition at noon, and TEACHING at night. zzzz. never plan before hand.

4) i'm aching. dammit.

5) I SAW YOU. knn OF ALL PLACES. and i felt my heart go bimbam non stop again. kaozzzz. why do you still look so.......ARGH!
i meannnn. i wasn't even expecting you. yet my sight was drawn to you from afar. and when i took a closer look as i walked in your direction, it really was you. AND YOU SAW ME TOO. coincidence? kaozzz.
can you become less good-looking or not. =(

stunning eyes. i'll die under them.

6) tuition again tml.

7) the whole world knows i need money. HAHAHAHAHHA. at least, money is falling into my hands. loves. mummy mummy.

8) i feel anti-social and i have no friends. kill me.

9) mgq and coms proj to do. tmd sian.

10) ten commandments are over. byebye.

Friday, July 27, 2007

take a break.

no kitkat.
i've decided to try to diet again.
the stress is getting to me and i'm losing my appetite.
eating for the sake of eating sucks. nothing tastes nice.
no cravings.

except for chocolate waffles.
those traditional greenish-brown floor pancakes with a layer of generous chocolate spread.
sighs. it's been way too long.
the only stall i know in clementi that sells that somehow closed down.
GREAT.

life's....ok. i mean it's all about coping and balancing right?

i find myself desperate to earn more money.
to save more.
i'm spending lesser, and i think before i spend.

it's ironic how people actually assume that i am rich because i LOOK rich.
i actually had my bosses asking me why i am so desperate to take up as many jobs as possible.
i told them i needed the money.
and they just told me in the face that they thought all along that i am damn rich.
HAHAHAHAHA.
it's funny right.
i DO wanna be rich.
i don't want to worry about financial matters.
i don't want to worry that i don't have enough to cover my expenses.
i hate being limited.

i want so much more. now and so much more.

i feel the spur again; yet at the same time, i feel dulled.

i am actually worried for my lack of interest in going out to party like my other counterparts my age.
LOL.
it's bad, i think.

but i do wish i could insert more meaningful events into my life.
like volunteering. it's been donkey years since i did any form of volunteering. i forgot how that warm tingy feeling feels.
i forgot how to love unconditionally and empathize.
because unknowingly, i've been living in a self-absorbed stupid little world.

------

went over to the centre for admin and marking scripts.
zzzzz.
although there was a tv with SCV functions and wireless abilities, i hardly got the time to indulge in any.
but it felt good, sitting at that 1000 plus worth of "good wood" (quote unquote boss no. 1) table. HAHAHAHA.
ALL MINE.
and that akira "damn expensive and very very zai flat screen tv" (quote unquote boss no. 2) just one arm's length away from me. -BEAMS-

BUTTTT, i just had to face all that papers and un-readable english. oh wells, i'm paid for it right. HAHAHAHA.

though i still don't know how much. never asked him.

nothing much admin to do though, for today.
just had to sit there, try to act pretty and smile at the parents.
the kids there are much smarter, more quieter, much richer. and somehow lesser. prolly cos' of the lack of advertisements.
hahaha, the place looks very very professional.

but i know the one at jurong looks damn pro now also. HAHAHAH.
improvements.
wheee.

and i got news that i might be getting bonuses next year. hmmmsss.
grow centre growwww.

and i deh my boss no. 1 to let me have one china boy whose father came to sign him up for.
HAHAHAHAH.
i mean if the father is willing to pay that private fee, why not seh.
HAHAHAHAH.
i shall see what comes out of it.
but lesser free time for myself, that's for sure.


it's gonna be paste flyers all around clementi day.
then tuition cuzzie make up day.
and then admin plus marking papers day.


money money come to mummy.
you are my honey honey.
i'm broke.


loads of shit to do.
but i'll get it done.
always do.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

many many;

pictures.



look how happy meow is to hear me say that. HAHAHAHHA.

anyway, i just painted my nails metallic blue again. wheee. gone are the disgusting peeled nails. yawns. jabbing at the keyboard. dry nails dryyyyy.

survived these few days of pure torture.
should pull through ok. not excellent, but ok. shall forgive myself this time.
nothing much i can do.

i was bored during the mgq lesson.
and this tee was infront of me for 3 whole freaking hours. i just had to take a picture of it.



it's a flyyyy!!! hugeass.




ok i tried to kiap the fly without ramram noticing.

and then what's lessons without sweets to keep me awake?



it's frigging adorable!!! pinkkkk and black. <3 -beams- and it's a milky flavour that is tasty ehough to be a sweet but not so sweet that it sickens.




look! got picture embossed on the sweet somemore. it's a dancing cow!!! hot seh. HAHAHAHAH.




i think stress got the better of her. HAHAHAHAHAH.


i need to cut my hair. it's so weedy-like.
=(

i need to earn more money.
poor poorrrr.

my skin needs some tlc.

tuition today.
was ok. 3 less kids. all the problematic ones. less crammed room makes a good day.
and they were tolerable today. somehow i was able to control them! wow.
they are quite nice kids lah. sighs.
and this kid even gave me some stickers out of the blue while i was marking their corrections. HAHAHAHAH. so cute right.



it's mickey and minnie mouse. those puffy kind of sticker. very nice to poke. HAHAHAH.


that affinity mole is hard not to believe.
=D

centre renovating. i reached it was empty except for these guys.
and then there was this guy squatting at a corner fixing something. no one informed me that they'll be there and i was expecting the girls only. so when i arrived, i was.........
eh?????

i literally stood at my spot for 5 seconds. then he saw me and i must have looked quite stunned. HAHAHAHA.
anyway, i managed to wriggle my way in amidst the wires and ladders and plastic stuff.
the guy kept saying "EH XIAO XIN YI DIAN!!! XIAO XIN AH!!!"

he repeated himself like...6 times all the way until i reached the landing. zzzz.
but it was really quite dangerous.

realised that i do alot of extra teaching even after lessons. sighs.

i need one more private tutee near my house. damn lazy to go find though. sucks.

the drive home on the car was good. the cool gentle breeze.
i actually found myself relaxing.




heh.

and then i got....weird signals. but prolly think too much. manssss. it's ironic how when you think you look like shit from the lack of sleep but people can think otherwise.

i'm not gonna complain though. compliments make my day.


on a side note, tie up hair got difference meh?


going to work admin tml at clementi. money money money.
i need to make up for all my loss. haizzzz.


found this old picture.
gosh. my teeth. bloodddddyyy.
two at one go.
hoseibo.
now, i wish my new dentist is HIM.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.



stare stare stare.


so much happening. i'm just trying to cope with the rush.

perhaps my angel is appearing.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

countless.

so the fever is gone, but the chills remain. plus the weather has been pretty havoc recently. rain rain rain. cold.

my right nostril is still blocked. my left one cleared. i'm breathing on one nostril's worth of air.

today's com240.....okkkk. i studied for two days. damn tiring. i guess this is what happens when you leave things to last minute.

2 days=48 hours. i managed to grab 4 hrs of sleep.

there are gonna be a million "i wished i had done better" in my life. but wells, gotta get used to it. i ask too much of myself.

isn't it funny how sometimes people can spend time discussing how to do this and that but eventually does none of it?

sometimes it's better to rely on oneself.

the integrity stays. cross checked my results with chinaman's answers after exams. TMDKNN. got some last minute changes damn heng. some others change liao sibei suey. original answers were correct.

zzzzzz. balance of life eh?
HA.

still, i've come to realise that my brain doesn't really interact well with numbers, figures or dates. =((((

MGQ tml. sighs. untouched. let me test my brain powers again.

afterall, isn't what this is about?
if i don't get the full, i won't. things happen for a reason.

at least,
wo dui de qi zi ji.



tmdtired.
one more night, jielin. one more night, and you can get to sleep BEFORE the newspaper arrives at your doorstep.

for this week anyway.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

fever.

i don't think i can finish all 7 chapters and still remember all that is in it.

flu plus blocked nose.
terrible sore throat.
fever.
chills.

mama's out of town enjoying herself i bet.

save me now.
drop me miracles from the sky.
let me be well too.

Friday, July 20, 2007

flu bug got me.



random pic i found from long long ago. my god, i am fugly.


finally, after avoiding the circulating flu bug in school, it has finally hit me, yet again.
woke up LATE LATE today although there is no school, i REALLY wanted to wake up early.
many missed calls and msges.
SIGH.

i want to stab myself now.
i wish i had more discipline. i wish i am studying my ass off NOW.
but i am not.

so....-stabs-

let's hope i can get some good work done soon.
HAIZ.

really gonna flunk my way out of the list at this rate of behavior.
HAHAHAH. according to wy, it's output failure.
LOL.
relief was ok, though i momentarily forgot all those primary school science terms. zzzz.
pulled through safe and sound.

i am hoping that my pay will be a beefy one.
it's so late this month i think i might just get 2 months worth one. HAHAHAHHA.
money money come to me.
i'm predicting admin at clementi starting from next week. extra income. plus marking papers for mr jh.
extra extra income.
though i wanna let go of one of my current classes, the numbers are growing unfortunately, AND fortunately.

how do i fix output failure?
counting from the amount of time i have with those rascals every lesson, i only have 6 minutes EACH to fix that problem.
sighs. never gonna be enough.

i am a fucking teacher mans.
that mole of affinity with children indeed.
HAHAHAHHA.

wells. -sneezes-
i am growing fatter. and i cannot wait for ALL my spree clothes to arrive.
and i wanna clear everything i don't like at home.
ARGHHHH.

i think i am actually sacrificing studies for the sake of money now.
=( gotta balance girl!
it's all about balance......

so i am still tmdknn turned off by you.
can't help it.


my papa upgraded my dell's RAM without my notice. he just told me yesterday night on the way back from tuition.
-beams-
it's so much faster than the lpp speed in the past. =))))

things do come to you in more ways that one.

and my popo struck 4d lottery.
got 50bucks as a result. i'm thinking where to slot this 50. perm or expenditure ac.
hmmmms.
shall leave it for now.




stupid pic i found in azz's blog. SERIOUSLY. the kiwis aren't the sexiest or hottest fruits at all.



full of hope for my account mans. wheeee!
hahahahah.
byebye.

coms please love me cos' i love you.
now, GET INTO MY BRAIN!!!!
=(

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

reconstructing my destiny-



true blue camwhores caught in action. i'm their follower. HAHAHAH.

17/07/07

what do they derive from their deeds? pleasure? superiority?
what do they stand to gain?
the pot calling the kettle black.
the irony, contradiction, and the hilarity of it all.
to stoop so low to carry out those means, to crush others worth-
should i feel pity for them, or should i feel the full-blown anger?

Maybe this only goes to prove their real capabilities.
for this is all they can do to make others feel sorry for themselves.
and actually believe that they are lousy.
can integrity and victory go hand in hand?
can karma and balance exist?
does destiny and will power coexist?




the reflections of us. mans, pudgy legs!



keyword here: ALEX. pls look at alex. we are the sidekicks merely. :D


multiple faces; sickening.
bile and vile.
i keep convincing myself i should simply let it be.
this is life, the wiser ones tell me.
just believe in cycles, believe in the way of life,
it stands strong, they advise.


the power of control.
can my power extend to it?

Harry Potter: the order of the phoenix.
good movie, or probably just a welcome relief from the rush of the past weeks.
tension-free, lest free from school work, and work.
one cannot survive without the other.
what is lost will come back to you, if it's meant to be yours;
though not in the manner you thought it would be.
the strength in belief. simplicity and insights.

i know:
that little smile, that secret glance.
i know i still possess it.
not yet, just not time yet.

18/07/07



HAHAHAHA.
nehneh: eh we are connected by two strands of your hair.
HAHAHAHAHAHHA. unconsciousness.



pardon the act cute pun. wheee.


tuition in a few more hours.
i can forsee myself failing quite badly this semester. somehow, i don't feel rejuvenated or motivated to study.
bad, as usual.
no study=no good grades. this equation is pretty strong.
stupid gpa. gone gone gone.
from the list, plop plop plop.

WAIT. I MUST THINK POSITIVELY.
ok sucks.
i will find back that motivation. erm...soon.

unintentional wants. :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

mai siao siao.

today was the race against time.
first was logging on to reply to emails for blackills.
settled more payment stuff.

two packages ready to mail out tml.
but biz is still pretty bad. sighs.
but thanks to meow's mad tagging, there are still responses.

managed to finish my why why love before leaving for tuition.

more tuition madness. but today more relaxed. wheee. the kids were relatively angels today. =)

and i got complimented sehhhh.

got people say im "pretty" and beautiful" okkkk!!!
HAAHHAHAHA. i'm damn happy.
though they were damn random and i was super stunned.
i mean i didn't even know how to react. i was just taking materials from the staff room when she suddenly said that.
mans, it's still ringing in my ears. -_-

and back home, zngggggg.
jh.

oh wells.
it's a good boost to self-esteem.

though i dress as per normal today. hmmmms. must be the air. more oxygen. HAHAHAHAH. pi.

and i saw this cute office guy on the bus to tuition. same boarding, same alighting! DAMN. different directions after alighting though. =((((
and call me thick skin, but i'm damn sure his line of vision had me from the moment i was queueing up to the boarding of bus to inbetween the ride. HEHE.
ok i'm thick skin. ignore me.
zzzz. let me be happy. SHIRT AND PANTS OK ABBY.





confirmed going clementi's centre for admin this thurs. taking some pro pics too. geez. i hate formal wear. nnnghhhhh.

marking papers for jh too. money money comeeee!

i don't care lah. must work damn hard already.
freaking tired now.

every night i'm so exhausted but i can't fall asleep because my brain is still whirring non-stop.
that feeling sucks. like hell.

is this part of growing up and working for your dreams?
hmmmms.
i know i will get what i want.
somehow, maybe life ain't that bad for me either.
i just don't realise how fortunate i am.

though i cannot go travelling that often recently, at least i got to travel 1/4 of the world before.
to places many haven't the chance.

although i'm not rich, i'm not a pauper either.

although i'm not a genius, i'm not stupid either.

although i'm not skinny like a model, i'm not fat either.

although i'm not beautiful like a goddess, i'm not ugly like a monster either.

in ways, i'm fortunate.

i just want more than i have now.
i'm greedy. who isn't?

bye bye.

Monday, July 16, 2007

qing tian.

i'm fine, just a random outburst on a bad day which was supposedly my rest day.

if that spurt of anger can bring about a new ideal laptop with all the powerful functions, i will be happier.

at least it brought along an in-built modem.

songs saved my day.
thanks to roy and wm. :)))
lovesss. all the songs i wanted. still lacking a few though.

WHO HAS MILUBING'S NEW CD???
i want the songsss.

grrrr.
so many songs, and cannot illegal download. HAHAHA. oh wells.

loves mayday, ljj, zhang zhen yue, dreamz fm, jay's new song, maroon 5.

how do i breathe;

so, my stars met with an accident. no reaction seh.
suan le.
meow's moles are alive.
and she wants to create love moles. HAHAHAHAHH.

mgq report update: did whatever i could. maximised my brain.
one report per week is not very healthy for my brain.
upcoming weeks is going to be more shit than ever.
sighs.

how to make money, sustain my grades, and have a normal life at the same time.
looks impossible.

but then again, impossible is nothing. WAHAHAHHA. lame stuff.

time to transfer money.

sigh. c'mon biz for blackills improve leh.
damn discouraging mans.
how to clear my stuff at this rate?

somethings go my way, some are still against me.
balance. it's all about it.
funny eh?

i guess moles do tell stories.

been working on the report since 11am till now. ok shagged ultimate.
shall relax abit before tuition in a few hours to catch my why why love. HAHAHAHA.

sighs. then it's back to hit the books or last minute report editing.
i cannot believe i haven't touched a single page of my com240. win already.
and people still say i'm hardworking and smart.

please.

-roll eyes-

balance;

Sunday, July 15, 2007

bursting limit.

so i burst. it's normal.
i tolerate and i tolerate.
i have limits too.

FUCKED UP PLACE.
what for i endure all these shit?
what for i use a fucked up computer that is so slow i can wait a thousand years for it to work, and pray like shit it doesn't hang on me when i do assignments, or tolerate the fact that i use a fucked up dell whose battery exploded infront of me, or one that has no in-built modem and i have to use sone lpp dlk one.

I TOLERATED OK.

complain for what? ask for what? nothing new ever comes my way from YOU.


what for i study so hard and get NO RECOGNITION or praises? WHAT FOR YOU TELL ME?

i'm doing this because i want to leave this place. leave it totally.


NOW i'M DOING MY WORK ON A FUCKING SUNDAY WHEN I SHOULD BE OUT PLAYING AND HAVING FUN AND YOU HAD TO SWITCH OFF MY COMPUTER.

IT HAS NO FUCKING BATTERY.


haiz. the tears had to come. frustration and internal anger.

i didn't even bother to listen for your apology. i didn't even WANT to look at your faces. i don't even want to have anything related to you.

right this instant. i'm so pissed and angry doing some shit mgq assignment, trying to make it sound not so cok and making sense of everything. OPENED EVERY FUCKING 7 DOCUMENTS.

im just so angry. and i didn't even bother expressing this anger infront of you.

i want to scream and shout and yell and cry.

i need a fucking break.

music blasting into my ears SO THAT I CANNOT HEAR YOU.
so that i wouldn't have to answer stupid questions, or listen to that stupid show on tv playing which i insisted for you to shut off but you refused to.

it's blasting as loud as my fury.

so loud i don't wanna hear the world.






it's all outburst.
who would care?
no one.



on a bright sunny sunday, i shall go back to the fucked up mgq case2.

sometimes i am a superwoman.
now, i don't feel all that super.
take me away, please, i beg of you.

ADVERTISEMENT!

okkkk. so the spree is moved forward because i completed the measurements and pricing too.

GO VISIT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM to support us!!


thankssssss. remember to introduce us to your friends ok! :)

prices are veryyyyy low!! cheapppp.
------

i'm pretty brain dead.
tuition entire day, thousands on scripts.
and jh is eager to pay me to mark HIS papers. thanks man.

see after mgq shit and some shit tone down then prolly i'll do it. SIGHS.

money mah, how can say no.

soon, it's gonna be admin at the centre. more income i hope. just play less lor. sighs. no life already.
what to do, money is important.
shall try to earn more than i spend.
currently it's the other way around.

-------

so today my ma randomly told me that she remembered me telling her about my moles. and she read in the newspaper + heard on radio that people with alot of moles have long life.
thanks man. zzzzz.
hahahahhaha.

and today my student told me that tall people have short life.

SEEEEE????!!!!

my life will just cancel out.
great.

------

today on the bus, you stunned me.
though separated by a door, your gaze stunned me. your gaze turned to a stare, and i couldn't help my stare too.
you sucked me into your world. for a moment, i swear i stopped breathing.

and zzzz i felt shy for no reason. i couldn't hold the gaze. and i looked away. when i tried to breathe and look again, your line of sight was still directed at me.

my heart pounded like there was no tomorrow.

oh beautiful eyes.
------

mgq sucks. really.
-------
nehneh called today during tuition. and i had to keep cancelling the call cos' my phone kept ringing.
the rascals thought that it was my BOYFRIEND. thanks lahs.
so they kept saying "cherrr! dian hua xiang jiu yao jie!!!"

LOL. pengness. so i just gave that um chio look and said "don't want". WAHAHAHAHHA.

they'll prolly think i have a hubby mans. zzzzz. kids.
must be retribution for always speculating my ex-teachers' love lives. HHAHAHAHA.
sianz.

talked with nehneh damn long. and i didn't know she was still in genting. ROARRRR. MY PHONE BILLLLLLL. evil shits. SMS NEED MONEY LEHHHHHH. =((((

but she called me, and we talked pretty long. from boon lay to my house. LOL. sighs. come back faster.

------

i still hate mgq.
FIVE FREAKING CASES. KILL ME ALREADY.

one down. second one in process.
great.
------

it's time to transfer money. sianzzzz. lazyyy........

------

i think i cannot eat too much beef. i'm feeling quite sick and dizzy. grrrr.

------

sunday=mgq day.
so exciting.

couldn't love it more.


that's it stars. time's up.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

stay tuned.




stay tuned to blackills.blogspot.com


in the coming week (WEDNESDAY 18th JULY), more stuff will be put up into blackills under the SWEETY YUMMIES SPREE.
please do support!!!

we have other promotional events coming up at the same time. so please do visit NOWWWWW to find out more!! (link below)

BLACKILLS.
------

on another note, i've finally got down to taking the pictures and editing them. the entire process took half a day. GRRRR.
but i daresay i am proud of the outcome. (:

sighs.

fate is in my own hands. shall not let some moles put me down.
boohoo.

------

tuition again. money money money. pay prolly coming in next week. and cousin's one end of month. sighs. i need more income.
will be setting another plan into action.

today was a real slack day. watching tv then doing blogshop stuff.
sighs.

ok i'm gonna go back to do spree stuff.
tired.
byebye.
please VISIT BLACKILLS AND INTRODUCE YOUR FRIENDS TO US!!! (inform us too)
VISIT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM!!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

labour pains.

i'm dying from cramps.
seriously.
RAHHHHH.
machiam giving birth.
and my friend used to tell me only skinny ppl have painful cramps.
PI PI PI!!!

i feel awfully bloated and fat and annoyed with my balloonish body right now.
ARGHHH.

i might as well wear a sack to go out.
BOO.

so i was bored after reaching home. to relax a bit, i youtubed a couple of vids. mainly da siao ai chi's huan huan ai episode and kang xi lai le huan huan ai's cast.
LOL. ok both damn funny. good entertainment.

afterwhich, i couldn't think of any other thing to watch. so i decided to google for meaning of moles on face and body.
knn I SHALL NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING.

basically my moles ALL OVER MY BODY (you'll be amazed at the frigging number of moles i have) cancel out each other. equally good as there are bad.
so suan le mans.

astrology is still better.
hmmms.

but i have 2 more days and the stars are not dropping me any sign. hmmmms.
am i that unapproachable?
HAHAHHA.
oh wells.

i need new songs before i get so sick of my present songs i smash my shuffle.
ROARRR.

weekend. i guess in between leisure and work, i have to sacrifice one. FINE, I WILL WORK.
money comes with hard work right?

sighs.

what is the meaning of kuso??

Thursday, July 12, 2007

busy woman.

so today after school i went to tuition, and lucky meow can go home to rest.
so i asked her what she did at home.

MZ says:
watch tv

MZ says:
online

MZ says:
slack

MZ says:
eat biscuits

MZ says:
drink milk

MZ says:
v busy lor


zzzzzzzzz. slap her mans.

AHAHHAHAHA.

so i spree-ed again after ages.
cos' received email my puffy stuff are here. wheee!!!

3 more items plus 1 from new webbie.
hmmmms. splurge. guilt. but hell, at least i have clothes when i'm broke. provided i can FIT.

i hate my airport; hump; pear body.


EH, so recently still leading my MMGSL.
hahahahha. inside joke.

i'm not really succeeding, but still, i tried. and at least it's not THAT bad yet. MM must improve though... and GS is damn slack liao.
ARGHHHH.
GO JIELIN GO!!!

mgq301 case 1 was done after one night of..........torture.
i cannot believe we managed to finish in one night. ROARRR!
the quiz 1 today was bad. quite a few uncertainties. but it's over. just hope for A here too.
sighs.

i better catch up on bushyeyebrows lectures. know nuts about what's going on.

and i think ramram is damn annoying.
hates.


i like this dress....


i wanted to whine and complain about how lousy tuition was, how the kids almost made me burst out crying in frustration, or how i got so pissed by my stupid mom.
but i guess i'll save everyone the mindless rambling. i already burst my thoughts on laomeow. thanks to her PAUSING HER YOUTUBE SHOW AND LISTENING TO ME. HAHAHAHHA.

ok lah thanks lah. tml (only) i won't call you chinawoman ok! :) -angel-


free dinner and lunch from boss.
good talk. told him how i felt abt IT.
and although my face was pinched tight with tension at the end of the lesson, WY and PW managed to cheer me up with WY's constipation problem and ehhhh partial release. HAHAHAHAH. mans, i do love them.

somehow my days are better around them. <3

thank the higher powers for friends who really make my day in my life. apart from my apparent lack of brains and brawn.


i want that CLARINS face lifting thing mans. xiao S uses it and her faces really become more defined lor. wahlaueh. I WILL BUY ITTTTTTT.
my face is becoming like one big pau mans.
PUIS.

i'm dressing a lot to accomodate the heat now.
and i repeat my attires as much as i want to. LOL. no need to think so much lahs. no one in school to show off to anyway.
besides, whatever i wear is so odd no one will replicate me.


i realised i really have a huge ass.
my god.
huge hips huge ass. damn jialat.
flat chest.
big tummy.
how more screwed can my body get.
HAHAHAHAHHA.

oh wells.

i think i'm not a girl who maintains her face or body well. quite bad. i got to start learning to be more womanly. sighs.
see girls in taiwan and japan are so different.


i need new shoes. but i've not fallen in love yet.


i miss the feeling of being rich.
it sucks doesn't it?
sigh.


ok i look like crap here, but i always do anyways.


my nice nice socks and my trusty browns.


byebye don't miss me.

Monday, July 09, 2007

sucker for dramas.

finished episode 6 which was just uploaded on youtube. boo.
sucker for dramas. but i choose selectively. must have the people i like to watch. HAHAHAHHA.
oh well, it's normal lah.

the drama is quite nice. hilarious on some sides, touching on other scenes. and the luo wang jing tou is always so lame. HAHAHHA. mans. have to wait another week for the next episode!

anyway, this week is gonna be shit. after tuition today is to work on our stupid case 1. RAHHHHH.

then there is the quiz 1 for ramram. my god. miracles throughout the semester, i need.

it's a pretty chilly day so far,
and i woke up earliest ever this week. considering i did not have any tuition or school commitments today. i'm such a nice little girl.

i gotta start pacing faster. slowing down too much.

stomachache. shitted so many times. blah.

ok, continue making money.......


------
on a side note, i've added the 3 new blog links. though i'm not sure if rainie's one is the accurate one. there are so many fan sites! booo.

BUT I SAW A REALLY UGLY PICTURE OF WCY IN GU DAI XI COSTUME in his blog album.
why does meow's loves always end up with terrible hairstyles? HAHAHAHA.
oh well, who am i to comment given that i look like shit too.

------

okok, work for my grades now.
grades, money, grades, money.
that's all i can think of now.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

rainy day.

been long since i wore my blues today.
i miss it. HA.
rainy rainy cold morning. perfect for sleeping. and i had to get out of bed to go tuition.
great.


how can i complain? i'm earning money right. HA.

sometimes i'm scared to make commitments. too much responsibility.
but with shit, comes money too.


more and more kids. sometimes i have difficulty remembering all their names. HA.
still, if i move to the new branch, i start all again.
and i get new faces, new names, new environment.
i guess i might actually miss those devils.



why why love is damn nice.
yes i know drama. BUT IT'S NICE LAH.
i like chuan yi. but i like mike he in the show.
heard he might be an asshole in real life though. hmmmms.
mans, rainie is like damn lucky lah. suan leeee.

i should have hope lah hor. HAHAHAH.
oh well, it's gonna be sunday. and i want to sleep more.
blah.
so much work waiting for me to do.
BLAHHHHH.

remember spidey's words. HEH.

i shall wait for the one.
patience is thy virtue.




OH, i'm changing dentist apparently.
hmmmm.
it's a guy!!! hopefully it's that cutie who helped me pluck my teeth. HAHAHAHA. aiya, where got so lucky. sianzzzz.

muahahaha.
level 2 seh. a new level, a new adventure.
i cannot wait. :)

zilch.

does being in love equate to losing your intelligence?
because she is acting like one.
and it irritates the hell out of me.
it's like a basic retard.

I CAN TOLERATE. I CAN.

i think over the years, there is so much internal injuries, so much hurt, so much hidden secrets that i might be suffering so much i actually don't realise it; prolly until something triggers it off.
like just now.

sometimes i hate being born in this family.
i really do. and i know it's wrong.
just sometimes.

it's tuition again tomorrow. and i guess i better buck up and start looking through what happened in the past few lectures.
accented speech really pisses me off.
i frigging want to throw books in his face already.
mumbleking.
ARGHHH.

I CAN TOLERATE. I CAN.

i remember what haoz said on the short phone call that day.
there is nothing admirable about what i'm doing; or even me.
perhaps because i keep making endless comparisons, of how my life would be better, how i could be richer, smarter, prettier, thinner, luckier...the list never ends.

i'm so greedy i scare myself.
yet i often find myself behaving in a selfless manner i scare myself too.
perhaps it's because of this, i keep getting disadvantaged.
perhaps because of this, i'm bad at manipulation games.

i'm quite tired of my life.
it seems like an endless search for money and more money.
when i look in the mirror, i see only dullness in my eyes.
i actually feel sad for myself. THAT is sad.

because i believe that one day i will make it big BY MYSELF.

it's prolly a dream too big for my head.
it's prolly stubborness and wilfulness on my part.
i won't ever know.

i don't believe i cannot do it.
i don't believe i have to resort to those means.

what am i trying to prove?
am i trying to prove anything?

i can walk amidst the crowds; brushing past people, getting knocked head-on and stepped on.
tension of opposites.


and i realised how these few years, my birthday wishes have been the same.
everytime i pray to my late grandfather, i wish for the same thing. everytime i pray, i wish for the same thing.

and i always miss out something. maybe...that has lost it's priority in my life?
or maybe i'm just too afraid to look at it in the eye.
maybe i'm still _________.


it's funny how life works.
simple things like a gentle sorry from you when you accidentally knocked into me.
could actually set me off like a butterfly.
i like polite and gentlemanly guys.

few in this world already.

a total stranger, can actually make me happier than i thought.
ha. who am i bluffing.

i know, i will look at the mirror.

why, maybe that show is right.

if you don't hold hopes for something, perhaps it's better this way. no disappointments. no dashed dreams.

now, there is simply no room for dreams.

one step at a time,
will you walk with me?
will you look over me?
will you protect me?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

lenses.

i seriously think her brain is conked out.
then again, maybe it's just me.
should i feel pity? should i be ashamed of myself?
i'm just not so tolerant of ________ people.

------

i don't feel that drive yet,
the moment is not here yet.
the right one will come.

i hope i will not be blinded by everything when the moment hits me.
it's so easy to be blinded.
so so difficult to remain with two feet on the ground.
so many around me.

it's so easy to be blown off my feet.

who and what will i be in the future?
how will i be like?
what is mine will be mine.
what will happen will happen.
i'll control as much as i can, then it's up to fate to tie the ends together.

give me a happy story, for as long as i live.

my hp is corrupted...

with pictures NOT of myself, but mostly laomeow.
zzzzz. sometimes having a phone with a front camera is damn jialat--always kenna kidnapped.

what does this prove??!! I AM NOT A CAM WHORE OK. at least when i take pics with people's phones, i DELETE. hahahahha.

anyway, finally uploaded all the photos(includes unglam ones) into the computer. compiled all of them together so i wouldn't need to upload one by one into this entry.

get ready for overflow of pictures. if you're not feeling bored, don't proceed down.

these were taken on pauline's paper. finals. hmmms. before going into the exam hall and cramming last minute info:



"why you make your face like that?"
"like that then can make face look longer!"
zzzz




she wants to show off her teeth lah, i think. on the right is a random picture of johan, taking by meow also.

------
then we have pictures taken during lectures. she sneaks looks at the camera one lor. zzzz. my poor phone. no resting time:







left: nehneh and meow. nehneh always make ah lian poses. -_-
top right: meow actually looks scary here. machiam want teleport somewhere, then i happened to take a picture. maybe she hangs around with utt too much. -floats-
bottom right: she likes to manipulate my voodoo doll. O.O ARGHS.
smallest picture: nehneh making pig face.



you can tell the expression on the face, how the lecture was.
then it became.......



this.



she and her nails. erm, not very artistic leh mz.

------
then on the first day of the second half of the sem:



generally, it says--lectures are boring.



"na, ge ni wo de san ge dian." (translated: na, give you my three dots)
actually, it sounds damn wrong when it came out of her mouth. tskkkk.
one red marker pen, one mole, one blue pen. lanpekpek.




i don't really know why, but she boxed herself. retarded.



loves. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. i took this. =DDDD
mz, you should get this hairstyle.




eh, mz upside down seh.



mz acting cute.



she got so bored and wanted to sleep. so scribbling was an alternative. click to enlarge. basically, it's her yiyi (wang chuan yi) and herself's QING SHU (love letter). slap her please. HAHAHAHAHHA.
it's kinda blur. but it's quite obvious she didn't know how to write a lot of chinese words. zzzz. and the content....shall not comment on it.
it's only like the first of many upcoming qing shu(s) which she drew in that lecture. O.O




her.....couple portrait. and my emoticon (onion puking on msn) to reply.



suddenly we have an old man taking our course too! alex checking his hair.



alex telling his long long stories.




AH HAR!!! SEE WHO IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS! turn around some more. EVIDENCE!!



she scribbles on paper, i scribble on cup.



death is eternal. is death eternal?
-----------------------------------------

ok enough pictures.

grades for first half of sem are out. i'm not very pleased. but still, maybe i'm just overly hard on myself. white ass may be right.
sighs.

i have something to announce. TODAY (WEDNESDAY), MARKS THE END OF MY ONE WEEK COMBO TUITION. finally!!! i have thursday and friday free from tuition, before saturday hits me again. phew.

i cannot believe i survived everyday with tuition.
grrrr.

today was tiresome. the kids made me angry and irritated and (insert every deblitative emotion possible). perhaps i do need that change in environment. that change in brain content and human traffic flow. maybe i am a place-ist.

only when i see the other side of the picture, then i can make an effective comparison.
i will be patient.

kayaking course has been postphoned. till don't know when. it's both a relief for now. although this may imply that i may not be able to make it to the next one.

it was extremely hot today. the earth is dying.

was marking my papers from yesterday till today. half the stack was cleared.
then today went tuition, another half came back.
i'm so pissed.

might be pre-symptoms.
HA.

school again in a few hours time.
texts still unbought. i hate this feeling.

i think i'm rather positive already, the only problem that exists with me is that i am never satisfied. given something is never enough, i want something else. i want something better than the best.

read my horoscope these few days. i'm still seeking for the enlightenment. answers will reveal soon, and i will gain insight.

my flaw will be my strength.

ramram and bushyeyebrows lectures are all cmi. i give up mans. i hope i just study hard enough and the right way for their quizzes and exams. and hopefully the group projects turn out well. i tmd need a freaking break.

I ALWAYS NEED BREAKS.
aiya fine, i just want to leave this place for a while. stifling me.

i think i may need to set up another account for travelling and camera needs. because currently there is one for daily usage and the other is untouchable for my future. hmmms. my daily usage will never be able to supplement my travelling desires. roars.

plans plans plans. first, hit that 5digit in untouchable, accumulate high 4 digit in daily usage.

------

wo ai ni, wo men fen shou ba.

Monday, July 02, 2007

fallen leaves; rustle:



i kinda miss old chestnut trees like these where i can find in europe. i love to admire the ageing gracefulness of it all, swaying limps, rustling leaves, the blend of hues of yellow and faded green; spots of red and brown.

the whispers of autumn. the whispers of love.



went for a run today, and although the pavement was sprinkled with fallen leaves, it somehow didn't seem as romantic and what i had seen.
perhaps it was the suffocating heat, the vavroom sounds of vehicles, the sneaky looks of construction workers, the psssshhh-ing sound of braking buses, and my tummyache.

it could be the combination of many factors. and i missed.

been getting tummy upsets almost everyday recently. bad.
and still pondering over my two star course. damn. i don't want to go there and throw face lor. =((((
but it's gonna be a huge experience.
and with the same few people again. =)



school resumes tml. and then it's tuition after that. relief-ing for jh. sec 2 english i think. oh wells, how can i reject bucks?
i shall just go there crap abit, rot and slack. it's money.
today tuitioned maths for those p2 brats again. got new students. and new blood to puke. gee. can die really.

i can be pretty impatient. =(

yule today was good. all the people i love. xg, wcy, mh, ry. MUACKS. hahahahah. wheee!
if i start youtubing that new drama, i may never stop. i better reconsider.

aiii. i've been giving tuition non-stop combo from wednesday onwards. i'm god.
i need more private tutees.
GIVE ME FROM MY CONDO.
wait, hatch money plan first.

the skull of the head perches carefully on the mossy ledge;
shining in the mid day sun.
hints of whites and bones-
what does it see through the tiny holes?


and i saw some buffy trailer on youtube yesterday. you know why i love vampires? cos' they are ultra hot. that spike is OMFG TMD HOT.
mans. i guess im not a full blooded vamps. HAHAHAH.

throwing away her reticence,
she ran ahead;
head thrown backwards, arms akimbo, laughing lightly-
into the wind.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

i have a luxurious life.

life's pretty good these few days. asides from tuitioning, i seem to be getting A LOT of good food. yums.

went crystal jade today with papa, mama and jie. ate freakingggg alot. seriously, from next week onwards, i'm not eating anymore. =(
and their xiaolongbao standards are dropping. mine has almost no soup in it. wrinkled like dunno what shit. lousypok. i like the chilled sliced beef and sweet and sour chicken though. -pats stomach-

hahahahah. oh wells. mama says i got that kind of kid's face. o.o
i told her i know magic. she says that she might believe because of my face. thanks lah, don't know what that means man.
but i do know i look like a chipmunk. huhpee.
guess i take longer to grow old.

harry potterrrrr. cannot wait. i think someone booked me. my exlaopo!!!! wheee. gang outinggg.
soon.
----
is it a compliment if someone tells you that you don't dress or look like a local?
hmmmms.
is it if they say you would fit in perfectly somewhere else?
----

randomness in class.


anyway, i realised my condo is full of Es. grew up surrounded by hundreds of them; conditioning mans. i don't even care about Es that much. not alot of interest.
but wells, there's an E next door.
and today after i got back from my run, i bumped into an E at the lift. hmmms. 4th floor. really cute. mature kind.
golf seh. HAHAHAHA. and since he was laden with so many bulky items, i offered to help him press his lift button.
i live on the 3rd, and when i got out, HE FOLLOWED ME.
cok shit. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. seriously he is damn blur. and he just walked ahead thinking that his unit was opposite the lift. luckily i stopped him mans. toot.

and he looked awesomely adorable when he was apologising (i don't know FOR WHAT???) and laughing at his silliness. :)


mans, melts lah.


JAP. CONFIRM. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.
okok fetish.
but what's wrong? older men are sexy. -reveals perved grin-


i mean when you watch too much dramas, you have tendencies towards other nationalities. :) like that korean drama 18 year old bride. wheee. the da shu is damn sweet lahs. bueytahan. unrealistic i know, but it is nice to indulge in foolish thoughts once in a while. heh.

GAH. i looked fugly anyway. forget it. =( he might have been laughing at my face and messed up hair. BOOOOOO.


been drifting in and out of everything; life basically. there, but not really there.


-------

i don't TRY to look different.
i just like different things from the majority.
don't ask me why.
i'm a weirdodo.

-------

classic all time fav lah.

gene just msged me regarding two star kayaking. 13th to 15th. seems quite attractive. but thinking whether i can make it out alive. =((((
hai, but if my timetable is free, i should be going. getting aqua shoes and prolly a singlet. wheee! the course fee is gonna kill me. haiiii. why does my money disappear so quickly??? hiakhiak.
and somehow i got feeling i might prolly be the only girl around.

i realised that by putting money into that untouchable account, it actually did me a lot of good. REALLY. like saved a couple of hundreds so far already. mans, i'm gonna hit that 5 digit mark mans. AIMMMM.

prolly won't be able to make it for holidays overseas this year. haiz. school's resuming on tuesday. tuitioning tml again. hectic life. aimless?

i think i know that surprise wj and jh are up to. i heard that they are branching out into Clementi. wheee. lesser travelling. ok, now this is exciting. =)

i haven't hatched my money plan. really lazy. really lethargic.

wore a dress today. the new blue one. nice. loves.

-----
there's a tuscani parked under my house. and another day i saw a harvey. then another merc. and a bmw. my god, rich freaks. pity all married. haiiii.

i live in an area populated with rich people, but all super old ones. lucky me.
-----


abs can be unglam too.

my hair is longer now. jie says i look more feminine. excuse me, i'm damn gentle and er...feminine ok. HAHAHA. who am i kidding??
think i'll let it grow longer, then go for a trim. got some new ideas already. :)

-----
i realised i do miss travelling loads. sighs. i wonder when i'll have that time and money to do it carefreely. school life is sucking my blood.

i saw a cca openhouse that day at the atrium. saw floorball. man, i miss sajc pe floorball games. damn fun lah. miss. -grimace-




kayak star one course!

my teeth is aching recently. =( i cannot wait for a braceless smile and grin. the price i'd pay for beauty in the future. HAHAHAH. sighs. and my face's bone structure keeps changing. yucks.
i'm losing definition.



lame ass shits that never fail to make me laugh.

simplicity makes me happy.
------

you are the one.
i can sense it.