people just manage to keep pissing me off.
injustice.
first ducker beardy.
now that stupid blackface asshole.
if he wants to kick me out cos' of poor sales, i swear i will spit in his face one day.
fucker.
excuse me, if the experienced ones themselves sold 6-7 sets and I AM I NEWBIE sold 10 sets, EXCUSE ME ARE YOU BLIND?
and there is another newbie who sold only TWO BLOODY SETS.
tell me about sales.
really.
i'll tell you how ugly you are.
and how you shamelessly flirt with girls 1/3 your age.
or prolly how bullshit the entire product is.
or how low the pay is compared to other companies.
or how irritating some consumers are.
sales is not entirely dependent on salespeople only ok fucker.
the entire team did badly for mp4.
dulans.
cursing him silently.
he is the only person in the management i really detest from first sight.
he oozes of arrogance and know-it-all when in fact he does nothing but walk here and there like a useless piece of shit.
everyone starts at the bottom.
i wonder what are his qualifications even.
i don't want to complain but i just feel utter injustice.
makes no bloody sense.
even if so, i'll just go back to tuition lor.
no need to cancel and earn less also.
suan le.
or i'll jump to a higher paying company in the fair. heard of a few good lobangs.
damn tired.
stupid assignment to rush now.
fuck life.
optimism will not generate homework answers.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
-shrugs.
it's better to pretend too.
pretence rules this world.
we are taught to pretend to be confident even when we are not.
we are taught to pretend to be friendly even though we feel like isolating others.
we pretend to be nice to everyone, because we know by doing so it will make us popular and likeable.
and in the long run of cos', people listen to you.
it's manipulation.
hidden under wraps.
don't you?
-sniggers.
priorities in life.
what we've seen and what we haven't.
varies in each and every one of us.
this shapes us to be who we are now-
perhaps this is why i am me, and you are you.
show me the world.
in this play i shall continue to act.
debunking your character.
i shall see if you are as good as you claim to be.
pretence rules this world.
we are taught to pretend to be confident even when we are not.
we are taught to pretend to be friendly even though we feel like isolating others.
we pretend to be nice to everyone, because we know by doing so it will make us popular and likeable.
and in the long run of cos', people listen to you.
it's manipulation.
hidden under wraps.
don't you?
-sniggers.
priorities in life.
what we've seen and what we haven't.
varies in each and every one of us.
this shapes us to be who we are now-
perhaps this is why i am me, and you are you.
show me the world.
in this play i shall continue to act.
debunking your character.
i shall see if you are as good as you claim to be.
murderers-
i feel that urge to crash and burn the earth.
that desire, that unhealthy need to kill people i detest and loath.
the want to crush all of them under my fingers.
because humans are ugly when evolved.
beauty, inside out, don't lie to yourself.
don't cheat yourself.
we all seek companionship in similarity.
but once that similarity fades away,
contempt and disgust arises.
when humans cannot see eye to eye;
when peace talks fail;
wars are waged, blood is shed, bodies lie array on the field.
where our ancestors once used to listen to the cheery chirping of birds, smell the sweet scented air and feel lush green grass under their feet-
we face blasting music, noise from construction, from big-mouthed commuters, we smell dusty air, the humid dry wind caused by global warming, and our shoes scrape the hard granite we walk on everyday.
change, for better or worse.
humans, environments.
perhaps i've seen too many ugly souls to perceive mankind as beautiful.
one or two beautiful ones will not erase the majority i face everyday.
skeptism?
cynism?
pessimissism?
i don't think so.
i'm just facing reality as it is.
maybe just the people i am surrounded with.
the age i am living in. nothing works purely and innocently anymore.
nothing.
it's for yourself, your gains, your benefits, your wants, fulfiling everything you need.
but is it all a shell? the undying desire for more and more, to wish for greater and greater things.
because we believe we are superior, we believe we are different from the vast billions around the world, we think that we are THE ONE.
warped misconceptions.
reeled reality.
to comprehend.
to view this world and see beauty.
i should head to the untouched rurals.
like i once did. there i saw purity and sincerity.
non-polluted from a monster called modernisation.
one can debate the goodness of it all. weightage exceeds the cons.
i cannot deny the importance of it.
but the main point we are missing out, is that how we allow it to overtake our lives.
we should be ruling them, not the other way round.
we are all controlled.
puppets of the universe.
we think we are the greatest, but we are the vulnerable.
irony isn't it?
paper dolls.
torn-
don't tell me about optimism. you know nothing about that.
because you cannot declare you understand when you've never been in those shoes.
don't try.
just continue thinking you are the best.
perhaps it's better this way.
simplicity of it all.
once gone, fleets away and never returns.
victim of crimes untold.
that desire, that unhealthy need to kill people i detest and loath.
the want to crush all of them under my fingers.
because humans are ugly when evolved.
beauty, inside out, don't lie to yourself.
don't cheat yourself.
we all seek companionship in similarity.
but once that similarity fades away,
contempt and disgust arises.
when humans cannot see eye to eye;
when peace talks fail;
wars are waged, blood is shed, bodies lie array on the field.
where our ancestors once used to listen to the cheery chirping of birds, smell the sweet scented air and feel lush green grass under their feet-
we face blasting music, noise from construction, from big-mouthed commuters, we smell dusty air, the humid dry wind caused by global warming, and our shoes scrape the hard granite we walk on everyday.
change, for better or worse.
humans, environments.
perhaps i've seen too many ugly souls to perceive mankind as beautiful.
one or two beautiful ones will not erase the majority i face everyday.
skeptism?
cynism?
pessimissism?
i don't think so.
i'm just facing reality as it is.
maybe just the people i am surrounded with.
the age i am living in. nothing works purely and innocently anymore.
nothing.
it's for yourself, your gains, your benefits, your wants, fulfiling everything you need.
but is it all a shell? the undying desire for more and more, to wish for greater and greater things.
because we believe we are superior, we believe we are different from the vast billions around the world, we think that we are THE ONE.
warped misconceptions.
reeled reality.
to comprehend.
to view this world and see beauty.
i should head to the untouched rurals.
like i once did. there i saw purity and sincerity.
non-polluted from a monster called modernisation.
one can debate the goodness of it all. weightage exceeds the cons.
i cannot deny the importance of it.
but the main point we are missing out, is that how we allow it to overtake our lives.
we should be ruling them, not the other way round.
we are all controlled.
puppets of the universe.
we think we are the greatest, but we are the vulnerable.
irony isn't it?
paper dolls.
torn-
don't tell me about optimism. you know nothing about that.
because you cannot declare you understand when you've never been in those shoes.
don't try.
just continue thinking you are the best.
perhaps it's better this way.
simplicity of it all.
once gone, fleets away and never returns.
victim of crimes untold.
when will i...
...have the discipline to stop eating so much?
i doubt i can ever lose fats.
SIGH.
GOD, THEY SAY YOU LISTEN TO PRAYERS. HEAR MINE PLEASEEEE.
MAKE ME LOSE THOSE STUBBORN FATS.
I HATE BEING FAT.
I HATEEEEEE BEING BIG BONED AND BIG SIZED.
HATEEEEEEE.
forget it. i believe god is sleeping.
has more things to deal with.
been staying stuck at home as much as i can. refuse to spending more money anymore. save!
my next pay is coming soon. this month $100 to perma account ok, jielin!!!!!
goods. sigh, lesser to spend, but think long term mans. beef-up-bank-account-process.
HA.
Pc fair in two days. haven't really memo my stuff yet.
anxiety? i mean, i don't communicate with the ah lian cultures that much. shall attempt.
maybe i should stop eating. losing appetite in this hot hot weather.
just want ice cream, ice and more cold things.
ROARRRR.
if it carries on, i think i can cook an egg on my tummy. free oil available already.
was thinking back on the good old days.
how things were much simpler and how a little bit of hard work translated to tremendous results.
i should go on the rainie yang diet. but i don't need my brains to shrink any further.
yawns.
should effort be equal?
unbalanced.
it's unfair, but i shall keep quiet.
maybe because i can do so much more.
i feel empty when i am left doing nothing.
i need to be filled with more meaningful stuff.
actually, i lack compassion and connection with the society.
miss those ocip days. when you forget about yourself. selfless love and voluntarism.
joy absorbed from those you bring happiness to.
that feeling is indescribable.
and i am forgetting how it feels.
i need to lose that egocentrism.
focusing too much on myself and what i want constantly makes me feel selfish.
like i expect myself to be a queen.
how can i learn more, if i neglect others around me.
those who need more than me.
growth in mindsets.
retardation in empathy and compassion.
increases in injustice.
rising contempt.
suppressed anger.
i feel unbalanced indeed.
i feel like taking that knife in my kitchen to chop off my fats.
byebye.
i doubt i can ever lose fats.
SIGH.
GOD, THEY SAY YOU LISTEN TO PRAYERS. HEAR MINE PLEASEEEE.
MAKE ME LOSE THOSE STUBBORN FATS.
I HATE BEING FAT.
I HATEEEEEE BEING BIG BONED AND BIG SIZED.
HATEEEEEEE.
forget it. i believe god is sleeping.
has more things to deal with.
been staying stuck at home as much as i can. refuse to spending more money anymore. save!
my next pay is coming soon. this month $100 to perma account ok, jielin!!!!!
goods. sigh, lesser to spend, but think long term mans. beef-up-bank-account-process.
HA.
Pc fair in two days. haven't really memo my stuff yet.
anxiety? i mean, i don't communicate with the ah lian cultures that much. shall attempt.
maybe i should stop eating. losing appetite in this hot hot weather.
just want ice cream, ice and more cold things.
ROARRRR.
if it carries on, i think i can cook an egg on my tummy. free oil available already.
was thinking back on the good old days.
how things were much simpler and how a little bit of hard work translated to tremendous results.
i should go on the rainie yang diet. but i don't need my brains to shrink any further.
yawns.
should effort be equal?
unbalanced.
it's unfair, but i shall keep quiet.
maybe because i can do so much more.
i feel empty when i am left doing nothing.
i need to be filled with more meaningful stuff.
actually, i lack compassion and connection with the society.
miss those ocip days. when you forget about yourself. selfless love and voluntarism.
joy absorbed from those you bring happiness to.
that feeling is indescribable.
and i am forgetting how it feels.
i need to lose that egocentrism.
focusing too much on myself and what i want constantly makes me feel selfish.
like i expect myself to be a queen.
how can i learn more, if i neglect others around me.
those who need more than me.
growth in mindsets.
retardation in empathy and compassion.
increases in injustice.
rising contempt.
suppressed anger.
i feel unbalanced indeed.
i feel like taking that knife in my kitchen to chop off my fats.
byebye.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
glad;
business is picking up. i'm glad, really.
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND ADVERTISING BY ALL MY FRIENDS. I APPRECIATE IT LOADS. =)
this is gonna be a long term thing..hope things will get better.
bought more clothes from online. -_- TW sprees. booo.
but i really like those designs, trying to change my wardrobe. HAHAHAHA.
oh wells, shall see how the new image goes one month from now.
wait. patiently.
i like xiaozhong and xiaozhu.
give me in singapore!!!!
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.
-beams
ok fine.
i feel like i'm going through this sem pretty...blur.
and it's not good.
i gotta start bucking up mans.
ohya, THURSDAY TO SUNDAY I'M WORKING IN PC FAIR. COMPANY NAME IS LEMON.
PLEASE, IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MP4, VOICE RECORDER, SPEAKERS ETC, COME FINE ME AT THE COUNTERS THERE.
FIND ME ONLY OKKKKK.
ahahahha. oh wells. i need the money.
i hate memorising all these shit. job mans. think $$$$.
i need account reboost. few more days to end of month. CAN DO IT.
but im neglecting studies. very bad. cannot slack from last month. CANNOT BE ARROGANT. CANNOT BE COMPLACENT.
i think i'm really growing up.
my dreams, my hope.
growth through learning and experiencing.
this process maybe tiring and tedious, but i think it's worth it.
work for it.
somethings may fall through, but eventually things will turn out fine.
because even if you aren't meant for something, you're meant for something else better.
so what if i'm not perfect and never will be?
i try my best for things i really want, and that's most important.
hardwork+luck.
i will get what i want.
no one can stop me.
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND ADVERTISING BY ALL MY FRIENDS. I APPRECIATE IT LOADS. =)
this is gonna be a long term thing..hope things will get better.
bought more clothes from online. -_- TW sprees. booo.
but i really like those designs, trying to change my wardrobe. HAHAHAHA.
oh wells, shall see how the new image goes one month from now.
wait. patiently.
i like xiaozhong and xiaozhu.
give me in singapore!!!!
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.
-beams
ok fine.
i feel like i'm going through this sem pretty...blur.
and it's not good.
i gotta start bucking up mans.
ohya, THURSDAY TO SUNDAY I'M WORKING IN PC FAIR. COMPANY NAME IS LEMON.
PLEASE, IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MP4, VOICE RECORDER, SPEAKERS ETC, COME FINE ME AT THE COUNTERS THERE.
FIND ME ONLY OKKKKK.
ahahahha. oh wells. i need the money.
i hate memorising all these shit. job mans. think $$$$.
i need account reboost. few more days to end of month. CAN DO IT.
but im neglecting studies. very bad. cannot slack from last month. CANNOT BE ARROGANT. CANNOT BE COMPLACENT.
i think i'm really growing up.
my dreams, my hope.
growth through learning and experiencing.
this process maybe tiring and tedious, but i think it's worth it.
work for it.
somethings may fall through, but eventually things will turn out fine.
because even if you aren't meant for something, you're meant for something else better.
so what if i'm not perfect and never will be?
i try my best for things i really want, and that's most important.
hardwork+luck.
i will get what i want.
no one can stop me.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
SPREE 2!
i've finally uploaded the pics along with details at the blogshop.
DO VISIT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM TO SUPPORT US!
SPREE 2 IS FINALLY HERE. MEANWHILE, YOU CAN STILL ORDER FROM SPREE 1.
DO DO DO SUPPORT!!!
-------
ok i'm so tired i cannot tahan liao.
been doing up the blog stuff and replying emails since i got home from tuition.
just finished tagging like the entire frigging world of blogshops.
lagggg.
for money.
not much mood to update. been really busy and thinking about tons of stuff.
just continue praying.
HAHAHAHAH today got someone say that i am a good comforter and person who gives good advice. hmmmmms. guru mans.
okkkk.
GO VISIT BLACKILLS OK!!!!
MORE STUFF COMING UP. :)
DO VISIT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM TO SUPPORT US!
SPREE 2 IS FINALLY HERE. MEANWHILE, YOU CAN STILL ORDER FROM SPREE 1.
DO DO DO SUPPORT!!!
-------
ok i'm so tired i cannot tahan liao.
been doing up the blog stuff and replying emails since i got home from tuition.
just finished tagging like the entire frigging world of blogshops.
lagggg.
for money.
not much mood to update. been really busy and thinking about tons of stuff.
just continue praying.
HAHAHAHAH today got someone say that i am a good comforter and person who gives good advice. hmmmmms. guru mans.
okkkk.
GO VISIT BLACKILLS OK!!!!
MORE STUFF COMING UP. :)
Friday, May 25, 2007
long time no see-s;
class today was better.
pop quiz by HOPE, which scared the shit outta me. was quite ok. and she claims it's gonna be the easier quizzes. DAMN.
went to delta to meet the hockey girls and two guys after that.
long time no see!!!
and monz nice nice bought me stuff from her HK trip. TOUCHED LAH.
HAHAHAHAH.
then was queensway with them to get fangs's shoes, then alexandra village for ZHI CHA. OMG. but the standard doesn't seem so good now. hmmms. still, i love zhi cha. <3
NO I AM NOT SLIMMING DOWN. pekcek.
i wanna go HK, TAIWAN aND JAPAN.
man, asian-fy me. when i'm richer then i go europe again.
but i need camera first.
my desire list is growing longer. only no one really knows what exactly i want. HA.
mental notes here and there. cos' every one time i want too many things.
individual style i stress. i don't copy.
training for pc fair tml. i hope it'll be fun! hahahah. going to gss with nehneh also. plus dental appointment before that. =)
my teeth are straightening out pretty fast, but there are still gaps. FASTER FASTER!!! I WANT BE PRETTY.
hahahah. vainpot i know.
ehhhs. the pics are done for spree 2 of blackills. DO CHECK OUT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM NEXT WEEK FOR NEW STUFF. =)
i read laomeow's blog and PENG.
HAHAHAHAHHA. oh wells, so far no one says i'm old yet. most do mistake me for being a student (secondary/jc). hmmmmm. which could be both good and bad.
is it because i demand too much and too many?
maybe i should walk towards the light instead of away.
pop quiz by HOPE, which scared the shit outta me. was quite ok. and she claims it's gonna be the easier quizzes. DAMN.
went to delta to meet the hockey girls and two guys after that.
long time no see!!!
and monz nice nice bought me stuff from her HK trip. TOUCHED LAH.
HAHAHAHAH.
then was queensway with them to get fangs's shoes, then alexandra village for ZHI CHA. OMG. but the standard doesn't seem so good now. hmmms. still, i love zhi cha. <3
NO I AM NOT SLIMMING DOWN. pekcek.
i wanna go HK, TAIWAN aND JAPAN.
man, asian-fy me. when i'm richer then i go europe again.
but i need camera first.
my desire list is growing longer. only no one really knows what exactly i want. HA.
mental notes here and there. cos' every one time i want too many things.
individual style i stress. i don't copy.
training for pc fair tml. i hope it'll be fun! hahahah. going to gss with nehneh also. plus dental appointment before that. =)
my teeth are straightening out pretty fast, but there are still gaps. FASTER FASTER!!! I WANT BE PRETTY.
hahahah. vainpot i know.
ehhhs. the pics are done for spree 2 of blackills. DO CHECK OUT BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM NEXT WEEK FOR NEW STUFF. =)
i read laomeow's blog and PENG.
HAHAHAHAHHA. oh wells, so far no one says i'm old yet. most do mistake me for being a student (secondary/jc). hmmmmm. which could be both good and bad.
is it because i demand too much and too many?
maybe i should walk towards the light instead of away.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
new sem new feelings.
and these feelings aren't necessarily good.
feeling ultra ultra sian diao. this sem is really going to kill me.
can't choo choo train everything anymore.
so much on my mind. and so much not happening according to plan.
i should omph harder.
been slacking these few days in terms of omphs.
shitty prof HOPE who gives me NO HOPE AT ALL.
weirdodo beardy.
i miss noodles.
at least he is friendly IN A NORMAL WAY.
they better prove me wrong. or not studying is gonna be torturous.
GREAT. things cannot get any better.
with com 202 first exams landing smack ON MY BIRTHDAY.
WAHLAUEHKANASAIWHYLIKETHATONE.
sibei dulan ok. it's not the way to celebrate your birthday.
doesn't help that the schedule is so fucking tight i feel like i cannot breathe.
planning to take up that sunday private tutee. should be earning much more. but no rest.
haiz.
hates life now. very very unsatisfied.
running life on a drone.
robot-ise me.
sometimes if only i can give myself a god damn break.
how do you even teach kids who refuse to learn, lousy learning attitude, no ambitions, think failing is super cool, and disregards learning.
and their parents are bloody poor they don't give a damn or they don't care.
i pity the parents.
and i'm trying so hard i don't even know why I AM FREAKING TRYING SO HARD. I CAN JUST LET THEM FAIL AND IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
but cannot. i just must be this bloody stupid ass. irritated with myself.
don't tell me teaching a private tutee is higher responsibility. TRY AN ENTIRE FREAKING CLASS.
i wish they would just wake up from their perfect little bubble already. i've never really lectured the class. but this time i really did. nonchalance on some faces, some are feeling the bite of reality(which is good).
there is so much i can do, and they don't realise it.
this batch of primary 4 kiddos; everyone's complaining. it's the worst every in history of results and attitude. it's like parents trying to make rotten apples unrotten.
is it even possible.
i believed i could at the beginning.
but if they don't buck up themselves, i fear that they are gonna degenerate themselves away.
after the tears, comes courage.
have courage, she once said.
till today, i hold dear to my heart.
my destiny.
their predictions.
i just can't take it lying down.
PLEASE VISIT BLACKILLS AND SUPPORT US BY HELPING TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT US. NEXT SPREE IS DUE NEXT WEEK. MORE STUFF COMING UP. THANKS A LOT.
feeling ultra ultra sian diao. this sem is really going to kill me.
can't choo choo train everything anymore.
so much on my mind. and so much not happening according to plan.
i should omph harder.
been slacking these few days in terms of omphs.
shitty prof HOPE who gives me NO HOPE AT ALL.
weirdodo beardy.
i miss noodles.
at least he is friendly IN A NORMAL WAY.
they better prove me wrong. or not studying is gonna be torturous.
GREAT. things cannot get any better.
with com 202 first exams landing smack ON MY BIRTHDAY.
WAHLAUEHKANASAIWHYLIKETHATONE.
sibei dulan ok. it's not the way to celebrate your birthday.
doesn't help that the schedule is so fucking tight i feel like i cannot breathe.
planning to take up that sunday private tutee. should be earning much more. but no rest.
haiz.
hates life now. very very unsatisfied.
running life on a drone.
robot-ise me.
sometimes if only i can give myself a god damn break.
how do you even teach kids who refuse to learn, lousy learning attitude, no ambitions, think failing is super cool, and disregards learning.
and their parents are bloody poor they don't give a damn or they don't care.
i pity the parents.
and i'm trying so hard i don't even know why I AM FREAKING TRYING SO HARD. I CAN JUST LET THEM FAIL AND IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
but cannot. i just must be this bloody stupid ass. irritated with myself.
don't tell me teaching a private tutee is higher responsibility. TRY AN ENTIRE FREAKING CLASS.
i wish they would just wake up from their perfect little bubble already. i've never really lectured the class. but this time i really did. nonchalance on some faces, some are feeling the bite of reality(which is good).
there is so much i can do, and they don't realise it.
this batch of primary 4 kiddos; everyone's complaining. it's the worst every in history of results and attitude. it's like parents trying to make rotten apples unrotten.
is it even possible.
i believed i could at the beginning.
but if they don't buck up themselves, i fear that they are gonna degenerate themselves away.
after the tears, comes courage.
have courage, she once said.
till today, i hold dear to my heart.
my destiny.
their predictions.
i just can't take it lying down.
PLEASE VISIT BLACKILLS AND SUPPORT US BY HELPING TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT US. NEXT SPREE IS DUE NEXT WEEK. MORE STUFF COMING UP. THANKS A LOT.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
starlight starbright.
i've got the PC fair job. WHEEE!
he called when i was sleeping and then i picked up.
after confirming my name, the first thing he said was "EH YOU ARE SLEEPING AH?" (in chinese). -_-
paiseh okkk.
suan le. anyway i got excited that i got the job so i woke up eventually.
met nehneh to walk walk around before tuition.
saw millions of stuff which caught my eye but DID NOT BUY.
haiiii. money.
once i start, i never know when to stop.
doesn't help that the items i like are ridiculously priced.
SO EXPENSIVE. =(
i guess i don't go for the norms of topshop or the like. which is sad.
HAHAHHA. i think i seek solace from buying overseas stuff because i cannot go overseas.
BOO. no money no time. and i clearly set out a goal that ONLY WHEN I HAVE MY DREAM CAMERA THEN I WILL GO OVERSEAS.
=( which evaluates to not anytime soon.
ANYWAY, DO VISIT HTTP://BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM. SUPPORT MEOW AND I!!!
HELP US SPREAD THE WORD TOO...THANKS LOADS MAN!
i hate to see hard work going to waste. especially this time around.
tired.
my brain can't stop thinking about a million things at the freaking same second.
i'm constantly tensed and stressed.
BLAHHHH...
school starts tml officially.
boo. i wonder how this sem will turn out.
hmmmm.
the price you pay for loving clothes.
when you love the eclectic,
you pay a higher price.
it's all in the theory of price competition in this retail market mans.
the more i push myself to achieve that goal, the more pain i feel.
unecessary pressure?
i think i'm too hard on myself.
priorities.
is it true that no one can be best in everything?
so far, i haven't seen that.
should i seek comfort in this fact?
what am i sacrificing?
who am i?
how far can i go?
what am i meant for in life?
where's all the directional arrows?
where are all the signs?
will you be there for me?
what do i want, really?
it's hard to keep that optimism when you keep falling down.
no one catches you.
picking yourself up time and time again; does it make you stronger, or weaker?
tis' the night for thoughts.
maybe i just wish deep down inside, that my heritage and origin had been different.
he called when i was sleeping and then i picked up.
after confirming my name, the first thing he said was "EH YOU ARE SLEEPING AH?" (in chinese). -_-
paiseh okkk.
suan le. anyway i got excited that i got the job so i woke up eventually.
met nehneh to walk walk around before tuition.
saw millions of stuff which caught my eye but DID NOT BUY.
haiiii. money.
once i start, i never know when to stop.
doesn't help that the items i like are ridiculously priced.
SO EXPENSIVE. =(
i guess i don't go for the norms of topshop or the like. which is sad.
HAHAHHA. i think i seek solace from buying overseas stuff because i cannot go overseas.
BOO. no money no time. and i clearly set out a goal that ONLY WHEN I HAVE MY DREAM CAMERA THEN I WILL GO OVERSEAS.
=( which evaluates to not anytime soon.
ANYWAY, DO VISIT HTTP://BLACKILLS.BLOGSPOT.COM. SUPPORT MEOW AND I!!!
HELP US SPREAD THE WORD TOO...THANKS LOADS MAN!
i hate to see hard work going to waste. especially this time around.
tired.
my brain can't stop thinking about a million things at the freaking same second.
i'm constantly tensed and stressed.
BLAHHHH...
school starts tml officially.
boo. i wonder how this sem will turn out.
hmmmm.
the price you pay for loving clothes.
when you love the eclectic,
you pay a higher price.
it's all in the theory of price competition in this retail market mans.
the more i push myself to achieve that goal, the more pain i feel.
unecessary pressure?
i think i'm too hard on myself.
priorities.
is it true that no one can be best in everything?
so far, i haven't seen that.
should i seek comfort in this fact?
what am i sacrificing?
who am i?
how far can i go?
what am i meant for in life?
where's all the directional arrows?
where are all the signs?
will you be there for me?
what do i want, really?
it's hard to keep that optimism when you keep falling down.
no one catches you.
picking yourself up time and time again; does it make you stronger, or weaker?
tis' the night for thoughts.
maybe i just wish deep down inside, that my heritage and origin had been different.
Monday, May 21, 2007
HOORAYS!
after many sleepless nights.
endless editing of pictures and HTMLS.
ranting sessions to relieve steam and stress.
countless joggings while letting my brain think of improvements and ideas, IT IS FINALLY DONE.
the first one at least.
really proud of myself.
this feeling is undescribable.
REALLY.
-beams-
go ahead.
visit BLACKILLS.
it's not perfect.
but it's hard work and it's decent.
i'm proud.
:)
the journey has just started.
endless editing of pictures and HTMLS.
ranting sessions to relieve steam and stress.
countless joggings while letting my brain think of improvements and ideas, IT IS FINALLY DONE.
the first one at least.
really proud of myself.
this feeling is undescribable.
REALLY.
-beams-
go ahead.
visit BLACKILLS.
it's not perfect.
but it's hard work and it's decent.
i'm proud.
:)
the journey has just started.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
money never enough.
officially, i proclaim myself a shopaholic, a shopping addict.
pity there is no rehab. it's so bad i feel guilty but i cannot stop.
the only way to curb it is to leave as little money in the movable account as possible. haiz.
and so the shopping list grows.
the price of objects of desire is increasing steadily.
my life would be much easier should i have more money.
think tml i go talk to wj about the private assignments.
no pain no gain right?
tuition-ed today.
came home. nua-ed abit. then headed for my hour run. haven't been running for damn long. heh.
almost died in the heat. i swear i almost stopped breathing because the heat was stifling me so badly. i hate the weather.
i sit still also can perspire like a pig. it's just THAT bad ok. bring me to winter countriesssss.
done with the pictures finally.
i wish i am not that much of a workaholic. i wish i wish for so many things.
am very unsatisfied with life. VERY.
ate the yummy DOM dark chocolate. HEAVEN. LOVE. WHEEEE!!!
very bad. but nehneh says dark choco is good for skin. HAHAHAH. excuses yes.
i miss watermelon juice. GIVE ME ONE CUP ICED THANK YOU.
talking to air.
the weather is making my mood really bad.
i'm perspiring and cursing so much i don't even wanna act jolly unless i'm in an air-conditioned room. REALLY. it's too much okkkkk. BOO TO SINGAPORE.
i think the world is really spoilt. i don't recall past years being so humid.
ok i decided to increase my savings to $100 per month. it's a really huge portion from my pay. but it's a sacrifice for my future. maybe if i take up more tuition slots i can increase the savings. hmmmm.
plan jielin plannnn.
money money come to me.
fats fats go away.
brain brain come to me.
bad luck bad luck go away.
pretty pretty come to me.
errrr....
HAHAHAHAHA.
____________ come to me.
pity there is no rehab. it's so bad i feel guilty but i cannot stop.
the only way to curb it is to leave as little money in the movable account as possible. haiz.
and so the shopping list grows.
the price of objects of desire is increasing steadily.
my life would be much easier should i have more money.
think tml i go talk to wj about the private assignments.
no pain no gain right?
tuition-ed today.
came home. nua-ed abit. then headed for my hour run. haven't been running for damn long. heh.
almost died in the heat. i swear i almost stopped breathing because the heat was stifling me so badly. i hate the weather.
i sit still also can perspire like a pig. it's just THAT bad ok. bring me to winter countriesssss.
done with the pictures finally.
i wish i am not that much of a workaholic. i wish i wish for so many things.
am very unsatisfied with life. VERY.
ate the yummy DOM dark chocolate. HEAVEN. LOVE. WHEEEE!!!
very bad. but nehneh says dark choco is good for skin. HAHAHAH. excuses yes.
i miss watermelon juice. GIVE ME ONE CUP ICED THANK YOU.
talking to air.
the weather is making my mood really bad.
i'm perspiring and cursing so much i don't even wanna act jolly unless i'm in an air-conditioned room. REALLY. it's too much okkkkk. BOO TO SINGAPORE.
i think the world is really spoilt. i don't recall past years being so humid.
ok i decided to increase my savings to $100 per month. it's a really huge portion from my pay. but it's a sacrifice for my future. maybe if i take up more tuition slots i can increase the savings. hmmmm.
plan jielin plannnn.
money money come to me.
fats fats go away.
brain brain come to me.
bad luck bad luck go away.
pretty pretty come to me.
errrr....
HAHAHAHAHA.
____________ come to me.
woah.
i think tuition today was good. started earlier to relief someone's class. but the kids were adorable. and i think somehow the morning air did some good.
usually i'm hardly ever awake until it's 1pm.
didnt break till 430pm. i think i have something with kids. hmmmm.
not that i like them THAT way. but i think they like me. HAHAHAHHA. oh wells.
so anyway i nua-ed all the way till now. tuition tml. i need to start earning more than i spend. either that or i start saving more. perhaps a 50 dollar increase is necessary.
i might seriously consider accepting the private assignments wj is offering. pay is realllllyyyy good. hahahahha.
wells. responsibility and time.
ok i dun feel like blogging anymore.
lazy;
it's funny that i feel anti-social recently. hmmms.
except aroubd xh. i think i'm liberated from putting up a front of maintaining my cool or mask of perfection.
perhaps it's really difficult to love me as me.
usually i'm hardly ever awake until it's 1pm.
didnt break till 430pm. i think i have something with kids. hmmmm.
not that i like them THAT way. but i think they like me. HAHAHAHHA. oh wells.
so anyway i nua-ed all the way till now. tuition tml. i need to start earning more than i spend. either that or i start saving more. perhaps a 50 dollar increase is necessary.
i might seriously consider accepting the private assignments wj is offering. pay is realllllyyyy good. hahahahha.
wells. responsibility and time.
ok i dun feel like blogging anymore.
lazy;
it's funny that i feel anti-social recently. hmmms.
except aroubd xh. i think i'm liberated from putting up a front of maintaining my cool or mask of perfection.
perhaps it's really difficult to love me as me.
Friday, May 18, 2007
good day walking.
so i thought i would rot at home all day to do up the rest of the pics and watch a few dvds.
turned out that lao neh msged me at unearthly hours.
i woke up to read it. went back to sleep, then woke up to reply her then woke up.
HAHAHAHHA. makes no sense? but it would if you're a pig like me.
my body clock is so gone i am practically sleeping at....3 am, and waking up at...2pm. WIN ALREADY.
totally wasting my life away eh?
something like that. but holiday must be holiday. it's only two weeks. i need all i can have mans. or not i might die from burn out.
resting now prepares me for the longer journey. =)
not that i have alot of journey, but yea, the meaning is there.
so nehneh and i met at novena to walk walk and ate our lunch of mos burger. -gasps- first diet failed.
HAHAHA. WAH THE SQUARE THERE REALLY A LOT OF STUFF. guilt trip.
=((((((
shall not mention how much i spent. but yea, super short skirts yay!
erm...i like can already. =)
i think taiwan and jap mags have influenced me greatly. along with taiwan spree shops online. damn. it's fucking intoxicating ok. =((((
i need to practice more restrain. ROARRRR.
then we headed off to the central and bought yummy tidbits from the advertised-on-tv jap and taiwan shops. BOO. but it's jelly. i like jelly. HAHAHAHHA.
and well, to be filial to my papa and mama a bit lah hor.
=)
the lightning has been flashing across the sky all day. no thunder though.
eh wait, the thunder just rang.
i guess a storm is brewing. perfect for a good night's sleep.
tuition starts tml at 1030 relief p1 and 2 CE. GOOD...MONEY. then ends at 430pm. no breaks. i hope i survive. good to jian fei though. no meals in between. but i need loads of WATER. every saturday i end up with a freaking sore throat and extreme fatigue. kids.
i think i shall bring chocs to cheat little children tml. HAHAHAHAH.
oh ya, took a long walk at clark quay after that. then dinner at liang court. SERIOUSLY, i think today me and nehneh are like running across the island to look for unconventional places and stuff. really eye-opening. it's refreshing. definitely not town.
i get to look at nice clothes too!
i think i'm becoming helplessly girlish. GEE. what's happeninggggg. HAHAHAHHA.
oh, i've got a tree trunk body. save me. =(
nehneh says don't eat rice or brans stuff means your brain will deteriorate. ERMS. i got nothing much to reduce. i better start maintaining mans. i don't wanna be stupid.
is it true that you can only have the best of one world? is it possible to be both beautiful on the outside, and beautifully educated on the inside?
mediocre me.
sighs.
enough for today. my legs are tired. wee. back to photos.
anyway my previous post was just to express anger. nothing intentional.
irritation needs an outlet.
this time, it really ain't my fault. i am no more a pangseh queen.
turned out that lao neh msged me at unearthly hours.
i woke up to read it. went back to sleep, then woke up to reply her then woke up.
HAHAHAHHA. makes no sense? but it would if you're a pig like me.
my body clock is so gone i am practically sleeping at....3 am, and waking up at...2pm. WIN ALREADY.
totally wasting my life away eh?
something like that. but holiday must be holiday. it's only two weeks. i need all i can have mans. or not i might die from burn out.
resting now prepares me for the longer journey. =)
not that i have alot of journey, but yea, the meaning is there.
so nehneh and i met at novena to walk walk and ate our lunch of mos burger. -gasps- first diet failed.
HAHAHA. WAH THE SQUARE THERE REALLY A LOT OF STUFF. guilt trip.
=((((((
shall not mention how much i spent. but yea, super short skirts yay!
erm...i like can already. =)
i think taiwan and jap mags have influenced me greatly. along with taiwan spree shops online. damn. it's fucking intoxicating ok. =((((
i need to practice more restrain. ROARRRR.
then we headed off to the central and bought yummy tidbits from the advertised-on-tv jap and taiwan shops. BOO. but it's jelly. i like jelly. HAHAHAHHA.
and well, to be filial to my papa and mama a bit lah hor.
=)
the lightning has been flashing across the sky all day. no thunder though.
eh wait, the thunder just rang.
i guess a storm is brewing. perfect for a good night's sleep.
tuition starts tml at 1030 relief p1 and 2 CE. GOOD...MONEY. then ends at 430pm. no breaks. i hope i survive. good to jian fei though. no meals in between. but i need loads of WATER. every saturday i end up with a freaking sore throat and extreme fatigue. kids.
i think i shall bring chocs to cheat little children tml. HAHAHAHAH.
oh ya, took a long walk at clark quay after that. then dinner at liang court. SERIOUSLY, i think today me and nehneh are like running across the island to look for unconventional places and stuff. really eye-opening. it's refreshing. definitely not town.
i get to look at nice clothes too!
i think i'm becoming helplessly girlish. GEE. what's happeninggggg. HAHAHAHHA.
oh, i've got a tree trunk body. save me. =(
nehneh says don't eat rice or brans stuff means your brain will deteriorate. ERMS. i got nothing much to reduce. i better start maintaining mans. i don't wanna be stupid.
is it true that you can only have the best of one world? is it possible to be both beautiful on the outside, and beautifully educated on the inside?
mediocre me.
sighs.
enough for today. my legs are tired. wee. back to photos.
anyway my previous post was just to express anger. nothing intentional.
irritation needs an outlet.
this time, it really ain't my fault. i am no more a pangseh queen.
i guess.
recently there have been plans, then last minute cancellations.
i guess it's either i'm damn suey, or it's just not the time to go out.
i'm quite tired of being pangseh again and again.
like get me all hyped up to go out, then after that tell me it's cancelled.
i'm VERY SICK OF IT.
i don't get pissed easily, but all these repeating events are enough to fire me off.
JUST GO AWAY.
i officially don't want to go out anymore.
i mean, fucking make up your mind.
want to confirm then CONFIRM.
don't say CONFIRM then cannot go.
so tired.
maybe it's lack of sleep.
maybe it's flu.
i'm giving excuses.
but i'm really annoyed this time around.
i'm feeling aggressive i think i shouldn't talk.
because my words might slice you into pieces.
so, i guess, no one really matters.
just me.
it's time to be selfish.
again, i feel detest rising up.
i guess it's either i'm damn suey, or it's just not the time to go out.
i'm quite tired of being pangseh again and again.
like get me all hyped up to go out, then after that tell me it's cancelled.
i'm VERY SICK OF IT.
i don't get pissed easily, but all these repeating events are enough to fire me off.
JUST GO AWAY.
i officially don't want to go out anymore.
i mean, fucking make up your mind.
want to confirm then CONFIRM.
don't say CONFIRM then cannot go.
so tired.
maybe it's lack of sleep.
maybe it's flu.
i'm giving excuses.
but i'm really annoyed this time around.
i'm feeling aggressive i think i shouldn't talk.
because my words might slice you into pieces.
so, i guess, no one really matters.
just me.
it's time to be selfish.
again, i feel detest rising up.
Monday, May 14, 2007
killing time;
it's almost over, the time without my parents.
i feel the free-est these few days. without curfews to meet, no naggings.
perhaps a little housechores here and there. but it's manageable.
i can run in the evening at 8plus and there's no one to control me.
life's good.
i can don't eat my breakfast, lunch or dinner and no one cares.
except from the occasional calls to check up on us from grandma.
and a surprise visit from her today noon.
gee.
i guess i'm loved. there's nothing much i can complain.
been running quite consistently this week.
don't see much difference though. sigh.
is it so hard to want something so badly?
ok fine, so i want many things very badly.
=(
i'm tired of being so greedy. but i cannot stop myself.
i realised i keep whining that i hate it no one pays for me.
but when it actually happens to me, i insist on paying for myself.
suan ler. i'm one weirdo kid.
clothing and appearance aside, i'm still weird.
outta here. continue planning.
THE WEATHER IS SO FUCKING HOT.
I THINK SINGAPORE IS MELTING.
IM MELTING.
i feel the free-est these few days. without curfews to meet, no naggings.
perhaps a little housechores here and there. but it's manageable.
i can run in the evening at 8plus and there's no one to control me.
life's good.
i can don't eat my breakfast, lunch or dinner and no one cares.
except from the occasional calls to check up on us from grandma.
and a surprise visit from her today noon.
gee.
i guess i'm loved. there's nothing much i can complain.
been running quite consistently this week.
don't see much difference though. sigh.
is it so hard to want something so badly?
ok fine, so i want many things very badly.
=(
i'm tired of being so greedy. but i cannot stop myself.
i realised i keep whining that i hate it no one pays for me.
but when it actually happens to me, i insist on paying for myself.
suan ler. i'm one weirdo kid.
clothing and appearance aside, i'm still weird.
outta here. continue planning.
THE WEATHER IS SO FUCKING HOT.
I THINK SINGAPORE IS MELTING.
IM MELTING.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
save me, oh money.
omphs in progress.
hard work in progress too.
can you see me becoming slimmer???
HAHAHHAHA.
haiz, i don't think so. even i cannot see myself changing. =(
more running tml. BOO.
so much planning in my brain, so much things to get done, so little time.
arghs.
break the curse please.
i'm feeling a little lost.
tuition today was ok.
got my pay finally. <3
not alot. but can survive if use properly.
no more chionging in shops already. haiz.
i need some adequate financial management.
i felt like i needed some company on a lonely saturday, yet did not want to do extreme travelling or gear myself up to entertain people.
so i asked wj to accompany me for dinner.
he readily agreed. which made me kinda glad.
chatted alot to him. haiz. i think i lack someone whom i can relate to now.
i'm losing people i care for.
i'm gaining distance, intentionally and unintentionally.
i'm feeling lousy and guilty. where have those i love gone?
where have you gone?
will you come back? will the efforts be lost in time?
will us drift apart like nothing happened? no promises kept?
i miss you.
a simple dinner upon my request.
yes please, i'm not exactly a restaurant always kinda girl ok.
i don't know why people have this image of me being relatively high maintenance.
talked about my plans for my future, and the present.
i'm glad i have support.
it's gonna get tougher only. but it's a fight i must take on.
took a lone walk in wcp after dinner.
thinking on my own, without music, no ipod no distractions.
just plain thinking and planning. i needed air and some clarity.
got inspiration here and there.
so many ideas. so much motivation.
but i'm really tired...
the stars were hopeful.
the stares.
hard work in progress too.
can you see me becoming slimmer???
HAHAHHAHA.
haiz, i don't think so. even i cannot see myself changing. =(
more running tml. BOO.
so much planning in my brain, so much things to get done, so little time.
arghs.
break the curse please.
i'm feeling a little lost.
tuition today was ok.
got my pay finally. <3
not alot. but can survive if use properly.
no more chionging in shops already. haiz.
i need some adequate financial management.
i felt like i needed some company on a lonely saturday, yet did not want to do extreme travelling or gear myself up to entertain people.
so i asked wj to accompany me for dinner.
he readily agreed. which made me kinda glad.
chatted alot to him. haiz. i think i lack someone whom i can relate to now.
i'm losing people i care for.
i'm gaining distance, intentionally and unintentionally.
i'm feeling lousy and guilty. where have those i love gone?
where have you gone?
will you come back? will the efforts be lost in time?
will us drift apart like nothing happened? no promises kept?
i miss you.
a simple dinner upon my request.
yes please, i'm not exactly a restaurant always kinda girl ok.
i don't know why people have this image of me being relatively high maintenance.
talked about my plans for my future, and the present.
i'm glad i have support.
it's gonna get tougher only. but it's a fight i must take on.
took a lone walk in wcp after dinner.
thinking on my own, without music, no ipod no distractions.
just plain thinking and planning. i needed air and some clarity.
got inspiration here and there.
so many ideas. so much motivation.
but i'm really tired...
the stars were hopeful.
the stares.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
housewife is not me.
i've concluded that being a housewife is damn tiring.
considering i only took charge of washing clothes and hanging them out to dry.
keeping the dried laundry.
clearing my clothes and separating old ones from the new.
i'm so tired already.
must be the weather too.
sauna mans.
global warming indeed.
SAVE THE EARTH!!!
went school to take esl research paper. i met glenda at the lift. she was going in and i was going out. damn heng. so i grabbed my paper from her. phew. plus lousypok meow's cos' she woke up late.
BOO. pia-ed down to bugis-og-simlim for interview for PC fair.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIRE ME.
haizzzz. money need.
then was walking around with meow.
buffet at siamkitchen. died. SO MUCH CAN. 14 dishes. no wonder waist grew. =(
got some stuff. headed down to ikea; stopped by queensway too.
mans, so many memories. i feel so old. HA.
ikea was fun. deco and all. made me feel like revamping my stuff. but $$ again. and plus i don't have that much space at home. nor a own room all for myself. haiz.
big big project.
i made many mega omphs today.
i wonder if they'll come true.
it's all important omphs that mean so bloody much to me.
-sighs.
no school but i feel so drained.
the feeling deepens thinking of tuition tml.
mad rush. constant brain work.
handling of crazy kids.
maybe i'll get my pay tml.
the bbq.
big project.
time to get some solid planning done.
considering i only took charge of washing clothes and hanging them out to dry.
keeping the dried laundry.
clearing my clothes and separating old ones from the new.
i'm so tired already.
must be the weather too.
sauna mans.
global warming indeed.
SAVE THE EARTH!!!
went school to take esl research paper. i met glenda at the lift. she was going in and i was going out. damn heng. so i grabbed my paper from her. phew. plus lousypok meow's cos' she woke up late.
BOO. pia-ed down to bugis-og-simlim for interview for PC fair.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HIRE ME.
haizzzz. money need.
then was walking around with meow.
buffet at siamkitchen. died. SO MUCH CAN. 14 dishes. no wonder waist grew. =(
got some stuff. headed down to ikea; stopped by queensway too.
mans, so many memories. i feel so old. HA.
ikea was fun. deco and all. made me feel like revamping my stuff. but $$ again. and plus i don't have that much space at home. nor a own room all for myself. haiz.
big big project.
i made many mega omphs today.
i wonder if they'll come true.
it's all important omphs that mean so bloody much to me.
-sighs.
no school but i feel so drained.
the feeling deepens thinking of tuition tml.
mad rush. constant brain work.
handling of crazy kids.
maybe i'll get my pay tml.
the bbq.
big project.
time to get some solid planning done.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
so...
i did some shopping today.
after much refraining on my own part, the damage done is lesser than usual. thank god. but the damage is still pretty....bad...
o.O
forget it.
at least i got nice clothes.
i need to find a way to sell off my old ones. argh.
or those i've outgrown.
fatty bomboms.
working hard to get the fats off. haiz.
mega ultra omph mans.
HAHAHAHAH.
terms and conditions though.
might have secured a job for june.
PC fair.
please let him don't mind my size. geeee.
i wanna have fun, know more people. and yes, the pay definitely. =)
so much more worth it than tuition. gonna ask someone to replace my classes on saturday. wheeee! =)
parents are going overseas for the weekend. back on monday. hmmmm. how to get home from tuition? yes. omphing mans.
shits.
i realised i enjoy the company of new people.
people who hold no masks infront.
with no hidden intentions or motives.
i'm sick of the use-in-the-future-use-now-no-use-already syndrome.
superficial friendliness is disgusting.
you are disgusting.
i write what i want, i'm sorry.
and i choose to write them here.
don't like don't read.
still. i'm happy with these people.
higher powers, thank you for everything. now.
after much refraining on my own part, the damage done is lesser than usual. thank god. but the damage is still pretty....bad...
o.O
forget it.
at least i got nice clothes.
i need to find a way to sell off my old ones. argh.
or those i've outgrown.
fatty bomboms.
working hard to get the fats off. haiz.
mega ultra omph mans.
HAHAHAHAH.
terms and conditions though.
might have secured a job for june.
PC fair.
please let him don't mind my size. geeee.
i wanna have fun, know more people. and yes, the pay definitely. =)
so much more worth it than tuition. gonna ask someone to replace my classes on saturday. wheeee! =)
parents are going overseas for the weekend. back on monday. hmmmm. how to get home from tuition? yes. omphing mans.
shits.
i realised i enjoy the company of new people.
people who hold no masks infront.
with no hidden intentions or motives.
i'm sick of the use-in-the-future-use-now-no-use-already syndrome.
superficial friendliness is disgusting.
you are disgusting.
i write what i want, i'm sorry.
and i choose to write them here.
don't like don't read.
still. i'm happy with these people.
higher powers, thank you for everything. now.
interesting day.
so i started off the day feeling pretty good. almost ended feeling rather good too. then this had to happen.
concentrating on the positive side, i had fun today. got to know some people better. and did things other than bumming around at home.
tuition was good. kids reduced, which was a relief surprisingly. because i don't think my work is productive or helping anyone adequately if the class keeps growing.
pretty tired now.
wj brought digicam to xh today. camwhored the moment it got onto my hands. died.
alot of my unglam pics with him.
but it's so fun. HAHAHAHHA.
took pics with class and my favourite p2 student. SO PRETTY. muacks.
and he said i can pass for 17 to 18. good news? good.
robot says it's 16-18. good news? good.
i spotted great bags online. and i'm so tempted.
after delberating for quite some time, i've decided not to. i like my stuff NOW AND NOW.
not wait and wait.
so i shall go shopping instead. HAHAHAHAHHA.
save jielin saveeee.
japan.
taiwan.
hongkong.
camera jielin.
more stuff jielin.
wait wait. where is my pay even?
DAMMIT.
ok anti-omph? or should i let it continue.
at least life is more interesting now.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i shall let it be.
in any case it gets out of hand, i can always run.
maybe i'm reading too much into it.
but will the Ys stop coming for me????
I WANT Os!!!!
concentrating on the positive side, i had fun today. got to know some people better. and did things other than bumming around at home.
tuition was good. kids reduced, which was a relief surprisingly. because i don't think my work is productive or helping anyone adequately if the class keeps growing.
pretty tired now.
wj brought digicam to xh today. camwhored the moment it got onto my hands. died.
alot of my unglam pics with him.
but it's so fun. HAHAHAHHA.
took pics with class and my favourite p2 student. SO PRETTY. muacks.
and he said i can pass for 17 to 18. good news? good.
robot says it's 16-18. good news? good.
i spotted great bags online. and i'm so tempted.
after delberating for quite some time, i've decided not to. i like my stuff NOW AND NOW.
not wait and wait.
so i shall go shopping instead. HAHAHAHAHHA.
save jielin saveeee.
japan.
taiwan.
hongkong.
camera jielin.
more stuff jielin.
wait wait. where is my pay even?
DAMMIT.
ok anti-omph? or should i let it continue.
at least life is more interesting now.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i shall let it be.
in any case it gets out of hand, i can always run.
maybe i'm reading too much into it.
but will the Ys stop coming for me????
I WANT Os!!!!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
denying fate.
all else aside, i've grown to learn that somethings you can fight it out with destiny, other things, don't bother.
or perhaps its the importance of that particular "thing".
lies the same with people around me.
whether they matter, or they don't.
whether 10 years down the road, things will still be the same, or not.
life has been pretty hot recently. literally.
i'm melting under the heat.
it's suffocating, not the normal sunny feeling summer ought to give.
ice cream and ice and cool drinks and light wear.
SUMMER INDEED.
want to shop badly, but i need to save badly too.
the amount i earn and the amount i save is all wrong. i should be earning more, and saving more. =(
haiz, i will never get my dream camera or go overseas on schedule.
SUCKS.
can life of an undergrad be worse?
MGQ grades are out. got ranking somemore.
actually score well also no use. i just realised GPA final is only the com modules and CSE111. SIAN.
hahahahah.
i'm perspiring like mad.
'tis the season for perfumes and aromas.
when i cannot get the things i want naturally.
i work for it.
comparison kills.
i'm killing myself slowly and knowingly.
or perhaps its the importance of that particular "thing".
lies the same with people around me.
whether they matter, or they don't.
whether 10 years down the road, things will still be the same, or not.
life has been pretty hot recently. literally.
i'm melting under the heat.
it's suffocating, not the normal sunny feeling summer ought to give.
ice cream and ice and cool drinks and light wear.
SUMMER INDEED.
want to shop badly, but i need to save badly too.
the amount i earn and the amount i save is all wrong. i should be earning more, and saving more. =(
haiz, i will never get my dream camera or go overseas on schedule.
SUCKS.
can life of an undergrad be worse?
MGQ grades are out. got ranking somemore.
actually score well also no use. i just realised GPA final is only the com modules and CSE111. SIAN.
hahahahah.
i'm perspiring like mad.
'tis the season for perfumes and aromas.
when i cannot get the things i want naturally.
i work for it.
comparison kills.
i'm killing myself slowly and knowingly.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
pictures.
my favourite picture so far.
edited, and loved.
YAY i'm pro okkkkk.
give me a camera peopleeee!!! hahahahhaa. i'm a whiner.
my ex-wife and i. sweet hor. =)
my laogong. ahhh. nice nice. =) my laptop's background now.
.jpg)
the eerie moonlight. has become my companion recently.
stars shine on me. open the path.
i just place this picture here cos i tend to forget i have a dimple. HAHAHAHAHA.
actually i also got MEI REN ZHI on the right side of my upper lip. i say it's mei ren zhi means it's mei ren zhi.
lazy already. more of meow's unglam another day. =)
edited, and loved.
YAY i'm pro okkkkk.
give me a camera peopleeee!!! hahahahhaa. i'm a whiner.
my ex-wife and i. sweet hor. =)
my laogong. ahhh. nice nice. =) my laptop's background now.
.jpg)
the eerie moonlight. has become my companion recently.
stars shine on me. open the path.
i just place this picture here cos i tend to forget i have a dimple. HAHAHAHAHA.
actually i also got MEI REN ZHI on the right side of my upper lip. i say it's mei ren zhi means it's mei ren zhi.
lazy already. more of meow's unglam another day. =)
Monday, May 07, 2007
the heat.
almost killed me. i thought i was super zai can run during the afternoons. so i went to run around 1 plus. till 2 plus.
I ALMOST DIED. no i didn't die, but i really almost died. the heat today was too much mans. more than i can normally take. so i retired earlier, and went home to bathe to get ready to go school for the maths lect.
bombed admin afterwards and apparently I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE 115!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. i think my omph power seh. overshot liao.
i think i may have done better than expected the previous sem. =)
really way off the mark. i'm glad. although most of it wouldn't be counted in GPA calculations, but still, i guess i'm proud of myself.
on the route to proving myself.
-beams-
tuition is driving me mad though. i feel like the workload is increasing. especially with parents' demands and children with differing standards and learning speeds. now i know the pain of teachers. haiz.
so many questions. so much i want to do. but i feel my patience running thin. i feel tempers rising high. i feel blood boiling. and i feel ashamed.
i wonder why all these are felt. perhaps i am unknowingly a perfectionist. or maybe an elitist. or maybe someone harsh and abides by standards.
maybe i want too much for my students and neglect to think whether they can achieve what i want for them.
haiz.
horoscopes. how scary they can be.
scarily accurate.
anyway i've decided to start placing a certain amount of my tuition pay in the untouchable account. future mans. my future.
cannot just think about the present wants. hmmmm.
summer is definitely here. the weather is bloody hot.
all the summer wear must be taken out.
sobs to winter wear.
it's time i slim down.
my fatsssss. byebyeee.
i need to roam town mans. so much i need to get. ARGH. WHO WILL BE MY SHOPPING PARTNER?
lazy to upload pics.
too much going through my brain.
spiderman 3 anyone?
(NO NOT YOU ABS)
I ALMOST DIED. no i didn't die, but i really almost died. the heat today was too much mans. more than i can normally take. so i retired earlier, and went home to bathe to get ready to go school for the maths lect.
bombed admin afterwards and apparently I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE 115!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. i think my omph power seh. overshot liao.
i think i may have done better than expected the previous sem. =)
really way off the mark. i'm glad. although most of it wouldn't be counted in GPA calculations, but still, i guess i'm proud of myself.
on the route to proving myself.
-beams-
tuition is driving me mad though. i feel like the workload is increasing. especially with parents' demands and children with differing standards and learning speeds. now i know the pain of teachers. haiz.
so many questions. so much i want to do. but i feel my patience running thin. i feel tempers rising high. i feel blood boiling. and i feel ashamed.
i wonder why all these are felt. perhaps i am unknowingly a perfectionist. or maybe an elitist. or maybe someone harsh and abides by standards.
maybe i want too much for my students and neglect to think whether they can achieve what i want for them.
haiz.
horoscopes. how scary they can be.
scarily accurate.
anyway i've decided to start placing a certain amount of my tuition pay in the untouchable account. future mans. my future.
cannot just think about the present wants. hmmmm.
summer is definitely here. the weather is bloody hot.
all the summer wear must be taken out.
sobs to winter wear.
it's time i slim down.
my fatsssss. byebyeee.
i need to roam town mans. so much i need to get. ARGH. WHO WILL BE MY SHOPPING PARTNER?
lazy to upload pics.
too much going through my brain.
spiderman 3 anyone?
(NO NOT YOU ABS)
Sunday, May 06, 2007
my coffin is the sofa.
i was awaken from the dead by my mother. because i did not wake up when my alarm clock rang. and i was late for tuition.
but my mama woke up my papa and he sent me there instead. i'm loved.
then was praying for my grandpa.
then i ate lunch at home. KO-ed on the sofa afterwards.
from then on, i did not know what was happening. i had switched on the fan earlier on, but i was perspiring all the time i was asleep.
it's really lousy. and i felt those beads collecting on my body. but i was so darn exhausted i just wanted to continue sleeping.
i remember trying to open my eyes to look at the time, but all i could see was fuzzy images here and there. it felt like i lapsed into hibernation.
i guess i cannot really complain about my life, because i chose it. every single step. i have to take responsibility for my actions then.
i only managed to drag myself up from the sofa after my mother nudged me awake.
bathed and got ready fo dinner.
i feel like a pig. but oh mans, i need that sleep so badly.
i think sleep can only do so much. you know, but it doesn't show on my face anymore.
what i really need is a god damn magnificent getaway from this place.
yes, i'm working on it. i'm aiming for it.
am growing fatter. shall go for a run before i head for school tml. sian. school=sian.
i want to shop again!!!!
i need a good shopping partnerrrr.
HAHAHAHHA.
aiiii.
and i got pimples again. knn. aftermath of overnight orientation and lack of bath.
=(((((
it's really hot recently. booooo.
i feel like my life now is pretty hectic, but lacking in a certain deeper structure.
it sounds really....off?
ahh but i'm starting to trust horoscopes. HEH.
keep getting shocks when i read them.
looking forward to what ever good time i can grab hold of then.
i want my tuition payyyyy.
aiiii.
abs is right.
when you are so bloody busy and tired with life,
it is pissable that people end up thinking that you are slacking away.
there is so much i want,
and only so much i can have.
i am greedy.
but don't blame me for wanting more and more.
desires must be curbed, yes.
but without them, there's nothing to fight for in life.
but my mama woke up my papa and he sent me there instead. i'm loved.
then was praying for my grandpa.
then i ate lunch at home. KO-ed on the sofa afterwards.
from then on, i did not know what was happening. i had switched on the fan earlier on, but i was perspiring all the time i was asleep.
it's really lousy. and i felt those beads collecting on my body. but i was so darn exhausted i just wanted to continue sleeping.
i remember trying to open my eyes to look at the time, but all i could see was fuzzy images here and there. it felt like i lapsed into hibernation.
i guess i cannot really complain about my life, because i chose it. every single step. i have to take responsibility for my actions then.
i only managed to drag myself up from the sofa after my mother nudged me awake.
bathed and got ready fo dinner.
i feel like a pig. but oh mans, i need that sleep so badly.
i think sleep can only do so much. you know, but it doesn't show on my face anymore.
what i really need is a god damn magnificent getaway from this place.
yes, i'm working on it. i'm aiming for it.
am growing fatter. shall go for a run before i head for school tml. sian. school=sian.
i want to shop again!!!!
i need a good shopping partnerrrr.
HAHAHAHHA.
aiiii.
and i got pimples again. knn. aftermath of overnight orientation and lack of bath.
=(((((
it's really hot recently. booooo.
i feel like my life now is pretty hectic, but lacking in a certain deeper structure.
it sounds really....off?
ahh but i'm starting to trust horoscopes. HEH.
keep getting shocks when i read them.
looking forward to what ever good time i can grab hold of then.
i want my tuition payyyyy.
aiiii.
abs is right.
when you are so bloody busy and tired with life,
it is pissable that people end up thinking that you are slacking away.
there is so much i want,
and only so much i can have.
i am greedy.
but don't blame me for wanting more and more.
desires must be curbed, yes.
but without them, there's nothing to fight for in life.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
im backkk.
i cannot believe i survived today. to earn more money.
YES I DID IT. WHO SAYS I CANNOT.
ok fine, so i was so exhausted i fell asleep on the bus and train and i thought that 10 years had passed. that's how much sleep means to me now.
and i was so tired i fell asleep on the train and i only woke up when my legs almost gave away because my natural reflex during sleeping was to relax and curl up. yea, i got a couple of bad bumps against the wall of the mrt too. =(
reached tuition in one piece. managed to survive p4 creative. then was p3 private. which i fell asleep a couple of times and only woke up when i THOUGHT i DREAMT someone was calling me "teacher, i finish my work already." KNN. DIE. i hope he doesn't go back to tell his mama. i want my job. =(
p5 creative, i told them right at the beginning i was very tired so if i fall asleep don't mind me. besides, i gave them the task of keeping me awake. so quite a bit of laming around and cold jokes from me. HAHAHAHAHA. okkkk fineee.
bonding cannot meh. =)
went home for ah gong's bbq which was halfway in the process by the time i arrived. bathed and went down to mingle around and greet the elders and the birthday boy! ate good food. was too tired for good appetite. lounged around, saw vodka vanilla, thought i've give vodka another shot. KNNB. NEVERRRRR.
i shall stick to whiskey.
vodka tastes really gross somehow. argh.
geez i love my classes today. nice little understanding kiddos. =)
at least i didn't go close to losing my temper or anything negative.
the orientation? hmmmm, i must say overall it was ok. no serious injuries, just some annoying freshies here and there. attitudes galore mans. YES I FOUND UNSTABLES FOR MEOW. haiiii. me? nothing interesting.
i was so bored and stoned half the time doing nothing but float around like a ghost. some things screwed up, some went smoothly. but generally i think the hard work and effort should be applauded. =) well done to everyone involved!!!
got to know more people through this orientation though. which is good. life should be more like this.
but i was so smelly at the end of it i felt disgusted. it was like...anyone could set up an oil extraction plantation on my face. and "oil-skiing" is actually possible on my skin.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. sounds gross.
i was squinting half the day(because i couldn't lift my eyelids) and stupid wy noticed. she was like "EH YOU TODAY SO MUCH QUIETER. YOU SHOULD BE SO TIRED EVERYTIME MANS." -_-''' so nice lah she, really.
so many things happened. too tired to blog any longer.
shall keep reflections to myself then.
internal memory. secret thoughts.
omphs should be more specific. asking for it mans, stupid jielin. SPECIFIC OK.
ok, tuition tml.
bless me. then going to bai bai my grandfather (mother's side) after that. geez. let me survive.
i don't wanna wake up until 10 thousand years later.
morph me into a sexy hot vamps.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.
YES I DID IT. WHO SAYS I CANNOT.
ok fine, so i was so exhausted i fell asleep on the bus and train and i thought that 10 years had passed. that's how much sleep means to me now.
and i was so tired i fell asleep on the train and i only woke up when my legs almost gave away because my natural reflex during sleeping was to relax and curl up. yea, i got a couple of bad bumps against the wall of the mrt too. =(
reached tuition in one piece. managed to survive p4 creative. then was p3 private. which i fell asleep a couple of times and only woke up when i THOUGHT i DREAMT someone was calling me "teacher, i finish my work already." KNN. DIE. i hope he doesn't go back to tell his mama. i want my job. =(
p5 creative, i told them right at the beginning i was very tired so if i fall asleep don't mind me. besides, i gave them the task of keeping me awake. so quite a bit of laming around and cold jokes from me. HAHAHAHAHA. okkkk fineee.
bonding cannot meh. =)
went home for ah gong's bbq which was halfway in the process by the time i arrived. bathed and went down to mingle around and greet the elders and the birthday boy! ate good food. was too tired for good appetite. lounged around, saw vodka vanilla, thought i've give vodka another shot. KNNB. NEVERRRRR.
i shall stick to whiskey.
vodka tastes really gross somehow. argh.
geez i love my classes today. nice little understanding kiddos. =)
at least i didn't go close to losing my temper or anything negative.
the orientation? hmmmm, i must say overall it was ok. no serious injuries, just some annoying freshies here and there. attitudes galore mans. YES I FOUND UNSTABLES FOR MEOW. haiiii. me? nothing interesting.
i was so bored and stoned half the time doing nothing but float around like a ghost. some things screwed up, some went smoothly. but generally i think the hard work and effort should be applauded. =) well done to everyone involved!!!
got to know more people through this orientation though. which is good. life should be more like this.
but i was so smelly at the end of it i felt disgusted. it was like...anyone could set up an oil extraction plantation on my face. and "oil-skiing" is actually possible on my skin.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. sounds gross.
i was squinting half the day(because i couldn't lift my eyelids) and stupid wy noticed. she was like "EH YOU TODAY SO MUCH QUIETER. YOU SHOULD BE SO TIRED EVERYTIME MANS." -_-''' so nice lah she, really.
so many things happened. too tired to blog any longer.
shall keep reflections to myself then.
internal memory. secret thoughts.
omphs should be more specific. asking for it mans, stupid jielin. SPECIFIC OK.
ok, tuition tml.
bless me. then going to bai bai my grandfather (mother's side) after that. geez. let me survive.
i don't wanna wake up until 10 thousand years later.
morph me into a sexy hot vamps.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.
Friday, May 04, 2007
my first in four.
JWWWWWWW!!! hehehe.
my first drink in four months. ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF JIELIN???
YES!!!!
okok, zi wen zi da.
so mgq is over. and i think it was ok. but was too tired to check properly. so just browsed through once then left. might score badly. hecks.
i think admin is against me. KNN WHY THEY JUST WANT TO CREATE MORE TROUBLE FOR ME AND MATHS. very very hates.
=(
gonna omph now that my adding of maths 115 will be accepted on the 7th. pekcek.
just let me get over and done with it mans. i cannot stand doing maths another sem. so many subjects that i feel are irrelevant to my degree.
anyway, highlight of the day, (not much highlights asides from textbook collection and studying for mgq) was dinner!
got psychoed by meow and nehneh to go LET'S CLAP for dinner.
yah lah, fineeee. it was darn good. HAHAHAHAHAH.
chilli crabs! -cheers-
butter sotongs! -cheers-
prawn paste chicken wings! -cheers-
yumyums. damn full. and then it was alcohol at BLOOIE'S. mans, that sip was like heaven. to prove to stupid nehneh that i can actually resist alcohol, i stuck to one glass. hmpffff.
WE MUST HOLD A CHALET SOON. wheeee!!!
HAHAHAHAHAH. or perhaps a road trip. =(
i wanna travel so god damn much.
and i've got tons of unglam meow pics yet uploaded. lazy.
-lizard scurries alongside nehneh as she walked past-
-meow jumps back-
me: wah, you crazy ah. why so scared?
mz: no lah! later the lizard SCREAM then the tail drop off.
me: .............
now, tell me. DO LIZARDS SCREAM?
sibei incoherent. cheyenne mans.
orientation in 8 hours time. let's hope it'll be enjoyable.
boo! i hate it when i'm a first aid IC. REALLY.
ultimate boredom no involvement.
sobs.
tuition tuition tuition.
my pay please.
no more omphs.
so tired i don't wish for anything. that's so weird.
my first drink in four months. ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF JIELIN???
YES!!!!
okok, zi wen zi da.
so mgq is over. and i think it was ok. but was too tired to check properly. so just browsed through once then left. might score badly. hecks.
i think admin is against me. KNN WHY THEY JUST WANT TO CREATE MORE TROUBLE FOR ME AND MATHS. very very hates.
=(
gonna omph now that my adding of maths 115 will be accepted on the 7th. pekcek.
just let me get over and done with it mans. i cannot stand doing maths another sem. so many subjects that i feel are irrelevant to my degree.
anyway, highlight of the day, (not much highlights asides from textbook collection and studying for mgq) was dinner!
got psychoed by meow and nehneh to go LET'S CLAP for dinner.
yah lah, fineeee. it was darn good. HAHAHAHAHAH.
chilli crabs! -cheers-
butter sotongs! -cheers-
prawn paste chicken wings! -cheers-
yumyums. damn full. and then it was alcohol at BLOOIE'S. mans, that sip was like heaven. to prove to stupid nehneh that i can actually resist alcohol, i stuck to one glass. hmpffff.
WE MUST HOLD A CHALET SOON. wheeee!!!
HAHAHAHAHAH. or perhaps a road trip. =(
i wanna travel so god damn much.
and i've got tons of unglam meow pics yet uploaded. lazy.
-lizard scurries alongside nehneh as she walked past-
-meow jumps back-
me: wah, you crazy ah. why so scared?
mz: no lah! later the lizard SCREAM then the tail drop off.
me: .............
now, tell me. DO LIZARDS SCREAM?
sibei incoherent. cheyenne mans.
orientation in 8 hours time. let's hope it'll be enjoyable.
boo! i hate it when i'm a first aid IC. REALLY.
ultimate boredom no involvement.
sobs.
tuition tuition tuition.
my pay please.
no more omphs.
so tired i don't wish for anything. that's so weird.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
teochew 101.
it's time to start mastering teochew.
greater gains ahead.
so today, my plans got ruined by a cancelled tuition from my aunt. NOW I HAVE TO WORK ON SUNDAY ALSO. siannn. my only hols is gone. very very bueysong.
slacked around watching KIDS CENTRAL because nothing else humane is on the other channels. and i don't have scv thank you. sighs. tolerated 1 hour or so of "come, repeat after me!!" and "what do you think? -deliberate pause where kids are supposed to chant the answers at home-" i couldn't take it and switched off the tv.
stats. then wj came to pick me up.
ahhh, the feeling ot being driven around is darn good. (:
talked quite a lot mans.
then went to the pasar malam to walk walk eat eat.
wah lau eh. i guess there are gentlemen in life lah, abs. i've found one.
HAHAHAHHA.
yea. i think the chatting helped quite abit to release tension in both of us. life has been really tough recently. i hope things go well for him mans.
so plonked ourselves down at xh to eat our ramly burgers and the popiah thingy that is damn westernised. hahaha. got bird nest drink also lor! LOL.
aunty: you want medium or large?
wj and me: errrrr. -hesitates-
aunty: the large one got more yan wo(birdnest), the medium one less.
wj: okok. we take the medium one enough already.
-takes drinks and he pays-
wj: eh! WAH THE YAN WO QUITE BIG AH.
me: -slaps him- pleaseeee. that's ice. you blind ah.
-_-'''
got myself cotton candy too. bliss. =)
the pasar malam in singapore is nothing much really.
anyway, wy came and 3 of us lame-ed around like mad. wah lau eh, can laugh until tear lah. i will miss her when she goes over auzzie for her final year. haiz. damn, the centre is special cos' of the people lah.
you said that you can tell i will marry young.
you said that i will not marry a foreigner.
you said that my future husband would be a tall and very good looking local.
you said that i will marry someone rich.
can you tell the future?
really?
i doubt. but i take comfort in those vagueness.
anyway, i like yelled at the kids for 15mins only and my voice was almost gone by the end of the lesson. very jialat. but first time they actually listened carefully to me. either it's because of their oncoming exams and stress, or maybe cos' i really blew my top.
and principal has a damn knack for suaning/kajiaoing me.
haiz.
first the model thing.
now is say infront of entire class of kids that i'm _________.
slap him mans. always make me so paiseh.
and mr wang wj is no where better. ARGH.
they are really nan xiong nan di. hahahaha. but they do make my day.
so, it's mgq is few hours time. final paper. please let me do welllll.
then orientation, then school.
can my life be worse?
getaway getaway. where are you?
break curse break curse.
can you?
can you change my destiny for the better?
is there any price to pay?
will it be a large price, or a minor one?
nothing comes free.
i miss.
greater gains ahead.
so today, my plans got ruined by a cancelled tuition from my aunt. NOW I HAVE TO WORK ON SUNDAY ALSO. siannn. my only hols is gone. very very bueysong.
slacked around watching KIDS CENTRAL because nothing else humane is on the other channels. and i don't have scv thank you. sighs. tolerated 1 hour or so of "come, repeat after me!!" and "what do you think? -deliberate pause where kids are supposed to chant the answers at home-" i couldn't take it and switched off the tv.
stats. then wj came to pick me up.
ahhh, the feeling ot being driven around is darn good. (:
talked quite a lot mans.
then went to the pasar malam to walk walk eat eat.
wah lau eh. i guess there are gentlemen in life lah, abs. i've found one.
HAHAHAHHA.
yea. i think the chatting helped quite abit to release tension in both of us. life has been really tough recently. i hope things go well for him mans.
so plonked ourselves down at xh to eat our ramly burgers and the popiah thingy that is damn westernised. hahaha. got bird nest drink also lor! LOL.
aunty: you want medium or large?
wj and me: errrrr. -hesitates-
aunty: the large one got more yan wo(birdnest), the medium one less.
wj: okok. we take the medium one enough already.
-takes drinks and he pays-
wj: eh! WAH THE YAN WO QUITE BIG AH.
me: -slaps him- pleaseeee. that's ice. you blind ah.
-_-'''
got myself cotton candy too. bliss. =)
the pasar malam in singapore is nothing much really.
anyway, wy came and 3 of us lame-ed around like mad. wah lau eh, can laugh until tear lah. i will miss her when she goes over auzzie for her final year. haiz. damn, the centre is special cos' of the people lah.
you said that you can tell i will marry young.
you said that i will not marry a foreigner.
you said that my future husband would be a tall and very good looking local.
you said that i will marry someone rich.
can you tell the future?
really?
i doubt. but i take comfort in those vagueness.
anyway, i like yelled at the kids for 15mins only and my voice was almost gone by the end of the lesson. very jialat. but first time they actually listened carefully to me. either it's because of their oncoming exams and stress, or maybe cos' i really blew my top.
and principal has a damn knack for suaning/kajiaoing me.
haiz.
first the model thing.
now is say infront of entire class of kids that i'm _________.
slap him mans. always make me so paiseh.
and mr wang wj is no where better. ARGH.
they are really nan xiong nan di. hahahaha. but they do make my day.
so, it's mgq is few hours time. final paper. please let me do welllll.
then orientation, then school.
can my life be worse?
getaway getaway. where are you?
break curse break curse.
can you?
can you change my destiny for the better?
is there any price to pay?
will it be a large price, or a minor one?
nothing comes free.
i miss.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
ultimatium.
lao meow says being irritated is bad for skin. HAHAHAHAHA. don't know what kinda logic, but i guess i'll take it for now.
anyway, my skin is so much clearer and better now. -beams- must be cos' the crammed exams period is over and i am trying so freaking hard to remain positive and well...less stressed.
after struggling with mgq stats for an entire afternoon, i think i remember again why i gave up on JC maths.
i recall everything. yet i know my detest for those numbers and symbols are present. butttt, i will attempt to do well this time. really, i'm trying.
break new grounds yea?
you are my debilitative emotion.
really...
i should keep away from certain people, certain type of people, and certain situations.
i've started to monitor what kind of feelings different people give me, what kind of emotions different situations give me and so on.
it's helping.
i guess i no longer can keep saying "i don't know" anymore.
i am others' debilitative emotion too, i guess.
the world is round.
i cannot please everyone.
tuitioning entire day tml.
BOO. but i finished setting my p4 eng mock exam for them. so it's cool.
meeting wj tml. i'm dragging him to go pasar malam with me!
HAHAHAH. well, since he is in such poor spirits, i shall make it my duty to cheer him up! (:
i'm his "joy". wheeee!
LOL.
and i simply cannot wait for the next meetup with bishi and the two guys. WHEEEE!!! super excited. looking forward mans. although school would have started then, but still!!! -grins-
i guess if i were to document my life so far, i can proudly say it's been meaningful at its best, depressing at its worst. but the ratio of :) to :( is high. at least i've grown along the way.
praise progress, not perfection.
well done jielin! HAHAHAHHA. -pats myself on the back-
perhaps while on the pursuit for near perfection, the iron lies in the laid back way i'm doing things. i've found the way things work. i've found how events magically unravel under my fingers; with a simple light touch of my fingertips.
i find it hard to express in words;
but its a mixture of strength, boldness, passion and leisure.
i like that feeling.
sweet 19.
anyway, my skin is so much clearer and better now. -beams- must be cos' the crammed exams period is over and i am trying so freaking hard to remain positive and well...less stressed.
after struggling with mgq stats for an entire afternoon, i think i remember again why i gave up on JC maths.
i recall everything. yet i know my detest for those numbers and symbols are present. butttt, i will attempt to do well this time. really, i'm trying.
break new grounds yea?
you are my debilitative emotion.
really...
i should keep away from certain people, certain type of people, and certain situations.
i've started to monitor what kind of feelings different people give me, what kind of emotions different situations give me and so on.
it's helping.
i guess i no longer can keep saying "i don't know" anymore.
i am others' debilitative emotion too, i guess.
the world is round.
i cannot please everyone.
tuitioning entire day tml.
BOO. but i finished setting my p4 eng mock exam for them. so it's cool.
meeting wj tml. i'm dragging him to go pasar malam with me!
HAHAHAH. well, since he is in such poor spirits, i shall make it my duty to cheer him up! (:
i'm his "joy". wheeee!
LOL.
and i simply cannot wait for the next meetup with bishi and the two guys. WHEEEE!!! super excited. looking forward mans. although school would have started then, but still!!! -grins-
i guess if i were to document my life so far, i can proudly say it's been meaningful at its best, depressing at its worst. but the ratio of :) to :( is high. at least i've grown along the way.
praise progress, not perfection.
well done jielin! HAHAHAHHA. -pats myself on the back-
perhaps while on the pursuit for near perfection, the iron lies in the laid back way i'm doing things. i've found the way things work. i've found how events magically unravel under my fingers; with a simple light touch of my fingertips.
i find it hard to express in words;
but its a mixture of strength, boldness, passion and leisure.
i like that feeling.
sweet 19.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
have you ever considered?
plastic surgery?
i did.
i thought of the price, literally and the pain i will face.
the dilemmas. tskkk.
then again, if i really want to shrink in size, i would require more than just extraction of fats. it'll be more of extraction of oil PLUS knocking and breaking some bones.
haiz. i'm just so big boned in inappropriate areas i'm getting pissed off.
perhaps the fact that i cannot fit into pretty girly clothes make me ultra upset.
yes yes, i should find things that fit me, not try hard to fit into something that is obviously not my size.
blame myself for being born above average in singapore.
oh wells, that aside. i can whine about work again.
i realised i often say i don't really know what i'm working for, or why i'm working so hard.
i do know why.
i just kept it in my subconscious mind.
perhaps, it's a futile struggle to prove myself.
i pray it will not be.
i'm really tired.
and looking around me, seeing people with longer holidays, i feel very unhappy. realllllyyy unhappy.
but i guess that's life right. work hard now, i think i might be able to relax abit in the future. MIGHT.
i don't really know what the future withholds still.
i'm tired of guessing and praying.
it's hard to go with the flow when you keep expecting something.
we are greedy by nature. yet at times others remind me how fortunate i am, and how i have grown to neglect the less fortunate around me.
yes, the elderly, the disadvantaged, the poor.
where have i gone to? the jielin i once knew, the passionate and compassion is gone.
selfish i am. egocentric. self-centered. thoughtless. cruel. materialistic. blind to her surroundings. oblivious to the spinning world.
today, i saw an elderly woman struggling with her plastic bags. she was shuffling along slowly on a pathway to the MRT station. the simple act of slowing myself down and asking if she needed assistance would have ran from my mind had i been in a hurry today. amidst the flurry of activities i face everyday, the rush from one place to another, the times to upkeep, i often found myself overlooking people who lag behind in pace, people who face difficulties i don't.
so, i stopped, actually did a 180 degree turn, in that bustling pathway and headed for the grandma to help her. she refused my help, but in a smile i miss so much. that smile of gratefulness. how many of us are genuinely grateful for help offered from strangers?
how many of us bother?
i guess my priorities have shifted.
it's difficult to be so many sides of me at the same time, juggling this, that and that. attempting to produce that wonderfully flawless formula to be happy, successful, and lucky.
things just don't happen that way.
sure, we hold a certain amount of power in daily decisions and aspirations. yet the outcomes should be predeterminded by destiny. correct?
-shrugs-
the magic of higher powers.
can i really tell fortunes?
as i grow nearer, i actually drift further too.
the dialectic tensions.
the effect society and its people have on me.
i lose myself, yet i gain too.
the question lies in whether the loss-gain ratio is adequate.
life's tricks.
but i'm thankful, for the love i'm surrounded in. and this love, which i took for granted and abused it.
i'm thankful for my father who sacrifices time off to fetch me from my tuition on mondays and wednesdays. who buys me my favourite food. who gives in to my whinings and rantings and masks his concerns for me through naggings.
my grandmama who cooks the best food in the world. cooks my favourites with a simple request from me. who has telepathy and buys me my long-missed biscuits recently without me telling her anything.
my mama who understands my pain and hardwork i endure. who tells me not to push myself too far, not to stretch my limits beyond the point where i might snap.
yes, the few of many. words i do hear, yet i might refute, because i believe i can go much further.
stubbornness.
today's briefing first aid was rather last-minute and rushed, but i think it turned out pretty fine, and i actually enjoyed myself.
when was the last time since i did public speaking mans.
HAHAHAHHA.
miss those days.
horoscope's right. =)
i hope i'll pull through the next few days.
gonna give it my best shot.
isn't life supposed to be full of barriers?
overcome each one, and you grow with time and experience.
yes, i feel different as i felt in the past.
scars and injuries.
growth and exposure.
reasoning and logic.
instinct and judgements.
ni ke yi pei wo qu kan xing xing ma?
hahaha, i guess chinese is as important as english.
lame, it is not.
some words, can be better expressed in chinese.
i wonder, who reads this all and truly truly thinks.
it's for my memory.
i need to know what went through my mind today.
=)
i did.
i thought of the price, literally and the pain i will face.
the dilemmas. tskkk.
then again, if i really want to shrink in size, i would require more than just extraction of fats. it'll be more of extraction of oil PLUS knocking and breaking some bones.
haiz. i'm just so big boned in inappropriate areas i'm getting pissed off.
perhaps the fact that i cannot fit into pretty girly clothes make me ultra upset.
yes yes, i should find things that fit me, not try hard to fit into something that is obviously not my size.
blame myself for being born above average in singapore.
oh wells, that aside. i can whine about work again.
i realised i often say i don't really know what i'm working for, or why i'm working so hard.
i do know why.
i just kept it in my subconscious mind.
perhaps, it's a futile struggle to prove myself.
i pray it will not be.
i'm really tired.
and looking around me, seeing people with longer holidays, i feel very unhappy. realllllyyy unhappy.
but i guess that's life right. work hard now, i think i might be able to relax abit in the future. MIGHT.
i don't really know what the future withholds still.
i'm tired of guessing and praying.
it's hard to go with the flow when you keep expecting something.
we are greedy by nature. yet at times others remind me how fortunate i am, and how i have grown to neglect the less fortunate around me.
yes, the elderly, the disadvantaged, the poor.
where have i gone to? the jielin i once knew, the passionate and compassion is gone.
selfish i am. egocentric. self-centered. thoughtless. cruel. materialistic. blind to her surroundings. oblivious to the spinning world.
today, i saw an elderly woman struggling with her plastic bags. she was shuffling along slowly on a pathway to the MRT station. the simple act of slowing myself down and asking if she needed assistance would have ran from my mind had i been in a hurry today. amidst the flurry of activities i face everyday, the rush from one place to another, the times to upkeep, i often found myself overlooking people who lag behind in pace, people who face difficulties i don't.
so, i stopped, actually did a 180 degree turn, in that bustling pathway and headed for the grandma to help her. she refused my help, but in a smile i miss so much. that smile of gratefulness. how many of us are genuinely grateful for help offered from strangers?
how many of us bother?
i guess my priorities have shifted.
it's difficult to be so many sides of me at the same time, juggling this, that and that. attempting to produce that wonderfully flawless formula to be happy, successful, and lucky.
things just don't happen that way.
sure, we hold a certain amount of power in daily decisions and aspirations. yet the outcomes should be predeterminded by destiny. correct?
-shrugs-
the magic of higher powers.
can i really tell fortunes?
as i grow nearer, i actually drift further too.
the dialectic tensions.
the effect society and its people have on me.
i lose myself, yet i gain too.
the question lies in whether the loss-gain ratio is adequate.
life's tricks.
but i'm thankful, for the love i'm surrounded in. and this love, which i took for granted and abused it.
i'm thankful for my father who sacrifices time off to fetch me from my tuition on mondays and wednesdays. who buys me my favourite food. who gives in to my whinings and rantings and masks his concerns for me through naggings.
my grandmama who cooks the best food in the world. cooks my favourites with a simple request from me. who has telepathy and buys me my long-missed biscuits recently without me telling her anything.
my mama who understands my pain and hardwork i endure. who tells me not to push myself too far, not to stretch my limits beyond the point where i might snap.
yes, the few of many. words i do hear, yet i might refute, because i believe i can go much further.
stubbornness.
today's briefing first aid was rather last-minute and rushed, but i think it turned out pretty fine, and i actually enjoyed myself.
when was the last time since i did public speaking mans.
HAHAHAHHA.
miss those days.
horoscope's right. =)
i hope i'll pull through the next few days.
gonna give it my best shot.
isn't life supposed to be full of barriers?
overcome each one, and you grow with time and experience.
yes, i feel different as i felt in the past.
scars and injuries.
growth and exposure.
reasoning and logic.
instinct and judgements.
ni ke yi pei wo qu kan xing xing ma?
hahaha, i guess chinese is as important as english.
lame, it is not.
some words, can be better expressed in chinese.
i wonder, who reads this all and truly truly thinks.
it's for my memory.
i need to know what went through my mind today.
=)
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