Monday, May 29, 2006

jacky chan, me and sharon.

random post.
but you've got to understand, my life's pretty random lately.
and super unpredictable.
with its doses of good and bad. sweet and bitter.

i'm sure whatever that happens, happens for a reason.
to test me, to test m faith and my strength in holding on.
to test my determination and mental courage.
i'm holding on for sure.
i'm still trying and fighting on.
no worries.
i'll be fine. thanks to monz for your concern..really guilty for making you worry..but you know i really cannot let you see me the way i was. heh.
i love you babe. really. =)



everything's fine now.



oh ya. jacky chan. so random? not really. i see his face like every freaking day. grrr.
think sharon also cannot stand him.
then again, i think she wants her future boyfriend to look like him. HOR SHARON!? =D


*GRINS*



okok. hahaha. tsk. it's quite hilarious lah. just realised how hilarious jacky chan looks on the cabinet. ALL THREE PICTURES. hahahah. like some collage. some badly made collage. hahaha. omg.

NO SHARON, i don't want my boyfriend to look like him. the beef or the face. or the nose.

arghhhs.

hahahah. COUNTING DOWN!!! 2 days left! YES YES YES!!! =)



on the other hand, as much as i hate to admit it, as much as i think the job is unjustificably tiring and feet-torturing, and you meet mean people who look away or look above or look down(it's basically any other direction other than your face) than take the damn flyer out of your hands.

sometimes i have to resist this urge, very strong urge to slap them with the flyer. seriously.

JUST TAKE THE FREAKING FLYER LAH. will cost you your life is it?

even if you don't want to, at least have the BASIC POLITENESS to raise a hand or flash a smile to say "no thanks".

greatly appreciated.



yea. aside from that, i meet nice people everyday. makes me day. i'm getting to know more people.

py--my lao pa to be. hahahaha. he looks like mr bean!

oh yea, that soccer guy.
and the security guard-S.
the toilet auntie.
the dom guy at our booth.
the pink lady.
the angelina.
the coca cola guy.
the cleaners.
the...working people..that are everyday the same...





i think im used to novena. the travelling every early morning in the deadly hours. the sleeping on the train. the trudging to the booth and settling my butt down to eat whatever breakfast i managed to grab before i rushed out of house.


i think..i might actually miss this job. crazy shit.



i need a new show to youtube lah.




troubles are still there. worries.
but no point dwelling.
i'm working hard to eliminate them.

or at least reduce them.





tired out of my brains.
i need energizer to recharge me. =(
not exactly looking forward to my birthday.
sighhh.

Friday, May 26, 2006

nonchalence?

this is my one last hope.
how long can i live on hope?


ps: just ignore the previous entry.
the first sentence of the entry is of no relation to the previous entry.
it is an independent sentence.



i cannot forget that jiang zhi shu lookalike me and sharon saw while giving out flyers.

he was so freaking tall that i was look at his waist when i passed him the flyer. he did not take it at first, so i looked up to check him out. saw him. took a double take. oh shit. hahaha. i hope i wasn't too obvious. =X *screams*

almost died on the spot. sharon also stunned lah. hahahah. CUTE.

arghhhhs.


now i can look forward to lunch time. HEHEH. 12pm at novena entrance i shall be. =D

ahhhh. the sucky moments i face. but the perks make up for it. =P

Thursday, May 25, 2006

drained.

fucking drained.

not in the best of moods to deal with this.

you're tired, i'm tired too.
your moods affect my moods.
i'm sick of feeling blue when you feel blue.
sick of feeling pissed when you get pissed too.


i'm sick of all this shit, but i still go through it.


it's fair that i get a chance to get angry too.
to throw a tantrum once in a while.


it's not fucking childish ok.


i really cannot take it holding everything inside. holding everything back.

giving this smiling face everyday. i may look happy, but i have my own troubles too. it doesn't help that you don't know. it doesn't help that you don't understand my troubles.

you have no fucking right to say i'm childish.



i'm venting now. so just let me be.


maybe this confinement came at the right time. i don't feel like both of us are in the right state to meet up anyway.



forget it.
period.


i just want to be happy. is it that difficult?
is it?






i may feel better after a few days. so this entry is not meant to hurt or slam anyone. in case some people decide that i'm refering to them. i cannot stop you from thinking it's you also.


just let me be for now.
i wanna fly free.

life is madness.

life has been madness recently, no time to rest, no time to stop and think.
just do do do do.

it's all about money.
at least that was what i thought so.
then.....
i realised i've been spending as much as i earned.

what the shit.
like that where got make any difference right?


but nevermind, must still work hard for money. =(




to update on stuff(i forgot where i last left off in the previous entry), the workshop thingy was really good. frankly speaking, i had thought it would be really scary/boring/tiring/useless thingy. but it turned out way above my expectations. and it's really good. again, i found my love for those kids. it's hard to be angry at them for long. this bunch, 2 harmony, really made my dreary mornings much more colourful. all the class clowns, the giggly girls, the irritating HEAD COACH for 2har, the others, really made my 3 days worthwhile. it was short, but it was sweet while it lasted. i missed them like hell, but did not dare make it known.

hahah. sometimes i wonder why james is teaching. he doesn't really like kids and he doesn't seem to take the pleasure. at least not outfront. but..maybe he is just acting macho lah. hahah.

i wouldn't mind doing this all over again. different schools, different coaches, different students, but it'll be an enriching experience. heh. call me coach jielin. sounds freaking nice. =)



now, i'm embarking on a pro-california fitness journey. ha. today was the first day. felt wierd not going to TKSS anymore. but the travelling(one freaking hour) was enough time for me to catch some shut-eye and some thinking all by myself. NOVENA. what the hell is wrong with me. first EUNOS, now NOVENA. i'm like going all the way to the other side of the country. but anyway, anticipation for the job was inevitable. but it turned out better than expected. as usual. hahah. *shrugs*


just please don't come to novena square. really.


scootering is quite fun lah. oh man. hahahah.


unexpectedly made a new friend today early in the morning while working. just so happened that both of us were giving out flyers(different company) side by side. i forgot who was the one who started the conversation, but anyway, we started talking. was really good. nice to have someone to talk to at that point of time. mornings. tsk.

nice guy. well, new friend, no harm done. =)


anyways, i'll prolly nv see him in the near future cos' today was his last day of work there. hahah. the next time he goes back will be the day i end work. =)


i hope the other 6 days will be good fun too. hahah.

odd jobs are REALLY exciting and fun. picking up skills and experiences everywhere. i love. =)


no news from unis still. sigh. i got this feeling they left my application form somewhere then cannot find.

wtf.


i feel dead lah.

then again, i feel alive.

i'm so confused. should i be feeling this way. about you. us?
is it wrong?
too much dramas. expectations.
i don't know. this sucks and you know it.



completed DBY. sweetness. heh. somehow it'll never happen in real life. hahaha. don't think i have all that strength and time to go through all that ups and downs either. =D i wonder what should i start on now..hahah!

i like ah meng! OH MAN. hot. HOT. HOT!!!

killer smile. killer eyes. arghhhhs.

i'm so gonna melt.


been seeing ALOT cuties recently. oh god.

12 white(monz's). 14 yellow(MINE!). and well, BRIGHT BLUE(you guess who). hahahah.



tsk. things i know it's pretty impossible for me to achieve. heh.


tiredness hits hard.
gotta numb myself with work.
no time for slacking.
just time...for people around me.
and to earn sufficient to let me stay alive.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

//

i don't know what this sorry is for.
but i'm just sorry.

i feel guilty for all he happiness.
maybe it doesnt belong to me.
to see people hurt and in pain, makes me hurt and feel for them.

it's not sympathy.
but i know what they are feeling.

pain, sometimes, you just have to ride it out.

really.

your friends will be there when you fall.
they will catch you.
but you have to be strong too.

i'll have to be strong now.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

money money money

it's so funny, how money slips out of my hands like water.
=(

i am a very sad girl.
sad and poor girl at that.

hahaha. spent alot of money lately. =(

buying alot of niceeeee stuff!
but also..creating a huge hole in my bank account.
sigh.


nevermind. i have alot of people watching my backs already!
cannot spend!
saveeeeee.


1) no more eating at restaurants for every meal.
2) no more impulsive buying.
3) plan a shopping budget.
4) WAIT UNTIL GREAT SINGAPORE SALE.


and an alternative:
5) got a rich boyfriend will is willing to spend on me.


hehehe.



ok lah, joking can.



watching full house lately! SUPER CUTE CAN. entertaining. humourous plots. hahaha.
bird. chicken. LOL.




words of wisdom from yun ma:

heh.. ya.. everyone has their own difficulties that seemed to have been tailor made for the individuals..

hahahaahh
tailor-made lahhhh.


sigh.




ok.

no more buying. yea.
=)

SAVE MONEY!!!!



i miss you too. =)

Saturday, May 13, 2006

blah bleh.

i feel that somehow, whenever i'm with you, the world shrinks to consist of only you and me. and i don't really care. just for one day, i don't care. i like it the way it is.


last week was physically tiring. our outing. =D

this week......WAS FREAKING GOOD. good food i mean. HAHAHAHAHA. tsktsk. terrible lah. i cannot believe how much i spent on food alone toay. this is super sinful. SUPER. JIELIN!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A DIET REMEMBER??!!


aiyeeee.


=P
airported.
timeslinked.
fish&coed.
alcoholed.
walked.
viewing gallery.
toileted(MANY TIMES, tsk).
walked.
talked.
talked.
talked.
travelled.
stoned.
stoned.
movied.
poseidoned(GOD OF THE SEA, yes yes).
lost cap-ed.
kanchiong.
found cap.
toileted.
travelled.
PASAR MALAMED.
full!!!!!
bus stoped. =)



omg. the pasar malam part was CRAZY i tell you. freaking crazyyyyyy.
never ate so much in my entire week. NEVER. tsk. fattttt.
but it's ok. gonna work it off tml i hope. going for a run.

sigh.

sometimes it's just so hard to keep smiling and be happy infront of you....when i'm so obviously not that happy.

i don't know if you realise that.

but it does sucks. i'm not tired my dear. i'm just...fucking troubled.

i'll be fine. =)


xin lian xin. hahaha. and i appreciate the effort(though it might be unintentional) that you put to make me happier. FOOD! somemore it's the food i love. heh.


bus stop was good. thanks to you again. it just felt so right lah. after so long, to see you again. it's like just another day. it's like you were never absent. so wierd right.


maybe you're right. we don't really know each other.

but i think it's a developmental thing. and well, mutual disclosure. i can't be forcing you. you can't either. let's just take it slow and steady.


i feel alright to bare my woes to you. but if you don't feel the same way, it's fine. =)


no obligations remember?
just at least let me know.


individual space yea?







on a side note, i'm really apologetic for not making it to the sec 4 clique outing. really. but...yea, i have my reasons, and i hope you guys understand. really sorry. will make it the next time round. hope you guys had a good time! =)


marshy! white ass! when is our JEZ outing gonna be! hahaha. needa catch up soon. so much had happened. yet so little exchanged. sigh i miss you guys. loads.


monz..i hope you're doing fine. i'm fine no worries. yea, we gotta fang de xia qu yea? i don't really know man. i'm not one who plans that much. but...we just need to be strong right now. anything just call or msg me. =)


i'm tired. contented though.

tuitioning again tml.

i'm gonna try get a bike for myself on my birthday. then again, i'm so FREAKING BROKE i might have to reconsider. sigh. i have NO IDEA how i spent so much on food. no idea. this is crazy shit.


then again, my life's full of crazy shit.

please let me be happy again.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

stagnant.

oops. sorry. hahaha. sometimes i really feel guilty for neglecting this space. but yet sometimes i feel that i have no need to answer for my absence.


it's elections day. hahahah. i heard one candidate say on tv that it's like the examinations. they worked hard for it. now, it's time for the results. hahahah.


i'm sorry. but, i've been so amused these days when i flip through the newspaper.

overrated.




looking at pictures.


i miss JENGA.

hahaha. everyone looks hilarious when they are playing. =D and the fact that monz can never lose the title of making the blocks fall everytime is really amusing. =)



everyone has fun. everyone enjoys themselves. everyone laughs. =) i miss friday nighters with such fun. =D









i want this chipmunk. it's super cute. i don't know why, but somehow he looks like me. =D



She talks about desertion. How each time it broke her heart. How with each break it became harder to heal. How with each time she healed, it became harder to love again. How each time hope faded into desolation. Into loneliness and despair. Into self-hatred and self loathing. At the beginning there was hope, it faded. At the end there was nothing.--A million little pieces excerp.

i really liked this part. maybe it's the fact that many of us can relate to it. it's funny how many of us refuse to face up to our fears. refuse to admit how weak we are at times. refuse to heal. and yet think we have healed.

it's always me against myself.





HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARSHY AND CK!!!
hahahah. bishi and i gave them a screaming greeting after our tuition. =D on speaker phone. freaking paiseh ok. cos' we were walking between two blocks of HDB and waiting for ZH to pick up the phone. then we were like 1..2..3! HAPPY BRITHDAY!!!

wah siao.

got echo ok.


damn paiseh. the entire bus stop full of people turned to stare at us. i was busy trying to look as if i hadn't shouted. and bishi must have done the same. freaking freaking embarrassing. =X


hahahah. but it's was super funny. i hope the both of them had a pleasant surprise. =) hope you two enjoyed your day!!! WE DID NOT FORGET! hahahah.





kite flying was crazy. super unexpected. everything was crazy. hahahah. i really had a superlicious time!

that my dears, is a kite in the sky. a ultraman kite to be exact. and please don't even attempt to fly it unless you have alot of time and patience on a not-very-windy day.





now, pardon me while i post narcisstic pictures of myself. =D that was my old hair. and i miss it. i hate it now. grrrrr.

oh ya, got alex's pictures! hahahah. cheers piggy! you gotta relax at times. being stressed will actually slow down your progress if the stress is overwhelming. take care ok! msg me when you're tired or bored or need to talk. =)













episode 19 of it started with a kiss is super romantic. i cannot stand it. SUPER. gonna get diabetes. will update again soon! =)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

long gone.

i'm sorry! REALLY!

my blog might as well not be a blog. super lazy to update now. especially when i've been watching shows on youtube endlessly. hahaha.

addictive.


the week has been rather havoc so far! =) havoc but fulfiling. at least it's well spent with people i care about. so it's worth the effort.


life...was been surprisingly ok without him.
it's funny isn't it?
i'm back to who i was again.
it gets easier.
i wonder why.
do we ever get used to absence?


or do i simply ignore it?

i don't know.

talked alot woth sharon quek and hf today. really..made me think. been long since i did. i've always procrastinated thinking. cos' it's so tiring. drains me. thinking sad thoughts break me.


i don't have a decision yet. but....i still have time.


my new hair sucks.


it's funny how our ideals always are the opposite from the "reals".

yet...

feelings, these kinda things, really hard to say one.

i still cannot fanthom it.

it's frustrating to say the least.

LOVE. this word.

says so much, yet says so little.

so much because it seemingly encompasses so much emotions.
yet so little--because it's been cruelly overused AND misused.



death. this word.

says so much yet so little.

it's so difficult to put everything down in words.

do we ever forget about death? or does it always hurt...even 10, 20 years down the road?

do we get used to the pain?

i heard once..they say: the best gift a person gone from this world can have, is for you to forget him/her, and forget the pain. this is the only way that person can go away with his/her mind at rest.

is it true?





once bitten, twice shy.
one word, unbreakable.
i don't know how it's supposed to feel.
maybe i'm just not ready for anything yet.
just let me be.





i'm still at episode 18 part 2.





take care my dear friends. i really do care for you. you should know who you are. i'm just not one, who would go up to you and say :"TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT'S ON YOUR MIND AND TROUBLING YOU."

i'll rather you tell me when you feel like it. when you think you can trust me.


this, is what i think friendship is about.

constant. reliable. trust. telepathy. constant.
=)